coolbloke1978
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I had not had closure at all and thought I had moved on after not having any contact with my ex for about 8 months. Then bizarrely I met him at a nightclub and I just kinda went blank. Still I spoke to him. He was very "pally" and kept insinuating how great his life was and how he now has a new place in London with his "friend". Upon probing I found out it was actually his boyfriend he was referring to. (Who wasn't with him incidentally). I found it odd that in the 5 minutes I spoke to him he did not ask once about how I was - it was just...oh I got a new job, Ive stopped smoking, I've got a new place and so on and so forth. Needless to say I was a tad crushed and envious and felt as though my life hadn't progressed at all and heck I was still single. Anyway a few days, ago I sent out a mass text to everyone in my Phone Book about something on TV. It was a spur of the moment thing and I didn't realise the consequences it would have. The next day I received an e-mail from an acquaintance of mine (someone I kinda know and flirt with occasionally when I see him out and we have been friendly for some time and I've slept with his best friend!!!)...asking if I was Paul's ex? I said thats weird why do u ask that. Because it turns out this guy is actually my ex's boyfriend!!!! And he was ever so eager to chat to me which I was bemused by. It turns out there is no place being bought they are just going to be renting and pretty much everything my ex said was utter rubbish! Anyway this guy has been e-mailing me since. And I find that really odd. Would you contact your boyfriend's ex??? I have been evasive about any questions asked about my ex purely because I do not wanna be the stalker ex but at the same time pleasant enough. Its so strange. Now I know what this closure is. It's when you dont care. If I want to I can wreck this relationship to smithereens. But it's not my style. Anyway to cut a long story short...why is this guy contacting me? It's all a bit weird and incestuous dont you think? And why is he fishing for information about my ex? I do not want to divulge anything should it blow up. Goes to show what a small small world we live in eh?!
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This is so weird it's like out of a movie. My original story can be found here: I had not had closure at all and thought I had moved on after not having any contact with my ex for about 8 months. Then bizarrely I met him at a nightclub and I just kinda went blank. Still I spoke to him. He was very "pally" and kept insinuating how great his life was and how he now has a new place in London with his "friend". Upon probing I found out it was actually his boyfriend he was referring to. (Who wasn't with him incidentally). I found it odd that in the 5 minutes I spoke to him he did not ask once about how I was - it was just...oh I got a new job, Ive stopped smoking, I've got a new place and so on and so forth. Needless to say I was a tad crushed and envious and felt as though my life hadn't progressed at all and heck I was still single. Anyway a few days, ago I sent out a mass text to everyone in my Phone Book about something on TV. It was a spur of the moment thing and I didn't realise the consequences it would have. The next day I received an e-mail from an acquaintance of mine (someone I kinda know and flirt with occasionally when I see him out and we have been friendly for some time and I've slept with his best friend!!!)...asking if I was Paul's ex? I said thats weird why do u ask that. Because it turns out this guy is actually my ex's boyfriend!!!! And he was ever so eager to chat to me which I was bemused by. It turns out there is no place being bought they are just going to be renting and pretty much everything my ex said was utter rubbish! Anyway this guy has been e-mailing me since. And I find that really odd. Would you contact your boyfriend's ex??? I have been evasive about any questions asked about my ex purely because I do not wanna be the stalker ex but at the same time pleasant enough. Its so strange. Now I know what this closure is. It's when you dont care. If I want to I can wreck this relationship to smithereens. But it's not my style. Anyway to cut a long story short...why is this guy contacting me? It's all a bit weird and incestuous dont you think? And why is he fishing for information about my ex? I do not want to divulge anything should it blow up. Goes to show what a small small world we live in eh?!
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seeing my ex in a few days, tips please!
coolbloke1978 replied to joyce1412's topic in Getting Back Together
I agree with all of the above. I have been nothing but dignified post break up and it's made me feel a lot better. Don't act like you dont care. In fact act like you DO CARE. But not in an ex lover kinda way more in a friendly kinda way - dunno if this makes sense. Smile be happy be jovial - mingle but at the same time be polite to your ex and say hey how are you etc etc etc. Then leave him be and say oh I'll go and say hello to XYZ but I'll see you later. This kinda behaviour will be the best. It shows your niceness, strength of character and that you are the bigger person. Best of luck.x -
Okay people new development. I was out on Friday night basically having a whale of a time. I got chatting to this new bloke. Unknown to me my ex was in the same club but I didnt see him. However my brother saw him and my ex approached him and they chatted. He was there with his sister and sisters boyfriend. My brother said he was very friendly and he was aware that I was in the club. I was oblivious to this and to be honest the guy I was chatting to was lovely. When my brother told me my ex was there I went to look for him but never found him. I had been dancing up on the stage all along and Im sure everyone must have seen me. Anyway a couple of days later I sent my ex a message saying hope your sisters enjoying london and pass my regards on to her. He's now stopped replying completely. Can someone tell me what the hell is with this blow hot blow cold attitude? On the one hand you tell me "it'll be great to see me me" and the next you go awol. Do you think he saw me chatting up this other guy and has now cut contact? God only knows...these exes I cant understand them. Maybe he realises I have been moving on and not moping about? Is it worth calling or should I JUST LEAVE IT!? I genuinely think I could be friends but not sure about this strange behaviour.
