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About Down-In-A-Hole

  • Birthday 12/01/1981

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  1. The point I was trying to illustrate by asking that question was that even if all those "average" commodities were actually "perfect" commodities, your poem would still have a depressing message behind it. Whether or not your PC has USB support or not is not the heart of the issue, it's the monotony of daily grind you're pointing out. The word "average" is your personal artistic choice that adds greatly to the mundane nature of the message; that word carries a lot more weight with this subject matter and I think it works great. I agree with you that the poetry here is really expressive. But that does not make good poetry. Just as in any artform, there are tools used to express the specific message. In poetry, those tools are language, words, structure, style, rhyme and rhythm. To have a great poem would mean a deep understanding of these tools. And I think you misunderstood me. I never claimed to have a problem with "gloomy" poetry.
  2. Good job. I like the ironic mood you set by presenting a very depressing subject matter through a simple and relaxed prose. The daily grind in our Westernized world is serious problem that robs many people of an authentic life. I have one question: if you replaced "average" with "perfect" would you still find the life you described depressing? I certainly would. Anyway, I generally find the majority of poetry on this board pretty horrid, but I do like this one.
  3. Sounds like a great plan. Just make sure that you know the answer to the question of whether you want to put in 110% to fix it or not. Because keep in mind that she will probably want to know the same (noone wants to put in all that effort without the other person doing the same). GOOD LUCK!
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