Jazz

hey guys. its been a long time running. so much has happened since i was last here. you have all helped me. in that specific problem that i had. the rapist is out of my life all together. i felt like a better person. as if now i could be who i really wanted to be. and its all thanks to you.. i dont know how else i could thank you..

I KNOW YOU LOVE YOURSELF otherwise you would not have gone to the trouble of writing this. cutting is a copying thing. YOU HAVE TO FIND OTHER WAYS OF COPYING.... i used to cut myself to cope with my grandfathers death. my father left us, me and my brother and my grandfather was my father and my best friend. i cut after his death for at least 6 years on and off. BUY A BLANK DIARY and write on the first page way out of cutting. think about the future , hobbies. HIDING IT WONT MAKE YOU happier. but dont feel guilty cause your just coping the only way you know ..........but get the diary.... and dont just accept the same old routine, its all about copying your trying to cope, find other ways to cope. another thing i used to do was take a red texta and draw on the spot where i would have cut ............. if you do stop for a long period and the thought just randomly pops up again dont feel bad run out side and scream your lungs out , buy a punching bag and just bash it, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THINKING AND GO REALLY CRAZY JUST GO NUTS. it worked for me. give me your name, cause when i go to the buddhist temple .... ill put your name into their hope pot ill light candles and insense for you.

I took in what you all said about, him writing to me still, so i reported it, an officer i spoke to said that generally he is allowed to write and that they do check what he writes, and that they found nothing offensive in these letters he said: " he is just writing to tell you how he is doing and that he is sorry and that im overreacting" thats ! i my lawyer says that reguardless of what he writes, if i find it offensive i can report it and they can bar him, but still each time i go down there i keep getting asigned to that one officer who keeps telling me that this is part of my rapists recovery, i told him that it is interffering with mine and he whispers little slurs like "i bet you wanted it.. i'd tap that" i know that is wrong and i wanted so much to slap him.

thank you, very much appreciate it

She just sat there, between the cars, With her head on her knees she wept Her tears flowed round her face She could taste the blood as it Flowed between her legs, Like a river of wine Between her toes Please she whimpered as she rose To see none there, for it wasn't a shadow she had herd Rather the shift of the breeze in her hair So gently each strand touched her skin She watched her tears as they hit the ground And in that moment not even a sound She began to walk Feeling her blood covered toes As they pressed against the ground The unbearable pain that filled her ears Were the sounds of the ground, as each step left Her print of blood that had once flood her feet Her hands brushed up against her thigh As she wandered why the sky was so high And covered with black, She could hear the stars crying As she closed her eye's, and reached for the skies To comfort a star, that seemed so far She whispered her chosen words Be not what I am, but what I see, In a distance the mind is at ease And just for a moment I am free.

Hello all, i know i havnt been here for a long time and i apologize but ive been in counciling, i found out that i have the possibility of not being able to have children, because of the major damage done to most of my tissues. Regarding the trial, he got seven years but it was reduced to three, because of some excuse of phsychological history, however in his sentence its including thereopy and he is also having to pay a fine, he seems to be realizing what he did wrong and he writes everyday. when he leaves his time is over his going to be a registered sex offenderm he also joining " a road back to life" group which is baisically a group of sex offenders trying to get back on track, im actually glad that he didnt just walk away, but i feel like its not enough, im just not buying it. he writes on occasion to apologize and tell me what he is doing, and the thing is i dont care, im not ready to hear or forgive him. xxjazz

hello everyone. thank you soo much for your support and encouragement. im sorry i have not posted in a while, i have news that some of you may disagree with.he wants to settle out of coart to avoid public exposure or something likethat. but he wants to settle. and is still in recovery because of his suicide attempt he now has internal damages,to me its not about money or anything i want what you have all been saying " justice" for him to admitt what he did was wronge and he ruiend my life , my court date is on the day after tomorrow. means i have2 days to decide if i want an out of court settlement. what should i do now ?

ok hope75 i will, thank you.

Apparently he drank bleach or something as well as the pills, i pressed charges and now i have a court date.. now im just worried about whats going to happen in the court room.. he has the possibility of recieving a few months only.

he o/d on pills, he was at his brothers house. yea, he said he was sorry, apparently at the hospital he told them how sorry he was and was asking if they could pass an apology to me, he had alot of things to say, i still think its an excuse no to go, do i still press charges?

he was caught.. and later and tried to commit suicide, now his been hospitalized, he is going 2 plea insanity i know it,im sorry i havnt been on for a while, i feel robbed, and im out of words.

well i dont exactly know, my mum told me that the police were given miss leading information, about his whereabouts and personals and they found somethings that werent correct. they dont even know where he is, but i think he is probably with his brother, he talked about him enough, when i first met him. i can let you know what they say 2morrow, i havnt read them yet, i dont want to read it without someone near me but after i do i have to turn it into the authorities, but i will def... let u know. ur right i was embarrist, and i didnt want to deal with it, i thought that was now my life, he manipulated me, made me believe things like i had no future, this forum was the first time i spoke about it, i think u will understand it better if u read my other post confusing pleasure in rape link removed .ill keep u all updated

im in australia, and its hard to grasp the attention of the police because, they say they have many rape cases, or BIGGER cases to attend to but then again maybe this is just my area, i got results back from a test, i did get opne STD but its been treated, i gave them my mobile and they say that it would have been great evidence but he claims he lost his mobile, so they are calling the mobile sevice that the number belongs to, i think thats going to be useful, they think i need to start see a Phsycologist,and they i mentioned about the recent calls and they started tapping into my phone, and in a few wks my home number will be changed, and im getting a new mobile number, and by the end of this year we would have moved locations. i just dont want to be a burden to anyone so that they have to restruct thier lives for me. anyway our legal advisor says that, "the rapist" is going to think that i ruiend his life and he isnt just going to disappear, so i should not let my guard down. but i started getting letters which i didnt find out until yesterday.now they have a warrent for his arrest, because he lied about his personal facts to the authority. but i dont think they are taking it seriously because the actual rape happened 7 mnths ago..

something terrible happened! the police say we have two different story's, he told them he lost his mobile a while ago, and i was dillusional and obsessed, and he has never seen me before but i told them to take a sample from his .... because from the test they would have found some traces in me right? he was arrested but not for long, i think got bail post and the police cant contact him, and he is calling me on public phones and threatening me to drop the charges or else he promises to come after me. that he is taking me down with him. i know for a fact that he is serious, at this point i have no feelings left and i dont care what happens.

i went to the police station today, and i told my mum prior to going, she was overwhelmed! and in a state of shock, after an intense 2 and a half hrs with her, she took me to the station along with my friend, i was so afraid to walk in, i kept thinking that he is going to pop out of a corner and shoot me. i walked in and i kept thinking about what all of have been saying, and it kept me breathing, after we spoke to an officer, they had sat me down and made me repeat what had happened and i think that was the hardest part, just the repetition of the entire thing, they said that i might not have a case, unless i had proof and that i just cant go throughing accusations around and they also asked why it took me soo long.. it was horrible but i guess thats thier job. so i was contemplating leaving my mobile phone there because i still had some of his msg's on it, but i was told that they are going to pull him in for questioning tonight and now im afraid coz now he will know i told. will he come after me? what will he do?