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btbt

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  1. btbt
    You have to figure out your role as a friend. We can't control everything our friends do and sometimes have to accept them without judging them. However, if you think this bad for *her* interest -- based on your caring for her a person and not your judgment of her -- then it might be worthwhile to have a talk with her. Maybe you should tell her exactly how you feel -- that you are uncomfortable being the bridesmaid but want to ditch her. It's not fair for her to ask you for your support if you do not truly support her choices. But, it's not nice to ditch her either. Tricky situation; I guess a long heart to heart with your friend may point you in the right direction.
  2. btbt
    Yes, no need to lie. What if your boyfriend bumps into this sister somewhere else and she starts talking about the things you said to her? Try to figure out why you are lying to her in the first place -- do you seek her approval? Do you feel that it someone in your position should be happily married with a picket white fenced home? A side note -- why is the sister so nosy about your personal life anyway?
  3. btbt
    Yeah, you can't make someone love you, not on the second date and not ever if they don't have the inclination. Just go with the flow.
  4. btbt
    I'm sorry to hear about this -- it must be hard to watch someone you love suffer so. Maybe you can work with her, and/or with her therapist to get her mind off of things. You or someone else can be her recovery "buddy" so that when she feels like calling the guy or doing something impulsive she can call you instead. It's a similar strategy for people who are getting over an addiction. Or maybe get her into a new environment? A short vacation for starters without any cell phones?
  5. btbt
    Sounds like cheating. Maybe the fiancee doesn't mind because it leaves a door open for him, not necessarily with guys but with women (you can imagine how the argument would go -- but you've slept around too!). Sounds like a recipe for disaster. The larger problem is, if your friend really likes women better, how will this marriage work? Maybe they have something worked out, but it will take a very open mind on both parts.
  6. btbt
    Yeah, make sure if you get back together (or not) that it is because of your true feelings for each other, and you are both not muddled by power plays, wanting what you cannot have etc.
  7. btbt
    Your reconciliation with your wife sounds like one of those rare success stories, and you acknowledge how lucky you are to have her. It's okay for you to have these feelings for the other woman, but the important thing is how you act. If we all acted on each and every one of our feelings, this world would be a frightening place indeed. It will take discipline and hard work, but you are on the right track.
  8. btbt
    Sounds good. Looks like you are watching out for yourself for the most part. I wish you luck. I hope that Brian will be understanding of pregnancy and whatever you choose. I guess you've learned things the hard way, but it's better than not learning them at all! Best of luck.
  9. btbt
    First, I'd say don't blame yourself about the abortion. You did what was right at the time and it sounds like you thought things through and had the support of your parents. Second, however, I would say that it was careless of you to have unprotected sex with your new boyfriend. You say things are going great, but you shouldn't be having unprotected sex unless you are in a monogamous relationship, have full information about each other's STDS, and are ready for pregnancy. That said, you need to find out if you are pregnant and then tell your boyfriend. If he reacts badly, then he's not the one for you. But you acted a bit carelessly -- you should never be a situation where you don't know whether your partner wants a child but have unprotected sex. That only puts you in the predicament that you are in now. I don't mean to lecture you. You sound like a thinking person and will be able to handle this. But in the future, make sure you are prepared in advance for the consequences of unprotected sex. And it's not just pregnancy but STDs and AIDS.
  10. btbt
    Proof that your studies come first; no matter how pretty, thin, funny you are not, your academic accomplistments will be yours. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, broke up with you in what sounds like a rather callous manner. About the lie -- bad news. About the age thing -- maybe a possibility for incompatibility and his ability to take advantage of you. The lie about the name really bugs me as it should you.
  11. btbt
    It's good that you are using birth control but that is no excuse not to use a condom, especially with a guy you didn't know well enough to tell him you already had a child. You should not have unprotected sex unless you are in a monogamous relationship. As the other posters say, it's not only pregnancy that's the issue but STD. If you accidentally have a child, you can love him/her for the rest of your life, but you ain't gonna love the STD.
  12. btbt
    Even if she's visiting your cousin, nobody is forcing you to hang out with her. Are they forcing you into a car, plopping you down next to her and moving your mouth to force you to have a conversation with her? Sounds like you want to hang out with her so you can get her back. Think of how hurt and annoyed you are by her -- it might make it better temporarily to inflict the same on her, but it's pretty childish.
  13. btbt
    How to tell if she is seeing someone else? Ask her.
  14. btbt
    You are feeling the giddiness of attraction, but you are not in love. Love takes hard work and it means going through the bad with the good. You've made a connection, so if you can meet and get to know each other great. But I'd chill out a bit. She's said a lot of wonderful things online (as have you), but you haven't met her and know if she'll follow through.
