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  1. He was 92. It would have been his birthday next week. He died from double pneumonia from the flu. He lived a long and fruitful life. He was born in the UK and immigrated to Canada when he was four years old. He was 17 when he married my grandmother ( she was 15)and became a soldier. He served in World War II. He was a soldier from 17 until he was 55. They had 4 children together, Five grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. They were married for 63 years when my grandmother died 11 years ago. He was a great artist and had many friends in his retirement home community. His favorite saying was "everyday that you wake up is a blessing". He was very much the patriarch of his family. He is survived by his four children , his five grandchildren , and 9 great-grandchildren. We love you Grandpa and hope you are at peace with your loving wife.
  2. Hi All, First off, I want to take the time to thank anyone who is willing to over me some advice. Okay, so to start my ex-boyfriend and I were in a strong and committed relationship for a bit over 4.5 years. We recently broke up on March 27th of this year due to something I did, an active of extreme impulses. We are both in our 20s, him 23 and me going on 21 in a few months. This particular incident began when I called him to see if he’d be able to send me a few dollars to order UberEats around noon. With the pandemic going on, I lost my job working at an elementary school and have been low on funds. I live with my grand currently and also attend college. Anyways, he sent me the money because our kitchen sink was broken at the time. My grandparents felt that if the sink was broken, the whole kitchen was too, lol. After that discussion and him sending the money, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I explained to him that it was closed due to the lockdown and perhaps we could grab food instead. He shared that he’d think about it and let me know later. I never bought food because around 3 pm, my grandma cooked after my grandpa temporarily fixed the sink. Anyway, he called around 5:30 pm to see if I was still interested in spending time with him, and I agreed. Around 6 pm, I was heading to his place to pick him up and on the way had informed him that I ate earlier, but wouldn’t mind a bit of snacking. About 5-10 after saying that, he began to think about what I said and changed his mind after I arrived. He instead wanted to just go to the gas station and head home. I have been going to therapy twice a week for two months now, but still have a minor issue with my extreme reactions. So, I got more upset that necessary and called him out of his name and yelled. I apologized immediately, and headed to the gas station. I was still a bit upset at him and asked for him to remove the pump from my car since it was on the passenger side. He said no multiple times, and I kicked him out of my car. He only walked half a block before I gave him a ride, but he told me later that evening that it was too late, and he was done. I have been around way too many toxic relationships and traumatic experiences, and unfortunately, took things out on him. He is very strong, a wonderful man, and I so much want him in my life for good. I’ve made those kind of mistakes throughout our relationship, but just recently seemed therapy and psychiatry. I had trust issues that stemmed from unhealthy marriages throughout my family and an abusive mother. I wasn’t always dependent upon him to make me happy, but I did a bit towards the end of our relationship. He has given me so many changes, and just recently I have been working positively and hard to better myself. We have broken up some times before, not nearly as long, but I would always beg and plead for his return. He would always love me just as much too. I believe that he is the right person that came at the wrong time. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mother for years and he would always comfort me. I was there for him a lot too. He is an excellent compliment in my life. Currently I have been doing no contact for about 3-4 days, not much, but he doesn’t have me blocked on anything. I jus want to know that as I continue to better myself and let go of the trauma and other people’s experiences, is there a chance that we could get back together and make it work the right way? We have the same life end goals, support each other and have loved each other hard. We never cheated or anything to that extreme. I love him very much, and I do pray for his return. What should I continue to do? Thank you all.
  3. Hi guys! I would like to ask for your opinion on the following: First, let me say that I have had such amazing support from my ex MIL and my ex SIL throughout my hardship since last year. We get along beautifully and talk to each other often. That said, my ex SIL's daughter will be graduating from college this month. I am going to send my niece a check for $200 which, to me, is a nice gift. Obviously, her grandmother will be sending her a gift as well. Here is my dilemma: I don't intend for my ex MIL to tell me how much she is sending but, at the same time, I do not want to outshine her (which I might not). So, should I tell my ex MIL that I will be sending my niece this amount, or just send it with the hope that I won't overshadow her gift? Thank you so much!
  4. Im 40 yrs old, been with my fiance for about 8yrs now. He has 9yr boy that his mom has only allowed him to meet and visit with in this past year. She never did give reason from keeping him from his dad. He always paid child support. And stayed in touch with her. The boy was allowed to stay with us this past summer. (Mom and child out of state.) He had bad behavior issues and ADHD. When it was time for him to go home it only lasted 1 week and his mom called saying for us to come get him, cause she cant handle behavior anymore. So he now in school here and living with us. She gave my fiance temporary emergency custody so we can enroll him in school, go to docors,etc.. my fiance finally convinced his mom to move back here where we all live. (Our state is also her original birthplace where everyone lives.) But his boy was born in the other state. But now the mom is saying she wants the child back and wants to move back "home" she practically just got here. Now my fiance is planning to get legal advice to see his options if there any. Now with the legalaties aside, in the event she continues ahead with this move and he cant stop it, he is contomplaining moving there as well cause he wants to be near his boy. So my question is this; What should i do about this r.ship? The thought of him devastates me, been together 8yrs, built a life together. Im not in position to move out of state, and im very close to my mom who is gonna need me more as times go on. He doesnt even want to move there,but feels stuck. The reason this woman wants to move is that the boys grandmother(which is her mom) says she wants to go after her for grandparent visitation. I guess she says her mom is manipulative,etcc. She told us that the boy is NOT allowed to see her so we have to respect that
  5. Me and my ex where together for 8 years, when I brought him around to my family everyone loved him but the relationship didn't workout so I broke up with him and moved in with my grandma, prior to the break up me and my grandma never had a close relationship before and thought we were getting close but my grandma still talks with my ex occasionally. She likes every one of his post on social media but when it comes to mine she doesn't. Am I over reacting? I feel stupid because its only social media? Should I ask him to delete my grandma from fb?
