btbt
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Everything posted by btbt
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I don't think this is "illegal," but it could be sticky. Once you graduate, there's no problem, but if you are still a student, you should assess whether the potential stickiness is worth it -- do you go to a small school where everyone talks? Even if you don't take another class with her, if people knew about your relationship would it jeopardize your course of study or her career? Maybe you guys can just be friends until the coast is clearer.
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I don't think you can ever avoid being a rebound person (except by not dating the person at all) as like the other posters said, rebounders don't even know they are on the rebound. But trust your instincts. When someone is holding back from you and holding hopes for someone else, you know in your gut (maybe this is why you are asking the question). I dated a guy 6 months out of his divorce and I bet if I asked him if he was on the rebound, he's say, no, but guess what! Trust your gut. Maybe this person needs a friend more than a romantic partner.
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I wouldn't play games. If you are nervous about where this is going, esp. after having been emotionally intimate, it's your right to know where's it going. The "go with the flow" answer may be okay, but it sounds like you are at the point of the relationship where you want more. If you do want more and he can't give it to you then, I'm afraid, you have your answer.
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The situation doesn't sound confusing and complicated at all. You are dating two people and have feelings for both. Some people can "multi-task" as you say, but it sounds like it is driving you nuts. Best bet is to pick one and start having a solid relationship with one of these guys.
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I wouldn't write her off just yet, esp. if you like her. Sounds like she likes you and wants to be a "good girl," but as is natural is curious and desiring of physical intimacy. True, she is jacking you around a little bit. She's got to get her act togehter, but it's doesn't sound like she is confused about liking you, but is confused about how to conduct the relationship. If you are willing to be patient with her, then I'd say stick with it (you do sound very reassuring and patient), but that's not the job for every man.
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I'd stay away from it, esp. because you already have hesitations. Hold yourself out for someone who will give you both sex and love!
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Sounds like he is afraid to ask you out for fear of rejection (hence, he sent your friend off to test the waters).
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I often feel the same way you do and I often pick apart people in my mind, exaggerating and criticizing everything about them. I realized, however, that I was super critical of other people because I am super critical of myself. For ex. I used to hate one of my roommates because she was so weak and needy, but then I realized that it was because I was scared of being seen as weak and needy myself. I felt like I had gone through tough times and worked hard to become independent and couldn't stand to see other people who didn't try to be independent too. If this at all applies to your situation, i.e. you feel like your criticisms of other people stems from your criticisms of yourself, give yourself a break and your heart will open up to others too. You may also feel like you are not in your "element." Maybe you've outgrown your social circle and wish you could meet different types of people? In that case, try to socialize with people who share your interests and you can focus less on the people and your attitude about them, and the fun that you have together.
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I once went on a date with a guy (set-up through mutual friend) and our first date was incredible. My friend called me the next day to say that he was head over heels. Then he called me and said he wanted to see me again (the next day!). So there we are on our second date, seemed to be okay, not as exciting as the first, but okay. Then, I never hear from him again! So later I find out that he is dating his secretary. Argh. So to answer your question about getting into dating again -- you have to keep it light and maintain your sense of humor at all times!
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Prom Date- Best Friend- Or guy Who Likes Me? H-E-L-P!!
btbt replied to good_charlotte_freak2's topic in Dating Advice
Are you interested in the second guy who asked you? If so, I would go with him and not worry about what my friends think. Or, maybe you can go in a group -- you and the guy, and your best friend and another female friend (maybe the one who is going solo)? Prom can be a nice romantic time, but it's also a time to be with your friends, so maybe this "outside the box" suggestion will help you do both (unless of course you are interested in both guys, in which case that would be a mess). -
It depends on what your style is. Are you a romantic? Are you a casual date kind of person? But, being a gentleman is always a plus. Try to think of an activity she likes or a place that she would like to go. It's always impressive when a guy puts an effort into a date and shows that he's thought about what the girl might enjoy.
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It does sound a little fast, but I don't think you should worry so much about rules and protocols. The bottom line is that you felt uncomfortable when he asked you and you feel uncomfortable about going. So go with your guy. If this guy is worth it, he'll stick around and there will be other trips.
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I agree with the posters who say that this guy sounds pretty insensitive. However, I will say that people get very weird when it comes to super serious stuff like death. When I had a death in the family, one of my closest friends withdrew from me, not calling me back etc. Then another family member got really sick and this friend did the same thing. I was very upset with her, but realized that it wasn't because she didn't care about me, but had so many of her own issues that she couldn't deal with something so huge. I still consider her a good friend, but I've come to learn that she has her limits and then in tough times I should rely on the friends that will be at the scene. I also realized that when this stuff happens, you become hyper-sensitive about your friends and loved ones, and kind of put them through a "test" (i.e. now I'll find out who my true friends are). What I'm trying to say is that this guy's response doesn't mean he is a total jerk (though he may well be). He might turn out to be the best boyfriend, but what you've learned is that when the going gets tough, he's not very supportive. If he's not being supportive now in the "courting" stage, when things get more serious and people get lazy/take each other for granted, this spells trouble. I'm sorry to hear about the illness in your family. What I would say is that you work on healing from these things through the friends who do care and dump this guy or just date him non-seriously.
