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About Me

  1. I need advice on a situation that is really starting to bother me. First of all, I am an animal lover and have many pets. The problem here is my boyfriend's ill-trained dog. He bought this dog with his ex, obviously before I came on the scene. I have tried to speak calmly to my boyfriend about his dog's behaviour, but he won't listen and cuddles him loads. When we are preparing tea, his dog - let's call him Fido - stands close to the cooker watching every move my boyfriend makes, hoping to get scraps, which he usually does for the privilege of begging. I often find dog hairs in my food. I've told my bf the dog shouldn't be in the kitchen when food is being prepared and furthermore he shouldn't be begging or being rewarded. Once we're sitting down eating, Fido literally has his nose resting on my bf's legs. His face is so close to the food as my bf lifts the fork to his mouth, but my bf pretends he hasn't noticed. Fido used to do this to me (sometimes still does) but I've more-or-less stopped him. However, my bf won't tell him. Yet if the cat so much as jumps on the arm of the sofa during mealtimes my bf knocks him to the floor. My bf takes Fido everywhere with him - even on our dates; shops; pub, etc. I've asked him why it can't just simply be just the two of us, but my boyfriend says Fido is like his child. When I go to walk through the front door Fido rushes before my feet and tries to get out before me. I try to hold the door ajar to let him know he can't push in, but he gets his body into the smallest gap and forces the door from my grip. Likewise, if I try to enter the house he rests his huge body against the door so I struggle to get in. He constantly licks himself sore and lies at my side of the bed licking and snoring. He makes terrible noises. If my bf and I try to have fun Fido jumps up on the sofa and in between us and separates us. If I talk babyish to the other animals Fido jumps on my back to steer my attention towards him. He is so spoilt. After finishing a meal the other night, there was a little evidence of the potato scraps at the bottom of the disposable dish. As my bf gets up to take the dishes in the kitchen Fido, as usual, follows him. Now, instead of simply throwing the disposable cartons in the bin, my boyfriend chucks them outside. I became suspicious and followed my bf in a few seconds later to discover Fido wasn't there. I pretend I want to go out of the back door to check on our barn animals, but bf suspiciously blocks the way. I wriggle past and discover Fido is being rewarded for his greed. He's licking the disposable cartons. At that point I'm fuming. If greedy Fido has a treat then why didn't my bf offer the cat the same? It makes my blood boil although bf will deny Fido is his favourite. If the cat happens to leave his dinner Fido races to the bowl and eats his scraps. I've tried to persuade my bf to not let him do it but many a time I've walked into the kitchen and seen him watch Fido eat the cat's food (bf pretends he never noticed). He says he's only keeping the bowls clean and it's a little treat but if it's Fido's treat then why can't some be saved for the cat's treat? Now Fido knows by the looks I give him I won't take his bad behaviour. If it's only myself in the kitchen and I pour his food in his bowl, he sits back until I've finished. If my bf is in the room he will literally eat it as I'm pouring it and I stretch over as I'm pouring it. Although I'm careful now, if I've had snacks in my bag in the past, Fido has raided my bag. If we do happen to go to the shops without him, Fido will punish my bf by raiding the bin and anything else he can find. Within five minutes of being away, the hall, lounge, kitchen, etc., is littered with bin mess. I also think Fido has a skin condition - probably from eating all the unhealthy treats he's allowed to have. He does, or did, have fleas, also. My bf blamed the cat for giving Fido fleas, even though the cat rarely scratches. Back to preparing meals: if Fido gets under my bf's feet, my bf will say to him: excuse me babe. He speaks as though he's in Fido's way. In the car Fido will sit breathing his bad breath on my shoulder even though bf has opened a window on the opposite side at the back for him to get fresh air. I try to give Fido messages through my body language and if he's just with me he'll stay away. If my bf is with me Fido will scratch hard at my hands or try to nudge them with his nose to try and force me to pet him. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands. In bed he tramples all over me and my bf encourages him to sit on the sofa with us. Fido will wriggle at the back of us until we have to sit uncomfortably forward. Many a time I will stand up and watch TV in that position. Instead of cuddling me, my bf will sit and constantly stare at Fido when he happens to be sitting on his own chair. Yes, the dog has his own armchair that is part of the three-piece suite. My bf tells me not to sit there because it is Fido's chair. Even the cat gets moved if Fido wants to rest. Fido never goes for a walk unless I suggest it. He is so unruly on his lead. He constantly pulls and when we go to get out of the car he races to my door and tramples over me to get out first. When we're walking he constantly holds back then runs hard past my legs knocking me over. I then walk as close to the edge but he will squeeze past, even though there is a big gap my bf's side. I know dogs aren't as intelligent as humans, but I do think this dog is doing this to let me know he is further up the pack than me. My bf won't have it Fido needs proper training and I dread being in its company. I have told my bf I am uncomfortable with Fido's behaviour, but he says he's a good boy. By the way, this dog is big and overweight and it hurts when he jumps up. Any constructive advice is welcome.
