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btbt

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  1. btbt
    Right or wrong, it's messy. You say you know that it's infatuation on your part, which is better than love because if it were the latter, you would find yourself in a sticky situation indeed. She obviously has problems with her marriage so her involvement with you, and your involvement with her spells trouble. Be honest with her about this, talk things through, but if you choose to be in contact with her, be aware that you will be walking into a mess (even if she has no feelings for her husband, she's still married, even if she gets a divorce things will get sticky).
  2. btbt
    These people are not your friends. Find some new ones. I don't know how old you are, but this is really immature stuff and you deserve to be treated better.
  3. btbt
    Taking off the condom -- not a good idea. Even though you don't ejaculate, there are fluids or pre-ejaculate that can be emitted, which is not always visible and which contains sperm. And yes, you should be worried about diseases as well as pregnancy.
  4. btbt
    Yes, sort out all the nitty-gritty practical and committment issues before you change your whole life for him.
  5. btbt
    Sounds like you guys have a very open and communicative relationship, so keep at it. A thought -- you say you tried all kinds of romantic gestures to get her in the mood. Maybe you could ask her what she would like you to do -- start small; maybe a little cuddling and touching at first that doesn't have to lead to sex right away. Maybe she needs to ease into feeling intimate and being touched without the pressure of sex. But it does seem like she has some very deep concerns so I hope you can crack that in your therapy.
  6. btbt
    You didn't do anything wrong. It's the luck of the draw. He might like to take it slow, he might have changed his mind, who knows? Just chill and see what happens. Let him come to you. If he doesn't, then on to the next one!
  7. btbt
    Wait, I just realized that you posted this in Infidelity, so is the main issue whether you want to have extra-marital sex? If so, I'd say, not a good idea. If it's the physical deprivation you can't stand, you can find ways to get that pleasure without cheating, right? If it's the emotional distance that's the main problem, then that will not be found in an affair or one-night stand, nor will it help your relationship with your wife and daughter.
  8. btbt
    Sounds like you are being a good friend, especially when depression scares so many people away. Hang in there, but hang tough. You might be faced with an emotional roller coaster. I hope both of you fare well.
  9. btbt
    But don't blame yourself for not being able to find a perfect world for you son. If you and your ex were together and unhappy, that wouldn't be good for your son either. Also, it takes two to tango -- has your ex been supportive his son? Maybe you should work on enabling your son and his father to have a good relationship first.
  10. btbt
    He misses you, you miss him. After this time apart you are both putting your best feet forward and remember the best part of the emotions. If you are thinking of getting back together, think through the stuff that made the relationship fail the first time around. Can you work through that?
  11. btbt
    So did counseling uncover why you're wife has no sexual desire? Does it have to do with any medications she's taking, insecurities about her body, or emotional issues that are preoccupying her? And did you tell her the stuff aobut her not wanting to have sex makes you feel rejected and insecure? What I'm saying is that having/not having sex is the symptom. There is something deeper, which you somewhat allude to. Sounds like you need to unravel that and the sexual intimacy will follow.,
  12. btbt
    She may also be trying to even the power balance. Now that she knows and is letting him, she's got him where she wants him. Sounds like a complicated situation.
  13. btbt
    Don't fear his disease; help him get treatment for it. Yes, people with BPD have reactions to situations that might be frightening, but that doesn't mean he will definitely stalk you or kill himself. He needs help immediately.
  14. btbt
    Yes, go to the doctor right away. The money spent is well worth making sure her body is okay. What's worse, it could be something easily curable that can become very serious if left untreated, e.g. a urinary tract infection that can be treated with antibiotics if left untreated can lead to serious kidney damage.
  15. btbt
    One more thing -- I'm dealing with my own non-emotionally expressive guy, and from the advice I'm receiving, I've decided that #1 - that can't be an excuse if it isn't meeting your expectations, and #2 - if you are willing to deal with it anyway, then you have to be ready for these kinds of confusing situations.
