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  1. I posted here about six months ago with my situation. My situation has been very difficult, and I find that I simply can't come to terms with it properly. I'm a single guy who has been involved with a married woman. We work together, and we connected during a business trip. Seven months have passed and our connection has grown. When we found that we were falling in love, she approached her husband and entered a counseling program. He was very cold to her, and there were issues that she had a responsibility to try and fix before leaving him. During that period, I told her I would be there for her, but we also agreed that she had to make a decision about one of us at the end of the counseling period. The counseling ended in October, and her husband has changed. She often says that he has become everything she wanted him to be. But despite that, she says she cannot forget me. She cannot stop trying to keep the affair going with me. Before this affair, I gave friends the following advice. The same advice was thrown back at me when I fell into the trap myself: If someone is not prepared to be with you completely, even if she says she feels the same, then it is no good. You cannot live your life as a half measure. The easiest route for the married person is to balance both people without having to make a big decision. It is clear that she loves me, but it is also clear that she would rather balance both of us, taking the stability from her husband and the rest from me. I cannot allow myself to fall into these mediocre ways. If we are all in improper alignment - that is, if she should rightfully be with me, and her husband should, thereforeeee, be with someone else, it is her responsibility to make things right, one way or the other. She is the decisionmaker. Since that counseling period ended, there has been a marked difference in our interaction. We have backed off considerably. Make no mistake though, this marked difference has been initiated and maintained by me. I told her exactly what I said in the preceding paragraphs - I will not live life as a half measure. I told her that she knows how I feel about her, and she knows where to find me, but I will only be available to her if something happens in her marriage. Despite our pacts (attempts to end contact), we always wind up cracking and talking to each other again. When we violate our pacts, the floodgates open. We go over how miserable we've been, and show each other the little things we've done to keep the feeling alive in the interim period. But I find that I am not breaking these pacts initially. She always does. For the most part, I'm following my own advice. I haven't been perfect b/c I still feel something for her, but I'm trying. If we do crack, the most she can expect from me is a conversation about where we are in our lives, and with our feelings. After that conversation, I move right back into the pact. But even though my actions are somewhat principled, in my heart, I'm a tornado. I can't stop thinking about her 24/7. I feel terrible. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I am trying my best to follow the same advice I would give to someone else in my situation. That knowledge is powerful, but it doesn't help when you're missing someone that you care about. Will this ever get any easier? What helps here? If I'm doing the right thing by trying to go cold turkey, why do I feel like total crap?
  2. I am at such a loss. I just can't keep my ex out of my head. It has been a very difficult last year and a half. She cheated on me. She got back together with me and broke up with me several times. In Feb she found someone else. And even though we had been broken up for 6 months, that is when she finally said it is over. I had been replaced. I did NC for months. I got a lot better. It was still hard, but better. However, just weeks ago I went for coffee with her. Now I am back nearly at sqare one. I miss her so much. Even though I know she has moved on and is living with her new boyfriend, I still wish she was back in my life. I miss her. She asked if we could be friends. I told her no. I just can't seem to move on. I am so confused as to why she contacted me again. It sounded like she really wanted to see me. I am wondering if it might be a good idea to see if she would want to go to counseling with me. If she really wants to be my friend.... I don't know. I just need peace. I have looked everywhere for it, and maybe I need some help to find it. I just want to be at peace with her. Not to be longing for somthing I can't have. Anyone have experience with this? Anyone think it is a good idea. Terrible idea? I don't think she will even go for it, but I was wondering if I should ask. I have been strong lately. Besides an email asking if she was thinking about me, I haven't contacted her and told her how bad I have been feeling. comments welcome Thanks
  3. Well I have talk to my x again and if you have read any of my last post you all know what is going on but if you don't a short run down and I promise the readers digest version. My x cheated on me for 8 months then I caught her (her and him on video tape back in may) I confronter her about a month later I was trying to give her every opportunity to come clean and tell me then on day ( it was a Saturday) (I told her to tell me what was going on so we could get to counseling and try to work it out.) or I was going to take off my wedding ring and when I did it would be over for ever well she didn't tell me so I took it off and I told her I was going to file for divorce on Monday. I did file and then in august she moved in whit him. Well 2 weeks ago this Sunday she called me and ask if I would consider going to counseling and I told her we needed to sit down and talk about that so on weds day we did and it basically turned out bad. So Saturday last week her and him broke up and she sent the kids to my place and she moved in with her parents for a week to try to think things out. So the last couple of nights we have been talking a lot then she kissed me and told me she loved me but wasn't sure what she wanted to do. So tonight I told her I wasn't going to just wait till she could decide if she wanted to be with me or him, that I was going to live my life and not have her keep dragging me back into the relationship so I could go through the pain again. I told her I felt she was using me as her backup plan and if it didn't work out with him she could come running back to me. So I told her I was going to just move on. She got really upset and cried for an hr or so. I was just wondering if anyone has any comments on this. Do you think I am right in thinking she is just trying to keep me available so if she cant work things out with him she can come back to me. Again sorry for the length of this post I just needed to vent AGAIN!!!
