AprilS0769

Thank you mmmending, you actually brought tears to my eyes when I read this. There was and still is love and understanding from my affairs. There definitely was more emotion involved than anything else. I think I may contact my doctor tomorrow and go from there. Just to get my head straight. But what you wrote really made sense and made me feel a little better. Thanks

ok...now I really feel like a nut. Absolutely no one has responded to my post!

I posted a thread in the breaking up category.. anyone who responded gave good advise (thank you for that!) and gave pretty much the same advise as most people I have talked to. I have been with someone for almost 20 years. We are not married but common law, and have 2 young children together. I have not had the same feelings for him for at least 6 years and have cheated 2 times in that time. He is aware of this and it makes things hard. I do not think that I will get my feelings back for him. Most things he does drive me crazy. When it is close to the time that he will be home I find myself wishing that he would not come home. I do not want him touching me and hate any intimate contact with him. He is an alcoholic which I am used to and I guess prefer now because at least he leaves me alone, then when he comes into the house he usually passes out soon after. We have talked about splitting, but that is as far as it has gotten. I have seen a lawyer etc. just to get advise as he was trying to scare me into thinking that I would lose my kids. I do not make alot of money at my job, so I feel extremely trapped. I want to be on my own. Well I assume that this is what I want. I am just scared and have no idea what to do. We own a house together and I hate to say to him you move out (which would be ok as the kids and I live here more than he does..) But I cannot buy him out and he cannot buy me out as we have alot of debt. Selling and splitting is the best option I guess, but it is so hard to say what I want to do. He works hard to pay for the house and I feel bad. I go through this every day several times a day. I don't know what is wrong with me? Why can't I just say what I want? I do not like to hurt people. I already have hurt him but this is a much bigger thing. Here I have someone who says he loves me and does what he can for me. But I do not want him or love him that way. I don't know much else as I was 17 when I moved out with him. I feel trapped and am torturing myself with all of this daily. I have no idea why I am writing this here again... Maybe something someone says will make me see what or how to do what I need to do... Thanks

Thats good advice someguy282...lol can u read my thing and give me your thoughts?? Maybe I dont want to hear them tho.. Dark Gemini, I can understand your feelings. I am going through alot of the same. Our stories are different, but I can see what u r saying.. I can't offer advise because I can't even figure out things for myself yet. But someguy282 makes sense.

I have experienced this being the one who has gone elsewhere. I don't know exactly why. I assume it was because I was too young when I got together with him and have "grown up" maybe. I know I have changed and do want different things. I have also seen it happen to quite a few women I know. Which makes me think that Carnelianbutterfly is right. We maybe are starting to do what we actually want. I really don't know the answer...and think that the person who actually comes up with it may be one very rich person one day!

I don't know what to do. Well part of me does..the other does not know how to go about it or if I should.. I have been with the same guy for almost 20 years. (since I was 17..) We have two young children together. I have not been happy for at least the last 6 years and have had 2 affiars. He knows of both. And continues to remind me weekly. Not something I am proud of and cannot explain why. I do not love him the way I should and doubt very much that I ever will again. We both came from alcoholic families. And he is an alcoholic. Says its my fault I should have stopped him etc etc. We have talked quite a bit lately about splitting. He originally said that I should leave and leave the kids..not an option! We own our house together and I have contributed. The kids and I are extremely close. He is a good father (and nice guy) But while I work and he watches the kids..he is out in his garage drinking..telling the kids to press the page button on the phone if they need him.. They are 9 and 6 years old. Thank God I now only work one night a week and he recently found a letter I wrote that I was going to bring to a lawyer or to who ever I went to for advice.. stating what I just have. So this seems to have made him think. He now says that he will pay the debts and the kids and I can go. Where I do not know... I do not make much $ (under $900 a month..) I have seen a lawyer and did get legal aid. (just to get my bearings) This was after I found out he was recording us here in the house. He scared me. Just not sure how to go about all this. I have fantasized for a few years now about being on my own with the kids and actually living. He thinks I should be content here in the house or in his garage..no friends or going out. Selling and splitting seems to be the logical explaination, but not in his eyes...and how do I bring this up? A part of me hates to make him sell b/c he does work hard and does pay most everything. But I will need to buy another place so the kids have a stable home etc. And renting is expensive. Part of me says stay. But it will never work out..he must always bring things from the past up and it is just not comfortable. I HATE sex or intimate contact with him. The kids say I need to be happy well my oldest does more so. I agree life is too short. I just don't know what to do. I know that I have already hurt him, so this will sound strange...it is hard to just say it's over and I want this...I hate to be the initiator I guess... I do not like to hurt people and am an easy going person who likes to keep the peace. Sorry for this huge post..Just so confused!