merickso

have you guys broken up? What was the last conversation you guys had?

good point, and that IS what I need to think about. I am realizing that life goes on.... REGARDLESS of what events take place. After last night I feel much more confident, I even called her this morning for my first time in over 3 weeks just to say good morning. It was great... we arent hanging out tonight, and I am ok with that. I have some movies, some work that I have to do and.... you guessed it... enotalone, and she is hanging out with her family. I think that the fact that we were physical last night did actually help me feel much better. For whatever reason, it just makes me feel more wanted and desired. Its going to be an up hill battle for a while, but as you touched on, an up hill battle to reclaim my relationship is better than no battle at all. M.

i took your advice and I relaxed, had a great time, and it was perfect. she introduced me to all of her coworkers as 'her boyfriend', which just felt nice and I was my usual funny self. The night ended with her back at my place, us just hanging out watching TV alone, a fantastic trip to my bedroom , and her falling asleep in my arms telling me she loves me. I am going to continue to relax and just take it all one day at a time - I am prepared for the worst, but hopeful for the best. As always, thank you to everyone, the road to complete comfort in my relationship is going to take a while, but as long as both her and I are honest and willing & wanting to make it work, then things should be great. We still have lots to deal with and I am sure that I will have more sleepless nights, but tonight I will sleep sound. I am increasing my personal dreams and my personal life that does not include her so that I am a stronger person on my own. Also, I am trying hard to put my trust issues to rest (my exex girlfriend hid another guy from me for 2 months while we were "getting back together") because I do trust my current girlfriend completely... its just hard when you have been burnt in the past. merickso.

not great. I asked her if we were going to do something together last night (we had made plans a few days ago) and she says "I wasnt planning on it". So we argued about that and she said that she wanted to take it slow and that now she feels that I am getting mad that she isnt seeing me. I reminded her that I hadnt called her in over 3 weeks, and I hadnt asked her to do anything and that we had plans AND that she just finished telling me that she didnt know if she had the same feelings for me. I asked her straight out "Do you want to work on things with me or should we both just move on" and she was like "I do want to work on things, I love you,.." but then she just went home for the night. I didnt call. She called me at 11pm last night saying that she was so sorry and that she loves me and misses me and that I am "so great". Then she calls this morning at 7am to say good morning and ask if I wanted to hang out tonight.... I said yes. So at 1pm today she calls me and tells me that one of the staff members at her job is having a going away party tonight and that, after she volunteers, she'll have to go to that and that "I can come if I want to, but I dont have to". I didnt really say anything, other than "oh". and she she had to go and she said she would call me later. To be honest with you I am actually embaressed of the situation. I dont know whether I am blowing the whole thing out of proportion and if I should be fine with her going to her staff members (not her friends, she barely knows her) going away party, or if i should just tell her that I am tired of being such a low priority and this isnt going to work anymore. I am out of energy.

well, i think its clear from my posts that she (my ex) is skeptical but trying to give it a chance somewhat.

unreal. I talked to her briefly and she was all fine telling me about her phone and downloading ring tones, etc, like nothing was a big deal. She has to volunteer tonight for a couple hours (she'll be doing that for another hour). I asked her what time she wanted to get together tonight (assuming that we were going to talk and also we had made some plans a few days ago for tonight) and she (without mentioning anything we had talked about today) says "I wasnt planning on seeing you tonight". at what point is enough enough? is this it? I reminded her that I thought we had plans (not rudely, just mentioned it) and she just said that she didnt want to do that. She said that she was at the volunteering place and that she would call me later and that she loved me. it really makes me angry that she doesnt even mention the fact that she told me today that she might not feel what she thought she did about me and that she "wasnt planning on" seeing me. WHAT A JOKE. Guys, I really want to get the strength together to tell her that I am done being a yo-yo and if she doesnt want to be with me, then its over. My heart simply can not take any more of this. I love her so much, and I am willing to make it work... first it was the religion, then we talk about that and she wants to make it work... and now she doesnt know if she feels the same (we have spent NO time together alone). How do I really make her understand what I am feeling and get her to make a choice once and for all?

