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Ana - I don't think this is cause for alarm, honestly. Like Poco said, men do that about ALL women that they see. You should tell your husband that you appreciate his honesty. Its prolly hard to tell his wife that he fantasizes about other women. And again like Poco said, if he's not cheating on you, I think you're ok. You can let him know that you are a bit uncomfortable with THAT much honesty tho. I suggest you keep the lines somewhat open tho so that he does feel comfortable telling you the truth. Maybe just re-read Poco's good advice because he's right. Maybe you should tell your husband you need to pay more attention to each other for awhile. But I don't think that the fact that he thinks about sex with other people (even younger people) makes him a bad guy, just a normal one.

I read through that whole transcript and have a feeling I am in the wrong business. There was nothing there that was not a gross generalization. I am not a believer in psychics and the like but I try to not close myself off to anything. One does have to be smart about these things tho. A lot of times, these people are out to make money and play it safe by calling out things that can apply to most everyone. Of course you are at risk for getting pregnant. You are a young, sexually active female. One does not have to be clarevoyant to tell you to be careful. And that your parents probably argue about money? They're married right? Safe bet that they argue about money then. And that your brother is not telling the truth about something? One could say that about any given person at any given time and be right. And one is definitely more willing to believe that is true of their brother. My brother lies. At least I believe he does. He's my annoying brother. Anyway, be careful about taking to heart things said by psychics or horoscopes. Really analyze them. Most often they apply to anyone.

Dude, I suggest you really look at the situation. Is it lust? Or like? Be careful and be smart about it. You may just think you like her and that she likes you because she makes you "feel" good. Sounds to me like you are both at a place in life where a lot of things are changing fast and that can be a bit confusing. Try to clear your head, take a step back and really look at what is going on.

Oodles, I am not going to justify what he's doing so you can feel better. He's not being very nice to you or respectful of you right now. If he is truly making time for other people and playing video games but tells you he's too depressed to say how he feels about you, there IS something there to be alarmed about. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care for you but he may just have fallen into a place where you're easy to take for granted. If it were me, and I realize that you're not, I would give him an ultimatum. Time to pin him down honey. Don't obsess about it, don't ask him where the relationship is every time you talk to him, but CALL him on the telephone, get him on the phone and tell him this is what you need and if he is unable or unwilling to give it to you, you WILL find it elsewhere. The hard part will be accepting it and moving away from the relationship if that's he decides to let you go. Just remember, if that IS what he decides, you are better off without him. If he is willing to work on it with you, make sure you make it clear that you don't appreciate being taken for granted and you will not tolerate it again. Well, at least that's what I would attempt. Good luck!

Yeh - good luck dude. And if nothing else, you said ya'll only have to put up with this for a couple more months?? Drop in the bucket compared to what you've been dealing with, right?

Battlestar - I think I know what you're talking about and the kind of person you're dealing with. My advice to your girlfriend is...Assert yourself. Your girlfriend is going to HAVE to make a stand or you will have to for her. If her roommate is a backstabber, then your girlfriend should have no cuams about being assertive, even if it will cause waves. If her roommate has no respect for her, she shouldn't worry too much about trying to respect her roommate, that's not fair. This is a good life lesson anyway and a good time to take advantage of learning it. Your gf, or the two of you, need to make a schedule and give it to her roommate. These are the days or hours or whatever when she will get privacy and these are the times when you will have privacy. There are no two ways about it. Give her the schedule and tell her you will appreciate her cooperation. Allow her to make ammendments if there are actual conflicts, ie, she has class the time you have her scheduled for private time in the room, but a fair, equal time share is hard to argue with. And an assertive presentation of the schedule is needed. Just matter of factly. No one needs to get snotty or condescending, if roommate gets that way, that's her issue. If your gf has a hard time with initiating face-to-face confrontation, maybe she could leave a note with a drawn up schedule. Just write something like.... "since we've been having so much trouble getting equal private time in the room we share, I've come up with this schedule. I would appreciate it if you adhere to it and you can expect me to as well. If you have any changes you'd like to make, let me know. Thanks" How's that sound?

Yeh - change your login name to .... I'm better without her OR I'm on my own and proud, or Single and Looking or..... .....any other ideas??

What about the names celebrities use... ...like, Apple. Ya know, Nick Cage named his son after Superman's Krypton given name, Calel.

