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About Me

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  1. I am engaged to a fantastic woman. We are getting married in May. We very much get together and love each other. There is one thing that is bothering me though and I am going to bring it up to her, but wanted some opinions first. Before we lived together and got engaged, we had a discussion about a number of things. One of them was her debt. She has run up a fair amount of debt over the last 5-10 years. She makes about 30k each year before tax and I make about 70k or more. I have a fairly inexpensive mortgage, but I have about 10k of debt I am trying to pay off. She has a horse that she boards that costs a lot of money each month and is a major reason for her being in debt. Now, we sort of agreed that I would take care of most things except for perhaps food and stuff like that. Well, I don't know what her debt is, but her monthly payments are in the arena of $400-$450. For the time we have lived together, she never seems to have money left over at the end of the month, even though she has no expenses now like rent or anything like that. I get nervous that she is still blowing her paycheck. I have a stock purchase program at my company that allows me to put in a certain amount of money each paycheck in order to purchase stock in one year at a 15% discount. It is a good forced savings plan that I convinced her to help contribute to and put towards paying off her debt. I have tried finding other things like that to help her control her debt. Anyways, what bothers me is stuff like today. She calls me up and says she has to come up with $98 to pay for her horse's vaccines on Wednesday. She doesn't have it and asked if I could lend her this. Well, I have lent her money on a number of occasions ($50 here, $100 there, etc.) and I never get paid back. I have written a budget for myself and what I can and can't afford. I can't really afford for her to ask for cash like that when I can't budget for it. Now, after we get married, we will want children (we have discussed this). If we are married and she is going to want to stay at home with kids, there is no way we will be able to make it by with only my paycheck and her spending habits. How should I bring this up to her? How should I let her know my concerns? I am trying to find a way of bringing this up without me totally sounding like a cheap money pinching jerk, but that I have concerns. I know I shouldn't have issues with just bringing it up, but its hard at some level to not be able to provide for what my "family" will want, even though I make a good salaray. Any input is greatly apprecitated. Thanks
  2. i ve been with my boyfrnd for 4 yrs since 2 yrs i ve been fighting everyday.. he is in huge debt and he promised he will resolve them in a yr or so but its taking em so long i cant wait to be with him. we love each other.. he is giving his work all the time and am feeling alone.. am arguing in every topic and tiny issue.. what to do to stop my anger
  3. hello all. i have been tortured with mental health problems for about 10 years now, and i dont think that things will get better. I've managed to stay alive so far, and will likely do so for a few more years yet. Thing is i dont really see a future other than living off state benefits. I have not had a girlfriend in years, i dont have any mates i dont have any money, i dont have a future. all i have is alcohol which i really truly hate. i only drink a few times a week nowadays and dont drink much either, but i know my future will evolve suffering, alcoholism and a premature death, whether by suicide or liver failure. I do see a shrink, though she is useless and i dont have a rapport with her. I also see a community psychiatric nurse as well. for example no matter how much i beg for help, they never precribe anti-depressants, or sleeping tablets or effective anti-anxiety medication As i suffer from debilitating anxiety i rarely go out, but when i do, I turn green , puke everywhere and faint when i do. I have been told that cognitive behavioural therapy would help, but because i suffer from psychosis i have been told that i am not eligible for CBT. I also have to feed my mum becuase she is so heavily in debt. consequently im always broke and have a little money to spend on myself. i just dont get it. i really dont see why i keep going, especially when i know what my future holds. life really is a stupid thing. cheers
  4. Heres the deal, since the moment i saw her i have felt an amazing feeling, one that i cannot explain, something that i know i so right. Whats funny is for the first time i feel like i would die t loose her yet i havent really even talked to her can someone please give me some advice on whether or not this girl is the one or if im going crazy anything would be appreciated phillip link removed (Free credit reports, debt consolidation and even credit cards!!)
  5. heres the deal....we both seem to enjoy eachother's company, how can i finally let her know how i feel can you guys give me some ideas on ways of telling her places to go, and things to do... i would greatly appreciate your help link removed (free credit reports. free debt consolidation and great credit card prices!!)
