buckley

Quick recap...... was with this guy in a rship that went sour when he decided he couldnt get too close......b4 we got together we had kept in touch while i was away for a yr writing every day.....we just got along n clicked so well.........so when i came back to his country i was madly in love with him ......but as i said after awhile he opened up to me bout how he couldnt commit unless he knew i was the one and that he was scared to commit to me as i was only on a working holiday visa and was travellin n would evenually leave him to go home........ anyways things went sour after this.....we tried not being in touch but we couldnt last....we would ed up meeting up and i would get upset that we couldnt be together.....needless to say we started fightin n i caused him so much stress he started havin panik attacks.....than it all went down hill.....i tried to make out i was over him so he would still see me n try n be friends but ild again get upset........he told me how much he felt for me and how he wanted so bad to get close to me.......he even tried finding ways to move to my country.........but as he couldnt find any except for marryin me for visa which i didnt take him that seriously on he couldnt get close n kept gettin scared. anyways months passed n we didnt see each other just kept in touch....he tha started seieng someone just for sex at first n than i suppose thru time they got close...he now tells me hes settled down with her and their happy( this is now 3 yrs later) but we have both agreed that if we had of met later in life it would have been diff....... my question is this: im madly in love with a guy ive been with for over a yr....hes amazing.....but i worry that maybe my ex was the one and it just didnt work out cos of circumstances........how do i know that my ex wasnt the one and that this guy isnt as amazing as my ex would be if we had of been able to stay together?? is it a fact that because me n my ex didnt work out..it wouldnt have in end anyways???? it just seems that if he hadnt of been so scared or if i had of married him for visa even tho i wasnt ready to do something like that we woulda worked out.....i dunno we still keep in touch....n have big soft spots for one another....im just scared that i dunno how to tell who the one is?? i know i wont be with my ex again, n i dont want to, i have moved on and i love my current bf but it seems so crap that the guy you end up with is perhaps the guy u end up with only because its the guy who u were able to end up with....the guy it worked out with.......im so confused........what if u meet the one and its worng timing or something....does that mean the one u work out with is second best????? anyone have insight on this.....????? i feel so lost about it all

hey there, i completely agree with icemoto..........love isnt always enough, i myself have previously posted about this, it has gotten to me in the past when someone has said "if they loved you, you would still be together happily" i couldnt disagree more........ rships dont just run smooth and ever lasting because you love them, it takes trust, respect and even more situational issues like where your at in life, maturity, financially etc. some things are harder for others to cope with n sometimes ppl cant cope with issues n then push their loved ones away.............there r so many things that are needed to contribute to a rship......... if u wanna hear a happy story well...........i have been in almost the exact same situation as you..............i was with my bf almost a yr when he broke up with me......i for the first time in my life believed i had met 'the one' we were great in so many ways BUT I was his first gf, had lived overseas for few yrs, had previous rships, i had in general more life experience whereas he was struggling at uni, never lived out of home, never been out of state, no previous rships, highly shy, lost his job cos he was falling so far behind at school n just began to stress out n push me away, he felt he couldnt fix things or deal proper unless he had some time on his own........he didnt feel good enough, or happy enough or mature enough etc etc..........and i dealt the best i ever have in any of my break ups BECAUSE i loved him so much, breaking up was actually easy because there were no mind games n i knew he needed this, n so i wanted him to have it, i wanted him to get better........BUT i think its very important that when you break up you really break off as well, i know how much u want to be friends n trust me i was the same BUT i think its better if u lay low form each other for awhile....but u got o same school so may be more difficult.........my bf n i said we would stay friends but not for awhile...we didnt talkfor a month, than he phoned me as promised, than for the next 4 months he would call about once a month n we would catch up....than after 6 mos of being broken up we met up, than we would hang atleast twice a week as friends.....it wasnt until 8 months later that we reunited......hes even told me that he never got over me........n i tell you what , if i had a choice to go back in time n choose either to still break up or not i would DEFINETLY chose to break up because it has made us so much stronger, so much surer and so very much happier cos he is happier with himself........we also know now when times get real tough to hang it out cos we have gone thru so much n still ended up together........ i think the main idea is to be supportive, but let him know u need some space so as not to rush into being friends to quick, than when he is ready etc start to become closer........in mean time focus on you and you only. Thats what i did, i joined gym, got new job, made new n more friends, started yoga n tai chi etc n it attracted him to me even more, he saw me living without hmi n staying strong n happy n he loved it......n so did i, cos i worked on me also n now im better in the rship than i was b4 also....

