hoboken12

I guess maybe that is my problem. I still have issues with it. I guess I have issues with it because I haven't been able to truly let it go. She ended it with hints and hopes of us getting together again some time down the road, so even though I have moved on and am dating other people I guess I never completely accepted that we were done. Which sucks. I am usually a forgiving person, but I guess I have held on to hurt feelings to keep my guard up against her, so that I won't fall back into a one sided relationship with her. Maybe she was just trying to lead me on with hopes of dating again only to get me to maintain the friendship, but does that seem like something fair to do. And should you be friends with someone that is trying to trick you all the time

The thing is, I feel like she is always trying to confuse things. I think she didn't want to address the issues because she was afraid it would mean that we would never get back together. She has a tendency to hold on to old boyfriends. She can't accept the fact that not all relationships last forever. She feels like she has to hold on to every relationship always. Which was one of our problems, she was being "friends" with her ex, who admitted that he was still in love with her.

Just curious if anyone else is going throuogh the same things about my ex that I am. When my ex and I were nearing the end of our relationship we fought a lot. We disagreed on some very important issues about our relationship. I wanted to try to resolve the problems that we were having, even though the breakup was inevitable. We got to the point that she refused to even talk about the problems that we were having. She completely shut down and would not address the issue, basically saying that I should just be happy with her, period. So we ended up breaking up, but to me some of these issues were still unresolved. After the relationship was over, she wanted to be friends. I couldn't do it because so much had been left undone and unsaid. I didn't see how we could even be friends until we sorted out or at least talked about those differences that we were having, but she had refused to talk with me about it so many times, I really didn't see a honest conversation happening once we were just friends. So I refused the friendship. Now whenever I think of her, I can't help but reenact these arugments in my head, arguments that I think we needed to have to understand where eachother were coming from. I would be happy to move forward with a friendship, but I need to address those issues first and she refuses. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I being stupid? I guess what it boils down to is, if she didn't have the respect for her and I's relationship to at least discuss our differences then how can there be respect for any relationship at all, even friendship. How do you get rid of this resentment if the other person will not even address issues that caused it? Especially when they expect the friendship portion of the relationship to still exist? Am I making sense? if you have any questions I can explain more

Advice please, I have a big decision to make. My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly 8 months. Things have been great, we have fun together, she is very funny, we enjoy the same things. We have our issues from time to time, but the great thing is, if there is ever a problem with us, we have always been able to talk about it honestly with eachother and get through it. That is one of the greatest parts of our relationship, we both respect eachother enough to be honest with eachother. There is of course, a problem. From early on we haven't had a whole lot of heat. Sex has been mediocre, something that didn't seem like a huge problem because I always figured it would get better. And I like her so much that I am more than willing to wait a very long time for that to happen. The problem is, lately I feel like it is not getting better, it is only getting worse. It is to the point now, that I don't even want to have sex with her. The thought of it is a turn off. I feel horrible for it because I do like her so much, but I am starting to think that maybe that is not enough, or maybe I am not turned on by her because maybe I don't really love her. I don't really know what to do. I have never had this happen to me in the past, sex has never been a problem. And I hate the thought of hurting her feelings by breaking up with her, but I am not sure what else to do. Does this sound shallow? I understand that sex is not everything, I don't expect it to be, but to say that sex is not important at all, isn't that being naive? Does anyone else know how I feel? I'm worried that I might have bounced back from the other side of the spectrum, my last girlfriend was very sexual. We had an absolutley amazing sex life, and a pretty good relationship, but it ended badly. Now I have what I feel is a really great relationship, but absolutley no desire to have sex with her. No I am not turning gay, I still am very turned on by women, but not my girlfriend. I am in a pretty stressful job, and I thought that was the cause of my low desire, but it is becoming clear that it's not that I don't want to have sex, I am just not attracted to her anymore. I feel like I should breakup with her, because although we have a great relationship, this is not fair to either of us if there isn't a sexual spark there. I would really like to still have her in my life as a close friend, but I know that asking for that is somewhat unfair, and pretty unrealistic sometimes. I just don't want to hurt her, but I feel like I am doing more harm than good by staying in the relationship. Let me know what you think. Am I being stupid? Should I give it more time? or are we just friends and that is all we will ever be able to be, if that is even possible?

