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Ms Omaniac

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  1. Ms Omaniac
    sorry to hear your story. but you need to leave. you need to do nc from now on. you are too easily accesible and you forgive her way to easily. she now knows it's easy to use you as a safety net. she goes to you when SHE wants to...not when you want her or need her. this is all about making her as comfortable as possible? i dont think so! you need to respect yourself. she is walking all over you because you are letting her. stop giving her that kind of control. you need to find someone that is going to like you as much as you like them. you deserve someone to treat you with respect and dignity. i dont think she will...and she knows she can get away with it. save yourself...protect yourself...take care of yourself....SPOIL yourself. because it sounds like this chick is doing just that.
  2. Ms Omaniac
    to me...that's a toughie. personally...anyone who treats me badly...i start to not like. and if someone was reallllllly nice to me...i'd want to be around them more. if i wasnt completely healed but met a great guy...id be honest and tell him im not ready for a full blown relationship. BUT that i enjoyed his company and would like to know where this goes but it would have to be at a slow pace. i would also DEFINITELY do NC with ex. i dont care if i did like him. no one treats me like crap. you have to respect yourself. people only respect you as much as you respect yourself and as much as you let them. i dont care who it is...no one has the right to do that to me. if they do..it's because i let them and i gave them the control to. and i just dont.
  3. Ms Omaniac
    oh dear... youre playing a dangerous game that may backfire on you. i understand she is jealous. but sometimes...instead of rushing towards you...they get hurt and rush towards the person you wish they'd avoid. instead...they avoid you because you hurt them...and totally delve into the new person. youre playing with fire and intense emotions and trickery....be careful. it might blow up in your face.
  4. Ms Omaniac
    i understand your logic completely. i used to date guys that had problems and i figured...hey...i could try and help them through it. god lesson learned...i AVOID people now with a lot of baggage that they expect you to just deal with. THEY need to deal with it and fix it themselves and have the ability to love themselves before they can ever give themself to someone. i hope youre doing fine. take care.
  5. Ms Omaniac
    if she talks to her ex infrequently then that isnt a big deal. if she talks to him often...i'd kinda be paranoid myself. my current bf has no problem with me talking to my ex's...but he also knows i dont talk to them all the time and that i just dont up and drop what im doing for them either. it depends really how she reacts when she's talking to them. and trust me...her butterfly is completely normal. you need to consider it cool! since it's a toy...and so you wont be..uh...jealous?...of it...use it with her. it spices things up a bit in the bedroom so that you dont do the same thing over and over kinda thing. i know several guys that are...for some reason...threaten by a toy. like the toy could replace them or the toy is better than them or that they are not good in bed. most of the time....none of those reasons are accurate. but men also need to realize that their privates do not vibrate so it's just something...different.
  6. Ms Omaniac
    i hope he answers your doubts. there is nothing like finallly having a relationship with complete trust and devotion with no insecurities. im FINALLLY having that at age 33...haha. if you can get that in your 20's...more power to you.
  7. Ms Omaniac
    geez do i understand that one. god does it suck to hear they still can get flustered by their ex. but what youre concentrating on too much is her control. youve become the significant other. you have more control of his happiness than she does. if anything...you are much more a threat that she is now. she prob made huge mistakes...and you havent. youre the one that is worthy of keeping. youre the one that he confides in now. youre the one he goes to when something good or bad has happened. she might still have a portion of him...but she is losing ground everyday. it sucks that the fact of the matter is she USED to mean a lot to him. there is nothing you can do about it but accept it and try to move pass it. easier said than done but try not to focus too much on the negative. he cares about you the most right now. try and remember that. she's history. youre the present. and he's loving and appreciating you more and more everyday.
  8. Ms Omaniac
    well the way i did it was...to be sure we had a LOT of time together without any interruptions. then i just started to ask questions about his past. i started with easy stuff like family and old friends and what happened to them. then i started to ask about each of his ex's. he did the same. since then i can ask him ANYTHING or say anything to him or take phone calls from anyone and he does the same. we are very very very open. and if i ever start to feel insecure...i have no problem asking him whatever is on my mind. he immediately answers me and it feels like i have a huge weight off of my shoulders. im rarely insecure now. and i KNOW it is because we are constantly communicating. he has told me also several times that i can ask him whatever i want and that no question is stupid or insignificant. sometimes he can tell i have a hard time asking him a question...so he slowly coaxes it out of me. and sometimes i think in the back of my mind...maybe i shouldnt ask this particular question...but when i finally do...i feel soooo much better because he immediately clears the air and then that question is put to rest. but i feel like the reason my current relationship works so well is because we can tell each other anything without worrying the other person is going to get jealous or upset. and i used to be realllllllllly insecure. because we are this open...which does include listening to the good stuff about his ex's which does make me cringe inside...he is able to tell me anything. and i can tell because i dont get jealous...he finds it easy to confide in me and adore me so much moreso because i genuinely care about him and his history and anything he wants to share with me. it is a very liberating experience really. i hope you are able to do this so that you can stop sweating the small stuff and enjoy your bf and your relationship without that nagging voice inside your head that is stopping you and making you worry.