  15. btbt
    Take the pregnancy test ASAP. And stop dating guys who will sleep with you -- without a condom -- and then say that they are not ready to be a father. And get tested for STDs since you've had unprotected sex.
  16. btbt
    Sounds like he likes you and you both have a connection, but there are some things that are holding him back. Ask him what he's feeling, if for your own sanity! I'd try to avoid having sex with him until things are clear, so as not to confuse the issue. If he thinks that you are available to have sex with him without his comittment, then he has no motivation to make one.
  17. btbt
    It wouldn't be fair to his new girlfriends, but it wouldn't be fair to you. This sounds kind of like dating someone with kids, and then have to "break up" with the kids as well. If you can handle hanging out with the family and not being romantically involved with your ex, go for it. But don't do it if you think it's a way to stay in your ex's life as more than a friend. It's hard, but sometimes you have to make these hard choices. I think it would be good, as you suggest, to have a talk with the nephews and kids, and even the parents to tell them what's up so they, esp. the kids, don't feel abandoned. It's hurst, I know, so I am so sorry. Talk to your ex's parents too -- they might want to hold on to you because they thought you were so right for their son, but as the other posters say, it's ultimately between you and your ex to decide what to do.
  18. btbt
    LDR are very hard -- they take an entirely new set of relationship skills, and all the frustrations of on-LDRs are magnified. So, if you want to continue, then you should work out a strategy together, maybe figure out rational time frames for you to see each other so people don't feel like not visiting = not caring. One comment, however -- you say this is the most loving relationship you have been in; how can that be if he cannot say I love you? I'm not criticizing him, but love is what happens between two people, not just what one side feels. I do hope this relationship works out for you. I respect and admire folks who don't run because of geographical distance.
  19. btbt
    I would support borrowing money to go to school -- as long as it is not one of those schools you see advertised on TV (I saw a expose on one of them and they are basically rip offs). In general, college will improve your earning potential -- just research the school, talk to their job placement people, who should also have statistics on percentage of grads that get employment upon graduation, and the average salary of grads. Also, look into the Federal interest deferred loans (you won't have to pay interest until after you graduate). For non-interest deferred loans you have to pay interest as soon as you take out the loan, so while you are in school you will have to make a payment. Also, check out the web and the school you are interested in for scholarships. There's a lot of money out there sitting unused. All said, it's a daunting thing. Talk to a loan counselor at the school who can help you break down what it would cost you to pay off the loan. Sometimes the payments aren't that bad, e.g. for about a 20K loan at 3.25% interest, your monthly payments upon graduation will be about $140 dollars. As for lack of collateral, many of these student loans allow you to delay payment if you cannot find a job or find yourself in financial hardship. Each loan differs, so do the research. You usually can do it once or twice, but it's only for a limited period of time.
  20. btbt
    It could also be something called rosacea, which while unsightly is not harmful in the long run. See a doctor just to make sure it's not some kind of infection that could get worse if untreated.
  21. btbt
    This girl sounds pretty immature, but so do your plans for revenge. Why not just stop being her friend -- nobody is forcing you to continue hanging out with her. As another poster said, you are going meet versions of this person all throughout your life and you waste your time if you spend it trying to stoop to their level.
  22. btbt
    Have you ever seen that car commercial with a woman driving some fancy sports car -- the voice over says, "My boyfriend wanted me to give him space. I gave it to him." And the she speeds away... This guy is jerking you around, maybe not intentionally -- he may be thoroughly confused. But you are not, so he either has to meet you where you are or you will find someone who will. It's good to be patient and considerate of him (i.e. give him some space) but comments like "possibly, we'll see each other" are just crappy. So find someone who can't wait to be with you.
  23. btbt
    Nezaha, this guy has been pretty unfair to you. I mean there's no guarantee that a relationship will work out, but he's pulled this on you twice. Draw from the strength you had the first time around and do some serious NC. He's already wasted too much of your time. I know about the closure thing, but when the other person isn't responsive, you have to find closure alone. It sucks, I've been there, but that is the only way. You sound like a strong person so you can do it!
  24. btbt
    I am not a professional psychologist, but this seems to be a protective reaction to your rape. Because the rape was so traumatic, you brain is trying to block that out by turning it into pleasure. Your mind is trying to protect you, but your mind also knows that you have been violated. I very much suggest that you seek professional help. Incidents as bad as rape are not easy to get over on your own -- and you shouldn't have to. If there is a friend or family member you trust, confide in her and please do see a therapist. You should also consider pressing charges against the rapist. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Please do all you can to help and protect yourself and stay away from sex for a while.
  25. btbt
    From what you've written, sounds like your girlfriend wasn't being very considerate. However, is this a pattern -- is she usually up for going out and you are too tired. If the latter, then both of you need to compromise. If this is a fluke occurrence, she'll get over it.
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