Hey, I really do know how you feel you know. I was always real shy. Always worried I would make the wrong move and look like an idiot, that someone else who seems to have everything so great would make fun of me, or try to get me down. The thing is they worry about stuff like that too, they just hide it better, or put down other people to keep themselves up. Here is what you do. First, make sure what you are trying to do feels like the right thing, whatever it is. Part of confidence is knowing why you are doing what you are doing, if you believe in it, you can defend it no matter what. Second, forget what everyone else thinks or says. It is a tough thing to do sometimes. Everyone wants to be liked, and agreed with. Unfortunately, that is just not going to happen sometimes. You have to be willing to say "Screw off!" to those who may criticize or judge you for something you do. You don't have to fight them, or anything. Just don't worry about them. One of my favorite quotes is, "Have a Beautiful Trainwreck". Basically meaning sometimes there is something that you want to do, or try to do, and everything in you is telling you it could end badly. Do it anyways! Jump in with both feet, if you fail, so what at least you did it big, with heart. You didn't half * * * it, you had a beautiful trainwreck. The thing is, sometime, it is going to work out the way you want, more often than you think. The thing is when you screw up, you learn, when you screw up again, you learn more. Do not be afraid to screw up. It is going to happen, the people who make fun of you now for screwing up, will look up to you later for doing what you believed in, again, and again, and again. Nobody is perfect, why not get really good at not being perfect.

I really think that you are kidding yourself. You sound like you really believe that there is nothing wrong with the situation. But to me it seems like you are crossing a boundary. Not that it is ever totally wrong to have contact with an ex, but usually if one person is jealous, someone is giving them a reason to be. Whether it is you, or your ex, someone is sending signals that are justifiably making your boyfriend jealous, and maybe you are not even aware of it. Picture this, what if you were married. You devoted yourself to one person and vowed to be with them until death do you part, and your husband did the same. But four times a month he goes over to his exgirlfriends place alone to hang out. How would you feel about that? What do you think most people would assume about that situation? Don't you think at least a part of you would question why? The thing is, just because you are not married to this guy doesn't mean he deserves any less respect. If you are serious about a relationship with him, make that crystal clear to him and your ex. If you are not serious enough or not sure about past relationships, fine, but give him the respect everyone deserves and tell him about it.

Ok, my girlfriend and I had a really big fight last night. I am feeling like this could be the beginning of the end for us. Here is what happened. This week there was an event put on by local businesses for all their employees. It is basically a big competition between teams from different companies. Each team competes in a silly version of track and field events. It is a yearly event with thousands of people participating. It is also for charity. Anyways, my girlfriend and I had talked about it earlier in the week because I was on a team with my company and she was on a team with her company. Part of the point of the whole thing is a big social event with alcohol served. It gives everyone a chance to act as a team with their coworkers and have a little fun. When we talked about it I think she was assuming that we would meet there and spend most of the time together. Which during the events is pretty much impossible because of different scheduled events. Anyways, I tried to make it clear to her in our conversation that I didn't really know how everything at the events would work out but that I would look for her there. I said specifically that we would play it by ear, by which I meant that with the nature of the event that it would be hard to promise that we would see eachother or be able to spend any considerable time together. We did talk about possibly getting together after the events. I agreed that we should try, but I told her that this was the first opportunity that I have had to socialize with some of the people at my new job and that there was a possibility that people would be going out for drinks afterwards and that I didn't want to be the guy to go out with his girlfriend and her friends instead of socializing with coworkers. I didn't want to come off like an ahole that is too good to socialize with new coworkers. So anyways, I thought that I was clear enough that while I would like to spend time with her that night that it was not necesarily possible. I tried to leave it open to the possibility that we would see eachother but not to count on it, and by all means that she should not sacrifice any social plans that might come up on her end for the possibility that we might have plans. So at the event I didn't have my cell phone with me so I couldn't call her. I was socializing with coworkers which is the whole point of the event. I did look for her though, I would hve liked to see her there if only for a little bit. But among thousands of people, that just never happened, I never saw her. No big deal, or so I thought. I was doing what I said. After the event, some people from work went out for drinks, however I did not go, I would have liked to but it really was getting late. So a coworker gave me a ride home. The minute I get home I call her. We talk but she was clearly short with me, only giving one word answers. Clearly upset. So I ask what the problem was, I really didn't think that anything should be wrong. She says that she was really hurt because I didn't do what I said that I would do. That if I really wanted to spend time with her that I would have found a way. She expected a phone call right when I got to the event so we could meet up, or a phone call saying what my plans were, etc. By the way no one brought their significant others to this event. It is a team event focusing on work relationships. I ended up getting pissed at her for being overcontrolling. I had told her the situation, I thought I was very honest about the fact that while we might have time to hang out that the more important focus for THIS night was participating in the events with my team, and getting a chance to socialize with them. We would play it by ear, meaning, if there is an opportunity to spend time together then I would call her, but that she should not sit and wait by the phone for a call. She should go out and socialize with her coworkers. I guess what is pissing me off is that we have spent pretty much every second together for a couple months. This week things have been very busy and we haven't really seen much of eachother for a few days. The night before this event, she was actually pissed at me because I couldn't go to a concert with her because I have a night class that my company is paying for me to go to. She will not admit that she was pissed about that but I could tell. She said on the phone "I have no right to be mad that you have class tonight..." meaning she knew she shouldn't be mad at me, but she was anyways. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I have been very honest with her. So much of the event is unpredictable that how can she expect concrete plans!?! Especially when I said what my priorities for the night were! The thing is, the way she is acting is making me want to spend less time with her. Am I making too much out of this? Do you think that she has a right to be angry with me?