  2. I've been together with this guy for a few months now. It has been really nice, he is always there to help me. We cuddle a lot, spend a lot of time together. We have sex quite often, sometimes twice a day. There is only one thing that threw me off quite a bit. I noticed that he wasn't fully enjoying having sex with me. he lost his boner a few times when we were having sex, and he didn't really seem into it except when he drank. He actually said it to me one time. He wasn't able to drink enough that day otherwise we would have had amazing sex. I've talked about it with him and he only said the following: it was like a motorcycle, with some you can just hop on and drive away, with me he first had to start the engine but when eventually we were having sex he was enjoying it. My question is, what does he mean by this. I have tried to ask it again if he could explain it in more detail. Ever since he said it I've been feeling really self-conscious. The answer that he gave me made me really upset. We could talk about it forever, I'll never get it anyway. so there is no point. And nothing I could willingly do about it. He compared it with someone born without sight that is asking you to explain colors. I wouldn't understand because I am a woman besides other things. I hope you guys can help me understand him.
  3. Alright so there's this girl that I really like and I feel as if she might like me back but she constantly hangs out with this guy who according to her are not dating. I mean she says that she goes to his house "to cuddle" and says that they've kissed but she claims they're just friends yet obviously he wants to be more than that but I want her too. I'm 16 btw if that's important. What should I do??
  4. I've been hanging out with this girl for a month. We've cuddled once and will snap each other for hours on end but recently she hit me with a text saying "thanks bud" am I done for? Should I try to keep flirting with her or just abandon ship and move on I really do have feelings for her.
  5. Hello! I am 21 right now, soon turning 22. I have been dating this guy almost a year, but things have been bad lately. What I mean by lately–almost 6 months. At the beginning it was great as always, I was madly in love, he treated me and cared for me. Made breakfast, cuddled with me in the mornings, also he was very happy and positive. But now, I don't even recognize him. Our relationship is night and day when comparing to the beginning. He is being mean to me, criticizing almost everything I do. He never cuddles with me, instead he is on his phone the whole morning. Also, I feel that he's really selfish when it comes to intimacy. Whenever I'm in need of a comforting hug or when I'm in the mood for sex, he turns me down. He says that he don't want it, but when he wants it, he always gets it, because I feel, I have to take every chance of intimacy, cause there ain't a lot. I don't feel like I am his priority anymore. He doesn't take me on dates, and would rather spend time with his family. I have been constantly telling him that I don't like when he is being mean to me or not giving me any affection. He says that I need too much attention, but he rarely gives me any. Also he says, that I take his comments too seriously and that he jokes. But I'm more afraid that he is just manipulating me. Our relationship is like a rollercoaster and I'm constantly crying, because he is hurting me. But he doesn't even care when I'm crying. I have to state that I know he's not cheating so that's out here. What has happened? I really love and care for this man, but I can't take this anymore. Please help me, what to do?
  6. I met this guy at a party after his friend told me he likes me. It was pretty obvious cause he was staring at me constantly without looking away. We started chatting then he took me outside of the house and we just cuddled and talked until early in the morning. He said he would text me, which he did and after a few days of talking he asked me to come over in his dorm room. I immediately thought that was a red flag, however our mutual friends think otherwise. They all say he's a nice guy. I need to mention he didn't even try to touch me inappropriately when I was drunk, he didn't even try to kiss me. He seemed very shy and kind of scared to make any moves, so maybe there is a possibility that he just wants to cuddle again and watch movies like he says? Or am I being completely gullible? If I decide to go and he tries to do more than just kissing, what do I do without being awkward? Thanks.
  7. So me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year now and we get along pretty well, but she’s been getting these sadness streaks and when I ask her about them she says it’s because we don’t have enough intimacy in our relationship. While I’ve tried to fix this problem she’s right and we do have a intimacy problem. Well the other night she got a new phone and she left her old one on the dresser and I saw it going off with a message from a man she works with. While I wouldn’t normally pry it was around 1 am and that bothered me. So I pick up her phone and look at the message and the previous messages to see things like “ can’t wait for us to cuddle again “, nothing but hearts and kissing faces, telling eachother how much they miss eachother, and him sending her a pic of him with a caption of your beautiful. So naturally I freak out and wake her up throwing her phone at her she wakes up in a panic and says that they look bad but he is just that “Guy” that sends that stuff to every girl in his phone and they hang out with everyone else from work including his wife and all cuddle together. I’m not sure what to do we just moved in together and she may be right but it looks bad and i don’t know what to do any advice? Sorry for the big wall of text and terrible grammar thank you
  8. I have been single for 7 years now. i'm Female and 30. Although i am very busy working full time and studying, at times i feel very lonely and sad and am so ready to meet someone to cuddle on the couch with in my pj's. I have been on tinder, but only found men looking for a one night stand. Don't get me wrong, i enjoy a one night stand on occasion, if just only for some skin to skin contact but i only really enjoy sex if i care about the person. All of my friends are now officially either married or are in a partnership with children. I don't think i'm ugly, but i am also not conventionally 'attractive'. I am a well educated, independent, hard working woman who loves to travel and i feel i have a lot to offer in a relationship. So why am i so alone?
  9. Hello I'm with my gf for over 2 years and not long ago we have had starts problems and the main and big problem is she is not attached to me anymore.. she said she still care about me and have some feeling just she don't have a spark or connection with me.and I still love her I'm happy to spend time with her and have cuddles while we watching movie and stuff like that..when I told her we can work on this problem she told me she is not sure if that will work..and now is the big question do I manage to fix it somehow or we break up ?
