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RIPDIME

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  • Birthday 05/30/1982

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  1. I'm not sure where to start, but I thought I'd try to get advice for where I am in life, and how to move forward. While this has been ongoing, in the last year, I became incredibly confused on where I wanted to live and who I was. I looked at my life and realized that I hadn't lived the life I wanted to live, and that there was a lot to change. This put me on a voyage of self discovery. I changed a whole lot of bad habits, addictions etc, especially in the last year. At first I moved out from a place of two years from my room-mates where I was stagnating. The new place was depressing, and life wasn't working, so I moved eight hours away to a small town during the winter for six months. Things didn't work as planned, so I decided to go travelling to Europe for a couple of months. While this was short-lived, and was only a 'taste', I had a really great time, and pushed myself past social anxiety, meeting the type of people I wanted to meet. At this point, I moved back to the city I was born in. However, there were a few problems now. I was confused more than ever where I wanted to live. I kept dreaming about emigrating to the UK, and accomplishing goals like getting a touring band together, getting good friends as opposed to the past etc. Because of the housing crisis in my home city, I found a place for a month. So there's the first part: I'm lost. I can't decide whether to go through a visa process and move, or stay here. I can weigh the pros and cons, and think hard on this, but both options seem huge. I only have two weeks to find a place in a city with a housing crisis in the busiest month, but time is running out to make this decision.. A lot of bizarre and inexplicable things have been happening to me (especially recently). In the past, I was very 'rational and skeptical, but the frequency of these events make me realize the universe is trying to tell me something. One, I keep having bizarre technological or life dysfunctions, where things like computers or other equipment all break down at once in weird ways that cost money. A couple other examples would be how I moved into my place a week early (was given the green light) and then the landlord said there's a 'technicality' and I can't stay at the place. Another is last night, I am parked in a parking lot, and a cop pulls up and says my insurance is out of date, fines and tows me, despite my insurance stickers being up to date (another technical glitch) (while a drunk driver backs into me randomly in front of the police officer). Very last of all.. I haven't had a relationship in over two years, have experienced lots of rejection, and haven't got laid. Yet, instantly when I move back to my home city, I'm walking on a beach, and meet a girl who has identical interests, who I eventually have sex with. While this may seem really good and all, the girl has some of my bad habits from the past (like smoking pot constantly) and I question my attraction to her, and her influence.. In the last two weeks, I keep running into people from the past. One example is a guy I used to have as a room-mate, who offers me a room in his house instantly. However, I can't tell whether he is also a good or bad influence, and if I am not getting stuck in past ruts again (but am desperate to find housing if I decide to stay here). Anyways. Not only am I lost and can't figure out which location to choose to live, I also know that I can't discount these bizarre events that keep piling up with extreme frequency, but I don't know how to read them, and what they're trying to say. Any advice?
  2. I'm at this point in my life, in my late 20s (almost 29 now), and I've been going through a quarter life crisis since my mid 20s. Last year I was able to organize my life: I stopped smoking pot and taking medication, started writing a diary, cleaning my room, stopped eating junk food, watching porn, and started exercising and working out etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of the progress I've made so far. The problem is, now that I've organized my life, have been developing good habits etc., I feel healthy and happier than a few months ago, but I don't see any benefits: there are still gaping holes in my life: the goals and dreams I want to accomplish are nigh. I decided to make a huge change in my life a few months ago and move to a small town ten hours away--I left the city and island I had lived on my whole life, my cat, and everyone behind..The main problems in my life that sparked this change for me were: 1) In the last couple of years, I had no success with girls. 2) I wanted new friends and to get away from bad influences. 