Here is a little poll. Do you think it is fair to leave things open ended at the end of a relationship? Without really giving reasons for breaking up? And even saying that you would want to get together again 'someday'? I had an ex, that during a breakup she started dating another guy, even though it seemed that we were still trying to work it out. It bothered me too much to see her with someone else, so I left, No contact. She told me that I was still the one that she wanted to marry, and that she would want to get back together someday. The problem is I still think about her, and miss her terribly. But I can't bring myself to talk to her again because I think how she handled it was completely unfair. Do you think it is fair to leave things open ended at the end of a relationship?

I think she is interested, if you feel like she is distancing herself, she is either wanting you to close the gap, or she is concerned that maybe you might be taking this too seiously. I think you just need to remember that you should be having fun. Joke with her, have fun with her, take everything more lightly. The biggest regret you could have is if you take all of this too seriously and and it doesn't work out, then all you have is memories of stressing out over her. But if you take it lightly and have fun with her you won't be as distraught if it doesn't work out AND you and SHE will have memories of having a great time together. Leave her with great memories and even if it doesn't work out now, it might sometime later.

Ladies I need a little advice. There is a woman I have known for about 2-3 years. I met her at my previous job, and from the first time we talked we have always gotten along great. I left the company for another job, when I left we talked about how we need to get together for a drink sometime. A few weeks ago we spent some time together at a wedding of a mutual friend. Neither one of us knew anyone else at the wedding that wasn't in the wedding party, so we sat together, had dinner and drinks. I think I realized then that I have a lot more interest in her than just friends. Everything was just SO comfortable, and I think we really both had a great time. I really want to bring the subject up to her, and I think at least a part of her is feeling the same way. I am a little afraid of the possibility that she might not feel the same way and that could affect our friendship. She is single and I know she is always looking for someone, but hasn't found that special someone. I have stood by and watched all this and I am astonished that none of these guys see how incredibly great she is. It has got me started thinking that maybe that is why I get it. Why I understand why she is so great, and they don't get it, because maybe she and I should be together. Don't most great relationships start as friendships. Anyways, I think I might have fallen for her, or am falling for her. How can I flirt around the idea, without coming right out and saying it? We mainly communicate through email so I guess I am looking for things to say that might hint at what I am feeling, but not come right out and say it. I am hoping this way I can get an idea if she has had similar thoughts and if she hasn't maybe she will contemplate it. Either way, no one came out and said it so it wouldn't hurt the friendship. Ladies, or guys, any ideas? How can I hint at the idea through email. How can I get her to see I am emailing her for more than just friendship? Please help, I need to do this soon, I can't wait anymore!

I guess I wonder if she does have feelings for me still. If she just wanted friendship why couldn't we get reaquainted over the phone. Why is it necessary for me to drive a few hundred miles to visit her. It doesn't sound like they are making plans for a wedding, just that they have talked about the idea of getting married. If she wanted friendship, why wouldn't she mention her boyfriend at all. I told her about girls I had been dating. I felt like I made it clear that it was ok to talk about that. The thing is, she did hurt me pretty bad. But the great thing about our relationship was that we had a really good friendship also, and I miss that part. I think there has been enough time past for me to handle that, but I am very cautious in case she is thinking of something more, or if she is trying to use me to end her current relationship. It just seems like maybe she isn't mentioning anything about her relationship because she wants me to pursue her. But I think I just want to finally become the friends we probably always should have been.