  6. Okay, here goes nothing... I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years a few days ago. I am having a hard time, and of course this is not the first relationship I've had that hasn't lasted. I'm just tired of feeling awful and want to be happy again. But I know that I have rushed this process in the past, and so I don't know if I've ever had "closure." This time I want to have it so I can move on without any second thoughts. So here are my current second thoughts... I want to vent a little and get others' opinions to make sure I'm not crazy or just plain dumb. My now-ex is a real sweetheart. He's one of those "good guys" that hasn't, and I still don't believe ever would, lie or cheat to someone. However, he's older than me (almost 40, while I'm almost 30), and still lives with his mother. He also has a daughter that he doesn't have contact with (long story). I ignored these initial warning signs when I met him - I believe maybe because I was on rebound from a past relationship. Yet I grew to really love him. We were very compatible, with similar interests and communication styles. But when I found out that he had accumulated tens of thousands of dollars in debt in just one year (while we were dating), I started to have doubts about his maturity. What tipped it over the edge was he recently got his license suspended due to too many tickets. I understand that this can happen to a lot of people, but I was already doubting our relationship, and I didn't want to feel like I had to take care of him like I would a child. The thought of driving him places made me think that I would resent him. I don't know. Maybe I'm just selfish, and this makes me feel really awful. So my question is... Am I dumb for letting a "good guy" go (in terms of treating me well, etc.), or am I crazy for not being able to hold on to a relationship? These may or may not be questions you can answer, I know. Thanks for reading my looonnng post, and any thoughts are appreciated!
  7. Are there any single women over the age of 25 that don't have mammoth credit card (or otherwise) debt?? After discussing this w/ several friends and based on personal experiences, I have never met one. Many men probably have the same problem, but I don't date them. My one friend's wife had 125k in miscellaneous debt when they got married...that's a house!!! They struggle. My last GF had over 40k in credit debt and my present one has over 75k. I don't have a huge income, live modestly, don't have a bunch of shiny things, and haven't used a credit card in over 8 years...I manage my money. It just makes it hard thinking long term. I've worked hard to accumulate the money I have by sacrificing, and this would vanish the day I got married in order to pay off her debt. I don't believe in having separate pots of money (or separate debt) in a marriage, and I'm fine sharing. I know I sound selfish, but actually I'm more than generous to friends and family. I just can't help thinking if things don't work out, she makes out great (free ride out of her 75k debt + part of my future earnings)....and I've spent the last decade "saving" for nothing. Funny when I started accumulating some wealth, women were much more available. I know we just need to get on the same page and all that financial-guru stuff. Basically, I'm just curious if there are ladies out there without massive debt...particularly credit card debt for miscellaneous junk???
  8. Ok...boyfriends great....well...one thing.... the kid doesnt know how how to manage money...hes so in debt...he took out a lone for $4,000 and BELIEVES somewere in his head that he doesnt have to pay that back...that he actually fixed the situation.... he buys stuff and later on regrets buying it...he has a 2006 mustang convertable that is $700 dollars a month = REGRETS IT buys a bloflex=regrets it buys me a $900 dollar ring 2 years ago = doesnt regret it but is still paying on it i cant move in with someone like that... and on top of all this... on top of it all... he goes out and buys the newest x-box with that money... come ON ARE YOU SERIOUS? ITS NOT FREE MONEY!!!!! men...how do you talk to someone about that...expecially if there so use to giving there parents money for there gambling problem, giving everyone money...basically like being the father of the house... what do i say. how do i say things? does he know what is really going on...or in his mind...does he think hes really ok?
  9. Ok so me and my guy have been getting serous as of late to say the least. Talking marriage big time. He said he wants to wait to ask me till he can afford a ring and stuff (recently laid-off, damn IT feild!), so thats cool. I really don't care about the ring and stuff, but its important to him, so whatever, I have a little time. My question here... What do I get him? I mean engagment ring, I want to give him something... Is this customary for the gal to get the guy something? I have been looking online, and nada... No help. He isn't a ring sorta guy or I would totally get him a mangagment ring hehe, like he will wear a wedding band, i know... but other than that, nope. I was thinking really nice watch? If not that what? If girls do get the guy something, what do they get? Gee the men have it SO much easier! But seriously, I love him and I really want to get something when he asks me to express how I feel for him. I have till summer I think, he was talking about asking me then because debt would be gone (hopefully!) by then. So I have 6 months to save up really. So I would be able to have a few thousand really I could spend, so money isn't so much an issue as what to get him. Any of you gals (or guys have your gal) get something for your Mr. Right when he popped the question? If so what and did it go over well? I just want him to know how special he is to me and that I am crazy about him!
