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  1. whats it all about
    Starfall, I PM you - when you get a chance pls take a look. thanks,
  2. whats it all about
    Starfall, Thanks for your advice Yes I didn't like the fact that he told her I was questioning her motives as an ex and not because of her behavior (and her telltale ulterior motives). He means well he just doesn't think her actions say she has ulterior motives.... he thinks because she says everything is under the pretext of being a friend there is nothing more to it (granted this is also the woman who told him she was breaking up because they were better as friends but really it was because he wouldn't marry her)... And yes don't want my vocalizing throwing him over the edge. He had told her that he doesn't want to hang out with her w/out me there because it is a boundary for me. So hopefully time will tell (and my patience doesn't wear out).... Again thanks for your feedback...sometimes "talking" on these forums makes it more bearable and validates that I am perceiving things correctly...
  3. whats it all about
    Starfall, Yes you and I know what she is up to...but whether he does or ever will is a whole other situation. Granted he has made it clear to her that I am uncomfortable with situation (albeit hasn't really expressed why...blamed it all on the ex thing instead of her actions) beyond that I can only think that no contact would be the only other option. He has said that he is the one who has to make the judgement whether her actions are out of line....any advice on how to get point accross to him more effectively? He keeps saying that all that matters is that he wants only me and that how she feels or acts should not change that (but really I think he doesn't want to deal with conflict)....
  4. whats it all about
    Starfall, Thanks for the feedback....yes it is looking like he might have to go no contact. Hate to do even suggest it to him cause like him I thought (long ago) that we could all be friends. He is still hoping for that and is a bit in denial about her motives....ultimately it's his decision though. I can only express my dislike the lack of respect for our relationship and hopefully don't sound like a nagging girlfriend before he realizes what is going on
  5. whats it all about
    and unfortunatley I believe it's those few bad eggs that give the rest of the eggs the wrong reputation (ie her giving other girls bad rep) - heehee
  6. whats it all about
    Hey Starfall, Thanks for reply...I understand what you are saying.... but here's the deal he has done all the right things but her lurking around makes me uncomfortable (only because I think there might be some mental imbalance...I really don't want to bore anybody with the details but some of her past behavior just wasn't right). I don't think I could come up with a better way to have constructively dealt with her without being a jerk...which is why I was asking for help. There's a fine line I know he's been firm with her but she shows up again (something instigates it like her love live hurting) and it's like everything he told her has been forgotten. So yes I am blaming her - not girls in general So maybe we just need to wait it out? Maybe we can't all just get along and you can't have everybody like you to point of taking advantage of you (you now something like having better boundaries) p.s. sry post was confusing
  7. whats it all about
    Is his ex-girlfriend up to something when she shows up at event he has gone to for 10 years and is she disrespectful to the new girlfriend if he told her he can't get together with her w/out new girl? To give you better idea - it's something that he has down consistently on the same day every few weeks. She could've scheduled anyday of the week to go, and she had been emailing him recently wouldn't it be funny if she ran into him at "blah" (to which he kind of ignored) cause he goes every few weeks. She had tried to "run" into him on previous occasions and there just happened to be mishaps those days and he had to reschedule. To which he got emails "what happened" to you. He ran into her a few days prior to the above event at a fav haunt and neither went up to greet each other (him out of respect to his girl who wasn't there) but they knew each other were there. The ex brought up "hearing" he was there when she showed up at his reoccurring event. Then tried to email him for the following weekend to go out for drinks and didn't mention bringing the new girl. Is this innocent after he told her they would not be getting together w/out new girl? She obviously doesn't understand and but I think issue maybe her - about her needs and wants (ie in this instance she had uncomfort level with him not acknowledging her at this "haunt" so she tried to insinuate herself to try and regain some importance/control in his life?)... She's gotten better and tries to contact him less but when something in her love life goes awry she is always back to contact him (does this make him the fallback guy in her mind?). New girl's issues with her too numerous to list but suffice to say that she has hard time letting go and realizing she platonic friend (that their friendship had to chg and evolve cause they aren't a couple anymore). Questionable morals as believe guy was married when she pursued him. He divorced before he cheated, but there was some type of emotional affair. Guy has gotten very good about understanding what an emotional affair is and avoids getting caught in that at all costs. Has been upfront but is not a jerk and doesn't want it to get ugly (new girl doesn't want that either). Will time be the best medicine (been about 1 1/2 yrs now)...she had gotten much better....? p.s. sry in third person started typing that way and too much to go back and change
  8. whats it all about
    DN, Thanks for the advice. Yes you are right - sometimes I get frustrated and have to vent and I really shouldn't get into all that.