Hey, hmm in my opininon which is just my opinion n nothing more i think that you are right when you say u shouldnt feel like this....... you havent been long enuff together to expect her to not want to go away, what is wrong with her going away for 2 months or month n half? i noticed you mentioned that she would rather be in england than with u...i kinda think thats takin it abit too personaly....im sure shes goin away cos she has always wanted to, cos its a holiday or whatever... it has nothing to do with u, and shes coming back so i guess she assumes you wont be breakin up over it so its not like shes choosing the holiday over you.......even so you have only been together a week. I have gone overseas for 6 months b4 whilst in a relationship, yah its hard, n yah i missed my bf, BUT i had to take the chnace for that opportunity knowin that we were close enuff to want to wait n stay together......... my current bf and i are goin to europe in 12 weeks but im only going for 5 weeks whereas he is going for an extra 2 months....thats 2 months of him travellin europe without me..........am i worried? No, im excited for him to have this experience..........n i know i can wait, who cant for someone they care about eh...........life is full of complications, love shouldnt stop u form doing things u love, i encourage my bf to do the things he has always dreamed of esp knowing that if he doesnt now he never will, just because we r together shouldnt mean he cant do one of his dreams, if u really care for this girl im sure u will wait.........its nothing about her not caring enough to stay, thats just silly talk haha

I always think that on special occasions like anniversaries I like to DO something rather then GIVE something, only because that way its a memory of somehting you did together that you will always remember rather then giving somehting that only lasts for a moment or so......... for my bf and myself on our yr we both flew outterstate and stayed in nice place for the weekend, went out for dinners, spa baths etc was amazing, and he had never flown in a plane b4 n stuff so was very excitin to travel together........n he took us hot air balooning for me, that i will never forget champagne brekki n all mmmmmmmmmmmm

Hi, can anyone help give me any advice into which diet to do..... since ive stopped travelling and gone back to uni i have put on 15 kilos and am sadly now fairly overweight (weigh 83 kilo and 175cm tall) alot of it is horomal i actually dont eat that much, just dont exercise enuff and have bad metabolism....... for this reason i was thinking about the liver cleansing diet only because not only do i want to loose the 15 kilo but i also want to clean out my system.........but i do NOT want to do any sort of stupid fad that just sucks gullible people in........i am also scared to do a diet like optifast where u will only put all the weight back on........ i want to do it healthy, to loose weight steadily and to stay eating healthy once ive lost the weight anyone know of any great diets????///

I think alil hope is fine.......sometimes u ned to try ur hardest n give ur most b4 u CAN fully move on, u just need to do what u feel u should n is best I think each rship is diff thereforeeee each rship should be treated diff, not everyon should use nc , i agree............although if u want to move on or should move on etc its the best way for sure........ my bf n i broke up, he wasnt ready, was his first rship, he freaked out alil, was fallin behind in school n work n stuff, overwhelmed n all....so he broke up with me haha yah it sucked BUT i let it go then after a month i email he replied............he then called me n did so once a month for about 6 mos......often after id sen a txt or ran into him or somehtin, u know, anyways after 6 mos i asked him to come see a movie, we did had fun, we remained friends for another 4 mos.........caught up about once a week or lil less....... then we got back together.............if i was to go back in time i would stil break up, breaking up was best thing ever.........n i had to inititae the contact, he was too scared i wouldnt want him to call, too scared id moved on n too scared of leading me on ( he didnt wanan get back until we had been friends for alil, but he did amdit he never fully got over me either) I STRONGLY believe sometimes its just not the right time , like it wasnt for my bf, n sometimes if its just timin that getting back after yr or so is fantastic.......... we have never been happier...........oo i so love him hahahahahahaha so just follow ur heart, u know her we dont, u should know how to deal it out..............n foxy.........just hang in there, him not calin means nada.........my boy usualy didn call till something happened..............stay cool

hey, wow i real feel your pain, ive been somewhat there b4 also........was with a guy, he so loved me etc etc i loaned him money..ended up breaking up he COMPLETELY turned around, ended up being a COMPLETE jerk, found out he was cheating etc etc..... he also refused to sign a contract saying he woould pay me back ( granted it was only a thousand n was kinda willing to let it go) so what i did is the ext time i saw him i taped out conversation, i made sure to get his name in there and bring up how he still hadnt paid me back n how he said he would and how he wouldnt sign a contract etc etc basicaly got him to say everything to prove he owed me money...... i then made a copy of it n sent it to him.........needless to say he ended up paying me back cos i went to small claims........ on some phones nowadays u can even tape the phone conversation....that would b way easy for u n u dont even have to see him......... but 10,000 is alot and a grand wasnt alot for me but it was the fact that i didnt want him to have gotten anything more out of me, u know, plus i wanted to show him i was storng n wasnt to be walked over...n made me feel great n empowered n helped my self esteem do u think maybe its weird he dumped u just months after the contract he did sign passed over the expected date of nov 2005???? i wonder if he stuck round for the date to pass........ he sounds like a REAL creep..... stay strong, it does get easier, n i have this lil belife that women who go thru these really bad rships get good karma.....youll meet the best guy eve rn b so glad its not him