  10. I got my own auto insurance policy about a year ago (I used to be under my parents since it was cheaper) and I remember them sending me a letter saying that my premium is higher because of my credit history and the amount of debt I have. I'm about $18k in debt due to school loans and another couple of thousand from my credit card. I was not aware of the fact that it would actually affect how much I'm paying for my car insurance. I always thought that it was based on your driving record. So does this mean that my premium will go down once my debt has been cleared?? Also, about one's credit history . . . it is to my knowledge that as long as you make the min payment every month, that it would not affect your credit history. Is this also true? I also have a habit of signing up for credit cards because of promotions and then cancelling them after about a year or two, does that affect my credit history as well?
  11. hey guys. my biggest problem...is what i am going to do with my life. i got good gcses. a levels BCC in maths, physics and biology ( god knows why i took them ) then i had a year out working in a shop and in as a waitress. I tried psychology at uni but dropped out after the first term. i haven't done anything since due to mia/depression. I don't even have a part time job. i can't stop thinging what to do next. I have a place to do fashion design and forcasting at a collage starting in september. But i can't just go and do that becasue i have nothing else to do. i don't think i will be very good at it. And im scared i will do that get into debt, finshish the degree,...and then not have a job. Im thinking of getting into a job and working my way up, just from having my alevels i suppose. but i have no idea where to start. what to do/where to look. I am so down and feel so huge at the mo i can't even walk to the shopS! I know i need to sort myself out but i just dont know where to start.
  12. Long story short: I'm getting my first apartment. I'm excited and scared all at the same time... I currently have about $700 worth of credit card debt, and I may have to dig myself a bit deeper to pay all the fees associated with first getting an apartment. I know I will eventually be able to get out of this debt, but the fact that I have it at all is what bugs me...and I only have $60 in my savings. I'm really going to be *just* getting by. I'll have about $180 leftover every month after paying bills (and estimating my electric at $100 a month-although it may be lower). And that does not include putting gas in my car... Most people I'm sure have been in this position before...I feel so stressed out, but I'm still relieved that I'm finally getting a place of my own. Does anyone have any advice for me? I've read tons of online articles about renting, so I'm not completely clueless...but this money-stuff has got me so worried...
  13. I have an older brother who is 36. He is single, never married- no girlfriend. Never left home, lives with my Mom. Hes a college graduate and makes over $150, 000 a year. He has taken a second job and now works weekends, he has no days off and gets out of work at like 9 pm. He comes home, eats, goes to bed and gets up at 5am. Hes in debt at all, owes no one any money. He tells me he is saving up enough money so he can have close to one million dollars and he told me he hopes to accomplish this by 40... He has gotten fat, his hair is grey. My mom makes him lunch. He tells me he will prob never get married cause hes fat now and has no life. I told him i think you should lose weight, he tells me no its too late hes 36 an old man. I told him at 36 he should have his own apartment and he will feel happy. He tells me hes been living at home for 36 years and having his own place will do nothing for him. So i told him but you havent tried it, how do you know? He says cause he knows. I think this is a very weird situation. I think its highly unhealthy. How do I convince him that having the second job is destructive and so is living at home when you make over $150, 000 with no debt at all? He is very nerdy and a mommas boy so i know this has to do alot with his behaviour.
  14. Is anyone else dealing with this matter? At this point, I feel I've abandoned my life to paying for my four year education. I had little practical or wise insight when I went about the college process. I did not know the difference from public and private schools, my father encouraged me not to work during school (he's not paying for it!). Now I owe more than I should. More than it's worth. And to add to that, I wanted to pursue a master's and was accepted into a program at UCLA but I'm seriously reconsidering. If I incur this new debt, I could likely end up paying more than 100k in loans. I honestly regret doing what I've done. I don't recommend college for the poor unless they are studying to be engineers or doctors.