  9. Ms Omaniac
    shorty believe me...i know what you mean. my current bf and i hooked up when he was separated from his wife. he divorced her in july. and we are still together. but i know he's had a hard time adjusting to being single again. i too would often wonder if he was over his ex. but instead of interrogating him whether he was over her or not...id ask questions. he was more than happy to answer any questions. it wasnt like i said i feel insecure that youre not over her. it was more like talking about his past. and i can do this whenever i want now. i can hear about his ex's and not feel threaten. if anything...i find hearing about his past experiences..both good and bad...is interesting because it's his history. but i also was like you...i didnt want to ruin something that felt so right to begin with. but i also found...with a lot of communication...it was also a huge load off of my mind. i tell him also about my ex's and he also feels secure knowing how devoted i am to him. whenever a friend of mine calls that's a guy...i answer it in front of him and then tell him about my conversation so that he wont feel insecure. he does the same for me. im not saying to necessarily tell him youre insecure about what he's doing. just to keep the lines of communication open.
  10. Ms Omaniac
    what bothers me about your last comment is that you said you thought this was what HEEEE wanted. to be friends...this has to be something that both of ya'll want. to me...since he is taking his time to answer you back IF he is even going to answer you back any time soon....sounds like he is also not ready to be just friends and needs more time. try not to fret whether he responds or not. try to live your life without him in it. if he ends up in it...then great for you. but i have found that when i dont get my hopes up high...i dont get disappointed when they dont pan out. getting too much hope up just sets the motion to get disappointed later. try not to expect too much in the beginning here and just concentrate on living your life. be selfish...spoil yourself...indulge yourself...exercise...buy yourself something nice....KEEEP BUSY. but youre concentrating too much on what this person says and does. youre still letting this person control you. stop doing that.
  11. Ms Omaniac
    i definitely think NC for now. i did that. i told my ex...look...i need you in my life. i really do. but i cant handle being just friends with you. soooo i WILL get in touch with you when i can handle being just friends. and when i contact you..i will ask you also...can you handle being just friends. and if we both can...then we can start a very casual friendship and start all over as friends and build from there. so this is only bye for now...but not bye forever...ok? i asked him if he understood and he did. he also gave me space and i gave him space. eventually...we became email buddies. then we slowly started to talk. we dont talk like everyday...more like once a month. but i can tell him ANYTHING from my sex life with my current bf to breakup's with other bfs. he also tells me about his love life and life in general. and it doesnt bother me a bit. but yes...because he can hurt you too easily right now...you reallllly need to heal first. if not...you'll put yourself through unbelievable anguish. because ive also tried to be friends with an ex that i wanted more from, i know what youre going through. now THAT was the worst time of my life. i ended up losing him completely....we're not remotely even friends now. and god do i miss his humor. i wish i would have done NC and then become friends. but that is completely out of the question now
  12. Ms Omaniac
    i would definitely talk to him about your insecurities so that he can reassure you that that's all they are...youre being insecure about a touchy issue. and it's ok to be. everyone has sensitive topics that they need small reassurances every once in a while. but he seems to be trying very hard in your relationship right now. as of right now...it seems he hasnt given you reason to doubt his devotion. you could ask him to be more vocal about his ex and other friends that are girls so that you can be 100% sure he is just being a nice guy. but you seem to have a trust issue. you neeeed to be able to trust this guy for you to be happy in your relationship and for you to enjoy his company. you also have to realize that he is getting over his ex. and he is getting over her more and more everyday. but she still was a huge part of his life and it's something he just cant erase. it will deaden some...but not ever go away. try and accept that. if you accept it...he will be more willing to tell you more details...which might sting...BUT...it might also take away any doubt you might have. he will be able to be blunt about how great it was and how awful it was. hopefully you will be secure enough and not get jealous. but all these past experiences have helped mold who your bf is today. and to get some insight on why he is the way he is helps you to understand him more.
  13. Ms Omaniac
    i cant agree with raykay more about taking control of your life. if my ex started to have problems...id feel for him...but id still be VERY VERY ok. he cant hurt me like that anymore because he isnt the center of my world anymore. if this person can hurt you by solely not returning a message...youre not ready to be friends yet.
