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About Me

  1. Just to give you a back story, my fiance has never been physically abusive. Short tempered and a bully verbally when he gets mad, yes. But never physical. We have two kids together and have been together for a few years. So anyways, the other night he and I were casually discussing child support when he (half as a joke, half out of curiosity) decided to pull up one of those child support calculators online to see what he would hypothetically have to pay. After getting the results he laughed and said "By the way, if you ever take me for child support, I'll kill you." He has never threatened to harm me, so I was stunned and didn't know what to say. Despite it bothering me, I tried to ignore it by giving a simple laugh and saying "yeah right." To which he responded with a straight face "I'm serious. If you ruin my life like that, I'll ing blow your head off and then kill myself." I was speechless because he has never shown any indication of ever being violent towards me. The threat seemed out of character. A day or two later, I brought it up again because it was still bothering me, but I maybe I'm overreacting, so I ask "that was a joke, right?" He laughed and said "no, I'm dead serious." But the way he said it, he sounded like he was joking? The conversation was dropped and has not been revisited. He's not the "talk about your feelings" or an "open dialogue" kind of guy, so I don't want to bring it up again. Child support is a non-issue for me, and I obviously have no intentions of needing that from him. We have plans to be married soon. But his comments genuinely scared me, just to think that he could be capable of saying such a thing, much less actually doing it. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting for feeling this way. Should I be worried? Could this indicate a deeply rooted issue that I'm blind to right now? Or is this a poor attempt at a joke, and I'm being overly sensitive? Like I said, no other indication or threats that he would ever harm me.
  2. Ok so I'm sure some of you have read my post in the relationship thread about my fiance working out of town and us barely talking and so on. Basically what this boils down to is I'm unhappy. I have been extremely stressed due to the fact that he still has not been able to contribute to the Bill's at all. Except maybe $50. Now granted I can see where some of you would say he shouldn't have to pay for any of the bills here, if he's not currently here which I understand. but he's not even trying to help pay our cellphone bill. His solution to the fact that our phones are going to be shutoff is to just forget about it and go get a prepaid phone. Now I've had the same cellphone company for 7 years. Not to mention I've been working on rebuilding my credit after filing bankruptcy last year. So when he said that I was infuriated. I did calmly tell him that that is not an option nor the way i handle things. It's been harder because I had surgery 3 weeks ago and I missed a little over a week of work, on top of I'm part time and now they've cut hours so I don't even get what used to be the minimum of 25 hours a week. And I have considered getting another part time job, but on also trying to overextend myself and screw my shoulder recovery because I've also just started school. I've not had to worry so much because my veterans disability does cover the rent for the apartment. but there's still about $900 in bills that have to be paid every month. Which he used to atleast help me pay the electricity and the phone bill. I always of course covered my car and insurance. but now I'm basically scrambling to cover for everything. It has boiled down to the fact that I'm now having to move in with friends because I can no longer afford all the bills. His response was I'm sorry baby but thats a good idea and basically that was it. Mind you, it did take a bit for me to realize the only bill he has where he's at is rent to the people he's living with. Thats only 250. And he sends $50 child support every week for his daughter. I know he has child support taken out for his son. but he gets paid every week, where I only get paid every 2 weeks. And I'm lucky now if its $150 And he's currently making a good bit more than me. He goes to the gym every day on his dime and he buys protein powder and pre-workout supplements as well. But says he can't send anymore money. Is it wrong of me to be fed up? I've been thinking about ending things and just getting a fresh start. Especially since at 33 I'm having to move in with friends to get my together. on top of now I'm going to school and still recovering from shoulder surgery. Am I being stupid or what?
  3. Well there is this girl that I got preg (or so she says) it was a 1 night stand that I regret... and she wont have an abortion nor will she put it up for adoption... I dont want nothing to do with this kid... I want to sign my rights away but she says that I cant do that unless I have her permission... can I sign my rights away and not have to pay child support without her permission? Also she is 17 and I am 18 would I get in trouble for this? Statitory?
  4. Just wondering from anyone who has had an experience like this to please share any ideas/ feelings about this topic. My husband has a daughter that he hasn't seen in years, not to his choice. But he pays child support and loves this girl very much and was a part of her early life. Now I have always had the school of thought where reconciling would heal a persons past wounds. Has anyone been in this situation? Could you please share your thoughts?