  15. for those who know... you will see me you will see me here or there there is no hope even in suicide the best of me has gone the courage to give all the body will live on as it wishes but the soul will have no part for i have slain it gray eyes and cold tomorrow hands washed in eternal silence a trail of blood to the opening of hell where i threw my dead soul and my debt was repaid but hey, i still have my sense of humor
  16. Im know im not the only person thats dealing with financial setbacks in the world, but lately I have been beating myself up alot about my financial situation. This whole year was bad luck after bad luck for my family and I. From having to move out of our Apartment right down to pinching every last penny just so my daughter can have food on the table. I fell way behind in my bills then I have ever did before. Then when I finally just about caught up, we had to move out of our apartment because my landlord needed her unit for a displaced family member. So there I had to skip some bills just to make first mionths rent and deposit for a new place. Thankfully we got that new place, but the cutting bills in half or skipping payments put us right back where we started at the beginning of the year. Everytime I think Im about to be rid of Debt the financial grim reaper seems to find me and pulls me back in the collection agency world. Im often depressed cause no matter how hard I try I feel like a failure. I look at my daughter and husband and I feel as if i failed them. My husband puts in long hours at work just so that we can have moneyleft over for neccesaties, I take care my daughter and work part time 4 days out of the week cause we cant afford childcare and the programs they do have out there for child care help wont help us cause our gross incomes is over the financial limit required for chil care assistance.. I could go on and on .. If there is anyone out there who has been down this road before have any advice on how i can recover it would be greatly appericated. And also will giving some kind of payment no matter how much it is to my creditors, do u think that would help them see immaking some kind of effort instead of just skipping them completely??
  17. Ahh I didnt think I would be back here so soon? Anyway I am going to vent. Maybe writing down the issues will clarify things slightly in my own head I have been dating a lovely girl for over a year now. Her financial situation was always chaotic even when I met here and while we where dating (About 5 months into our relationship) she had issues with accommodation. I had just moved into my own flat so I offered a place to her. That was about 7 months ago. Well, it hasnt been easy with visa issues and studies for her and she has managed to get quite heavily into debt, whilst I was paying all the household bills(I am 8 years older and professional person so dont mind too much). I have also paid for her studies(she need to study for her visa), most of the visa application and have pretty much been paying the lions share of everything Although our relationship is good(Obviously we have our ups and downs), she has become financially dependant on me and for the past few weeks has had absolutely no money whatsoever. When she did still have money available it was not like she was skimping and saving either. Recently she needed a moderate sum of money for a friend who was going back home that she owed money too which I provided. I was slightly perturbed when she didnt even acknowledge that with a thank you. We had been planning to go on holiday but under the circumstances I would have to pay for two and the holiday would probably leave her in more financial trouble than she is in already. She didnt really ask ask if this was OK with me and assumed I would just foot the bill I confronted her about not acknowledging the reciept of the money for her debt as well as why she assumed that it was OK that I would pay for both of us to go on the trip and she exploded and told me all I think about is money and in short that she wish she had never met me. She said she would have paid what would amount to a 5th of the cost of the trip. So I asked how she then expected to pay the overdue balances on the credits cards which amounted to about the same amount. This was met with a very hostile response I expected her to be upset but was not really prepared for so violent a reaction, but I replaied by saying that if I didnt feel right about this that we shoudl discuss it and its not really fair to react like that. She was as cold as ice and didnt want to enter into any rational discussion about it. I have decided I am going to stick to my guns on this no matter what the outcome as I feel that if we cannot really discuss these issues then there is not much point to relationship. Owing to visa limitations, she has not been able to get the best jobs, and I am sure she is not happy about being dependent on me, but she does seem to have a problem with money and if we are to have a relationship, we need to