  10. To set the scene I’m 38 years old. Up until my thirties I drifted around having lots of fun in different locations. Then when I turned 30 I suddenly had this incredible impulse to return to be near my family and have babies. For most of my thirties this became an obsession. I chose totally unsuitable men and went through boyfriends like a shark with a shoal of fish! Some of them were horrible. Then I gave up on men last year and decided to have a baby solo. That’s when I met my current partner. He’s young and fun. We became serious quite quickly. A year and a half later I’m living with him. He can be lovely and cuddly and I’m generally content. But he has a rare yet horrible temper (fuelled by adhd), despite my best efforts to guide him he has never given me an orgasm and he doesn’t stimulate me in a conversational way. Several events have occurred and Im in a tizz: A month ago I experienced a miscarriage. He revealed to me that he has been saving loads of money whilst I am barely breaking even. He said that we have to live in a commuter town (expensive and soulless). I got so frustrated by sex that I was mean. I can’t really explain why but I started to feel a total sense of dissatisfaction with my life and where it was heading. I could see my future stuck in some grey place exhausted with kids but working hard. I didn’t like it. I am not even sure I want children now. I started to pull away from the relationship a bit. I cried a lot. I said I wanted space. It pushed him over the edge. He was angry one minute. Full of despair the next. Then wanting kisses and cuddles. It was exhausting. So I got away and am now at my parents house contemplating life. Am I where I want to be? Do I actually want to live around here? He wants to meet today to talk me back. I’m really not sure what I want to do!
  11. Brief background for context, went out with a really nice guy for two years, he fell out of love and broke up with me but not before withdrawing affection and contact and going radio silent for 3 days late 2015. I was absolutely shattered and spent the next two years trying to become whole again (making friends, trying hobbies etc). Over the next year we made the transition to friends, the same things that brought us together as partners made a good foundation for friendship and as I haven't a great many of them I was glad of this. End of last year I thought he was still interested and asked him as much, cue an utterly wretched three months of trying to date but him not actually wanting to spend any time with me. We went on break. The day we were supposed to meet up and decide, together or split, he left me waiting for an hour and a half at the meeting place before telling me he's not coming. That really hurt. And then we had to work together a lot, and I had already done this getting over him thing once, and I got a crush on someone else (who of course also rejected me but the hurt from that drowned out the hurt from my ex). I know he has a cuddle buddy (I have one of those two), abstractly I give my blessing for him to have other relationships (how could I possibly not). But Sat night, we were going to get food after work, and he suggests a place that's in the opposite direction to his home, and I find out since his housemates kicked him out, he's pretty much just been staying at his cuddle buddy's place every night. In an instant my interest in food and company was gone, he offered to hug me and I didn't want him to touch me. Running through my head is "you told me you were too busy for a relationship with someone and now you are Living with someone!!!!!!!" "You made space in your life by getting rid of me and now you are giving it to someone new" "I sleep alone every night and you sleep with someone you feel warmly towards". I thought I was over this guy but Sat night I felt so betrayed. Feel like he's just been lying to me the whole time. He said busy when he should have said I don't like you that way. Maybe he and his lady friend (who he said was really good because she works 6 days a week and just wants to cuddle and watching TV) really aren't As invested in each other as a partner would be. But he said he feels warm towards her. And he sure as hell does not feel warm towards me so she already has more than I had, and he's ******** LIVING with her!!! Not in two years was he ever interested in living with me. And yeah, possibly, she's paying all the rent and all the food costs and acting like a surrogate mum which was a position I never wanted to be in. But what if she's not, what if they are actually equals and a romance is blossoming, after he threw my interest in my face with the line about being too busy for a partner. ******* liar. Anyway, I should have gone home right then but I am anxious attachment style and walking away from someone means steamrolling my instincts (which are faulty and crap and I hate them). The longer I stayed the more mean snippy things I said, and then I had come to terms with the information and could see he was starting to go non verbal. I offered to still get food as long as I didn't have to go out of my way in the direction of his new home because even asking me to do that is ****** rude. But he was unable to answer. So we stood in the freezing cold carpark for an absolute age, until I nudged him into his car, and went and sat in mine. And ten minutes later he sent a text saying he was tired and had probably been tired the whole time and that's why he couldn't process information, and he went home, to his cuddle buddy, more than double the distance from the venue than his own house. And I felt abandoned by him ALL OVER AGAIN and sent a bunch of feelings texts which he never replied to so now I think the friendship is burnt in fire too. But then, maybe he burnt the friendship by stringing me along so much and then waltzing off into the sunset with a person to love and be loved by while my new normal is to be completely undateable and unloveable (two years, two years single, longest time single ever something is wrong, I don't trust that I'll find someone new anymore). Friendship support since then has been good. Cute boy from tinder came and cuddled me sat night, lady friends took me out for food and pool yesterday and a few more have conversed with me via message. But the pain of this rejection is still excruciating. And the question mark about the friendship hangs over my head. And I HAAAAAAAAAAATE that I have to feel this all over again. I have already grieved this loss TWICE why can't my stupid stupid heart let go of this person who will never step up for me?