  14. Ms Omaniac
    sorry...i know regret and what-ifs....feel like a planet of grief on your heart. i too went through the same thing. we lived too far apart so we had to break up. we both went through the ringer but we both also knew we HAD to do that. the way i finalllly got over it was to start going out more with my friends and eventually meeting someone else. to this day though...years later...i think of him soooo fondly. he is on a very high pedestal. i know he must have flaws and faults...i dont see them though because of how amicably we ended it and how nice a guy he was throughout the whole time. to me...he will always be the one that got away. i feel like i will miss him eternally. but i have found love again so it's not all bad. it's just bad timing i guess. sometimes timing is the only thing that causes a relationship to not work. you two can be crazy about each other...but because of the timing...it just doesnt work out. i wish i could have met him later on in life when i had graduated from college. i would have definitely relocated for him then. take care.
  15. Ms Omaniac
    maybe because i dont want kids...maybe because ive seen soooo many divorces from my friends and family....maybe because im scared of change. but i dont HAVE to get married. i enjoy my relationship. i dont have this urgent need to have someone else's last name or the legalities that go with it. i am devoted to my bf and he is devoted to me. i guess also knowing that if we dont work out...we dont have to get a judge involved...and that is a huge convenience. but if it meant a great deal to my bf to get married...i would consider it.
  16. Ms Omaniac
    im lucky in the sense ive stayed close to one of my ex's. he is a dear friend and has been for years now. thing is though...we waited minimum 6 months to contact each other. and even then...we took it slow. realllly slow. if he asked me a question via email...he knew he'd get a response...EVENTUALLY. same with him...if i called and left a voice mail message...i knew eventually maybe id get an answer. we both also knew though...that when we WERE together...he would have gotten a response ASAP. the fact that we both know that there will be lag time is a huge indicator that we are just friends now. dont get me wrong...i still care a great deal about him and i do respond to him....but i know my priority is my current bf just as i know his priority is his current gf. and i do respond to my friends in a timely manner....just right now my life is hectic so they know they will hear from me...eventually kinda thing. that is how friends work though. sometimes when a friend calls...if i dont return their call because im busy...they dont get offended or huffy. you though sound like if you dont get an immediate response...your feelings are hurt or your confused. it sounds almost like youre not ready yet to be just friends. another indicator that you might be ready to be friends is to be able to hear your ex talk about sex with someone else. if that thought bothers you....you might want to wait being "just friends" yet. you also need to be at a point where you no longer think of him intimately. just my 2 cents. but if you can pull this off....you'll be thankful. the fact ive been able to keep my ex in my life still is a HUGE blessing that i dont take for granted. i always wanted him in my life for the rest of my life. the fact he will be there on the sidelines makes me very happy inside.
  17. Ms Omaniac
    my first ex is a millionaire. i have another ex that makes a half a million a year. if i had a choice between those two or my current bf...i choose the current one anyday. some women...it's all about how you make them feel. you can have a 100 bucks or a thousand bucks or a million bucks...it's just really...how do you make her feel? if she is like me...then yeah...you have NO reason whatsoever to be intimidated. try not to sweat the small stuff like that and just enjoy your relationship. it sounds like you are having a great time in it when youre not worried...so try to have no worries. you prob have a fantastic personality that she cant have enough of. that is worth more than you know.
  18. Ms Omaniac
    personally i think it was too soon. but that doesnt mean you still cant have a meaningful relationship. my current bf....i also slept with him within the first week. i wish i would have waited only because immediately after i slept with him...i became paranoid as to what we were as a couple. i felt like because i was sleeping with him...that we should be exclusive. and normally i dont feel like that immediately. i usually wait to get to know the guy. but because i dont like sleeping around...and then i slept with him so early on in the relationship...i felt i got "psycho" kinda early on. lucky for me...my bf was very understanding and assured me that i will be his one and only and we've taken it slow from there. we have a rather strong, great relationship and it's been 7 months. so yeah...i think you slept too early with him but i also think you have a chance to remedy it with LOTS of communication. good luck!
  19. Ms Omaniac
    im definitely NOT saying youre a * * * *. ive been in your exact shoes...that's why im saying i feel for your current gf. i was once in a relationship where we got along great...had a lot in common...laughed a lot....i did find him attractive. but for some reason i felt like i was missing out on yet something more. i stayed with him despite my doubts though...hoping that they would eventually subside and id realize how great he is. they never did...but he remained loyal and devoted. instead of me being cheated out on a great relationship...i cheated out my ex to a great relationship. he should have been dumped so that he could find someone that was crazy about him. i eventually did break up with him. i also eventually found someone i was crazy about and he is crazy about me. i dont think youre a * * * *. but i do think if you know you have doubts...maybe wait a little longer to see if they subside...but if they dont...then youre stringing her along and youre postponing yourself from finding someone youre crazy about.