I am just so lost. Honestly, I am more lost and confused than I have ever been before. I have been told everything in the last month, most of all "I love you and I want you". and this is what I get. to top it all off, now I am just waiting around again for her to call me.... i am such a fool. I know you guys understand, but to be completely honest, I dont know what to do or say or think. I have no answers. do I call her at work and ask her what is going on? do I just let her call me, whether its in an hour, in 6 hours, late tonight, or tomorrow?

Hello, I have been posting quite a bit, and I am sure some of the issues I am dealing with I have already posted about, but this forum not only gives me good advice, but it gives me a place to just say whats on my mind. So now that my gf and I are back together for 3 or 4 days, things are fundamentally great. She tells me she loves me, she has talked about "when" we get married more than a few times, and she is being great. When we met on sunday we talked about getting back together and taking it a bit slow initially. I thought that sounded fine, although I did let her know that it would be difficult to go back a few steps in our relationship because we have talked and seen eachother many times every day (before the break up last month). I have not been calling her much, only to call her back, and she has been contacting me 2 or 3 times throughout the day and seeing me almost every day. The thing is, and I hate to admit it, but I think that I will feel much better once we are physical again. I mean, we have always had a great physical relationship, and its been 6 weeks now (her trip + break up + the last 4 days). Is it alright that I think that us being physical again will ease my stress about losing her again? I have not and wont pressure her about it, but its on my mind a lot. Everyone seems to suggest to treat this relationship as a new one, and I have been trying but its a lot more difficult that it sounds. Last night she only came over for a few minutes and left because she was tired, but then she called me when she was at home on msn and I kind of questioned her about who she was typing to. We hung up, but then I called her right back and apologized and I said "sorry for sounding a bit weird on the phone just now, but I am feeling a bit insecure about us since we just got backtogether. It is not a big deal and I know I have nothing to worry about whatsoever. I trust you completely. The feeling of losing you is still fresh and that makes me fear it happening again. I just wanted you to know how I feel, and its just because of all the stuff we have been going through in the last 6 weeks. I am so happy to be back together with you and I love you." she said she loves me and we hung up and went to sleep.... I sent her a friendly email today... 5 or 6 lines about work people and then I told her thanks for popping over last night and sorry I was acting weird on the phone later. SHE JUST CALLED - she just called me at work from her work. she said that she didnt know what she was feeling and that it felt awkward last night when she was over (for all of 7 minutes, she didnt take her shoes or her coat off). I told her that that was the first time we have been alone (other than a few times during the breakup, which was completely focused on breakup/back together stuff) in 6 weeks. I told her that it is natually going to take a bit of time since we have been apart for a while - am I right? I love her, I didnt feel uncomfortable, I felt great to see her. Is this a sign that she doesnt want to be with me anymore? I told her (again, this was 20 minutes ago) that I dont want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me, and I want her to be happy. she said that she does want to be with me for sure, but that she was confused why she felt so out-of-place last night. Of course my mind starts to wonder about WHY she is suddenly feeling this way ... Questions: 1. I havent called her, pressured to see her or anything in the last 4 days - was it wrong for me to tell her that I feel a bit insecure about our relationship last night? 2. She has been the one calling me, etc, and she says on the phone just now that she didnt think we would be completely back together so fast... what the heck? 3. SHE has been telling me over and over for the last 5 days that she feels so good and she has talked about 'when' we get married even yesterday, and now she says she doesn't know how she feels? 4. What am I willing to put up with? I dont want to be the guy AGAIN that gives her space and is in a loose relationship where she calls whenever she wants, but takes space whenever she wants too.... I am being unreasonable? 5. Since we were on a break, it is reasonable for her to feel a bit different towards me now that we are back together? I think its normal, but I could be wrong. 6. Can being physical again reclaim some of the spark? I feel like things just went from bad (break up) to not good (healing) to very good (back together) to confused/scared/stressed/sad (20 minutes ago when she called). ???

well, I do want to treat it like a new relationship, but it just seems almost impossible since it was just 5 weeks ago that it was the old relationship. Things are going just fine now, I just have to shake my needy, worrysome feelings. I guess it'll take some time, like anything, to get over.

thats a good point. I just feel ridiculous in the sense that I read into EVERYTHING now. For example, she didnt call me this morning on her way to work (she always had when we were together)... its not a big deal, but then I find myself wanting to call her, but then not calling because I dont want to seem too pushy. I am trying to look at it as a new relationship, but it was only a month ago that it was an old, long term relationship where I could call her (and she always wanted me to contact her more and more) and email her without feeling that its a problem.