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That's all very good advice icemotoboy. Im not sure what I want...but maybe I feel if he has actually met someone it will be like complete closure and maybe we might be able to be friends. I mean Im not stupid I for one know he has really lived up singledom (and to be honest so have I) and I dont think Id have too much of a problem talking about mine and his conquests. He somehow would have issues discussing these things Im sure - just the general feeling I got when we were together. It's been long I mean we've been broken up for almost as long as we were together and during that time contact has been minimal and sporadic.
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Also do you think he's met someone else which is why hes so jovial. I cant believe 7 months down the line and im still wondering what he's doing!!
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how many of your exes actually contacted you?
coolbloke1978 replied to joyce1412's topic in Getting Back Together
Its an odd one - in my case my ex does respond back everytime I initiate but rarely initiates anything - its such a shame - to what extent people move on no? -
Im not sure what its going to lead to. On the one hand I think I want to be friends but if he's met someone else - I'll really be crushed not because I want to be with him but cos he beat me to it! Is this normal? I mean I really have moved on with life and I have sorta fooled around a bit but I do miss what I had with him and wonder if it will ever be recreated.
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Okay I revisited this a month down the line. I sent this text: How you doing and hope Ireland was good. You around one evening next week for a beer maybe? He responded with: Hey hope you're okay! Ireland was great thanks. Yeah I'd love to catch up! Let me know when's good for you. Be good to see you.xx His overpositivity (if there is such a word) is actually worrying me! Something's not quite right...or am I over analysing? Anyway I responded with: How doest next Thursday sound to you? But I have not received a response yet. Is he playing any games or am I just being stupid? What should I do? Follow up with a phone call? Help!
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You're right why do I analyse so much!!?! Besides I've got 2 weeks to ponder about it now...and analyse every letter to the skies!
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Ok people more advice needed... I resorted to a text (which was probably a good thing) and this is what I said a week later: "u wanna do a catch up lunch or a beer soon? If you're bus no probs, just thought id ask seeing as its been a while Jx ps sandy says thx for the message I got a response in about 2 minutes: "Yeah would be great, in ireland for 2 weeks when I come back no problem! Take care x" Is he just being nice and friendly? I am seriously confused by this new side of him? Or will he really live up to his word. Oh by the way prior to this NC was on for about 3 and a half months.
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It was kind of mutual - though he made me break up with him - or more like forced so I didn't really have an option. And texting wasn't my first option - I did call but obviously seeing as he'd changed his number he doesn't carry the old phone with him anymore. My next move will be to call - texting can be dangerous and silly and cowardly really.
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I agree but what got my friends thinking was why he gave me his new number - that means hes obviously open to communication - he could have just replied from the old phone as its still in use. thats what got me thinking forget the rest of the message
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Hi all, I haven't posted on this site for a while. I split with my ex back in October and since we had some brief contact over christmas the details of which I won't bore you with now. He was very cold and distant. I cut all ties after January. Out contact since the break up was very very minimal. It was his birthday a couple of days ago and I sent him a message: "Happy Birthday Paul. Have a great time - be good and if you cant be good be good at it!" Chat soon Jx He replied the next day from a new number saying: "Hey J thanks for the text it was very sweet of you! Hope you are okay this is my new number" Paul!. P.S Wish you bro a belated happy birthday from me. xxx I mean will the real Paul please stand up! I wasn't expecting that response at all...should I reinitiate contact or what? I'm not really trying to get back together anymore unless he has really changed. I have moved on and rediscovered my friends, had some great dates (and some naughtiness) and sorted some aspects of my life out. Is it worth being friends or not really? Bear in mind all contacts prior to this he kept calling me buddy there were no xx at the end it was just really bland and cold. So I'm not quite sure. I still have space for him in life as a friend and it would be a shame. Not sure if he has met someone else - he may have may not have...I don't know. What do you think in the past I have received some great advice off people off this forum.
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There was this guy I had met prior to my ex boyfriend last year. We had a one night stand and kept in touch with each other sporadically over email. Well when I broke up with my ex me and this guy finally met up for a drink and he said crikey I can't believe this me and you could have actually gone out I really like you. Since then we have been meeting up, dating and doing stuff together. Only problem is he's going to Australia, for a year and we both know that the relationship has an expiry date end of March but we're having a good time. Is this healthy? I am getting over my ex and he is enjoying my company till he goes? Another thing is he is completely out of the closet where as I'm not, well I am but just not to my family. Over the weekend he was round mine and my family wanted to come round to mine and I just kinda freaked out. So he got annoyed and said can't you just say I'm a friend. I said no cos I'm Asian and it just looks a bit suspicious that you're wearing my t-shirt. I switched of the TV as my bro was outside on the road. So that's it...he went distant and then just went to bed without a word said. And I did the same...I asked him once if he was okay and he said yea...so I didn't probe further as I just didnt want to get uncomfortable. Then there's issues like he likes holding my hand on the street and so on and I hate it. What's the point if this relationship (if you call it that) is finishing in March. Is it even worth letting it happen till March as I could be faced with a double whammy when he leaves...of dealing with a broken relationship and letting him go to? And is it too much for him to expect me to change my ways etc for something that is merely a stop gap? I'm so confused. I haven't called him again as I don't think I want to see him again (I mean I do cos I like him) but just avoiding future heartbreak - all over again times two! Please help!!!