  4. So I have been separated from my wife of 4 years for about a month now, It has totally devestated me and I think it's starting to affect our 3 year old son. I was still living at home but sleeping in separate rooms and we were both going to counseling up until this week when she begged me to leave. I have been staying at a hotel since this past monday beacause I think my presense was just making things worse, she kept telling me that it was to easy for her to just give in to me when I was around because she loved me so much (but the typical "was not in love with me"). Well since monday I have been practicing the N/C rule unless it involved our son (which has only led to a couple quick conversations), also I have been practicing the "agree" rule where I basically just agree to everything she says, such as her telling me that I have the upper hand in this because she has to be with the baby all week and I will be single, I agreed, she was amazed. Well this morning I get an email from her which said " Our son got up at 4:30am asking for you !!! I told him you would pick him up on friday. I am really impressed with the way you are handling all of this. I want to just take you back..but now I am not sure you would take me back." So what do I do? Does this mean she wants me back? I don't want to answer yet because I'm afraid that's not what she means and I will ruin our progress (even though I've only been gone 3 days). When we spoke last night (the same time I agreed with everything and acted happy) she said she wanted me to find an apartment and started speaking of terms of the seperation, now this email. We basically broke up because of a lack of true intimacy because of a sexual problem on my part (which I have since seeked help on and am also going to personal counseling) which led to her becoming very depressed, unwanted and ugly. I'm confused, can you help? Should I ask her if she wants to be back together? Is she just confused and not really making a decision on this, or just trying to call my bluff? What do I do ????
  5. Hey all. I don't really feel like trying to form any poetry, so I guess I'll just write. Where to start...still taking my prozac. Supposed to start counseling again soon. I have to have a new one bc of some insurance screw up. I went for around a month without cutting, then I started again. I think I'm at my worst ever. I don't ever really use a knife anymore...I've been using broken cds, and once I used the pointy thing you stick in the end of a corn cob. I was cutting every day, but now my arm has been full/sore so I'm waiting... I found someone to hit me. (remember that post?) It's a guy a little older than me. He leaves bruises, which is what I'm looking for. I only see him at school and on the bus, so he can't ever get too violent. If I want more I'll have to see him outside of school. I hope I don't let it come to that, who knows what would happen before he'd stop... God, am I fu__ed up. My last attempt at normalcy failed drastically. (the boyfriend.) I made it a little over 2 weeks before breaking it off. He's really in love with me, and still treats me like his girlfriend. He's willing to wait for me until I get over my problems. For some reason, I can handle guys who just want to f*ck but this guy is pushing me over the edge. Im doing everything I can not to hurt him. I'm going to have to quit talking to him, or who knows what will happen. Why the hell do people have to care?? I am who I am, and I don't want to change. WHY? I don't get it. I'm a cutter. I'm depressed. I'm bisexual. I'm promiscuous. I'm anti-relationship. I follow no religion, and have no beliefs anymore. I don't get close or attached to people. I wear black most the time. I want to die most of the time, but won't kill myself. I like being hit. I just want to be alone. I wish I knew what I was looking for. Until then, I'll just bleed through the days, through life. Empty
  6. One week ago, my girlfriend told me she needed space. Well, since it is a long distance relationship, I asked her if she would be willing to talk about our relationship in person instead of on the phone. I made the drive to see her (about 400 miles) and we talked about where our relationship was. She told me again that she needed space. So, I asked her what she wanted of me. I asked her if she wanted me to disappear off the face of the earth, or if she still wanted some kind of contact with me. She told me that she didn't want me to fall off the face of the earth, instead, told me that it was ok to call her once in a while and to email her. I asked her if she still wanted to continue her relationship with me after she got the counseling she needed, and she replied with, "I would like to. I will let you know when I am ready." Now, our relationship has been beautiful for the almost two years we were in it. On the night before I had to head back, we ended up being intimate with each other, something that I think someone wouldn't do if they were really breaking up with you. My friends tell me to move on, but I am willing to wait for her. I love her with everything that I am and am willing to give her her space, in the hopes that when she is ready, she will come back to me and continue the relationship we had. So, I guess my question here is, "After this weekend and the things her and I did, does it seem like she just needs time to herself and everything will be fine in a little while?" I could tell that she still had feelings for me since everytime I went to hug her bye (I was there for two days), she would still give me an innocent kiss on the lips. Am I making the right decision here? I am emotionally distraught ever since all of this happened and as hard as I try to tell myself that everything will be fine, I also have the fear that I will never hear that call.