confront the issue of the mounting debt and I dont really think that an expensive holiday is exactly the right thing to do. Alarm bells are ringing as I am a hard worker and financially conservative, have no debt and I am trying very hard to get money together for house, own business, kids whatever comes up along the way. I am quite prepared to make the sacrifice of not going on holiday, owing to her situation and to help her with her debt and studies, but I dont really feel like it is a reciprocal feeling. It almost feels like the more I do the less it requires her to be financially responsible. I do have money for this holiday, and she knows that, but its not really a priority now and I would rather save it or do something for financial security or progress I almost feel guilty for having financial goals and dreams of a better life, that I know are only going to materialise with hard work and prudence. I dont have any family here and if I scr£w things up, I am on my own. I feel like I am being unneccessarily tight (stingy for all you in the US), but its not like I am a millionaire(very far from it) and I will need to save hard to have any pension,funds for future kids school etc I know I am not being very romantic but , life is not always fun and after providing all the neccessites of life I am a bit irritated that she has racked up the debt and I dont really feel like using my hard earned cash to bail her out. I think it would be sending the wrong message. I am in realtionship limbo now as she is fuming, but I am not backing down. As her boyfriend I dont really feel I should be subject to such abuse nor obliged to do more than I have done. Has anybody got any takes on this? Any input appreciated
  18. Let me tell you my story.. I am 19, a freshman in college and I am going to the community college and still living at home with my parents. I was suppose to go away to school last fall but ended up changing my mind last minute because it was a privte school, I wasnt in love with it, and if I wanted to one day transfer half the credits wouldnt be accepted anywhere else So it would have been a waste of time and money. I hate the fact that I am going to the community college and STILL living at home. I have always said as soon as I turn 18 im moving out.. and I have always waited for that day.. and here I am 19.. still living at home. I am sick of it, and living in this city.. I never lived anywhere else in 19 years and I have known the SAME people the whole time. All of my friends have their own life now and we talk occasionally but i just crave moving away and meeting new people.. and being on my own! So my option.. My boyfriend of 2 yrs lives in Alabama during the school year he goes to Auburn University. I have been thinking seriously about moving up there after Christmas and going to the community college (10 mins away from his campus) next semester and then Auburn in the fall. He is living on an on-campus apartment so we couldnt live together because he has to finish the school yaer out in it. But we decided that we are going to live up there year-round because the main reason he came home during summers and stuff was to see me. So during the summer we can get an apartment together.. and live "happily ever after".. The problem.. I can't decide if I should move up their in the Spring or wait until the summer. I know it would be soo much smarter to wait untiil the summer (money wise) Because I am in some debt and it would give me time to get it all paid off and to save some money to rely on while I am up there. Also if I wait until summer I would have someone to share rent with.. and I wouldnt have to spend five months bymyself.. I asked God to send me a sign with what I should do and stuff and then that night I got an email about a job-opening for 30 hours a week.. which is perfect.. but I would still be struggling to pay bills... pay off my debt.. and buy everything I am going to need for an apartment (dishes,towels, blankets, plates, etc) So it would be soo much smarter to wait until summer.. but at the same time I dont want to wait at all and the thought of it kills me... I know 5 months isnt that long.. but its the fact that my b/f and I have been separated for a year and a half now.. i forgot what it is like to just be able to hang out with your boyfriend whenever you want.. and im sick of seeing other couples together and just knowing that I am old enough and done with high school and I can do something about it.. My heart says to move in the spring.. but my mind thinks about how hard it is going to be and basically reality.. But if I move up there I am going to take out a student loan for back-up money.. and I mean we are only in college once.. I feel that I should really take this chance.. but I know I have the rest of my life to live on my own.. So tell me what you would do if you were me.. or if anyone ever dealt with something like this.. what did you choose and how did it work out.. and should I listen to my heart or be smart about it and wait...