  12. I am going nuts trying to figure this guy out. I even get conflicting advice from friends. So I thought i'd ask in here. I am 45 years old and the guy is 28. I know that is a huge difference but I look and act like i'm in my 20's. Anyway, we are coworkers, and shortly after I started there, he started asking me out on dates. I was super busy all summer so we were only able to get together twice all summer but he still kept asking me every weekend if I was around. Once summer got over and I got more free time, we started hanging out more. Then he moved to the town I live in and he's been asking me to hang out more. At work he will sit with me on break now where before he would go sit in his car. He told me I am becoming a really good companion (his words), and he has more fun with me than he has with anyone in a long time. I caught him taking a picture of me when he thought I wasn't looking, and he told his friend about me cuz his friend said "did she touch your p____", lol Anyway, he says I make him smile and laugh which he rarely does because he is on anti depressants because he had a lot of bad things happen in his life including not having a girlfriend or sex for the last 5 years. One of our coworkers told me he gets attached easily (he liked her too, before). She also told me he wants a relationship and likes me. He told me he doesn't even really need to have sex, he just wants someone to cuddle with on the couch and watch movies, hold hands, etc. I am going to a 2 day festival for NYE and getting a hotel room and I invited him and he spent $200 on a ticket so we're doing that next weekend. He asked me recently too if I wanted to exchange gifts for Christmas and I said yeah. Well the other night was the first night we came to my place where I have a loveseat (he just has single chairs at his place so we couldn't sit together), and I thought finally something would happen. I tried to sit close to him and give him signs that I wanted to hold hands, cuddle, etc. but instead he leaned away from me and didnt put his arm around me or hold my hand or kiss me or anything. He's never even hugged me. Also when I asked about our Christmas thing, he said he'd let me know when he knew what day would work, but then he said he will probably sit home and play video games most of the day. So I thought ok he must not be that interested. Then last night he called me and said he got home from his family's Christmas early so we could hang out if I wanted to, but I was already in another town with some other friends. He sounded super bummed and I said 'have a good night' and he said 'i'll try'. Later I messaged him saying one of my guy friends is coming to that festival too, not the hotel part but just for the festival. My guy didn't respond to the message even though he read it. And all day today...nothing. Not a single peep from him. For the last few months he's messaged me every day and the last month it's been every few hours. So this is abnormal. My guy friend thinks he's jealous about him going to the festival with us, and also feels rejected that I was at my friends last night and couldn't come over when he called. But I dont know why he'd be jealous when the other night he didn't wanna cuddle on the couch, oh and when I told him I found a cool present for him, he said he was just gonna get me some candy. CANDY! I am sick of the mixed messages!!! and yes I know I could just ask him how he feels, but I dont want things to be awkward at work if he says he only likes me as a friend. I was expecting things to progress either at Christmas or NYE, so I will probably find out next week since we'll be staying in the hotel alone together. But I just thought i'd ask for opinions, I am going nuts today trying to figure out why he suddenly went quiet on me, he never does this! If he's so jealous, why did he act like he didnt wanna touch me the other night on my loveseat? He knows I like him, why won't he even try to kiss me, we've been 'hanging out" or "dating" or whatever this is for 5 months now!
  13. I met this guy about 3 months ago through a mutual friend, we hit it off that night & exchanged numbers. We texted a bit here & there, then he mentioned that he was doing renovations on his house, which I just finished on mine. I asked if he needed help, I ended up helping on & off for about 2 weeks but that turned into cuddling in his bed & watching movies, frequently. Our texts have gotten a lot more flirty since then as well. Now it has been about 2 months, we text back & forth most of the week, the movies & cuddling has now turned into a 2-3x per week thing & we go out for drinks & wings sometimes too. I really like this guy but I find it kind of strange that we haven’t moved past the cuddling phase yet, he hasn’t even tried to kiss me, hold my hand or anything like that. Im too nervous to make the first move but I’m getting confused, like are we just friends who cuddle? Because I eventually want something more, Im ok taking it slow but I need to know if he even likes me!
  14. So I met her at the gym, i was her trainer. After training her for a month i realized I had feelings for her. Asked her out for coffee after one sessions and she agreed. We started texting a lot after that. We did the same a week after but after coffee we hooked up. Two days later same thing. Then on Saturday that week she asked me to come over, and she told me she thought we were moving too fast and needed to slow things down.... It was very hard for me as I really loved the texting, cuddles and kisses that we shared, but after that conversation everything went down. We went on a couple of dates during the next month, and we always got pretty close emotionally, we made out and spent some good times together. However whenever I trained her she would not act like she would on our dates which got me confused. I asked her why was she so hot and so cold with me at random times but she said she didnt know. I understand as a teenager she would struggle heaps to make up her mind.. I also struggled being able to tell when it was okay for me to kiss her or not, cos sometimes I would walk her home and she would just say bye but others she would kiss me quite a bit..... We had a talk about this and we agreed that she would initiate any kind of intimacy, since I would always be receptive to it but she wouldnt. Well it has been christmas and new years recently and she went away for two weeks. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for her to maybe start to miss me and i hoped we could get closer once she got back. Well she texted me when she got back asking if I could trainer her the next day, i said i couldnt cos i was too busy, but asked her if she would be keen to meet on that day, which she agreed to. Once we met though, she seemed really tired and out of it, I didnt think that i could cuddle her or kiss her because she did not seem in the mood. Anyways, after like an hour and a half she said she needed to go home soon (8.30pm during new years break), it got me very sad but then i dropped her anyways, in the car she wouldnt even attempt to hug me goodbye... I felt so awful that driving home I decided to call her and tell her that I couldnt continue anymore, it was too hard for me, that i had to cut all type of contact with her and I was not sure she would ever feel anything for me... she seemed sad about it genuinly, but accepted my decision. The next day was the worst of my recent years... i was depressed and felt like i had a hole in my heart. I could not stand the thought of not seeing her ever again, so I called her and apologize for being impulsive and giving up so quick... she seemed okay with it.. Now most people would think I am wasting my time with a girl so young, but if I noticed there was nothing there I wouldnt even have tried... She has nearly 0 experience when it comes to relationships, she has only kissed one or two boys tops.. so I dont know if her lack of showing emotion, or lack of texting me etc is just her normal behaviour? Am i being used? is there a way I could find out if this is the case? AM i messing this up by talking so much about my feelings? i never had to buht since she is so young i thought itd be better to explain how i felt so that she could understand and feel comfortable with me, but I dont know.. I need some advice, and please ask me anything, thank you!