  7. Hi. Can anyone help me with some advice? About three months ago my girlfriend broke up with me after a big argument on New Year's Eve. I had a tough time for the first month and a half, and then it seemed like I was getting stronger day by day. We contacted each other twice in the week following the breakup, but have not contacted each other since. Even though it has been three months now, I have been hurting worse again over the past two weeks. It is making me depressed, and I wrestle with my emotions and it seems like everything else in my life. I am having a really hard time being happy. I also used to be deciscive and now I find myself questioning all my decisions. I am 34 and can't believe I am feeling this pain at this age. To give you a little background-I fell head over heals for this girl and she was crazy for me for most of the relationship. I just don't know when her feelings changed. We went out for 16 months and talked of marriage. I was actually shopping for rings in the last two months. We were arguing fairly often in the last two to three months and they were getting more hurtful, but I still thought it was growing pains and we would get through this phase. In fact, we even went to counseling once together to try and improve the relationship because we were thinking of getting married. She broke up with me two weeks after going to counseling. I know we had a big fight, but how does this happen? She talked about marriage too in counseling. Anyway, my questions are how long does it take to get over this pain? Do you think it is definitely over? This is the only girl I ever came close to marrying in my life, so it hurts a lot. I have decided not to contact her, but it is not easy. She is the one who broke up with me. But, I am having a hard time letting go of the only girl that I ever envisioned building a life with and having children with. It used to be so great. Now it is gone! Thanks for your help.
  8. My wfie and I have been together for 11 years, married nearly 7. We have 2 children. Recently we have been having problems. Now she tells me she doesn't know how she feels about me and that she has VERY strong feelings for another man. She says she wants to try and work things out with me, but that she doesn't know if it will help. She says that she'll always wonder about this other man. Wonder what might have been. I think that we should really see a professional. For those that have been through something like this, what is your experience? Does marriage counseling help? Should we maybe just separate? I don't know - I'm just so lost and hurt right now. CPB
  9. Hey All, Thanks for looking at my post, and hopefully, thanks for posting a reply with advice. I just recently got married, however, we've been together for many years. We just started marriage counseling, because we were having some issues. One that came up in our session yesterday was the fact that when we are intimate, kissing, making love, fondling, whatever, she feels as though I'm her father molesting her. Thus, she feels very dirty, and doesn't ever want to have sex. She just recently moved out of our house to have some time to think things through. During our marriage counseling session yesterday - she did say that she was NEVER molested. However, there was an instance where there was some inappropriate gestures, comments by her music teacher in high school. Things such as playing with her hair, hand on her thigh, etc. If anyone has gone through something similar to this in the bedroom, please help. My wife is my life, and my soul mate, and I will do anything for her, and to save our love, and marriage. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship, and we've never had issues up until about the past year. The first 4+ years were perfect. Thanks.
  10. I have posted a topic here before and people replied mostly saying things will get better well they haven't. I don't want to kill myself but I just feel like it all the time and I think i am going to do something stupid, like I drink loads even till i am sick. I guess it's the only thing that takes my mind off it and when i am drinking I just keep drinking more and more. Don't tell me I should get counseling it's not as easy as that in England, the only things we have is a child line. I feel even worst because like I really was trying for this girl I like and it's like all girls are pathetic at my college, they only like guys who act hard. You think you know a person then that happens and it's not just her happened loads of times, ive never had a serious relationship no matter how hard I tried, i am not an ugly person either (well im not sure). And now I was just told my mum is going to move city so I have to choose between her or my dad. HOW THE **** CAN I CHOOSE THAT. I hate this world.