3) Since finally finishing my degree last year, I didn't do anything: I wanted to get a job, promote my band, do something or make a mark. Now, take my goals. Friends I've met: A girl who I really fell in love with. She was already seeing someone and was not interested in anything romantic. I got over that, and wanted to be her friend, and then out of the blue she moved away. A girl I met briefly in the past, she seems like a bad influence, has a boyfriend--she said she'd contact me again to hang out, and didn't contact me. I met a bunch of musicians, and they're cool guys, and I could see playing music with them, but not sure of friendship. Career: I got a job. Everyone is nice, I get off early, and it's somewhat under my discipline, yet, it's the most boring job ever, the pay is low, it's soul-sucking, and I feel like I'm wasting my skills and talents. Keeping those two things in mind, I would say the biggest hang-up and problem I have is girls. It's not that I'm unattractive, I know that I have a lot to offer, and I see girls staring at me with interest all the time, and sometimes they say, 'hi' to me on the street.. Yet, I don't know how to talk with them, how to meet attractive girls, get a girlfriend or even get laid. This annoys me to no end. It seems to me that ever since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend two years ago, I've been cursed. If I meet a girl, either they actually have a boyfriend, or I can't seduce them. I've tried to go to bars alone. I'm too shy to 'approach' women, and if they approach me, once again, I don't know how to seduce them. I've tried online dating in the past, with very little luck. I know I was overweight then, my pictures were bad, so I'm willing to try again, but I'll be blunt--because of past rejection, I'm scared to even talk to girls, or make an online profile. My last problem is accomplishing my dreams. I know that what I'm really really good at and talented at music, people tell me all the time, and are absolutely blown away by my creations. I've created my own albums, and I plan on releasing a couple album soon that I know could very well be legendary genre changing albums. However, I know that to get these out there I have to market and promote them, or get a band together and tour. I'm not saying I couldn't live in this small town and figure out a way to tour, but sometimes I think to myself that I must live in a big city and literally devote my entire life to becoming a rockstar, one goal at a time. This scares me: my family would excommunicate me, I could lose savings, and moving again so quickly to a big unfamiliar city alone scares the out of me. So here's a summary: I feel lost, alone, and confused. I'm getting close to thirty, I haven't been laid in forever, crave love, and affection, and to be with someone I'm truly attracted to.. My new job is boring and soul-sucking, I don't have the friends I want, I don't know whether to stay in this location and make it work, or how to get a gameplan together otherwise, and sometimes I miss my homeland, the ocean, the city.. Sometimes I have dreams of my ex-girlfriend, and it hurts me to think that we haven't got over one-another. Luckily, I have lots of savings, so I can literally do anything I want--I can travel, I can join the circus, anything.. But, I don't know what to do, and have no idea how to figure it out. I know what I want, but I don't know how to get it. I feel socially retarded, like a ship lost at sea.. I see people with happy friends, people who get laid, people with girlfriends, and then there's me.. Regardless of whether I become healthy and make the right lifestyle choices, nothing changes. It all seems so hopeless some-times.
  3. This was all sound advice, and I thank-you for this. I invited her for dinner tomorrow. It was odd, because she said she could only go for a couple hours, so I've decided that this is it, this is my last chance, as the feelings seem to be fading, and I know that as my feelings fade, hers will too. So, my question is, since I only have two hours, I obviously have two options. 1) Tell her straight up that I like her, or 2) go for a walk and kiss her somewhere. Any advice on how I should go about this so it's smooth and in the right moment? Scared of being rejected, but looks like I have no choice but to try at this point.
  4. Well, okay, so it's obvious that I'm expected to make the move as a guy. I get it. When you say I'm supposed to escalate, does that mean that the friends thing is up in the air? Again, why would she make out with another guy, or say certain things? When I was younger I was shy and girls always made the first moves after hanging out a few times, and I was successful back then, even if I wasn't into them. My first real girlfriend we were looking at the stars and I walked up behind her and held her, so maybe I should do something like that? I say it because the last two years I have experienced lots of rejection. After breaking up I probably coming off as desperate and weak, I get it, but I'm just saying that I'm getting older, and if I am rejected once again, it's going to hurt a lot, especially since I really dig this girl. You all say, 'it's just life,' but I'm not sure any of you have experienced the amount or type of rejection I've experienced in the last while. If you fished a lake and kept coming up empty handed you'd feel the same way. I don't think I'm autistic, as I've never been labelled that, although I'm definitely 'artistic' and have been labelled with ADD, and (as my post said) suffered heavily from social anxiety. Obviously you'd bring it up for a reason, so it is personal. Anyways, so, I call her up and tell her I like her and ask if she wants to go out for dinner with me? Shouldn't I just ask her out for dinner and then go in for a kiss afterwards, as that's more spontaneous?