  20. Ms Omaniac
    personally...if i knew my current bf was interested in someone like katie...id want him to let me go then pursue any interests. i would only want someone that is interested in ME and not have a wandering eye. i understand you would like to pursue katie only if it's a sure thing. that only makes me feel bad for you gf...not you. because that means if katie isnt interested...then your gf is 2nd best until someone of interest comes along again. i think your current gf isnt permanent if you are already thinking like this.
  21. Ms Omaniac
    because he is so secretive about it instead of telling you details...then id also have him make a choice. if he would have been forthright the whole time and always kept you in the loop as to what both parties were saying...then i wouldnt have a problem. but it seems he has made it a problem....and it's making you feel bad. you shouldnt have to feel this insecure.
  22. Ms Omaniac
    do your best to carry on without her. i wouldnt try to contact her because you might go back in your progress. also...if you start communicating with her...it might upset the new person your dating. and you dont want to do that. i do understand wanting to contact your ex to be friends. but i truly wouldnt do that until you are SURE you are completely over them and dont want any type of relationship with them other than friendship. i would also discuss this with my new partner so that they wouldnt feel insecure and get their input. maybe they wont mind but will have limits on what they can or cant handle. because the last thing you also want is to upset your partner. that's just my opinion though.
  23. Ms Omaniac
    I have the exact same problem. some days are worse than others and some months are worse than others. but i can be utterly exhausted during the day and force myself to stay up till night so that i'll go right to sleep. and then nighttime comes...and i cant sleep. i had NEVER been drunk before in my life. i tried alcohol last year and found out that i could drink wine and go to sleep the whole night through. thing is i also found out i dont remotely know my limits sooooo i got addicted to alchol REALLLLLY fast. that ended up not being any help at all. i almost lost my bf and my work/social life also started to get affected so now i avoid alcohol again. what ive found that is somewhat working for me now is unfortunately over the counter tylenol PM. i havent tried ambien which ive heard works well but you need a doc's prescription. most people take 2 tylenol pm's to go to sleep. i take closer to 6 but it does knock me out and im wide awake in the morn without feeling groggy. i dont reccommend THAT many but that's how much it takes ME to get to sleep. i do feel your pain though. not being able to sleep has affected my work, my schooling, my social life....everything. it's awful awful awful.
  24. Ms Omaniac
    i cant stress to you enough how accurate dan is. my current bf was married before. he ex was unhappy and he didnt pay attention. she was unhappy for quite some time also. when she was finally ready to call it quits...he was rather shocked. he didnt even realize how serious it was. and no matter how hard he tried...she never ever wanted to go back. she said she would do the counceling only because he insisted on it but she knew also that it wouldnt work. so he cut his losses and gave up. also, one of my best friends that is a female is getting a divorce right now. she has been unhappy for years. she complained in the beginning to deaf ears on her husband's part. then she just kept quiet about her agony. it really hardened her. when she was finally ready to call it quits...her husband was very surprised. and no matter how hard he has tried...she no longer has any feelings towards him. she tried long ago and he didnt. now he's trying to no avail. it is also a point of no return for her. she is never looking back. she also would have had counceling only because everyone insisted on it...but she also knew it wouldnt work because she just didnt love him anymore. at least your wife is willing to go to therapy. maybe she isnt there yet. maybe she is trying and you arent ignoring the signs. maybe. i hope for your sake. but listen to her and try to be as understanding as possible. she will probably say some scathing remarks and critisize you. dont take it defensively. take it as honest criticism that maybe you need to work on. take care. good luck.
  25. Ms Omaniac
    agreed. she sounds confused and that she has maybe lost her way a bit. you need to be as open as possible to hear her criticisim. it will probably sting quite a bit but it's information you need to know and hear so that you can work on your relationship. maybe she's been unhappy for too long and this has caused her to look at you differently. she slowly needs to be reminded why she fell in love with you in the first place. you may need to start over. it might not be the same but it could at least be stronger. try NOT to pressure her. i know that's easier said than done. but give her space. communicate as much as possible and try to be a good listener...know when to bite your tongue. DEFINITELY keep up with the counseling. try and get stronger because being a strong, independent person is very attractive. she will not want to go back to someone that is crying all the time. (at least that's what my ex told me...heh.) take care of yourself. good luck.
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