cky2006

After 4 years in a relationship .... my ex broke things off .... she had her reasons .. at the time of course i was aganist them but now im sorta glad we have had this time apart ...its made me see things that i never did ...anyway, i followed the NC rule for 3wks until she finally contacted me.... the "reason" why she called me was to ask if i had one of her brothers dvds.... mind you i talk to her brother and if he was looking for it ... i believe he would ask.... then we cont. talking and she brought up that she is having some medical issues... after 3wks w/o talking shes going to call and ask about a dvd... i dont think so ... she obviously called to see if i would care about her problems.... well im going to be honset ... 3 weeks is not enough time for me atleast to lose love for someone that i was with for 4 years... i told her that i am here for her and her family... if they need anything i would be here no matter what... so a week went by and i cont w/ NC until yesterday.... my ex randomly texts me about PROOF from D-12 (if you dont know it was a rapper who got shot) she wrote to me ... "did you here about proof from d12?" ..... thats a conversation starter ... she left it with a question.... she knows i would probably be the first to here about it... on top of everything ... yesterday was her birthday.... i think she wrote that so i would basically have to reply and say happy birthday .... but i waited and called her later ... so we spoke again and were seeing how each other was and what not and got into convo. about her medical issues... she told she might have surgery next week ...i was in shock and told her im here for her ... then she wanted to know if we can keep in touch ... i told her i dont think so ... then she started crying ... i dont see her as a friend at this point of my life ... if i wanted her as a friend ... we would have stayed friends 4 years ago... not be in a serious plus a long term relationship.... i asked whats wrong although i knew ... she stayed quite... i had plans and i asked if i could call her later ... she then said she doesnt see a point ... like i said earlier ... 3 wks is not going to make me lose love for someone that i was with for 4 years.... i told her that i might have some thing that i need to get off my chest ..... so with that said ... I never called her last night due to me being a little under the influence .. so thats where im at now .. today... i want to tell her that i still have feelings for her and that i honsetly think that these little calls and text messages is meaning that shes thinking about me .. and maybe afraid that she might lose me ... i maybe wrong ... but i want to let her know how i feel.... i am willing to keep in touch to see where things might lead between us ... but if she doesnt want that .. then back to NC i go ... i dont want to put myself through that situation .... i cant be "just friends" .... i think shes also afraid about the medical issues and she knows she can come talk to me about that ... and she knows i will be there for her ... i can be cold hearted and not want anything to do with her .. but im not that kind of person.... weither or not she broke it off with me ... i need advice .... on what i should do ... i know what i want to do ... but i would love some feedback ... thanks in advanced Will if you need background info on how our relationship was search for my past posts - thanks

BUMP... no one has any feedback ?

Well I was in a 4 year relationship and on march 13 my ex broke things off. We had some issues in our relationship that couldve be fixed but she felt like i was holding her back from doing things and it was to late. let me tell you a quick little story ..... before me and her got together i would always see the # 43 .... no matter if it was the last digits of the time, seeing it one the street, tv, anything.... the #43 was everywhere. I kept seeing it though our long term relationship. She even knew about it because i would tell her. I would try to figure out what it meant. I never let it get to me ... im not in to the superstious stuff and all that. To make a long story short ... the day after we broke up i did my regular things before i went to work ... i turned on my tv and the channel i had left it on was off air. But in the middle of the screen it had the #s 4.3 just like that.... with the dot. I was like what the hell come on, this has to mean something. Then BAM it hit me ... weither it means it or not ... my ex and i were in our relationship for 4 years and 3 months. march 9 made the 3 month mark. I was like you have to be kidding me.... 4 years and 3 months ... WOW ... to me this is odd ANYWAYS .... i have not made any contact w. her since march 13 (the day we broke up) really the only contact i had was a lil txt message i sent b4 she went to cali... but that was it ... i stuck w. NC ... i told a couple people about my story on the #43 and they told me wait till april 3 (4/3) ... its coming up ... i was thinking about making some type of contact yesterday but i told myself not to and i didnt. then at night i was hanging out w. a couple buddies at my place watching the uf vs ucla game and then i noticed a IM (instant message) on my computer. IT WAS HER ! i again was in shock ... we havent spoken in 3 wkks and the day she "contacts" me was on 4/3 ! she asked if she could call me and i told her sure. we talked about how things were going and she wanted to know if i had one of her brothers dvds and what not and then she came out and told me she might have some type of medical problem. im not going to get in to detail w. that but she started crying and i got upset myself . i told her that i am here for her no matter what happened between us (we didnt break up on bad terms) we didnt really talk about the whole break up or anything ... but i told her i still had love for her and will be there for her ... thats all i can say.. my point here is this has to be some type of sign ... it has to be... this stuff couldnt just hapen like that ... please if you guys can give me some feedback ... ive been moving on since the break up .. but this is really buggin me right now ... thanks in advance Will