  5. Hello everyone, I am on a process of self-transformation and overcoming. So, seeing as how I wasn't doing well mentally and hadn't been in a relationship or even had sex in the town I was in for quite some time, I moved far away to a new town, and am starting to settle here, with my mental health becoming the best it's ever been. In any case, I wasn't all too sure if the town was working, but I decided to be superstitious one day and said to the universe, 'If tomorrow I talk to a girl and she returns my affection, I will stay here'. In any case, while I have been trying to overcome my lifelong awkwardness and shyness towards girls by talking to them, I saw a girl that really stood out to me in town. There was something about her presence and beauty that was special, so I gathered the courage to talk to her. Eventually, after talking for some time, she invited me to a cafe, and we ate together. I remember she was saying she was happy to have met me, and that she had a splendid time. I also remember her staring deep into my eyes. We kept talking every day or so. She invited me to hang out with her friends and go to a club. It was pretty unnerving to force myself to meet strangers and dance, but I did my best. When we went to the club I talked a lot about her family and was seeming to make emotional connections. At one point, I left and came back, and I remember hugging her for a long time. To my horror, she started making out with another guy who I thought was one of her friends, and being drunk, this really upset me. In any case, I slugged through the night despite being heartbroken and eventually ended up home. The third time we hung out, we went to my place alone. I was late to meet her, and there was some problems at my place, a couple embarrassing things, but I was very surprised at how confident I was. We made dinner together and we laid on my bed and read a book. I asked her to watch a movie, but she had to work early in the morning and said, 'another time'. Some things I noticed was that she always makes this sigh or this long 'hmmm' sound around me, and she seems to blush, but I could be mistaken. Also, when I was saying goodbye to her in my car, when I went over to hug her, it was almost as if she was expecting me to go over for a kiss. In any case, I'm pretty stuck here. On the second time we hung out, I told her that this place was opening up for rent, and she asked if it has two rooms, so I'm pretty confused what my status is. I really like this girl, a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and when she doesn't contact me for over a day, it hurts inside. The problem is, I really would like to figure out where I am in all of this. I don't know how to be seductive, but it would seem I should be doing certain things to get out of the friend zone, if that's indeed where I am. It also would seem odd for a single girl to want to just be friends like this. I'm thinking of asking her out for dinner on Sunday, but I'm really scared of being rejected or something like that, and of going in for a kiss or holding her, and with her retracting or rejecting me, losing hope for girls in general, this being the last nail in the coffin. I've been making such great lifestyle choices, and improving myself, with this town actually clicking and making friends, and I don't want this to be a big setback. Any advice on how I should proceed?
  6. Don't worry you can trust me in the fact that I am shyer than your boyfriend here. Because hes shy however doesn't mean hes going to take the suggestion negatively in fact hes going to take it more positively since he is shy, thats just how shy people are. Anyways.. this could be your makeout session.. *random making out* *you kiss me on the neck, I love that...*. I think you see my point.
  7. Yes you can. If he isnt bright enough to take your signals than really what other choice do you have. Just before the makeout or during or whatever the hell just slip in 'I really like it when you kiss me on the neck, you should do it more' and that's about it. You might be turned off for a few seconds, but its a risk you should be willing to take.
  8. You cant. There is no magical way to make him 'kiss you on the neck'. If you really want that so bad than just ask him, it may ruin the mood but in all honesty that's your only option.
  9. It seems so strange and im sure to people older how idiotic my generation is. Not in the sense that our IQs is indeed lower than theyve ever been but in how fickle our fads and attractions are. However I think its safe to say that the stupidity of my generation has reached its point of no return. Yet as much as you can say im just an angsty teen or whatever you will, there is one thing I can't ignore. It seems that girls are only really attracted to what is called a "G" or simply a Gangsta. No matter how you look or what your personality is, a gangsta seems to get all the girls or is considered 'cool'. Why? How is wearing all white, being practically bald and swearing in horrible english while disrespecting women, attractive? Why is it that when you be yourself, you are demeaned and yet when you conform to the standard and normality you are considered a god? Where is justice in this world?
  10. Dont worry, I know exactly what you mean and that feeling of being separated from everyone else, as in everyone ignores you and there must be something wrong with you. However I dont understand, judging by your picture you look like a normal person who is very attractive actually. So what I think this is, is just that your shy and you dont participate in all the (crap) that goes on at school such as the social and popularity nonsense. I would say try to be as outgoing as possible, talk with all your friends if they dont talk to you, go talk in the "circles" of people at lunch or whatever. You know I use to be overwhelmed with these feelings of being invisible but its gotten much better as I have become less shy and more outgoing even if im still ignored quite a bit.