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh boy do i hear you when u say you cant bear your periods.........I HAVE to be on the pill cos i get major bad pain..so bad i spu, heavy as and for 7 days so i know ur pain.....now that i have whinged let me try n help alil.... yah it can take away ur sex drive, has for me in past, so did anti depressants...r u on anything else? but theres loads of pills out there, maybe try a diff one but best thing is to see dr n ask him cos im not entirely sure if it makes diff if u use diff pill.... but yah it can, n talk to dr cos there should b atleast something u can do

My bf of a yr broke up with me, it hurt, i moved on but never completely i dont think, but i did start dating and enjoying my life........... 8 - 9 months later we got back together......... we have been back together for only 3 months now, but we r happier then i coud have ever dreamed about, happier then we ever were b4, n even then we were happy, haha so yah anything is possible..........if u really lov each other, itll work out......... the thing is tho, in my past experieces i think this depends ALOT on reasons why u broke up, how u felt as a dumpee and how u both deal after the break up.........if u dont understand why u broke up and u feel bitter, i think this lessens the chances or atleast the chances of it workin out if u do get back together........ in my case my ex n i broke up for reasons that i understood, even tho i didnt want to break up i understood his needs, n so i was supportive and ok with it.............we didnt fight or keep in contact either, we started talkin about 6 weeks after breakin up n even then only to catch up, n was only like once a month..........then we gradually started hangin out as friends after not seein each other for like 6 months....... we always loved each other, we didnt break up cos of loss of feelings or cheating or anythin lke that....... so alot of things depend but theres even MORE work to be done when u DO get back together, u have to make sure u have talked n worked out what went wrong, how to deal better next time, make sure u feel confident n trusting int he new rship, and most of all that ur both sure this is what u want i actually believe in some cases a break up is a good thing, for instance it has made me n my bf loser, stronger n better able to deal with hard times from learning from our mistake............he choose to run from things when he shouldnt have, i wa shis first gf n he was inexperienced but he has now learnt that lesson...........and i too have leart things i needed to to hel better the rship.........and now were r both even more secure n sure about our rship because we broke up n still remained close, n friends n we still ended up back together...........we both chose to come back together..........we both realise how storng our love is.......

hey, again, as has been said, the best thing is for you to stay away frm facebook, it only causes you to over analyse everything. the thing is just cos shes sittin his lap doesnt mean anythin, i sit on alot my guy friends laps, u dont know what lead up to that, maybe she was pushed onto him and then they were like ok take pic, or maybe someone asked them to do it for photo maybe it wa sjust harmless flirting, who knows, thing is u shouldnt even bring it up with him, atleast not in a jealous cant trust u way.........if u do need to ask him about it just say hey i saw ur new pic son facebook, is she still into u? or somehtin like that but DONT attack him about it when he comes to talk, as u said u have trust issues n this is part the reason u have broken up. do u want him back? if so i htink u just need to start talkin to him about how u cant trust ppl, n that even seein pics of him hurts u, DONT attack him bout it tho cos he has done nothing wrong......... i too have been hurt in past n i find it hard to believe ppl, esp after i was with a guy who was my best friend n my bf n ended up he had been cheatin on me n began to get violent with me, needless to say i was SOOOOOO shocked at how u think u know someone n u dont, but there will always be reasons to feel like u shouldnt trust ppl, n its so easy to keep ppl away so u dont get hurt, but it aint fun, nor intrestin n u miss out on so much, i promised myself after my bad ex that i wouldnt also let him take away my happiness in future rships by not trusting, things cana lways go worng, u just gotta trust until they prove u wrong.......... you will b ok, it makes u stronger anyways