i havent thanked you guys/girls yet .... THANK YOU ....! Well I know one of the main reasons was my behavior toward alot of things she either did or didn't do. She knows I'm sorry and I can't do anything to change the past. I told her if we have the love to work this out our realtionship from here on will be like none other. I know she had doubt to break things off because it actually took here 3 weeks to do it. I could be wrong. She has 2 girlfriends that are having a big influence on this situation, and that is really not help me out. I really don't what else to say. Like I keep saying I did what I could. But I don't ever want to think that if I stop, I know I won't get her back. I'm basiclly stumped. I'm over all the stages of the break up. Example : not eatting, depressed, etc... all those things I'm over with. But of course she is on my mind.

Exactly ... thats why I said she can't have he best of both worlds ... she told me that she still wanted to call me and talk to me .... but you know what that's not going to happen... I'm not going to call ... if she wants to talk to me she can call me... but the truth is we are both hard headed ... and if I don't call she won't call vis versa ... so that's one stump I am at with this situation .... I'm done pleading and begging ... im not going to drag it out anymore ...

It really not that hard. That's what im trying to get at. I feel that I did everything I can to get her back and she didn't budge. She still has some things of mine including a ring ... I feel that if shes the one that broke things off I deserve the ring back.....don;t know what to do... I told her to give me the ring back or just the papar work.... because where I bought the ring... you can return it and get something else... it keeps its full value as long as she spend twice as much ... and I don't want that to happen !

Im going to try and make this as short as possible. My g/f and I broke up on March 13. Since that day I have not called her or talked to her. Although we have mutual friends, I do not ask any questions about her. We were together for 4 years and then 2 day after this years valentines day she tell me she needs space to figure out what she wants. I was over whelmed with the situation. I did my share of pleading and begging. We talked everyday after that to see where things were going but in all it ended up w. her breaking things off. We had slight issues in our relationship. We did not have a bad one. I had controlling issues and she had communication issues. With that said. I obviously still think about her everyday. I'm trying to move on. It's working. Im already talking to other girls and what not. But I really don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to hurt any feelings. I guess I can understand where my ex is coming from. But with all we have been through Im not sure if I'll ever get her back or if she will ever want me back. She made it my descion to keep in contact. But I told her she can not have the best of both worlds. So today hit the 2 week mark where I haven't talked to her or seen her. I don't know if I sould try making some kind of contact to see where I am at in her life. I do and I don't. I told her the day we offically broke things I would call her, but I never did. I guess right now I want to see if I have a place in her life. If not then I can just forget about it and continue moving on. This girl im talking to right now is a great girl. But I don't want to hurt anyone. Please give me some feedback... if there is any other info you guys/girls need to know to actually leave feedback let me know.... I typed this fast, im sure I left some things out ... Thanks in Advanced Will