Dude, Prufrock - I think you are going to have an awesome time! Going out to a club or bar with friends while in school is what being 23 is all about. I don't think it matters so much gay club or straight, they're all fun. If it is your first experience though, I guarantee you won't be the only one there experiencing it for the first time. Most often, as you said, people are in their own worlds, hanging out with their friends, doing what they do and if they spot someone they like, have anxiety about how to approach, what to say etc. I guess in a way, it is sort of like it is in the movies. I think you should just plan on enjoying your friends, the scenery, take in the music, dance and just see where the night takes you. But be sure and report back on your night out for those of us stuck at home with 2 year olds who wish ever so desparately to live vicariously through you...

I have a hard time conveying my "actual" feelings to my mother-in-law. If you've ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond, you've seen my life. AND my mother-in-law actually used to live right next door to us! Ok, but now... SHE JUST DRIVES ME NUTS! Well, that by itself isn't abnormal. As I learned from the Ray show, a lot of similar situations are out there. She re-washes my kids, their clothes, buys their clothes, makes comments about my lack of ability to keep a clean house and she takes care of my husband like he's still her little baby! Its sick. Those things I guess are sometimes tolerable. My husband always says why get upset about her buying them clothes? Now we don't have to. Am I a freak because that bothers me?? The thing I'm having a hard time with is dealing with it with HER, or facing her. I don't think she has any idea that a lot of those things she does bothers me. I know she notices the occasional friction, but I have never actually said, "please don't do that." And I have NO idea why. I've tried in a passive-aggressive really destructive way by making sarcastic comments or taking bizarre stands at the kids birthday parties or the like, but I haven't been able to really let her know how I feel. And how I feel is that I am not her child and my husband and I can manage on our own, like the grown-ups we are. I feel she doesn't think we're doing a good enough job and she has to take over to compensate. I haven't been able to determine yet if I am just being hyper-sensitive because I'm insecure about my abilities OR if she's too overbearing. Maybe its a combo... I guess what I'm looking for is what is the best way to deal with this? She's a super control, neat-freak, AND when cornered or confronted totally shuts down. Walks away. Closes herself off. (I've seen her do it with other people.) And I'm the most passive person on the planet, go ahead, look it up in Guiness...I don't, can't, deal with confrontation. ESPECIALLY initiating confrontation. Any advice, words or wisdom, relatable tales, suggestions or any other comments?? Mother-in-law perspective perhaps??

Jessy - I agree with RayKay, I think you should firmly respond to your mother's intolerance but I think you are doing a great job seeing it for what it is, or could be. Your mother could be experiencing some "empty nest" type feelings and it isn't fair for her to put them on you. At the same time, you could ease the transition for the both of you by setting aside some time for the two of you to do some things together, like RayKay said, some mother/daughter time. Also telling your mom once in a while how much you appreciate the positive things she does while standing firmly against the negative, will help earn her "grown up" respect for you and see you as a mature adult. At least that's what I think...

wow...good call zippy! Catgirl, I can relate. I'm sorry you feel so crappy right now.

dishrag - I'm sorry. I hope you can find some happy times and that they will get more and more often.

Call me crazy but I sort of agree with Jaycee. Some people are affected much more powerfully by example. If Jaycee told her bf she didn't approve or appreciate his going to watch women strip but he ignored and disrespected her, turning the tables may have been just what he needed. She was, in effect, saying, if its OK to do, its OK to do, no matter who's doing it. Which of course her bf disagrees with. Its NOT OK if its his gf being ogled by his friends. I am sure Jaycee, that his friends DO want you and I'm sure you are well aware of the reasons they do. Obviously that isn't the point. I do think you proved your point, to yourself. Whether or not your bf got it is a different story. Watching strippers isn't neccesarily a bad thing but when you say you're uncomfortable with it and he continues to do it, there are issues that need to be dealt with. And sometimes, some people need a big and drastic, memorable lesson.

I understand that guys like it better for all of the reasons stated. Girls like it for those same reasons...OCCASIONALLY. But ALL the time?? That would concern me. Especially if you've told him you'd like to try other positions.

Understanding is one thing. I think it shows great maturity that you DO understand. But dealing with the frustration of wanting independence and not feeling like you're trusted is another story. Its really tough to know that you can do certain things and then convey that to parents or older siblings who aren't so sure. I really feel for you mysterious gurl, but there's not a whole lot you can do other than to keep showing your maturity. Go along, make the best of it and gain their trust slowly. I think you could certainly still have an awesome time. London is a great town! It wouldn't hurt to have a chat to your sisters about how you feel though. Let them know that while you do appreciate their concern, you feel like they don't trust you. Ask for little trust-building freedoms while you're there. A walk by yourself, a run to the store... I think you have every right to vent and be upset. Its a tough spot to be in when you're independent but no one really knows it yet. But try to enjoy their concern while you have it.

well....how did it go?