You cant really put a time on when someone should ask you something.......unfortunately it is up to that person and that person only when they are ready and willing. 10 mo's ( in my opinion) is not that long, atleast not long enuff. May i ask are you living together? how long have u known each other etc? In my mind i think that you just have to wait like normal, just because you are going to kenya with him doesnt mean u should be married. Even tho you would like to doesnt mean you will be. Maybe if this is something really important to him you should tell him u only feel comfortable going if you are engaged, but they way i see it is you would need to get engaged now because saying that in yr 2007 u will get engagaed doesnt make much sense, as anything could happen and he may just say they he will propse within time but doesnt mean he will, so why not jsut wait it out until he asks you? If your scared he may not ask you than maybe you should say not o kenya until u do get enagaged. The most inportant thing tho i think about your post is this: DO NOT OPEN A JOINT ACCOUNT WITH HIM! this is such a BAD idea unless u are married!! seen it all happen before, no matter how much u trust him, no matter how much you love him you do NOT know what will happen in time, its always better to be safe than sorry. ive been in rships wher ei had complete trust etc n still got screwed over, u only have to read posts on here to know that........so pls be safe n dont open a joint account

I think at some point we have always thought this about exs........why does he keep my letters? why does he still have thos ephotos of me etc etc I once had an ex who for 2 yrs kept asking me for photos of me ( i moved back home to aus so he never saw me) i always saw it as that he must still have feelings etc, but thing is when he was STILL asking for them like 2 yrs later i realised men are just visual creatures like annie said, they will never kock back something that either praises them ( like love letters that boost their ego) and photos, because guys fantasise and like to look, it has NUTTIN to do with emotions guys r simple as for ur msg, man, u sayin ur door is open even if juts for a night must make him have like no respect for you, no offence n i dont mean to be harsh but hes treating u like crap, cant believe he also had decency to ask u to pay his fine, n u said blame urself n leave urself open to him........hmmmm i knwo how har dit is when u love them but he is NOT good for you n sounds like he ISNT a good kind loving person, the kind person u deserve and CAN get. we have all done it so dot feel bad, n i know how easy it is for us to say this but cmon enuff is enuff.....ive followed ur threads....... n ive noticed as soon as he is nice n shows attention to u you seem to forget all abou how hes abusive ( which he is) that in itself babe is enuff to not even wanna know him..... my bro was married for a yr when his 19 yr old wife demanded they move overseas, of course he paid for it all, as soon as they got there she left him........ complete user n abuser she was..........anyways i had to keep telling him that ven tho its hard if YOU start cutting them out of YOUR life, n u start gettin back in control of your own emotions YOU will feel AMAZING, its so hard doing it but once u say pfft see u later mate your goin to LOVE urself for it.........trust me, u know deep down he treats u badly n thats gotta hurt ur self esteem that u just cant let go..........ive been there...........hes now cut her out of his life nmoved away, shes returned from canada n found out thru word of mouth that he moved etc n suopsedly she was really cut hahahahaha because he was happy n move on , he didnt need someone like her love urself natalya

dogg, everything redandblack said is pretty much the exact advice i would give.........but i would also add that every person and EVERY situation is different, i somwhat listened to the advice of m friends but the thing is I know BEST what kind of person my ex is and what kind rship we had, and all that jazz so really u can take ppls advice but it also boils down to your own uniqueness in the situation. for example: redandblack said u should wait for them to ocntact you, i dont necessarily agree, i contacted my ex first, that because i knew hes kind of person to lay low until i make first move so he knew i was ready to be friends, so he didnt lead me on or invade on my space etc.........it depends on kinds of persons n situation as to what action to take. but this is all bsides the point in break ups really, all u need to know n do is move on..........its best remedy for anything... natalijulie, i kinda agree with seren, not all exs have reasons to be realised as to why they r exs.......again depends on person/situation for example my parents, now they r a perfect example of why some exs arent meant to be exs

Hey all, well i have mostly heard from an ex again ALTHOUGH i think it totaly depends on reason for break up, for example i had a bf who ended up being VERY abusive incl physically, u can prob see in my old OLD posts.....when i got him out of my life i NEVER heard from him again, nor has he from me........it was a bad ending........VERY bad...... i agree usualy you have moved on, and i think i was even starting to with mark ( my back again bf) but with him, gosh, hes so special to me n i think even when we broke up i dealt so ok cos i knew in my heart it wasnt forvever...........he broke up with me for honest reasons, always loved me cared was ALWAYS honest........way he treats me is gold, why would i wanna move on completely? hehe thing is we both needed time to do our thing, we both needed time to sort ourselves out, w eboth needed to do some things to become even better ppl, even more settled , even more ready.........so i guess instea dof movin on completely we got back in touch n realised we were both more happy, both in better places n that gettin back together would be even better than b4. but, u never know, love is a risk.............

does he give u oral?