  15. I met a guy on a dating app who lives 2 hours ish away from me. I don't even know how we ended up matching, because I'm pretty sure my location radius is set to The thing is, is it feasible to start dating somebody if they live 2 hours away? I understand distance if the couple initially is together, and then has to be apart temporarily. But we are still in the getting to know the person stage. I mean we've only had one date. So how do you build that connection with someone when they are that far away? I know 2 hours on its face is not that far, but (1) that's without factoring in traffic and (2) it's still far enough that you can't really see each other at all on weekdays. And nothing really beats being able to cuddle with and see your SO all the time. On the other hand, I have a pretty demanding job and not much free time during the week anyway. I guess what I am asking is, do you think it's worth it to go on another date or so with this guy? I'm really only interested in dating someone if there is a potential for it to turn into something serious. I don't want to waste time if it's likely to fizzle out.
  16. Hi! Been lurking couple of days. We are 25 and we had been together for 2.5 years. We were strangers and had like, love at first sight. Relationship was good, we barely had any fights. For a year everything was PERFECT. Then after reflecting now, after a year I kinda faded a bit. I still showed her love. Anyway she always wanted to move in together, she asked me alteast every other month and I always postponed it. I postponed it because I felt I wasnt ready to take the step, I was scared, the relationship thing was new for me(And for her). We never moved in, she told me 6 months ago, if I didnt move in she'd probably leave me. And some months ago I said I would, but it never happened, I just didnt do it, even tho I really wanted it this time(stupid me..). We both still talked about the moving in part, planned how it would look like, what stuff we should buy. Things went on, we saw each other same amount of time, 4-5 times a week, things were great. Even tho in my mind somehow I knew i took her for granted, I wasnt the romantic guy anymore because I was so comfortable in the relationship. Sure she gave me couple of hints that things were not that fine but It always went back to positive. Maybe because she loved me so much. And I her(even tho i didnt show it as much as she did). Anyway, moving forward. Again, everything was great, atleast seemed great, we had fun, we did things(even tho, I was the stay at home and cuddle guy and she the do stuff girl). Then one day she out of nowhere told me it didnt feel good, it didnt feel right, she lost her feelings and was not so in love anymore. I was chocked. I started to cry, to beg, convince. But no, she wanted a break and think stuff through. I sent couple of texts, saying Im sorry and so on. Went NC for a week, she called me said she didnt want to be together anymore. She said that it wasnt so much fun anymore, we barely did anything, never traveled which she loved for example. I immediately went to her place(she was ok with that), started to cry and beg, she started to cry. Later the same day after all the crying, we hang out like always before, eatin, cuddling watching movie, I even stayed the night. We both felt it was great, but she still didn't want me. I went home really sad, and did NC for a month, realizing it was over. During maybe 2 weeks, It didnt feel so bad, but then i started to reflect over the whole situation, I started to feel bad, I realized my mistakes, i didnt show appreciation, i wasnt even a bit romantic the whole year. I realized I took her for granted. So I sent her a text wondering how it was, she said she was doing better but it was still hard(same for me). Again NC for a week i texted her asked how it was, and maybe if she would be up for a walk, she was fine but thought it was too early to meet again. I was ok with that... NC for 2 weeks I called her to check up on her, things were fine but felt empty she said, I told her I missed her. Asked if she wanted to meet, but she had other plans and again wondered if it wasnt to early to meet. I said no, it doesnt have to mean anything(even tho i wanted it). She asked if im ok just being friends, if we met, I said of course. We talked for 1-2 hours, it was a nice conversation. I have initiated all these interactions.. To the point: I just feel I've matured, Im more confident, ive realized my mistakes and I really want this girl. All the times ive been out partying during our relationship and 2 times after the break up, ive never been able to picture me with someone else. I know and ive known always deep inside of me that this is the girl i want. I was just not man enough to show her that. What should I do? I dont think NC is the right thing here because things ended so fast and weird. Sorry for the long messy text.