  9. whats it all about
    Exgirlfriend. He says she's "changed" since they broke up, that she wasn't like that in relationship. I see signs of unstable behavior though, his memory is so bad he only remembers bit and pieces. I went to dinner with him and his best friend and his best friend said they used to fight all the time - that she would always think he was flirting with other girls (she did this to the guy she just broke up with). Never admitted to him that she "overreacted" - well 2 months ago she got into this same fight with her recent ex whilst getting a flat (that he couldn't repair) so she has him drive her home and cause they are in fight has to call my boyfriend at 6 am next mornin to drive her to her car and proceeds to tell him the story (all the while he is thinking - this is what happened to him) and she admitted she was at fault(but never had with him and gaurantee you not with her recent ex). Well when they had their final breakup(drumroll please) - and it was over him "flirting" (but in reality talking) with another girl at a party. In the moment my boyfriend gets upset but then quickly forgives and forgets (which is why they lasted so long). She has been dishonest from the getgo - for instance when they broke up they agreed they didn't "feel the same way" about each other (more friends than romantic). Well she told my girlfriends that they broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn't. Well I spilled the beans not knowing he didn't know and he checked and sure enough it was cause of "marriage" reason. All along with this last boyfriend she stated to the girls that everything was fine and then emailed my boyfriend how unhappy she was with him because they weren't connecting emotionally. Stories never jived - why seek emotional support from your "platonic" opposite sex friend and not your same sex friends? All in all he forgives and forgets so he emailed he thinks she and I can be friends so that we can all go out together (she never had made any effort and when she invited my girlfriends out never invited me).
  10. whats it all about
    Hullo everyone, I am posting here for the first time. It will be a year this May that my boyfriend and I will have been going out. Here is the problem - his ex simply can't let go and I don't know if she even realizes the attachement she still has to him. Some of the things she has put us through - 1)manufacturing having to see him to renew lease on car because her lease was almost up last July when in reality her lease was up in Dec (and she stated she didn't want to take her "current" boyfriend but didn't state why). 2)thinking that she had left her checks at his place(when she moved out she left some stuff) so he said we had plans and that he could meet her at this place so she could look. she ended up finding them and texting and voicemailing him she did. so my boyfriend comes over and about 1 1/2 hours later we receive text a**hole and he is confused. i told him text her back, she replies that it's because he never called her back. long and short of it she couldn't get ahold of the guy she was dating for 4 hours and freaked out - thought he was avoiding her so she texts my boyfriend in drunk frustration. He told her I was priority and a fight insued. There are quite a few other dramas but too many too list. Anyway long and short she has been manipulative and not exactly honest and forthcoming in her relationships with my girlfriends that have tried to befriend her when they broke up. She did not have any close female friends at 41 prior to this (warning Will Robinson). So she recently broke up with someone (who she has tortured and who won't talk to her now - we won't get into that) and is contacting my boyfriend stating that she was going through old pics and wanted him to know that she "loves him...as a friend" and misses him and that they don't talk anymore,etc. My question is do we think her intentions honorable? Or does she not even realize that the friendship that she is looking for is no longer to be found because even if they are "friends" again they would be platonic and not have the intimacy I think she is seeking (she is kinda needy if you got that from above). Am I being difficult not trusting her? I really don't like or need Drama Queens in my life now or ever
  11. whats it all about
    Wild Child You are right - lost track of the real problem. The prob is not the lying but her playing the victim and my boyfriend thinking he is doing the "right" thing cause he feels sorry for her. I think he is "enabling" her actions. Time to have another talk with him
  12. whats it all about
    43 years old if you could believe it....I think she doesn't have close female friends cause of the honesty thing (that's why I started to back off...also why one of my friends backed off). It sounds like she had issues telling him the truth too. Early in the relationship she was gone for "work" and then wasn't where she said she was going to be (personal tragedy caused my bf to call her) and she didn't answer her cell and didn't call him back until the next day....said she went away for girl's weekend (can't EVEN imagine that after all this) instead of work, but why lie as he always encouraged her to go out with friends as she never did.
  13. whats it all about
    I know what you mean. Apparently this girl has never had close female friends (warning sign). Didn't really make any effort to get to make friends out here in the past 2 years. My friends tried to befriend her (so did I at first). And then says that he is the person she is closest to out here and that's why she confides all her probs to him. But I know that she is not confiding her probs in any my friends that tried to befriend her. Only to him.
  14. whats it all about
    first 6 months
  15. whats it all about
    a lil' fuzzy on that but around 2 1/2 to 3 years. about 6 months of that long distance. and he was married when they "met" so she was probably a rebound because he went directly from one relationship to the other.
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