  5. I have a friend who has had child support taken out automatically from his paycheck for years. His children are all grown up, but his former spouse continues to receive payments unjustly. She has moved without a forwarding address, and even though my friend has taken the matter to a judge, it has been dismissed because she cannot be located!!! He is understandably frustrated and can't afford a lawyer. What can we do? Thanks for the input!
  6. For the past 4 years, my ex-wife and I have arranged, between the two of us, the child support I will receive. We split 50/50 custody of our two children and she makes over twice what I do. It has been not easy. She'll often try to renegotiate the amount and we typically agree on an amount that is 25% or more less than what the state would calculate. Twice now she had cried poor and tried to ask me to do without receiving child support. She did this again last night and I am getting kind of tired of it. I feel I am been more than flexible. She pays much less than the state would ask, I allow her to pay late or break up the payments as she can. When she was unemployed, I even didn't ask for any child support, even though it completely drained my savings accounts. We have an amicable relationship and are able to co-parent well, but this child support thing is a frequent stress. I have gotten to the point where, after an e-mail last night where she didn't ask, but *told* me she was stopping child support in January. I'm considering getting the courts involved. I wanted to hear from people who had gone through this: went from an informal agree to a court ordered one and what your experiences were. I want to maintain a good relationship with my ex-wife for the kids, but I can't just let her stop paying support, especially since we already agreed to a new amount earlier this year and neither of our circumstances have changed.
  7. For those of you that have seen my previous posts, you know what a personal battle I have had regarding my step-daughter's bio-mother her new baby and how to handle the recente-mail of her giving me all her parental rights. WE spoke to my husband's lawyer, and she said according to the paperwork that the judge signed in February, she really has no parental rights except child support. the paper work contains the prrof of neglect ans abuse. So there is no reason that we should take up her offer to hand over everything. All it will really do is relieve her of any support payments. I did how ever hotline her. I realized that there is nothing I can do. I have no control over this woman or what she does hundreds of miles away with her child. All I can do is report her to the Texas authorities and hope like hell they pay attention. thank you all sooooooo much for your advise and support.
  8. So, I've been dating a girl that's still married. She separated more than a year ago and has been living in "their" house alone with their daughter for the entire year. He has also moved on but they have both avoided the actual divorce because it financially benefited them both to leave everything together. The house, car, bank, etc are all still in both of their names. Its weird, but they are in fact over and nothing is going on between the two of them. Recently, as the divorce is finally getting formal, she asked for roughly $600 in child support and for him to pay half the house payment until it sells. He absolutely refuses, saying that he believes his daughter only needs roughly $500 to live on. In our state, the father's child support is automatic based on his income, so in the end he'll end up paying the $600-ish either way unless she willing informs the judge that she doesn't wish to seek the full amount owed. Here's where I'm confused. He has offered to pay $500 / month for child support and help her out with an additional $250 for her car payment (and continue to pay half the mortgage payment until the house sells). In the end, he's financially worse off by $150 / month for the next 5 years. Given his resistance to pay the initial $600 figure, I'm wondering why he's being so generous. There absolutely must be a plus-side of this for him in the end or in the long run or he wouldn't offer to pay more than he's required. Obviously, she's considering this. It benefits her if she's gaining $750 / month instead of $600. What am I missing? Her and I are getting pretty serious (been dating about 6 months) and I can see us moving in together after her house sells (its not yet on the market). I don't want her to be financially dependent on her ex though. Is that me being selfish? I don't want to find that she can't help me with our living expenses because the ex stopped paying her that $250 that he promised her... even if its written up in some contract. I don't really think he'd do that, given that his daughter ends up suffering in the end if I don't pick up the slack financially, but is it a risk worth taking? Should I just let her do her own thing and stay out of it all together? She's a big girl but she's never been "on her own". They were high school sweethearts and she's always relied on him. She still believes that if at the end of the month, in either scenario, she needed money, that he would give it to her (because it would benefit his daughter). Its also important to note - in our state she can only go back and ask for the child support figure to be re-calculated once every three years. At the end of the day, I only want the best for her and her daughter. What are your thoughts?