Just wanted to peoples opinion on my situation. I recently had contact with an ex from about two years ago. After we broke up we had no contact. When we were dating she held on to the relationship with her exboyfriend which caused some problems with us on occasion because he was still in love with her. So when we broke up I felt like the best thing was to just call it quits and make a clean break. I didn't want to be another guy causing issues with her new relationship. I was really sad about it, but it felt like it was the right thing to do. As much as I would have loved to be with her myself, I really do want her to be happy and if that is not with me, then it is just not meant to be. Anyways, she started dating a guy right after we broke up and I heard from others how she and her boyfriend were extremely happy and inseperable. It bummed me out but I was still happy for her in a way. I continued to move on and kept no contact. So after two years apart she contacts me. She never mentioned a word about her new boyfriend or how happy she is with him. She ends up inviting me up to visit her (she moved to another state). I declined. I thought that if we were just going to be friends that reconnecting on the phone should be enough at least at first. I just didn't want to confuse things. (I guess I still have some feelings for her even after all this time). I told her how good it was to hear from her again, and I would like to talk again and told her to give me a call. I have not heard from her since. I had heard recently that they have been talking about getting married. I guess my question is, what do you think she was trying to accomplish here. I would think that if she were thinking about getting married I would not still be on her mind after so long. Or that she would at least mention how happy she was now, or that they were talking about getting married. Maybe I was being unfair by not wanting to visit her, but I think I was doing it for the right reasons. Her and I had talked about getting married also, and I know how confusing it was that the woman I was thinking about marrying would string along an old flame that was still in love with her. Does her invitation seem suspect to anyone but me?

I have somewhat of a problem. A long time ago, this girl I work with had a huge crush on me. We were both 25 at the time (3years ago). She was flirting with me from the moment we met. I picked up on it, but I didn't think fooling around with someone at any job, let alone a brand new job, was a good idea. But she would make it even harder for me, she started wearing really revealing clothing, really tight short skirts. She eventually flashed her panties at me while we were on a cigarette break. I initially didn't find her that attractive, she is the kind of girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Kind of trashy in a way, but really nice. Anyways, she was having her birthday and said she didn't have anyone to go out and celebrate with. I felt bad for her so I asked her if I could take her out for a drink. She agreed and met me at a bar after work. When she got to the bar she had already had one or two shots before she arrived. She said she was already kind of drunk. We both had a drink or two and I decided it was best for both of us to go home. When we walked outside, she was stumbling a little bit. She lived on the other side of town and my place wasn't far. When we got back to my place I let her have my bed and I was going to sleep on the couch. She said that we could share it wouldn't be a big deal. I should have known what would happen, I gues maybe I did, but anyways. We ended up having sex all night. She was amazing. Time went by at work, no big deal, we both said it was just a on night thing. But the sex was so good neither one of us could quit thinking about it. Much later on she ended up in a relationship with a guy and they moved in together. But she still would end up flirting with me sometimes at work. So much so that we ended up having sex in the basement at work during one day. Here is where the problem comes in. She says she doesn't love this guy she is with but she doesn't love me. I can't stop thinking about having sex with her because it was so mind blowing. I try to talk her into it again sometimes but she says we shouldn't. But she also says she doesn't necessarily want me to stop trying. I think she likes the attention from me, and she said she loves the sex, but still turns me down whenever I ask. I can't hardly stand it anymore. Is it so wrong to have a sex partner that you are not in a one on one relationship with. Her and I don't have that much else in common, but in bed it seems like we are the best either one of us has had. I have never been that turned on by anyone in my life, I would have sex with her every day if I could. I don't know what to do anymore.

So I am being a d*ck. I guess maybe you're right I just don't really want to admit it. The thing is my girlfriend is great, we have a lot in common, she's smart, loyal, giving, funny, everything I could want...almost. It doesn't seem like there is the sparks needed for a good relationship. I've really taken my time on this relationship and tried not to rush things too fast. Part of me thinks that if there isn't much of a spark right now, there isn't going to be one further down the road. The other part of me thinks it would be stupid to give up this early because sparks can develop as I get to know her better. I really don't mean to be selfish, and I don't want to hurt anyone. Should I break it off because I might have feelings for someone else, or restated, is it wrong to carry on in a relationship that you are not 100% sure about?

I need a little advice. I am 28m and the girl I am dating is 25. We have been seeing eachother for about 2 months. When I met her we found out that we know some of the same people. One of these people is a girl that I work with, Katie. I have always found Katie attractive but kind of thought that there wasn't anything possible between us. The problem I am having is I am finding myself more attracted to Katie than my girlfriend. I think Katie might be feeling the same way. Here is the question, Katie and my girlfriend are not good friends they just share mutual acquantenses. Is there a good way to find out more about Katie without anyone getting hurt? I am not trying to be two timing or anything like that. I guess I am just curious if a relationship with Katie is possible and if she doesn't think it is what is the point of hurting who I am with currently. Am I a d*ck for thinking like this? I kind of feel guilty for thinking about this, but I am getting these feelings about Kate that I don't think I can ignore anymore, we have a great time talking with eachother, and people have even pointed out before that we should date eachother. Any suggestions?