  17. I really need to improve my communication skills. Dedicated readers may remember me posting a message a few months ago about an incident when I was hit on - with great enthusiasm and determination (to the point that I feel sorry for the girl) - by a friend of a friend soon after I started going out with my current gf... Anyway several days later when I met up with my gf, I told her this story - partly out of wanting to tell her an anecdote, and partly because I felt sort of dishonest not telling her (like I was hiding it)... And I want to be totally honest about everything... She asked me if I was tempted, and I thought she was kind of joking, but kind of said no and laughed it off. Because in my mind, nothing could tempt me away from her, the very idea is laughable. Since then she has been passing the odd jokey comment about this other girl like if she says she can't go out with me to the cinema or something and I reply "Oh alright, guess I'll have to find someone who appreciates me", "Oh really? Like Lana? (not the real name)"... So I've been assuming it's OK to joke about. She asked me after I told her, why I told her, but me being drunk couldn't articulate my words properly or think about it properly, said just because I thought it would be like a funny story. Not very convincing I'd say, given the circumstances. But it came up again lately, and she told me that when I was telling her the story, that she was full sure I was going to tell her we kissed or something! Until I told her that nothing happened... Just thinking about it again there before I posted this message, I did act a bit weird just before I told her - we were cuddling up watching TV in her house, and I asked if I could make a cup of coffee, in an apparently blatant attempt to not be cuddling as I told this story. "Why?" she asked in a slightly concerned tone, seeing right through to my ulterior motive, then as I told the story I realised it wasn't as funny an anecdote as I thought, and might have appeared slightly nervous telling her. At no point did I indicate nothing happened, until she asked whether I was tempted and I laughed, "No!"... I now believe she wasn't joking when she asked if I was tempted. It's the kind of story that is coming up in conversation a lot in comparison to the small significance I'd like to view it as. So if I bring it up again I to clarify a bit further, I think I might just make it worse! And, if I bring it up again, I'll probably forget to say something else, so I'll have to bring it up yet again...
  18. The realization that he's gone forever still hits me like a tidal wave sometimes...and it's been over three months since the breakup. I feel like damaged goods...not because there's something "wrong" with me (okay, so I do have my issues...), but because I now have a history and will always carry the burden of this failed relationship...And I feel like it makes me a bad person. I know that I would be suspicious of a guy with a dedicated relationship in his past, because that means that I wouldn't be all that special to him...so who's to say that guys won't view me the same way? Not to mention that the idea of dating scares me...that awkward period of getting to know an absolute stranger and trying to judge our compatibility over the course of several few-hour periods...With my ex, we were coworkers, and there came a time when we just started contacting each other every day outside of work, and it evolved from there...and it was lovely. I don't know how I'll be able to get to know another guy in the conventional dating way... Plus, I just can't shake off the memories of our relationship...What if the next guy isn't like that? What if he doesn't randomly call just because he wanted to know how I am? What if my smile isn't enough to make his day? What if he doesn't give me cute little nicknames and kiss me on the nose? If he doesn't enjoy cuddling on the couch while watching a movie? What if he doesn't randomly pick me up and spin me around and around? If he doesn't tell me that I should never change myself for other people, including him? If he doesn't think that I look beautiful when I just wake up in the morning...and that falling asleep and waking up in each other's arms is terribly romantic? What if he doesn't believe in me more than anyone else does, including myself? I'm terrified that I won't find those things with another guy... I just wish that we had a bad relationship that didn't make me happy...then I would know there's room for improvement. As things are right now, the only improvement I can think of is dating long enough to get married. Argh. Just a really bad day.
  19. My problem: I have barely any interest in almost any kind of sexual activity. Cuddling and soft innocent kisses are much more appealing to me than heavy make-out sessions; in fact, I could do easily do without those make-out sessions, let alone anything more serious. In my previous relationship (which I'm now trying to get over), things worked out well because he wasn't very sexual either...we were happy just being there in each other's arms. (And it's not that I wasn't attracted to HIM sexually...the idea of sex just doesn't appeal to me in general). But not all people are like that...and I'm thinking that my low libido may cause problems in any future relationships, because the guys will not be as happy as I am just doing innocent things. So, question, for future reference...If a guy does not want to cuddle as much as I do/wants "more" more often than I do, does that mean that he's wrong for me? Or, conversely, will my libido magically increase if I'm with a guy who's truly right for me? (Meaning, could it be that my ex and I weren't very sexual because ultimately we weren't right for each other...then again, we did have our friskier times...) Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill here?
  20. I'm feel really conflicted. I am 18 and I have been single for like a year and a half and I feel like I really want a boyfriend. Recently a good friend asked me out and I said yes. We get along great, we have tons of common interests, he listens to me and acts interested when I talk about things that bored most people (seriously I spent ten minutes talking about the health benefits of avocados on our date), we like the same music, our in the same university program, we are both intensely athletic, and basically would be totally perfect for each other. The problem is I don't feel that spark. Like that feeling like you have been swept off your feet and like you can't wait to see each other again. I don't think about him when he's gone and I would be totally apathetic if tomorrow he told me he changed his mind and we should be friends. I also like this other friend of mine. We have very little in common but we live near each other in residence. We watch movies and cuddle and stuff all the time I feel so nice when I'm with him but he's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship now and I do. I'm really conflicted I do want a relationship and my other friend should be perfect but I just don't feel it. I desperately need opinion what I should do. Thanks to anyone who managed to read this.