  9. It's interesting how one mistake will alter your life - forever. I was a straight A student. I had high marks, I went to schools for the gifted, I had IQ scores far above normal students. I should have been the valedictorian, I should have been the one going to Harvard and later to Yale, but that all changed. It changed with her - my daughter. I couldn't handle it, I was weak. I started failing classes, I was skipping school, I had to take summer courses. I barely graduated. Then I ran away. I joined the Marine Corps. Colleges wouldn't want me anymore, this was my only choice - to prove that I could still be someone. But I'm not a somebody. My time was up and I left the military. I came back home, to go to school, to make ammends with her. "The best laid plans of mice and men..." Today I learned that my license has been suspended. My car was impounded and I walked 3 miles back home. I can't afford to pay my nearly $500 a month child support order, so of course the logical conclusion is to suspend my license and preclude me from making any money at all. Last week the judge told me I can't be a student anymore. So much for college. So much for trying to be somebody. My child support is based off of how much money I can make, not how much I am making. Now I have 15 days to magically make $1500 appear or I go to jail - jail has nothing on this living hell. It doesn't matter if her mother doesn't let me see her, it doesn't matter that her mother continually lies to me and to the courts, it doesn't matter that I want to make something of myself, it doesn't matter that I have crippling depression and think of killing myself on a nearly daily basis; all that matters is that the check every month. So here I stand a broken soul, lost amoung the confusion of what life is supposed to be. Lost amoung the beauracracy of unjust and biased governmental systems. Lost amoung broken dreams. What more is there? I threw my life away 8 years ago and it's not ever coming back. One mistake will take it all...
  10. I was married many years to an abusive manipulative man. We have been divorced several years. It was nice not having to have to cow tow to him but recently he has taken to bullying and threatening me by taking me to court over frivalous things. Like he wants me to take the family cat and if I don't he says he will take me to court over the damage the cat has caused to his furniture. I am trying to move out of the country and he is using court to try to stop me. If I have to go to court because of him all the time there is no way I can leave because I couldn't afford to keep flying back. He delayed my plans by 6 months taking me to court over $150 back child support. He lied to the court telling them I just disappeared which is ridiculous as everyone knew where I was and talked to me on the phone a lot. Yes he has physical custody of the 17 year old and when I left the marriage, I literally left with my clothes and my car. I got nothing. I know that in one year our 17 year old will be an adult but I am wanting to move before then. I don't have money for an attorney. That would delay my move even more because of the expense. My strategy right now is to put up with his bullying and abuse and not breathe a word to anyone about my move. He has not dated since I left and wished he would find someone else as I bet he would leave me alone. Anyone have any other suggestions? I am not sure what he is going to try to pull now as the child support is paid up in full.
  11. I've been dating this guy for about 15 months now. At first, we were both childless. Then I had to intervene with my family and take in a child. He didn't complain and has always helped with the child without even being asked. He's selflessly provided a father figure to this child and done her a world of good. I am very thankful for all of it. He's always been there for me, even when I lost my car, he ran me around wherever I needed to go for about a month or two until I saved up and bought a car. He never complained and wouldn't even take gas money unless it was necessary. Also at the beginning of the relationship, he lived in his own apartment. Although we spent a lot of time together, he still had his own place. His own vehicle, job, the whole nine yards. He supported himself. Then he had to start paying child support, and it was so substantial that he had to give up his apartment and live with his sister. He still has his job and his own vehicle but he has to live on about $400 a month. He's an exemplary father and a great boyfriend. He practically lives with me now because he is so poor. He helps with the child a lot, and I am so grateful for that. However, his truck is not very fuel-efficient and has problems with overheating, etc. My car is lot nicer than the truck and far more fuel-efficient. It started out with him borrowing the car on days when he has his daughter (it's supposedly safer for her), so that means I have to drive the POS truck. It really irritates me. But what's more irritating is that he now borrows the car even on days he doesn't have his daughter in order to run errands. He drops me off at work and picks me up. He also borrows the car on weekends to drive to and from work (he works overnights so it's not like I need the car in order to go anywhere). He buys some gas but does not financially help with anything else. I feel like I should not have to let him borrow my car on days when he doesn't have his daughter. Honestly, his reasons for using the car when he does have her seem a little stupid to me. I don't think it's any safer or any of that BS. I think the car is just plain nicer. I love this guy and I honestly think he's just in a bad situation right now. I don't think he naturally is this way. Before the child support, he was not dependent on me. But now I feel like I'm taking care of my grown-up son and it doesn't feel too good. But he has helped me through so much with nary a complaint whatsoever. So I'm wondering, am I being unreasonable? Am I being just plain selfish?