  16. btbt
    shorty, you're not being too hard on him; you're being too hard for himself. It sounds like you are taking the responsibliy of everything that happens. All the stuff you said in your posts, you should discuss with him. It's as cliched as it gets, but TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. If this is going to be a successful relationship, he's got to be able to handle that. I've just had an epiphany reading your posts. There are so many books out there saying, women should act this way, that way, etc. to land and keep a guy, but how about just being open and honest? There's got to be someone out there who will love and cherish that!
  17. btbt
    I've been thinking about why some people jump into relationships and get so intensely involved so quickly (myself included). I thought maybe it's the movies and mass media that contribute to this. In movies, people meet, have a few minutes of romantic and sexual tension and then WHAM! cut to a scene where they are having passionate sex and starting to bulid a life together. Maybe the images and stories that we are innundated with has distorted our emotional velocity. What we don't see is the real life drudgery -- and failures -- of relatioship building . Just a thought... Peace.
  18. btbt
    All you've said here, you have to say to him. He's dodged your question, but he can't be left off the hook. Seems that's he not a very emotionall expressive guy. You can bring this up with him, but in the end, you can't get him to talk. If this is uncharacteristic behavior, perhaps you can talk things through to a mutual understanding. If he's like this all the time (dodging serious questions), then maybe he is not as awesome as you think (since his lack of communication bothers you). Focus less on holding on to the situation (the chance to start up again with this guy and the idea you have of him in your head) and focus more on what is actually going on -- is he making you happy this time around?
  19. btbt
    I think it would be helpful to tell him, if you haven't already, how you feel when he doesn't want to have sex. This seems to be the issue, as you don't seem to be saying that you are mad that you can't have physical pleasure as much as you like, but that you are upset that his not wanting to have sex means rejection. Tell him that so that it doesn't just become about trying to have or escape sex, but that you get to the root of the issue.
  20. btbt
    Of course, people often don't realize what they are doing, especially when they are hurting someone. By saying that people are selfish, I'm not saying they are malicious and cruel, but they (we) are somehow trained to watch out for ourselves first. So when that comes into conflict with someone else's needs, guess who wins! You are giving a lot of credit to this person (she doesn't realize she is selfish). That, again, is admirable and shows how giving you are. But if the giving hurts you, which I think it is, you might want to consider pulling back a little bit.
  21. btbt
    It's smart of you to know your own limitations and that a long distance relationship would be hard. But they are not impossible. Set up the ground rules and expectations. You have to learn a completely different set of skills in a LDR. They are not set in stone, but if you talk through how you are going to proceed on the day to day, how often you will call, visit etc., then that might help relieve some anxiety on both parts. If he's not willing to do this and wants to "see how it goes," that's fine as long as you can handle the uncertainty that goes with that.
  22. btbt
    I like what ShySoul said at the end of his post. I guess it's odd to me to have a conversation about whites feeling excluded by blacks. Most of us aren't racist, but the U.S. is hardly a racism-free. I'm not saying that whites can't feel excluded -- ShySoul gives a good example -- but if we are saying that blacks are discriminating, we whould look at the bigger picture and see that they are sticking to their own kind (in some cases) because they have been discriminated against first. I'm sure most of you who are white never discriminated against blacks, so I'm not saying that. I'm saying that there is a larger social atmosphere in which blacks do not feel equal in this society. It's 2005, but it's true, from the largest cities to the smallest rural town.
  23. btbt
    If you think you are too talkative, you could wait a few seconds before you respond to anything. That way your responses are more measured. Or you could let other people talk first. But unless you are completely obnxious -- like you dominate the conversation with stuff about yourself and interrpt people etc. -- I'd stick to my earlier advice and say don't worry about changing yourself so much. The way you've worded your post shows that you are concerned about how other people are reacting to you. You can't control that -- maybe if you talk less they'd think you are too shy? I'd concentrate on finding people who react to you positively, who think your characteristics are fun and charming.
  24. btbt
    I agree with bluetooth on this one. This is a weird thread (all Asian girls like white guys?). And learning Asian languages to pick up an Asian women? What if she was born here and only speaks English? That wouldn't be a very good strategy. It might be downright offensive.
  25. btbt
    For every black women who seems to prefer only black men, there's a white man who prefers only white women -- isn't that discrimination too? Do we complain when white people only date white people? That isn't attractive either.
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