  11. Greetings fellow travels, I have just recently joined this group. First off I want to thank all of you that have posted. Reading the posts has helped to show me that I am not the only one that is going thru a living hell, and I see others wanting to help others as well. There is a part of me that wants to find some magic cure to feeling bad. Yes, part of that is very selfish, yet, the caring part of me also wants to help others. I feel like I just want to explode and write everything that has lead me to this place. But, there isn't enough room. Instead, I would like to open with a simple and small cry for help. My life has been nothing more than a fight to stay alive since I was eight years old. I am now in my mid forties. I have been in and out of counseling and on meds since the 1984. My family says that they want to help, but they have their own drama. And the reality is, they actually bring me down. I have never had a relationship, yet I am told I am good looking and fun to be with. I am very good at my job, yet feel like I am ready to be fired each and every day. I am tall, in good shape, yet no one is interested in being with me. I am smart yet can't find a job that will allow me to do more than just get by each and every week. My birthday present to myself for my 39th birthday was a .357 in my mouth. I almost pulled the trigger....I now wish I had. Since then I have sold that gun, but wish I had it back. The self talk in my mind is destructive, yet I can't get the voices to stop. The physical and mental pain that I deal with every moment of every day, is over powering. I can not afford meds or counseling. I am, as I have been all my life....alone and lonely. The walls that I have built over the past 30 years are so high and think, I can't break thru them. I fear that I am too old to find someone to share what is left of life...and I will be forced to work jobs that don't pay enough to allow me to take care of myself. Is some of what I wrote above an absolute, yes. Are absolutes correct, hardly. I do know what I wrote isn't fully the truth, yet it is the way that I see it. My friends have been overkilled with my burdens to the point I can't keep any friends. All I want to do, is to wake up tomorrow dead. To those that feel that suicide is selfish....try living with the pain that I ( and others) deal with. Please stop telling me that there are paths to take that will help. I believe I have tried them all. I can't decide what I need more.....love, acceptance, or death. Thanks for listening...
  12. I had a personal ad on a dating site, with no pitcure, and my ex of six years answered it. Oh My God. I have been mostly NC (aside from him coming to get my kid, whom he has helped raise) and seeing each other at neighborhood gatherings. I think I want to get back together. I know he does. The good things: He is part of my life, he is trustworthy and loyal, we have a great time traveling and doing stuff together, he loves my kid, he loves me, and we are all part of the same small, tight-knit community. It is all such a mess right now. He broke up with me, left me a note actually. This has happened about four times. He just FREAKS OUT and starts with this long list of all the ways I've wronged him. He never mentions these things in real time. And some of the things are just nutty - he complained to friends that he brought fish to my house for dinner and I didn't give him a big enough piece! This was apparently years ago! When we are together, we almost never argue. Then, its like his brain chemicals get all weird and he flips out. He always rewrites the story to say I broke up with him. We did counseling just once and it was terrible,he just had a nonstop stream of blame. My counselor didn't call him on it, and I was very hurt. After a while (months), he kind of comes back to himself and acts normal. He wants to go to counseling now, with a different counselor. Maybe there is a way through this? I have been dating other guys, and having some fun, but no one feels right to me. He feels like my mate. I'm kind of scared to go to counseling. I have had SIX MONTHS OF HELL over this. But then again, I think if he died tomorrow and things were still this way, that we never got closure or got to the bottom of things, I would feel terrible. I never answered the personal ad, and I didn't tell our mutual friends, because I thought it would embarrass him. What do you guys think?
  13. And I'm devastated. I completely deserve it but I have to find a way to keep it from happening. We've been together for 9 years, married for 7. We went through two divorces to get together in the first place. I've completely wrecked the best thing I ever had. I wouldn't say I was overly jealous but her daughter, friends, family, etc. were some of the things I didn't do well with. She's going to stay with her sister for awhile. She says we might be able to work it out but she's got years of pain and resentment to get over. She won't enroll in counseling at this time. She just needs space. How do I make her love me again? -wp
  14. Kids are 7 and 11...both are girls. The oldest I am very close to, and she is just the sweetest, lovable, kindest hearted child. The 7 year old does have swings were she is just as sweet, but on the flip side and more consistantly, is rude. I feel for her that her parents went through a divorce this past year and has a lot of adjusting. I can understand that, and I know it's been hard on her. BUT, her behavior has warrented a counseling session instigated by her mother. She is being cruel to her (mother) and sister, and my BF has been asked to go to this counseling session--and he refuses, stating that she is doing well in school and does well with him, so he disagrees saying that his youngest will think there is something wrong with her. I at first told him (when asked) that he should stand by his ex (AND mother of his child) and go, because saying there is nothing wrong is negating the issue between his ex and his daughter. He agreed at first, but when she got good remarks from her teachers he is now refusing to go. Went over to his house last night with my two year old. She had the same flip flop attitude. At first nice, but got increasingly mean. My breaking point was when my two year old leaned her head against her and his daughter yelled to me, "Get her OFF of me!". And to tell you the truth, this isn't really unusual, but I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I called my BF and told him something that this was bothering me. His response was to say I was taking things too personal and ended the relationship. I can't help thinking this....how can he know that her behavior is affecting so many people, but because she isn't doing this directly to him or at school, he thinks there is no problem? I also think........if he can't back up the mother of his child, how can I ever expect him to back me up? Please....need advice or input from someone who knows what the hell is going on! Thanks.