  12. Hello all! I met a guy a couple weeks ago at a bar (while overly intoxicated), gave him my number, he called about a week after I gave him my number. I talked to him on the phone one evening and he seemed pretty nice though there were things I wasn't crazy about (he talked about $$ alot). Well he called me last Thursday right after work and asked me to meet him for dinner, so I went to the gym then met up with him. He seems like a really nice guy, but there were some things I didn't like, I wasn't really attracted to him (though not turned off), he had this really BIG truck, like I could walk under it big, and he brought his 4 year old to dinner, and again, he talked about money way too much (I should not know he gives his ex $921 a month in child support after 1 date). He called me on Friday night but I was in the middle of something said I would call him on Saturday, well Saturday was busy and I didn't call. He called back yesterday (Sunday) and left a VM. As nice as he seems he's not someone I want to continue to date. Do I need to call him to tell him this, or is it allright to just not call him back?? Thank you for your replies!
  13. Flying down US 33 late for work again Excessive speeds I did not top Foot on the accelarator about mid-way Pulled over by a damned ol' cop.. My insurance was paid..I'm thankful for that Seatbelt was worn and snuggly in place He was all bug-eyed and fit to be tied When he got up in my face... "Haven't I pulled you over before"? I heard him say through clenched jaw "It seems to be a ritual for you To keep messing with the law.." "Another ticket I'll have to write To help pay for the cruiser I drive I sure could use a vacation this year You keep this department alive.." I paid for his cruiser, his vacation too I even pay for his child support.. You think I would learn my lesson As many times as I've been to court!! Here I go again, flying down US 33 Hair blowing, speeding I just can't stop Radio cranked and jammin to the tunes And here comes that damned ol' cop..
  14. In response to my diary of posts here: link removed I am really having a hard time with this main part. Now that my ex is pregnant, should I Believe it is mine and agree with her to be able to see the birth of my child, when in the end she has to get a paternity test to prove i am the legal father to get child support from me. Highly weighing the possibilities of being there in the hospital with her so that I dont miss this opportunity. Has anyone else gone through this, and can shed some light on what to expect. Will they make me be the presumed father if were not married? If im there in the room and assume im the father, my name wont be on the birth certificate until after the paternity test correct? So many questions, and 7 months to figure out my path. The chance to do this and give in to her lies shes told so often lately is killing me, but I dont want to miss the opportunity i would regret later. Any help, suggestions, advice would greatly help me, thanks.
  15. Hi all, my story is somewhat complicatred, my mind is going a 100 miles a minute, somebody please help. Me and my newly ex-fiance, broke up wednesday evening. We just both got so frustrated and he left. We both kept a lot in. He came by Thursday evening, we made up, it was so great. We both left for work Friday morning, I teach and he is a bus driver, we work for the same school. Friday after work, I had to get a ride home because he wasnt there, the tv, and our bed was gone. He left me. I later found out why, I have been getting child support for my son from his father, and I was there to get the money from him late Thursday night, because I knew if i didnt get it then, then he would likely have it spend Friday on booze. As I was pulling out of the driveway, his gf or ex gf, I'm not sure pulled in and saw me leaving. No one knew I was getting money from this guy, it was really embarrasing for me to say that yea, even though he never wanted anything to do with his son, I'm still getting money from him. Well, she said that she caught us together! I have never cheated on my fiance, things were not always great with us, but it was not enough for me to do that to him. I care about him too much. Well, I sent him emails begging him to believe me, pouring my heart out to him, and I did not hear from him one bit, and he turned his phone off, so I couldnt get through. And I could go see him because he has the car. Anyway, I cried my eyes out that whole Friday and decided to go out Saturday night. As I was coming home, I saw him, at a coffee place, he didnt see me. WHen I did get home, I went on the computer, just as I was going to get off, he came on my msn. I asked him if he could come over so we could talk, and he did. When he came, he held me, and cried. I asked him why he was crying, and he said that he was sorry he hurt me. And he did, he was not always very good to me. I asked him if we could work this out, he said no. I further told him that we had to much to give up on, he said that he would have to think about it. We have not spoken this much in the almost 2 years that we have been togehter. Right now, he is dealing with a child support