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This happens to a lot of us -- the circumstances of your life may have change, your tastes in guys may have changed etc. If he's still around and single, why not strike something up? You have nothing to lose. Just be sure you don't suddenly like him because of momentary jealousy or superficial things (e.g. you found out that he is dating someone else, or that he won the lottery or something)
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Not sure what to do...kinda living in a fog..
btbt replied to AprilS0769's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I agree with what everyone is saying. It will make you miserable to stay in a relationship for practical reasons such as finances, house etc. You sound like a smart, capable person, so even if splitting up will make things more difficult, you can do it. Also, you say you do not want to disrupt the kids stability, but kids are very smart and can sense when their parents are unhappy. This might have a worse effect on them than having to move and struggle financially a bit. Start planning like some of the other posters said on finding a place to stay and laying the legal groundwork for getting your share of what's due to you. Best of luck. -
yeah, write everything down -- all the stuff you've posted in a good start. This is completely improper behavior and you should report him to his supervisor and the police, and get a restraining order if you have to. This fellow obviously has bad control issues!
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Bizarre! Maybe he was really nervous, or maybe he suddenly felt a stomach virus coming on, or maybe he couldn't afford the movie or beignets? Anyway, it's a funny story, and I'm glad you've moved on and are laughing about it!
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It sounds like what you are saying is not that he is serious, but he is boring. Like everyone else says, it's easy to be more relaxed online. And then there are the people who are funny and witty in person, but as animated as cardboard on the phone, e-mail or online. Give him some time. Sounds like he'll open up once he relaxes. And if not, there are worse things in life than boring guys!
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It's not clear from your first message that he is "chasing" you. Sounds like his flirting, but dinner is harmless. It does sound like he is attracted to you (I mean, why not have dinner with a fun, attractive girl instead of alone or with the same old friends?), but just from what you have said I think you are overstating his interest in you. If he were really chasing you, he'd be at your door with flowers, calling you all the time and making it clear in no uncertain terms that he likes you. It doesn't sound like he is doing these things and his message to you ("we are friends") is not what a chasing person does. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it would be bad if you got hurt because you were overthinking his moves and not seeing the clear signals that he not interested. Actually, sounds like he is interested, but is playing around -- which is worse.
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I'm a little bothered by his curt response to your text message. Admittedly the whole thing about "you chase too much" put him on the defensive, but his simple reply "we are friends" sounds like a loud and clear message (a guy offering to pay for a meal doesn't mean he's interested). Even if he is interested, he's doesn't sound very open and honest. I mean, why didn't he address your concerns in the text message?
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I think once the student-teacher relationship is over, it's okay, esp. if some years have passed, and, sad enough to say, it seems much more "okay" when the student is a younger woman and the professor is an older man. However, while it may be "officially" okay, the couple will probably the subject of lots of gossip esp. in the beginning. But when you're old and gray it won't matter. One instance where it might matter, is if the student were somehow in the university setting or some other carerr setting in which the professor is also involved. Gender plays into this again, as the student might be made to feel like her achievements were not her own but she had some help from her partner.
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Sounds like you have to be more comfortable with yourself. Thought experiment: if there was a guy who was the stoniest of stoners but was entirely happy and pleased that he was a stoner, someone calling him that wouldn't make him unhappy. He'd be like, hey, that's what I am! I'm not saying that you are stoner, and sometimes people can give constructive advice. But you have to figure out what makes you happy as a person. Don't try to live up to external standards or please other people, like wanting to be like your Dad or wanting to please a girl who makes a rude comment about you. Makes yourself happy, and like the other person said, hang out with people who appreciate and respect the way you are instead of trying to fit in with a crowd that doesn't suit you.
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Yeah, this guy doesn't seem like much a winner. It doesn't have anything to do with his child acting, his lack of money, drinking etc. (okay, his drinking is a big problem), but if he's not calling you or responding to your calls and texts, you should drop him like a hot potato. Don't make excuses for him because he has a difficult background. If he were a really "with it" guy, but didn't call you back etc., you'd be out of there already.
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My Girlfriend is gone but the love is still there.
btbt replied to heartbrokenboy's topic in Dating Advice
Kudos to the last post. If I were fighting with a boyfriend and he said let's make up, and let's go to the prom, but you have to pay for it, I'd be like "sayonara." However, it might be a good idea to go to the prom as a way of respecting your love and history together and not make it a pressurized deal. Sounds like you two both need some space, but if you want to go to the prom together, go as "people who love each other but need to work things out." In that case, maybe you can agree to split the cost so there is no resentment on either side and both of you feel like you are doing something because you want to. Now that I think about it, given all your problems you may want to avoid a romantic overkill thing with the prom because it will probably make a wonderful evening, but sweep the problems under the rug only to explode later. -
I don't know what to do, I'm being torn in half.
btbt replied to SchismOfTheHeart's topic in Dating Advice
Ask both out? That's recipe for disaster -- if they found out you will lose both. It's natural to like several people at once. Pick the one you like better and go for it. If it doesn't work out, maybe the other one will still be free. Either way, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Don't mean to sound harsh, but if you are playing them both, neither will talk you seriously.