  15. Anyone know of any telephone numbers that can offer counseling? I feel as though I'm going through a state of depression and I finding myself hiding that depression in drugs...any help would be appreciated.
  16. To those of you who were abused, when and why did you decide to seek counseling? If there was a signifigant delay between the abuse and the therapy, why was there a delay and what made you start therapy? How has it helped you, what were the positive and negative aspects and results of the therapy? If you're comfortable discussing it, please tell me about one-on-one counseling, group therapy, any other forms, any treatments you received, what the therapy consisted of. I want to know what made you decide to heal, how you healed, what helped you heal, how your family or partner or friends helped, and what about you or about your life has changed as a result. And to those of you who may have not sought help, or healed without assistance, could you discuss your decisions and the results also?
  17. Wow I almost hate to say anything... I messed up and had an affair. Stupid and drunk and my husband and I were having serious communication problems and i went to a friend. I have however ended it with him told my husband and we are rebuilding and going to start counseling soon. I was lost confused and not being able to communicate with ym husband was killing me. But we are starting a new plate and going to start counseling soon. People mess up. I messed up. I know that now. The other guy never pushed me though. This has all happened recently and its hard. My husband has forgiven me but now i have to find away to forgive myself adn I dont think thats going to happen for awhile. I still feel i need the punishment and that is a score i can only settle with myself and couseling may or may not help. So many people say once a cheater always a cheater but you cant put people in those tables its not fair. I messed up. I know this and I am taking my responsability for it and I know I will be judged. I am not expecting people to embrace what I have done but I believe if you share your story then that too also helps the rebuilding process. I would love any feedback whether it be criticizing or not and I am sure to get some because every one judges. I do howver ask that before you call me names or pathetic that you try to get to know me and understand my situation. I am open and willing to discuss things further and any questions I will try to answer with the best of my ability. My love to you all and your courage to come forth and be open about your mistakes.
  18. Thought this was an interesting Q&A article with a counselor who has written a book. It's his opinion that an affair doesn't have to signal the end of a relationship. He bases this on his work counseling couples dealing with infidelity. Rest of the article is here: link removed
  19. My ex gf and I have a baby boy who is 5 wks old. Some of you know the story or if you don't click my name and look at past posts. She is being very mean to me and I have decided I am done trying. She won't do counseling or anything even though we have a baby together. There is no room in her life for the father of her baby. It is the most crazy and painful experience I have had to endure. RayKay you were right all along.
  20. hi, i posted yesterday about cutting myself and i still haven't heard from my ex yet. i went to counseling today and they suggested that i call him to get some kind of closure out of the whole thing. they also think it is partly my fault because i never told him to stop and that he must of thought it was o.k. with me up until that point. i think he wanted to have a three-some but i'm not sure. i don't think it would have happened if he didn't drink so much. i don't know what to think i just don't feel good at all. i nedd to find the stregth to move on but don't know how. we have been together for 3 years, i need help please.
  21. My girlfriend's feelings for me seem to run hot and cold. One day she is gushing with love and adoration, proclaiming how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. The next day she dosen't acknowledge I'm in the same room. She is extremely critical of me when I do things around the house such as cooking, cleaning, or fixing things. She hovers over my shoulder, analyzing every move I make and if it dosen't seem up to snuff she gets very upset. It feels as though she is convinced I will screw up and she's just watching for the moment it happens so she can point it out and correct me. I don't understand this. I am a sensitive person and she is a hypersensitive person. It really hurts me when she acts this way because it makes me feel really unappreciated. She is completely oblivious to this even though I have told her about it and we have had many discussions and fights about it. She gets so tense and it makes me tense and I end up feeling like neither one of us is happy. I honestly don't know if I'm being a jerk but I do know that she can be very thoughtless and inconsiderate and it really hurts me. I have suggested counseling and she says no. This up and down stuff hurts me. I guess it's because she is a woman and I am a man and we are both very sensitive. We just moved in together a month ago. I don't know if it's going to work. I tell what I want for us in the future and I ask her what she wants and she says, "I don't know, that's a big question." or makes light of it with comments like, "You're scaring me closer!" I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with this.