  19. I know its not right, its not easy to talk about. I have grown up with my brother all my life, im 25 and should be able to understand him, but i dont. It feels like everything in my life has been ruined by my brother. Hes so selfish and such an awful person. He has got himself into debt, and has joined the armed forces. Now we have creditors ringing us up 24/7 asking for money, even i have bailed him out of hundreds in debt to keep him out of prison for his spending problems. I will never see that money repaid. Well it goes back a long way, he has always used me as a way of fitting in, when we were children he joined a "gang" and told them all sorts of things about me so they had a target, someone to bully, just so he fitted in. He doesnt care about anyone but himself. Even now he is back for the weekend, my parents are on holiday and i finished a shift working at a bar, the house is wrecked, littered with beercans and fag-butts. It will take me hours to clean up, and i have to work tomorrow, when i asked him to help, he pointed out that my parents left me in charge, its my responsibilty. He even stayed up for 2 hours just because he knows that i like an hour to unwind after a busy shift. The worst thing is, he thinks I have a problem, its all me and he is fantastic! The question I am trying to ask is simple, should I hate him, because I do! Its not right, this goes beyond sibling rivalry! Has anyone experienced something similar? What should I do? Thank you for reading this. I need your help. Ben
  20. well i dont know when or how it even started but since I have graduated i have just been in a downward tailspin ever since. After high school i completed 2 years of community college and graduated with an associates degree. thats when it really started to happen. I know this site is mostly about girlfriend/boyfriends etc. but i am 22 years old. I am going back to school in the fall and i'm trying to start my life. There is only one problem. I have terrible terrible terrible credit. i am probably about $5000 in debt. now being 22 i am looking into the future, i wanna get a house, start my life. but i know i wouldnt even come close to getting any kind of loan. hell i cant even get a credit card! i am seeking help from anyone who knows of anybody that can help. or someone who went through the same thing. PLEASE HELP!!!
  21. I really need to talk to you all, as im in a right state. Well, as some of you know, I have had a really tough life, especially the last 3 years, with a failed relationship, debt and other problems. I was talking to someone today who needed my help, this person also went out on a date with me a few months ago and went a bit crazy with nerves and ran off. Anyway, after helping her for a bit she started dragging up my past. If there is a big no-no with me, thats it. I am probally the most lonely person in the universe and I have recently just given up on trying to find a life for myself. I have had my chances and blown them, so I shouldnt be greedy. Basically I went through hell over the last hour or so, Im sobbing and lonely. I dont want to remember the past, I dont find it easy to talk, believe me this is just fringing on me what im writing. I trust no-one because then no-one can hurt you. What can I do to feel better?
  22. Mentally the last two weeks I've been really out of synch. My outlook on life is negative and my feelings are a mess. Everyone who says if your feeling suicidal, get help, go to a psychologist and get meds. While that sounds like a great plan, how would one go about doing that when they have no medical insurance? As much as I'd like to get help, I don't really see a point when it'd just put me in debt. All I know is I'm very aware of my behavior and I'm ready to take that step towards help if I can find a way. What are my options without incurring debt?
  23. First of I just want to say hello to everyone as you can see I am very new to your community and stumbled upon it in search of some answers and advise. My boyfriend and I have been with each other for 5 years and living together for about the same amount of time. I fell for him because he was the "nice guy". I was at a point in my life where I wanted stability and control, to find someone who had the same needs was very enchanting. He was as sweet, genuine and mature and to top it off we shared a very similar childhood. Our interests varied but in such a way that it was exciting and we learned from each other. It felt so real to be with him. I have never had any regrets about past relationships. I had maintained emotional intelligent and have only allowed myself to be treated with respect. I was very independent and proud, having successfully cared for myself from a very young age and the control to stay on the right track I felt invincible. Meeting him seemed like a dream I could continue to achieve the lifestyle I wanted but now with someone by my side. Within the first year I found myself disillusioned. The nice guy now had a minor criminal past. It was in the past and there were no obvious signs of current behavior. I would also catch him in small lies but they were very trivial and he would discredit them to misunderstandings (my misunderstanding). By the end of the first year I too had screwed up…big time. I had got very close to another man, nothing that leads to sex but enough to be considered cheating. At the point where I knew I had lost my boyfriend, I completely ended any contact with the other guy. We reconciled and he seemed to deal with the situation very well. I went to great lengths not to put him through this pain again. For years I had no male friends, not by his request but to prove and be satisfied he would trust me again. He is not emotional at all, he is the role model for all that want to suppress emotions, and he is very hard to read. He says he is over it. From this point on I found myself very dependant on him. I no longer took part in any of my favorite hobbies, and did not realize my goal to go to