issue, and he has court wednesday. He said that that was driving him crazy. We also talked about our fertility issues, he told me Thursday that he wanted a baby, we were not sure if I could have anymore, but I knew that it could be him also, but I wanted to make sure it was or wasnt me first. So I told him that he would have to go for a specimen test, and I gave him the papers which my doctor gave me to give him in January. He also told me Thursday, that if I could not have any more kids, he would have to think long and hard about being wiht me, and that hurt to hear. But, it could be him and not me. We ended up being intimate that early morning he came over. We talked some more, and he said that he would e-mail me wednesday to let me know how court went, he also said that he would think about being together. He said that he is scared of hurting me again. He told me that he loves me, and that he loves me because I am a beautiful person, not look's, but that I am such a good person. That was one of the nicest things he ever said to me. This is going to drive me crazy, I want to be with him, I want him to come back home. I want hope for us. What does this mean? I tried so hard with the no contact thing, but I called him today, he didnt answer, and when i called back he turned his phone off. And to top it all off, I see him everyday at work. I miss him so much, we have been together for some time now, how am I going to get through this, will he come back to me? How can I improve the odds that he will.
  16. I will try to make a long story short but I will have to therefore leave alot out. My son is almost 3 and he has only met his Dad once when he was 9 months old. His father basically abandon us when I was pregnant in order to drink and have sex with someone else. But he also denied the baby was his and when I was pregnant I moved 2000 miles away. But I did file for child support so he is on birth cert. But my child support case has been stuck in the enforcement system for 3 years and I dont even have an order yet. I think its because there is no parenting plan and they are trying to force me to make one and if I dont they wont do a child support order. So there is a bunch of legal issues that would need to be worked out. He says he wants a relationship with the baby but does not make the effort, it is just a very high conflict situation. Tonight I am upset because I was reading emails I sent him while I was pregnant ( that werent responded to ever ) trying so hard to work something out with him. To try to make a life for the baby. At that point I was still really open to ideas on making something work. It was just hell because he was like a brick wall and didnt want to do anything. So once he later decided he did want to see his son I wanted him to make a big effort but it was minimal. Being 2000 miles away in a high conflict parenting situation with a 3 year old doesnt make for a parenting plan that would be very effective or practical, especially with someone who doesnt want to try much. But if I am forced into doing it how could it possibly benefit my son? And I really want nothing to do with him, I have PTSD from him and I cant deal with anymore from him, its been 3 years and I still dont feel like I can. Its very hard to trust a father that abandoned his first born child at birth not to skip out when things get tough. I feel like I should wait longer to deal with this till my son is older. But I also feel so bad that my son doesnt have a Dad. But like I said before I tried to keep him in the baby's life but he didnt want to then. What is the point of me making the effort again? ( Well to get the child support I guess ) But he said he will never come to our state to visit he only wants him to go there and I dont want him to go there at all. There is just so much to fight about! And I will never move closer to him, that is out of the question, I mean abandoning a child at birth is very serious and alot of people dont come back from that, so understand it is a very hard situation. I have another son with my ex husband I co parent with even though I dont like him but he already had a bond with the child and never walked away so trust me its very different. I did give the baby's father a chance when he was 9 months old I went over there for 6 weeks ( stayed with my family ) and he only saw him 1 time and another time for 15mins. And I made 7 offers in 6 weeks ( one of which was the baby's 1st Christmas and he refused to see him because he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead ) and he refused 5 times. So that just proved to me I made the right choice to leave after he told me to f#@* off when I was 8 months pregnant. But he still says he wants to be invloved ( but I stopped talking to him a year ago and he has not tried to fix anything or go to court, all he is doing is fighting the child support ) and it seems I am being forced to get a parenting plan even though I dont want to parent with him and he isnt interested much. So I feel like I should pull away more and change my number again so he can never call again. But then I will feel more bad for my son but his Dad sucks so what can I do??!!!