  21. So back in March I meet this girl, really cool chic. Anyways we always had great fun and laughs when we were together. I was trying to take things slow with her since I was hurt in my last real relationship and told her that I didn't really want things to get really serious right away. Anyway about a couple weeks later she decides to just drop me like a bad habit. This was in August. I was always out doing things over the summer and kinda didn't make much time for her. We never fought or anything she just left me without even giving me the respect of hearing how she felt and letting me try to fix things. So about 2 weeks after she stopped talking to me I got a chance to talk to her in a email and she said that since I couldnt decide what I wanted to be with her that she was going to decide for us and that we were done but could be friends. I replied that I couldn't be her friend because of my feelings for her. Well then I went on vacation and sent her another email saying how I really wanted to fix things when I got back and asking for another chance. Well I arrived home to a message on my phone from her telling me to call when I got back and we could talk. Well I called when I got back but never got a response from her till she finally called me that sunday and agreed to meet with me for dinner. She wound up telling me that I was too late and that she was seeing somebody else who really liked her and wanted her to be his gf. I put everything on the table how I was getting my * * * * together and wanted her to be a part of my life. She left telling me she couldn't give me an answer and that she needed time. Well after another email asking for another chance and her texting me asking why we can't be friends , I stopped calling. That was back in October. Well I made the stupid mistake of trying to text her about 2 weeks ago, just saying hi and I got a response. She said she missed me and I told her to call but she never did so I sent a text saying that I don't know why I even bother to try and talk to her cuz she never takes my calls and crap. Well she replies 2 nights later and I end up going over to her house. We end up having fun just laughing watching tv and then cuddling all night followed by breakfast in the morn. After that I thought I had a chance cuz she had emailed me that sunday asking what I was doing. I told her I was taking her to the movies and we had plans for me to pick her up at 830. Well she called me at 730 saying she had to take her friend and her goddaughter up to the hospital cuz she was sick and the girls husband couldn't do it. Right there I knew something was up. I told her it was fine and to give me a ring the next day. Well I made the mistake of trying to call her and I didn't get through so I left a message. The next night a sent a text just saying hi and that I had a good time the night we were together and to call me when she had time. Well I didn't hear from her all week. Then saturday morning I am looking out my front window seeing what my mother is doing out by the car and guess who comes driving by? This chic staring down my house, she then calls and leaves a message saying that she had drove by my house and saw my car and decided to give me a call, but I didn't answer so BYE!!!!! She sounded like a real * * * * * on the message. I waited a few hours and tried to call her back but once again it just went straight to voicemail. So I left a message saying I want to know what her deal is and to call me when she is done playing games. This is driving me nuts. Why won't she answer my phone calls or reply to me but she drives through my neighborhood staring @ my car @ 930 in the morning on a saturday? I really miss her. I realize that I made a mistake not making alot of time for her but I really want to fix things and have told her this but all I am getting from her is my calls going to voicemail and games. Why would she let me spend the night at her house and cuddle and kiss me then not give me the time of day anymore. If I was smart I would have slept with her but I tried to be a gentleman. I wanted to take things slow so I didn't get hurt but I ended up hurt in the end. It kills me not to be able to talk to her or laugh and joke with her. I have trouble making it through the day at work, I can't eat, can't sleep, I feel totally miserable. I haven't been drinking really since we broke up and kinda stopped partying with my friends cuz I want to grow up and make things right. What the hell do I do. Move on????????? Ya Ive been trying that and I can't get this damn girl out of my head. Its consuming my mind and I cant stop it.
  22. He was holding me in his arms cuddling with me and kissing me a little. then said how he would want to die if anything happened to me. then he said "I love you" and I said "I love you too" back to him. He also said there is no rush and we can take everything slow. I was so nervous being that close to him ..but yet so comfortable and safe at the same time (if that makes any sense I will take it slow ..even though that may prove to be difficult. He also does not seem the kind of guy to say I love you to just anyone ... who knows maybe he does love me (I hope)..anyway I will keep my fingers crossed and not get carried away either.I am trying to keep myself together a guy has never said "I love you" to me before so it kind of threw me for a loop...seems my life just did a 180 turn...
  23. Last year, as I was coming out of my long-term relationship, a friend told me about myspace. i joined and met some local people that became friends. i also met a few people that lived elsewhere in the south. one woman i met lives in nashville. we shared some ims, some emails, and we even shared some phone calls about our mutual relationship woes. i thought it was a neat kind of friendship. once, we flirted, but it was more of a joke than anything (i thought). locally, i met another woman and we began dating. and i noticed the woman in nashville had met someone locally and so we didn't really talk all that much anymore. we had talked at various times of meeting because we thought we would be good friends - similar interests, etc. a month ago, i broke up with the the local woman i had been seeing. we had nothing but hard times and finally it became clear to me that it was nothing but a dead-end. because the woman in nashville had recently contacted me, i let her know when we broke up. and we talked about it. she started emailing me more and called to invite me to a concert 2 hours away - she had an extra ticket. up to this point, we had never met before. then 2 weekends ago, she spontaneously invited me up and i thought it would be fun. i was thinking nothing but friendship. when i got there, we met some of her friends for dinner and went to the state fair. afterwards, she wanted to show me a good time in nashville so she took me to 2 clubs. we had a good time and good conversation. i was thinking nothing romantic until she asked me what i thought of her so far. i was shocked. so, i started thinking about it and i was having a great time with her, we got along well, we had similar personalities and conversational styles, similar backgrounds and educations levels, similar professions........ we came home after a late night and she only had 1 bedroom........so we slept together in the same bed.........still, i thought nothing of it. unlike usual, i was not wanting to just bed her. she started kissing all over me and it really was freaking me out. because, i realized i was with a real woman and i thought that because of all of our similarities and places in life and all that, and because we'd been talking as friends for so many months, that if we got involved with each other that it could be something really special and i didn't want to ruin it...... and i told her this. she ended up falling asleep cuddling against me. the next morning she took me to brunch and paid and we then went to an nfl game (i'd never been to one). we had a great time. we came back out to the car, and she kissed me very passionately and told me she wished i didn't have to drive back home. i said, "me either". we then went to her friend's house for a cookout and at the cookout i told her i thought of staying the night again.......she said she thought that was a great idea. at the cookout, i told her that i didn't know if i could be "good" again......and she said she didn't either but it was worth the wait..... we went to her house, went to bed, and she cuddled with me all night long, even in her sleep.......i woke up early and drove home for my workday. she called to make sure i got home ok. then imd me during the day........then called me that afternoon to chat. later that night, i asked if she was still interested and she said, "yes, are you?" i said, "of course" and i mentioned how much i thought of her at this point. the next day, we met for the concert she had originally invited me to. on the way over, i just had a strange feeling and i asked her if she still felt the same. she said, we'd talk about it later. at the concert, and on the way to it, she was not holding my hand or giving me any kisses. and i asked her what was going on. i told her that i just didn't understand the difference i sensed. she told me that she likes to go slow and that she liked me and thought i was fun and didn't see why we had to define anything now. honestly, i was not wanting to define anything......i just sensed a difference in her and wanted to know her thoughts. after the concert and going out with her friends, we came back to stay with some of her other friends and she told me that she had realized she was not over the last person she had dated (which was only like a 3-month thing 4 months ago) and that she didn't want to be in a relationship now. the next day, she told me that she didn't feel any chemistry with me to warrant long distance dating but she still wanted to be friends. i was really stupified and honestly, upset, because she had come after me on the first night, she had looked into my eyes in that way, she had asked me what i thought of her, told me i had pretty eyes, cuddled with me all night long 2 nights in a row, didn't want me to go back home, and told me she was interested in me........ what happened????? if she didn't feel any chemistry, how could she do and say all that? you know when someone likes you or doesn't like you. and i felt she liked me! we clicked. it wasn't just me. and, like i said, i wasn't even looking for that with her.......but once i saw how she liked me and we were clicking, i let my guard down....... to top it all off, i said, "ok let's be friends" and late last week and over the weekend i texted her a couple friendly light messages......only to get one-liner responses from her as if i was bothering her........ so i've decided to just back away and let her come to me if she wants to really be friends......... but what could explain all this???
  24. last night was 'the night' for my girlfriend and i, like i posted in an earlier thread i don't come from handjobs and blowjobs, how i do rather enjoy the sensations from blowjobs, they just don't get me to that next level of arousal.. yesterday we had a lovely night and came home and went to bed but and i knew she was done with her period but i wasn't getting a hard-on.. i felt really bad because the night was perfect and i didn't want to ruin it for her.. anyways, we cuddled and talked and later on she was caressing down there and things livened up a bit, she started giving me a blowjob and i got hard, i put the condom on and i could already feel myself lose the erection, i put it inside her but within a couple minutes i was soft.. it was very depressing.. so i immediately went down on her, id never done it before but i think i did a good job.. she seemed very pleased.. i teased her at first then worked on her clitoris and then finished fingering her and licking her.. i loved it.. so my question is, if it takes us a while to get the whole intercourse thing down, do women get bored of oral? we see each other nearly everynight.. she could suck my * * * * the same way everynight and i'd be happy but will i have to mix it up to keep her interested and excited? i'm just wondering what you can do differently down there so its not the same everytime.. but is still satisfying?
  25. Ok everyone! I've been posting about my break up for a little while. We had a date on Friday. I met him at his house, we went to have dinner, watched a movie back at his house, drank some wine, watched some tv, talked about things we have going on, he made some comments that made me believe he wanted to see me again, said he was bummed that he wouldn't get to see me again until Sept (he's going on a business trip). He was all over me, cuddling, touching, etc. I of course played it cool and didn't initiate any of the contact, but I was receptive to it. He'd get excited about hearing about my school plans and work, etc. and asked me a bunch of questions about what I have planned. We were clicking again. Anyways, I ended up drinking more wine than I should have and before I knew it, it was 3am. We live an hour apart, and I was falling asleep on the couch, so I was in no position to drive! So he said I should just stay over (I didn't plan on doing that). I slept in his bed with him, but left my clothes on! He cuddled and spooned with me pretty much the whole night. In the morning, I woke up to some back of the neck kissing and seduction. I told him that I couldn't do anything since I had just had surgery. He said ok and gave me our "signature" smootchies, which I didn't return (playing it cool...). Then we talked in bed for an hour or so. I joked about it being a good thing I left my clothes on last night since he was Mr. Seducer! Then he asked me if I didn't ever want to do that with him anymore. I said I don't know and again blamed my surgery recovery. Then I went home, no hug or kiss goodbye. Some of my friends are telling me that since he tried to have sex with me, he's just interested in a "friends with benefits" thing, sex with no commitment. He didn't bring up the relationship or getting back together, and neither did I, but he knows that I want to get back together. When I asked him about it earlier in the week he said he needed some time to think about it. He's really not the kind of guy that is into that sort of thing. I've tried the no strings attached thing before, and it didn't feel like this. Am I over thinking? It didn't feel like he just wants a f*** buddy when I was there with him. It FELT like he wants to start things up again. Am I just letting my friends' comments get to me? I haven't heard from him since Sat morning, I'll let him contact me again since he acted so interested. I want to ask him next time I talk to him, but I know that might be too soon to bring it up. I'm thinking I should bring it up if he tries again the next time we hang out. Then I'll tell him "I only have sex with men I'm in committed relationships with." Let me know what you all think!! You guys always give such good advice!! Thanks!
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