wow... i just went through the same thing with my ex-girfriend of 4 years.... last night she broke it to me saying i didn't do all the right things for her in the past to make her actually want to stay with me... she now goes out every weekend and parties and goes to the beach (i too am from miami)... ive have done everything i can to get her back ... we went about 3 weeks not knowing where things were going.... until yesterday she broke it to me... she feels like she cant be in a relationship with me right now ... she wants to be selfish and be herself for a while.... but its funny what shes doing now is not her .... she has these 2 friends that she really looks up to and trys to get advice and what not .... ill tell you like this those 2 girls are not worthy to be listening too.... everyone that is her real friend see it and shes just trying to be someone shes not... her and i have friends together ... like my friends are her friends ... but the 2 shes decided to take sides w. are the only ones we all dont really care for... with that being said last night was overwelming for me.... and i know how you are feeling ... to this very minute... since my ex and i have all the same friends basically ... i have a little feeling of hope between us ... because she will finally talk to the right person to make her realize what she is doing and its a phase... she told its not a phase ... BULL * * * * lol ... ive known her for 4 years.... i know her .... i mean people are together for 10-20 years relationships and marrages and the still dont know that person... but i know this girl .... what is all comes down to ... let time take its path ... dont do a complete NC ... make sure when you do talk to her you do not ... i said do not ... mention the past ... or what you guys had .... let her call you ... if you think you need to call and say hey do it ... if you think you want her in your life ... NC is really not the key .. ive read alot of things on this forum NC, its good for certain things .. but if you actually feel like theres somethings still there then dont be obsesive... just take it one day at a time ... just think that there is some hope but dont take it for granted .... do your own thing .... go out talk to chicks ... i live in miami .. there is so many hotties here .... you never know what can happen .... sorry i kind of had to vent a little amd i also wanted you to see your not alone ....

I am 22 .... and from what you just said ... in my opinion you guys should try some type of therapy... 20 years is a long time ... and for your kids at the age they're at they will go through alot .... this is what I think and feel ... Don't jump into something you might regret .... go to therapy or something get your feelings out .... try to fix it before you end it you never know.... Im taking it real hard on a 4 year relationship im going through now .... I couldn't imagine 20.... Good luck with everything and just think it through...

Well it has been 12 days since me and my girlfriend of 4 years had a serious talk about our relationship. I posted a thread last week about the issues I had and the place I am at right now... here's the link if anyone cares to read/help : Sunday (Feb 26) I wrote her a letter telling her all my love that I have for her and apologizing about all the bad habits that I had. Also telling her if she can please give me a second chance and I will garuntee her happiness again. She finally called me and told me that I wasn't going to be happy and wanted to talk face to face. So it's obvious that she wanted to end it. I went to her house and we talked for about a good 2 hours. I pleaded to her and told her I am a changed man and the mistakes I made are behind me. I told her we can't just throw out 4 years, it will not be good for even the both of us. Right now all she wants is space to discover herself and to know if I am the one. This is what is killing me the most. I can't have space. I would love for our relationship to be more open. I don't want her to feel trapped. I also don't want to be the puppy dog waiting to be picked back up. It's a gamble and my feeling can't be put up in the air like they are now. I honestly think she needs space from the old me. I keep telling her that. She keeps telling me that this is the first time in her life that she feels that she needs to be selfish. I can't let her go that easy. I have felt something for this girl the first day we met. We have had alot of good times together. I have done alot of "first things" with her and same goes for her. Me telling her all these things made her think twice and she told that she is still confused. So yesterday (Feb 27) we hung out all day. She has been sick for the past week. So I went w/ here to a couple doctor appointments. We went back to her house and took a little nap together. When we woke up I pleaded and asked her for my forgivness and asked for a second chance. She told she has 2 feelings right now one telling her to give me that chance and the other is to take space away from me. She told me not to be mad if she hadn't made up her mind again. She said this is a very hard decision for her to make. I kept telling her I love her and everything. She told me she loved me back. She and a couple friends decided to go out for dinner. I left and went home. She told me she would call me when she got home. Well she left for dinner at 7pm and I never received a phone call. I fell a sleep for a while and noticed I didn't get a call. I worry about her safty all the time. So it was 12:30am and still didn't receive a call. So I broke in and called. She picked up and told me Happy Birthday and she had been home since 11pm. I told her sorry for calling but I got a little worried that I didn't even receive a phone call from her. Today (Feb 28... my Birthday.. not happy) I kind of expected a phone call from her when she got to work. I knew she had today off because of her still felling sick, but I didn't know. So I called her to find out if she was feeling good and then of course I asked if she thought about anything last night. I asked "please make this a HAPPY Birthday for me". Then she said she can't. She said I will be getting my way once again. Everytime she hangs out w/ her friends or has time alone she switches everything up again. She doesn't act like the same person she was when I leave her house. I don't know what to do. I can't loose her. I made a mistake in my life by treating the way I did. I wish I can take that all back now, but I can't. Please if anyone can give me some type of relief or advice to get her back I thank you so much in advanced Will