  17. The past 9 years with my oldest sons dad has been a rollercoaster. One day he is going to be a father, the next he is not. He does not like to pay his child support, he likes to avoid it. I have had many discussions with him and told him that I will not press the child support issue (nag him about it) if he will at least show up every other weekend to see his son. He was good about it for about a year, then I got married. The day I got married he stopped coming around all together. The first two years of my marriage, he saw his son on Christmas and birthday, THATS IT. Finally, I decided that I was going to write a letter to child support enforcement and have a federal warrent issued on him. (we could not find him) The federal marshalls found him and he started coming to see him again. He has been really good for the past year about coming and getting him for the weekend... sometimes every weekend. Two weeks ago, he called on Thursday and told me that he was coming to pick him up on Friday afternoon and that he had mailed out a money order for his child support. Friday came, no dad... saturday... no dad. No phone calls nothing. My son has been trying to call him everyday, sometimes more than once a day, and he will not pick up the phone. Tonight my son was very emotional about everything.. every little thing would make him cry. I sat down and asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he was upset about his dad. I then got out the cell phone and sent him a text message telling him that he needed to call him. I then called his other kids mom and asked her if she had heard from him... she had not. We tried to call him again and he has shut off his cell phone. PLEASE, I NEED SOME ADVICE TO GIVE TO MY SON.... I don't know what to say to him without hurting him even more.
  18. I think this problem has always existed, but I hear of it more and more. There appears to be a growing segment of the population that feels it can walk away from the responsibility of providing for and raising children. One of the newer tools to combat this is the Internet. There are already a few sites devoted to identifying and attempting to locate non-paying parents. The Government of Ontario has just launched a new one, you can get there most easily at: link removed Apparently non-paying parents in Ontario owe in excess of one billion dollars in delinquent support. I know for a fact one person who personally owes over $90,000 in support, namely my partners ex husband xxxxxxxx. He signed a support agreement several years ago, made only partial payments the first couple of months and nothing since. He is currently the President of a publishing company called xxxxxxxx in xxxxxxx, Ontario. (btw, this is not conjecture, these are facts backed up by legal documents). Perhaps this post is not appropriate, but on the other hand if you are on the losing end of a child support situation (ie. you're not getting the support payments you should be) then there certainly are government agencies dedicated to attempting to rectify the problems.
  19. Hi, I am currently engaged and have a 3 year old son. After 5 years we are going to break up. We both agreed to settle everything outside of court, but I just want to know the legality of child support and alimony. I live in NY and currently support 100% of my family. My fiance doesn't work. If she did take this to court how much alimony would I have to give her? If we have joint custody of my son do I have to pay child support? NeoTek
  20. Well in the last month, my world has gone to {mod edit}... I lost my job, due to contract being up.... My GF leaves me, for what i think is something that i cant understand, BECAUSE she wont talk to me. And to top it off, i get an email this morning from my X wife, stating that i am no longer allowed to see my sons, for a multitude of reasons, including the fact that i am not pay child support now....WHY BECAUSE I AM NOT WORKING.... just frakkin wonderful,,, Lost, confused and hurt, the two things that were right for me in life are have been taken from me.....
  21. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months. When I first met him he told me that his daughter and eldest son lives with him. His daughter is 6yrs old and son is 19. My BF never gave me his address or home telephone # because of his daughter's mother. His daughter's mother has easy access to his home, and is allowed to answer his phone (I guess). He doesnt want to disturb the peace that he has with his daughters mom. He is afraid that if she knows he is involved with someone else, she will threaten him to take him to court for child support. He is already paying child support for his middle child whom resides with his mother. Yes my BF has 3 children. Even though his daughter lives with him for now, there is no court action involved. And he wants to avoid it. He told me that when her mother gets her finances together the daughter will reside with her, and the situation will get better. Who knows when that will happen. Well my BF works at night, so his daughters mom watches her and puts her on the school bus in the morning. So I am assuming she must be at his house every day. He said that she has her own place, but I cant imagine how often would she be there. I only see him every other week which is on a Saturday. He comes to my house after work on Friday, but he only stays until the afternoon. He nevers spend the night. I also live 2.5 hrs away from him. He is also building his own business, so he is quite busy with that also. We do talk on the phone everyday. I talk with him when he is on his way to work, and sometimes during the day. He says he loves me, but I feel confused and unsure. I am not sure if I should wait around to see what happens or move on. I do love him, but I dont want to get hurt. I trust him, but I am not getting reassurance from him especially because he doesn't even spend the night with me. All that we do in our "relationship" is that he comes over Sat morning and we have sex, thats it. He said he is the kind of person that just likes to stay home.