I like Katie for a girl's name... Adonis for a boy (Don or Donnie for short) My husband totally disagreed with the boys name so I never got to use it. But I think if Nick Cage can use Superman's Krypton name, Calel, I can use Adonis, the handome Greek god of manly good looks!!

If marriage is what you want out of a relationship, this is not the guy for you. Like evy said, he IS telling you the truth. To me, this would be a tough call. There are those who don't believe in the institution of marriage for their own reasons but are very capable of commitment and love. BUT, of course, there are those who are afraid of the commitment or of being tied down to one person or....again, like eva said and I agree, maybe just not you. (sorry...it is a possibility) I think he prolly does love you and want to be with you, right now. If you need marriage, then you should prolly get away from this guy. If you're happy just being with him, then ride it out. You could end up being together longer than most marriages last. Who knows?

I agree with all the posts so far too. Maybe she does have some residual love feelings but I wouldn't hold out hope for a comeback. Besides, do you really want a back and forth type relationship? How do you know if she does come back that she'll stay with you for any length of time? I think you did the right thing initially by maintaining NC for those couple of months. You said yourself you were getting over it and stronger. I think you'll do much better without this person in your life. At least not for a really long time and especially not romantically. Doesn't sound like she has a lot of respect for you or healthy relationships.

His grandmother may be saying it was an accident to spare his feelings. Maybe she doesn't want to admit the truth or maybe she thinks telling him the truth will be too painful. He is going to have to ask and dig. Find public records, talk to relatives, he's gonna have to ask the tough, hard, painful questions. Family secrets are tough to crack, but it can be done. I guess he'll have to decide what's more important. Upsetting his brother now and most likely temporarily, or finding out the truth... that's my opinion anyway.

That's what I like about this site. It doesn't matter if people are who they say they are. It doesn't matter if I'm a man saying I'm a woman. I'm not trying to be anything but helpful and I think most people here are the same. But when it comes to meeting someone after talking almost exclusively on-line, be afraid, be very afraid. I think DN is right that it can be Ok to meet someone on-line and quickly develop it into a face-to-face relationship, if it is done safely and cautiously and if a lot of people, parents, friends, know you are meeting the person, etc. Having said that, when he said the two of you are never gonna meet...was it said in disappointment? Like, "Well, what does it matter, we're never gonna meet anyway..." Or did he say it more like, "I have no interest in ever meeting." ?? I'm curious because of the reasons already stated. Maybe he's too insecure about an actual meeting. Is he continuing talking to you everyday? How long after the video converstaion did he say this to you? Did he say he still wants to keep an on-line friendship or is he stopping that too? By the way, I really am a woman............ or am I??

Chris, I think that's very thoughtful. Not only are you healing yourself but offering the lessons of your thoughts and struggles to others. I really like the idea of an open share and free exchange of ideas. Offering your perspective is yet another amazing way to do that. Good for you, and thanks for sharing!

Well, I think I can relate. Maybe. I am a VERY sarcastic person, prolly 87% of the time. I think it is an immature, knee-jerk reaction and defense, but its part of how I grew up and how I think and who I am. I also have a hard time thinking and accepting the fact that I AM a grown-up and a part of the grown-up world. I am a sufferer of the Peter Pan syndrome. The key for me, was understanding appropriateness. There are sitautions and people who are more receptive to sarcasm. You just have to be careful that you don't hurt anyone with it and recognize that it has a place and time. The trick is finding out what they are. But I think those kinds of things come with experience. Get out there, be social and be yourself. Some of your behaviours will get curbed or corrected by people's reactions to you. Its all part of the natural progression of growing up... But I agree, having nothing to do with Jesus, that we all have to revert SOMETIMES!! wooohoooo kids rule

Wlfpack, I'm sensing hostility. What's up? Overrated, I disagree... maybe over-misintrepreted. I don't smile at people to be flirtatious, I mean like Keenan said, I CAN, but more often than not I smile because its a nice thing to do. It makes people feel good to be smiled at. I don't smile at guys because I want to lead them on or make them think I like them and I don't smile at guys so they'll come over and say, "I picked up on your friendly smile sign, you must like me..." I think I smile out of niceness. Cuz I'm a nice person... ...most of the time.