  22. This is going to be part rant and part asking for advice. Just so you know ahead of time. I wish I had better friendships. I've always struggled with giving TOO much to friendships, then ending up feeling taken advantage of. Like, I'll listen when friends have problems, but then I've let them go on and on and on, to the point where I doubt it's helping them and I'm getting depressed just listening to them. In addition to that kind of thing happening, I noticed somewhere along the road that my friendships weren't very close. They don't often call to ask how I'm doing; only when they need to vent. So it's based more on "counseling" than "hey let's hang out 'cause I enjoy your company!" So now I've swung in the opposite direction. Now I feel like I "test" every relationship. I think about how much effort the other person is making. Or I get defensive. The other day I was out with a friend I hadn't seen for a few months, and she kept calling me by another friend's name! I know it was a small unintentional thing, but it still made me feel like chopped liver. lol. Lately, I've been tempted to mentally write people off. Part of me wonders -- am I expecting too much out of friendships? Why can't I just be friends with people who want to keep in touch with me and have fun, etc.? Not only am I getting lonely, I'm starting to feel like a failure. I do reach out, but like I said, either people don't reach back to me ... or I can tell they don't feel very close to me. Maybe I'm just hanging out with the wrong people. Eh, would appreciate any thoughts or advice or even "me too's"!
  23. 1) Do you think that one of the people in a relationship has the urge to see other people that it's really because there are problems in the relationship that are making that person unhappy and that if those issue's were resolved that urge to see other people might disappear too. Or do you think the only way to resolve those feeling is for the curious person to actually date other people? 2) Do you think after one person loses faith in a relationship that there is any way to re-build that faith? 3) Does anyone have any suggestions on ways to start over or ways to heal some of the hurt and resentment that may build up in a relationship? 4) Do you think if both people are willing to try counseling that there is at least a little faith left in both people? 5) Do you think that if two people are madly in love with each other they should keep trying until the love is gone?
  24. Ok - so I put a thing out here before about being bored. And I am, but I can't take it anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate my life, I hate my body, I hate being married, I hate being a mother, I love the kids but hate the responsibility... Every minute of every day I talk myself out of leaving. My husband is well aware of what is going on and I've become this thing for him to fix. He's a great person. He keeps saying he'll - we'll - do whatever it takes to get me better. Counseling, meds whatever. He tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and yes, I do know how lucky I am to have him, and that just makes me feel guilty. ARRGGGGHHH I hate this. I just want to run away from it all. Sometimes I'm afraid to go to the store without the kids because I'm afraid I won't come back. Most often I know I could never to that to my children or my husband but other times I feel like I could. The times when I feel like I can are coming more often and stronger. What should I do? Do I NEED medication? Will counseling help? Is this something that won't go away unless I leave? Or will it be a "where ever you go there you are" ending? Maybe its ME I need to get away from. Any advice? Thanks. - T
  25. I don't even know quite how to start this one, suffice it to say I feel really alone. I've always been decent at making friends, but lately I've begun to wonder what kind of friendships I have--and what kind of friend I am, which probably go hand in hand. Two years ago I managed to alienate one of my best friends from college by drinking too much and being just kind of a horrible person one too many times. Things are still civil between us if I see her at a party, but that's about it. I have two roommates, one of whom I lived with before, and they seem to have bonded with each other and I'm the third wheel. Granted I've dated people the whole time the three of us have lived together, so I wasn't home much, but now that I am I notice it in a big way. I have friends who live in the suburbs, but they're better friends with each other and I don't get invited out really unless it's the BIG group and we're all going. I have a few individual female friends here and there, but I continually compare my friendships--the quality AND quantity--with those of my other friends. And I always come up short. I feel SO insecure, SO inadequate, and SO lonely a lot of the time, and I'm miserable. I don't know how to change. I seek out new friends, but they already have their groups, and while I'm invited to "join the group" for outings, etc., I don't feel like a member of the inner circle. I have 3 circles of friends, but I don't feel like I'm a member of ANY of the "inner circles." I've begun to doubt my worth as a person, and have even contemplated just saying "forget all of you" and moving accross the country. But the problems would follow me. Would counseling help? What should I do???
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