university. I became terribly obsessive, his actions and mood would consume my daily activities. His lies became more frequent and I found out a lot about him which if was known from the beginning would have discouraged any kind of relationship. I felt in some respect he was getting me back and was justifying behavior based on what I had done. I now began to see how he acted, treated and reacted to his friends. I was as if by any means necessary he would get what he wanted and no matter how obvious his fault in a situation would be he could never accept any responsibility. Not only in our relationship but in everyday events. What feels weird is in any other person I have seen this in they have been more aggressive. He is not, not at all. He seems very calculated in his decision making. A few months ago we had to move apart because of financial reasons. He couldn't work and my income was not enough to keep everything going. He moved in with his parents and I with mine for a few months in order to avoid getting into more debt and to reduce the debt we have. I was devastated, I completely broke down. I felt like my life was coming to an end. I was nothing, had nothing and felt so alone. This lasted for a week, and then it started getting better. Not only did it start getting better I started to feel good. I began going out with friends again, I got close to my family again, and I was doing something productive everyday after work. No more obsessions, acne completely cleared up and stopped smoking. Co-workers were positively commenting on my appearance, body language and attitude. Where as before I was always asked if something was wrong (it drove me nuts because I never really felt like anything was wrong). I couldn't believe that this seemingly devastating situation did a full circle and became a great couple months. I contemplated moving back in together and ultimalty decided to. We had a nice talk and agreed to both change aspects of our behavior in order to improve the relationship. He acted impressed that I was doing so good and loved that I had regained some independence. I am now seeing things in a new light and I find myself being manipulated and taken advantage of. Sometimes I feel I am only here for a second income. I came back with the best intentions and a clear head but things are declining once again. If I don't comply with what he wants it is like I am punished. Not openly or offensively but something negative will happen as a direct result of what I decided to or not to do. It is like I am being conditioned. I have noted that I am in no way to receive any attention or empathy when I am upset or hurt. If a conversation is going in a direction he doesn't want it to go I am faced with "This conversation is over". My reaction to this has now been to walk away and not show emotion where as before I would get very upset and end up putting myself in the wrong. He is reacting differently too, it is like he is adapting to my responses and calculating a new way to "deal with me". I feel like I am talking crazy, I really do. Mostly because I feel like we are so good together at times. I think it comes down to I feel like he doesn't love me anymore and my question is why am I still here? Especially after the realization that I can do well on my own, I've been given the opportunity to see that the separation anxiety really does end, things do get better and life continues. It's like I have emotional backup but afraid to use it. I'm lost and confused and sitting in limbo. All I want is something anything from him. I want him to either open up and embrace me or kick my butt out on the street. My clear head is clouding up again and I think its use it or lose it time. Please comment Sorry for the length, I will try and keep future posts shorter.
  24. I have separated from my wife now for a four weeks. ANd i have to admit it was long over due, but have come to realize that maybe I was more right about some things that i thought. We are just really beginning to negioate and i know that it will take time and lots of give and take, but i find the following amazing. We separated owing a decent amount of people and we both had invidual debts. Not a ton compared to most but maybe outside a mortgage owing 5-6K, not too bad i guess. I made it a point to say (right or wrong) I'd handle the debt, on both sides. Hers and Mine... it was incurred as a couple so i'll pay it. and within 4 weeks i have eliminated or paid 90% of it and NOW all i hear is how in the hell are you doing that? Now's shes complaining that I'm paying things off and belly aching as to where things are coming from? Granted i had tarried on claiming some travel at work, but for the most part not having to deal with her writing checks and not accounting for some has eliminated so much worry that now i CAN TAKE CARE OF things better. But i'm being harassed now for cleaning up her mess. With some people you cant win. Life surely goes on. No regrets on living my life again.
  25. What does this mean I wonder? Just today, after years and years and years (maybe 15), I feel as if I am totally in the mood for love! I feel as if tomorrow, with my open heart, I will meet my future wife! What I'm feeling is that we decide our love fate. If our heart is in the right place and we put it on display, the right person is going to sink right in. Am I crazy? We'll find out!! I'll update over the next few months! An FYI. I had my heart BROKEN.. SHATTERED.. 5 years ago. It took 4 years to heal my heart. But I learned from it. Now, for the first time in my life, I feel as if I'm really ready for REAL LOVE... not the love of ownership which I was feeling before. I guess I'm gambling with my heart again, but what choice do I have? Have you ever felt like this? This is terrific!! Part of this has come about I think because I make a good living and finally have EVERY DEBT paid off. I'm living debt free, not even a car debt. Quite a burden off my shoulders.
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