Heres a link to the situation ...

Well I made a thread a couple days ago. I have had a girlfriend for 4 years and things right now are not going so well because of the things I did in the past . Well today I got a message from her and this is what it says : "On a rainy day I cant help but miss the few people that I care about, but a smile I still wear for distance can be over come by time , and time is on our side for now. take care and know that you are missed and loved." I need help understanding this... Please if anyone can help chime in and let me know Thanks in advanced Will

the only thing i can think of is, he is feeling the same way as you.

She knows that I want help for my anger. Way before this. Everyhting I stated wasn't a everyday thing. It was things that have happened over the past 4 yrs. We have had a blast together, just like any other relationship, it has its ups and downs. But I guess now I can say it had more downs. It's hurts me because alot of our talks in the past couple of months were about the future about us haveing a house together, money, etc I think she just held every bad thing inside herself and doen't look at the bright side. She has to know im willing to change for her and myself. Thanks, Will

Thanks for the reply. I have/want to be a new person. She never diserved anything that I did to hurt her. I was the hard headed * * * that was a * * * * to her. I have come to realize that now 4yrs later. I think it is kind of both our faults, but I say 90% was on me. 90% me being a * * * and 10% her not opening up. I believe she was affraid to, I think she just bit her tongue so we didn't fight. I have a short temper and I get mad real fast. It's my problem not hers. I know I shouldn't have taken it out on her. I've already told her that I will be 100% the person she has always wanted me to be. I am throwing out all the negative things that I have done and did'nt work out of my life. I have so much love for this girl. Throwing out 4yrs is no good on both sides. _________________________________________________________________ This happened Feb. 22 : Well just got home from her house. She wasn't feeling good today. I brought her some soup after work. After she ate we went to her room and laid down and watched TV. She curled up in my arms and started dozing off until FEDEX came and woke us up. We laid back down until 10 min later her mom calls and basiclly wakes us up again. After she hung up I kind of wanted to get to the talking to figure out where I stand. I know deep down in side she loves me, but she is real upset that I don't want to give her more time/space. I told her I am a changed man. Not just for you but for me as well. I need this change in my life because the way I was before wasn't healthy for me and her. I continued to tell her how sorry I was, and telling her if I gave her space she will keep thinking about the old Will. Then she says if I give you a chance you will be getting your way and I have been getting my way for the past 4 yrs. I was kind of stumped there. I told her this will be the last thing I would want to go my way. She laid there while I kissed her cheek/head and while I rubbed her face. She told me not to be mad if she didn't make her decision right then and there. As long as she can think that I am a changed man and I can make her happier then ever, that's where I want to be right now besides with her. As I walked out her house today she kissed me and told me she loved me. I told her to really think about it and know I will make her happy. I told her I would call her when I got home. So by the time I got home she already called me wondering why I hadn't called. To me that's a good sign ! Knock on wood for me . ________________________________________________________________ I really hope she allows me a second chance because that is all I need. I hate that I now have realized that what I did in the past 4yrs was all wrong. One of the examples I use for my situation is : You continue to do wrong until you get caught and have to suffer the consequences. The break down of that is : someone doing drugs finally has an overdose then decides to stop. Me knowing that I can actually lose her has snaped me to reality. I will learn from this experience, which is rough. In the long run, if it works out, we will have a happier and healther relationship. We are getting older and I have to stop acting/thinking like I used to