GROUP: some of you know my story detailed, and some of you dont know it at all, so to summarize: my girlfriend broke up with me a month ago stating that she wanted a stronger relationship with God and felt that we didnt focus on that aspect of life at all. I started NC, but she still contacted me regularly, and we met the other night and talking openly and honestly and are going to work on things and we are not back together. I love her and I miss(ed) her, and I am very happy for another chance with her, which I plan on making it work for life. There are a few things that I cant seem to stop feeling. I cant help but feel a tad needy. I am not showing this to my girlfriend because I dont want to push her away, but its like I fear losing her again and I always want to talk to her, email her, see her. I am also feeling a bit awkward - almost like when I do see her, I am trying to do and say the right things, which is completely stupid because we are very compatible, open, and good together. Its like I am so aware of how much it hurts to not have her that I am over-compensating and worrying about losing her. I suppose that after being so hurt and upset for the last month, it will take some time to not worry about our relationship, but I am really scared that how I am feeling is going to turn into me acting like that, which would put extra stress on our already fragile relationship. I told her this, for the most part, when we talked about getting back together 'slowly' on sunday night, but I wanted to share it with you guys and get some advice. I am so happy that I am with her again, and I love her so much, but its difficult to take it slow after being with her for a year and not having to worry about anything. Before the break up I could call her, email her, txt her lots of times a day (I didnt, dont worry!) and it would only make her more happy... but now I just dont really know how to act. I KNOW I should just act like myself, but I cant shake these feelings. Is this normal? does it make sense that I feel this way since its only been a few days back at it? I dont want to lose her again, but I really dont want to feel like the the guy that "will do anything to stay together".

UPDATE: We are basically back together. (although not sharing it with the world as of yet). we talked for over two hours about all of the things that we each needed and wanted out of a relationship, and we each came to respect each others thoughts and feelings. She has realized that people can have the same faith, but have different ways of interpreting it and different ways/depths of how they involve faith in their lives. I did agree with her that we need to be on the same page for many 'faith' aspects of our relationship, and I'll be making some steps to improve the amount of time I spent talking with her about god/faith/life. we are going to take it a bit slow... not see each other every day of the week, but we both agreed that it wouldnt be long (a couple weeks probably) until we are right back into a full relationship. Of course, I explained to her that I am still on edge since I have been practicing NC for the past two weeks (she has been contacting me), and that its going to take me some time to not feel like I am doing to wrong thing by calling her. we spent time telling eachother various things in our past relationship (not just religious stuff) that we wanted to improve on, like putting the other person first more (not that we didnt do that lots), trying to be more active, spending more time going to events (comedians, plays, oprahs), etc. I feel very positive about where we are at. I was honest. I told her exactly how I felt, and how I have been feeling after she just left me without talking about anything with me, and I told her that I still disagreed with it and her reasons for it. She apologized, but she did say that she feels our relationship will be a lot better for it. I explained to her that I was willing to work at our relationship, but I made a point of saying that I do want to stay true to myself. I love her. I miss her. I understand that we have some differences, but it looks like we are going to do our best to work at them. I am still quite confused and I still don't know exactly where I stand, but I have another shot and I plan on doing my best to make it work, without loosing who I am as a person. I will be moving over to the "getting back together" forum and I completely plan on staying here and posting for as long as this forum exists. I am scared, nervous, and anxious to see how this next step in my relationship is going to go, and I know all of you will be there for me. Thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way, and please post any comments, suggestions, etc as I take your posts the same as advice coming from true friends. M