  11. Honestly I dont think theres any point for my life anymore. Ive tried so hard throughout the years just to try and fit in to please people and it never has worked. Constantly ive been ignored or looked down upon to the point in which there isn't any better word than describing myself as being invisible. So I have just given up, I have stopped trying to please people and just done whatever the hell I felt like but than that outsider type of lifestyle in the end can take its toll after a while. Sure I can say ive had the handful of friends or so but then this always varies being that at one point they can be on o.k friend to the point where they are just ignoring you as well. In all seriousness I have no idea what to do, I can't get a girlfriend let alone trustworthy friends. Maybe it is that I am shy, or maybe im weird? I have no clue. But rather than do something stupid I have decided to vent my frustration off here. Who knows sometimes I even feel as if I should be living in a forest away from the ones who do not understand me, let alone that I cannot understand.. Sorry for the rant anyhow
  12. And I thank all of you for your support, but im pretty sure all of you know that it just doesn't work like that. I can't just break my shyness, ive tried. You know... ive tried to have a positive attitude and although it is slowly going away, theres still all the crap I have to deal with, im still a very akward person. For example theres been numerous times when a girl's been into me I guess you could say and being as akward as I am, I do not return the interest. This of course is so * * * *ty when you know you could have had something, but instead you screwed it up. Let's face it, if I can't even talk to girls properly how am I ever going to get one? And about the activites thing, I just am not into that, I like to keep myself as far away from society and normality as possible. I have a band, but that isnt really a way to meet girls.
  13. At the moment, I really feel as if this curse I have known as shyness will never go away. So many times I have passed up a conversation with a girl because im shy and constantly the thought reoccurs, what could it have been like with that girl, if I wasn't shy? Yet not just girls but also how many more friendships could I have had? Then theres the times I get into conversation's with girls. A few years ago I couldn't even talk to guys let along girls without my voice going deep and saying something stupid. Now its more anything I talk about is stupid. Really I just long to be that guy who can make jokes upon jokes and just woo that girl.. Yet its confusing, egotistical as this sounds, I know girls find me attractive. From all the stares and actually hearing girls say this, its pretty evident that it must be true. So how come other shy guys I know have had girlfriend's.. am I just that retarded? And even though my shyness is slowly getting better, there are times that it just comes back... As positive as I try to be about getting rid of it, nothing works. I just can't take being alone any longer..
  14. Alexi Laiho does not look 14, and the guy in the picture does not look 14, unless you have some major condition with your eyesight (may want to get that fixed). So basically you are saying give up your whole integrity and individiuality to conform? Its called getting a hairband and tying your hair back. Theres a reason why god made people grow hair. Besides, im guessing that someone would look much more favorable with their hair tied back instead of a dyed mohawk, seriously? This forum is for advice, so most obviously people are giving him advice. Its just the manner that they are giving it. All I hear when people complain that have long hair is that the person should "Oo cut his hair". This has nothing to do with anything, if your hair is too "Anarchist" for girls or whatever the hell than just tie it back, I know few girls that treat this much the same as having short hair. And you dont have to be old to be wise.. I obviously realize that I am not in a high paying job yet, but I understand that I wouldn't go into a job with a mohawk. You need courage to stand out and be yourself, and in the end it doesn't matter if people dont think that's right.
  15. I see I have failed to really try to explain common sense, it just appears that you are ignorant. When I see long hair, I think Metalhead, Punk, Lumberjack, Movie producer, Musician.. the list goes on and on.. so what, what you see is a reflection back of yourself as they say. And why should you care about society in the first place, society itself is disgusting and laughable. The best action for a unique person to do is negate it, instead of conforming like you have suggested. Anyways a lot of girls do like long hair, why do you have many girls suggesting that a musician is hot.. guess what, that musician which a huge percentage of girls have the hots for.. have long hair! Now lets take this person into example... With long hair: link removed Without long hair: link removed Unless I am actually blind, it seems the guy there with long hair looks 10x better with it. He went from cool, to farmer joe.
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