  22. Well I do apperciate all the advice, but heres one kicker I might have left out. In 3 months Im moving to Oklahoma for a job. She is well aware of this, so Im seriously doubting that she wants me to take a fatherly role with her kids. However, one thing that was brought up while I was finding this info out was the fact that she is having problems with both childrens father (1 guy). Hes basically a loser and dosnt pay child support ect ect. The angle that was given to me was that its possible that she wants to come down here, sleep together, and then say the child is mine and expect me to take responceability of the unborn child. This is the only reason that I can think of that she has yet to tell me about it. Anywho, I apperciate all the info that anyone can provide, and Ill give everyone an update after this weekend!
  23. I am sooooo stressed. My wife of 20 years walked out on my 2 kids (16 & 6) and myself three months ago stating that she was "unhappy" and decided to rent a room from a friend. I was also informed that I never did one thing for her in that time and that she was miserable since 1993 when I was involved in an auto accident that left me disabled. I didn't find out until about a week later that she had been carrying on an affair with her assistant manager at work since Christmas and he was the "friend" with whom she decided to move in. Did I mention that his wife had just left him and HIS 2 kids? For the first month I heard not a word from her but since that time she has been seeing my 6-year-old every Sat. or Sun. My 16-year-old wants nothing to do with her. When she was here she was contributing to our mortgage payment each month, but now, I am struggling to make ends meet. I live on a monthly disability check which covers very little, which she knows and doesn't care. Everyone on both sides of the family have tried to talk me into seeking child support and/or custody from her. The problem is that she carries my children and me on her company medical insurance benefit and has threatened to drop us if I pursue child support. ALSO.....her name, along with mine, is on the title of our home and she has again threatened to force me to sell the home to get her share of the equity (which is about $80,000) regardless of where her kids would go. And I can't possibly obtain a home equity loan to give her the share because I don't work and wuldn't be able to pay it back. For awhile I truly thought I still loved her and wanted her back. Now, I just don't know. I am lost without her but, obviously, I don't think she feels the same about me. Her parents have disowned her feeling that she turned her back on her children to which she replied: "He is a better father to the kids than I am a mother." Is that a cop-out or what? Her mom told her that she knows she didn't want the kids because they would interfere with her new single lifestyle. I thought we had it all.....cars, a new and bigger home, two healthy children and each other. Then this happened. She recently turned 41 years old and people told me that she was going through the "change." I don't know what to do. Can I trust her ever again if she was to return? I know this relationship will come crashing down and she has burned all of her bridges behind her so she would have no one to turn to. But how long do I wait? And, SHOULD I WAIT? I can't sleep at night thinking about what she's doing, I have lost over 30 pounds and am totally and completely miserable. Help, please before I do something drastic.
  24. Hey everyone, I was hoping for some advice here. Typically, my ex and I get along, but every now and then, she turn pretty nasty. We had agreed on certain things child support wise, I lost some hours at work, I asked her if it would be okay If I paid less, she told me that, wasn't a problem. Then, she turns around and changes her mind, because she didn't agree how I was handling a situation with my son. (I've had a really hard time with him not sneaking in bed with me, unfortunately I give in) I completely understand this, and honestly I am doing my best to work on it) But, she sent me a pretty nasty text yelling at me, and that I will go back to paying the orginal amount. Yes, I know I could get a lawyer, and all that. But, that's a last resort. How do I deal with her nasty text, and pretty much calling me a horrible parent. I could ignore her, yes. But, when it comes to money, obviously I can't.
  25. Hi so to make this a short story I'm currently in a relationship however I never did fully heal from the other one so it's effecting me and my current relationship to the point where I don't really want to be in one right now however she is now pregnant so I feel kind of obligated to do so. Not only that it gets worse she also works with me as well and she lives with me but her name is not on the lease. A part of me wants to break up and just take responsibility and pay child support the other part of me just wants to gut it out despite my own unhappiness.
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