all valid points. Scout - I do and have went to church with her from the start, but the problem was more that we didnt actually do anything about it, we just went to church (and I would miss every 3rd or 4th outing because of various things) and left. I do believe in God, and she knows that. Itok - yes, you are correct. she thinks that I have faith, but do not live like a true christian. I am a very outgoing person, I drink casually, I swear occasionally, I dont go to bible study... and I have told her that I am happy with how I am. She feels like there should always been things you are trying to improve in your life, whereas I dont necessarly see that. to sum it up, she comes from a traditional family that has always went to church, prayed before eating, etc... and I come from a family where I dont hesitate to tell my mom about the party I was at last night, or tell a dirty joke at the dinner table. There is the difference. Justlookin - I do know where you are coming from. My previous gf that I was with for 4 years was a JW.... now THAT was tough. and with my current girlfriend, her parents and church buddies do try to always point out what needs to be done better, or more like them, or that people have to give more money to the church, or devote more time to reading the bible.... and i see that and I do talk to her about getting "brainwashed" as I do believe that religion can become very close to a cult. After all that said here is the core difference between me and the girl that I love: I have a faith. She has a religion. She has guidlines about how she should lives each day of her life, whereas I simply accept who I am and try to be the best person I can, without becoming someone I am not. I am scared that the more she is without me, the more the "cult-like" side of religion with take hold. As an example, the other night I asked her what she would have done differently in our relationship. Her response was not "not have sex", "not fool around", "not going out and drink with friends".... but it was "not sleep overnight at eachothers houses". She only cited the one visual thing that her parents can see.... that bothered me. I have never been a person to care about (to a reasonable degree) what people think. So here I am, fresh from a two hour face to face chat with the girl I love last night, and I am alone on a saturday thinking about how she is not here. wow, one day leads in to the next and it's all starting to become a blur. Its so nice to hear what objective people have to say about the situation after all of the things I hear from her family, her friends, my family, my friends. M

I agree. Go NC and she'll realize what she has lost, but more importantly, you will feel much better.

So we met up last night for a couple of hours and had a good conversation. Again, we arent back together, but things seem to be on the right track after I explained to her about my feelings on her being too caught up on the semantics of religion. She said that she wants to get back together and be with me, however (I know I know), she does want to be in a stage for a couple of weeks where we work more on our friendship, etc, but that does not exclude normal relationship aspects. She said that she wants to just be open and honest with eachother over the next couple of weeks, as she really wants to focus on whats right for her and for us. When I told her that I didnt like leaving the "choice" to someone to decide whether or not to be with me, she said that she isnt taking this time to make the choice, she has made it and wants to move forward with us, but she wants to give herself some time to realize/accept/understand/value the fact that I am not exactly who she had anticipated being with, but, as she said, its not a negative thing towards me at all - she said "I am just in the process of changing my mindset about what/who I want beecause I want you and you are different from what I thought I wanted, which is a good thing". I didnt know exactly what to say, but I told her specifically how I was feeling day in and day out, and that the hollow sense of having a brokenheart would continue until we are officially together, if that happens. I let her know how its impossible for me to move forward because I am left hanging for another while, and at some point I have to look out for myself and my own feelings. We shared some daily stories and we each gave eachother an update on our jobs. I told her that I didnt want to spend the whole time talking about us because I didnt want either of us to get frustrated with it, so it was good. I think, for a few short moments, I was even my funny self. Anyway, I dont know if what I did was 'right', and I am feeling more confident about me and her, but, to be honest with you guys, I have my deep down concerns that this is going to come around and bite me. I was completely honest and open, and I direct and to the point about how I felt waiting around, and she told me she loved me and just needed to get a few of her thoughts and mindset straight. I will not be contacting her, and I told her that openly, because, as I said to her, if she wants time away from me then I am not going to fight it. She'll continue to call or email me every other day I am sure, and tomorrow she invited me to her baptism and then back to her house for lunch with her family. (I accepted the first part, but was indefinite on the lunch). Your thoughts and concerns are more than welcome.... actually I am asking for them. I fear the worst and hope for the best.