  6. I know I have depression and I do take meds for it. However, even with the medication I have absolutely no compunction or drive or whatever you want to call it to leave my house. I used to get excited to do things, now I am not. I am a new grandma, my grandbaby makes me happy, which hopefully means that part of me is still there, I just cannot access it for everything. I want to get excited to go on outings. I want to find events that I really WANT to go to..... I am just newly disabled due to back issue that has plagued me since I was a teenager, so that is one reason I stay at home. When I am out and about I cannot do too much walking or stairs. I have had Gastric bypass so I have to be careful eating because my blood sugar might tank and I need to eat sugar and ride out the symptoms like sweating, dizziness, weakness, disoriented and feeling faint. It just makes going anywhere a chore, I have to bring everything with me including meds for my back/legs, etc. I do not know if anyone out there can relate, but if there is, please offer any advice you can think of. Thanks
  7. Hello all, I am a 29-year-old girl currently living in Italy. I have been dating this guy for more than 2 months and he invited to a family lunch with parents and grandparent in his city which was very far from ours. He is so nice and all but the problem is I think he is going so fast and I can't keep up with his pace. I have this feeling if he gets tired of me soon and I have some intimacy issue because of my constant fear of getting dumped, as a result, I am always the first one who breaks up and this time is the same. but he looks so nice and charming. despite all these facts, I have heard tons of bad stories about Italian men and their short-lasting love. I don't know what to do now. should I break up with him? I live alone in this country and after getting dumped by him I will collapse I know myself. Thanks for your help and sorry for my broken English :)
  8. First time my mum went to india she was 19 and forced into an arrange marriage by my grandfathers sisters. She didn’t even know it was her wedding day. My grandad was back in the UK and was completely against the marriage but his family had hidden my grandmother’s and mothers passports. So my grandfather said just do the wedding when you come back to the UK I will get it annulled, just get back to the UK safely. So after 2days my grandfather flew to India with all guns blazing only to realise that in the 2days of marriage my mother actually liked my father and wanted to stay married. So my grandad completely against the marriage brought them home to the UK but keeping a close eye on the marriage. 6months went by and my mother fell pregnant madly in love, they went back to India for a holiday where she began seeing a different side of him, he started getting angry at her, hitting her and soon she realised he was withdrawing large amounts of money out of our family bank accounts and giving it to his mother. She came back to the UK to have me to his big disappointment I was a girl not a boy. After 2 months he left my mother and said he couldn’t raise me as I was such a disappointment and he wanted to make it work without me. So my mum sent me on holiday with my grandparents to travel abroad for 1 year. Within that year he had brought the most expensive crappy house that was falling apart saying they were going to do it up. After my year of travels were over my mother was on her way to the airport to pick me up. My father didn’t want to come. When she got home that day he had left and left a note that he couldn’t be with my mother and didn’t want me. Hes going back to India. That’s the end of that story. As long as I can remember I always thought my grandmother was my mum – never felt any connection with my mum. When my mother did up the house my dad left she took me in to live with her. That’s when it was pure hell. She would emotionally put me down everyday, swear at me, beat me up scare me everyday was a battle. Being 30 looking back at it she really needed professional help. I had no siblings or cousins so it was just me and her in this house pure torture. It got really bad at one point where she started leaving marks on my face and school noticed and my grandmother and aunty walked in the house at 10pm and just got me. I heard my grandfather saying your not dealing with this properly. Everyday my mum would say its all my fault my dad left, how I’m nothing just disgusting words you shouldn’t say to a child. I remember I stayed at my grandmothers for 2 days and my mum called crying asking me to come back home – I did and she laid down with me on the sofa and cuddled me which was so unusual and she then grabbed my throat and said ‘if you ever tell anyone again I will kill you’. Growing up my mother was complete pure evil. I hated her, I would wish she die she made me so insecure, scared, fearful of everything. At the age of 13 we moved in with my grandmother and life got a little better my mother was a workaholic so I only saw her in the mornings and dinner time so I never got to deal with her much. At the age of 18 she attacked me infront of my whole family over something really minor. My whole family were so shocked and upset by all of it and comforted me and tried to tell her she cant behave like this. The thing about my mum is she has a switch wheres shes so calm and then pure evil (gemini – no offence fellow gemini) 18years old she moved out for work 4 hours away, never saw her only on weekends. All my family moved abroad and I was left at uni in the UK all alone. I was never allowed out. My mum made out in her head I was a lady of the night, I was selling myself for money, I was taking drugs etc yet I didn’t go out I had no friends. My mother had moved me to over 13 different schools just because if she didn’t like something about it she’d just pull me out. Now my mother is successful, independent corporate career woman. She has made it. After I graduated uni I moved abroad. Didn’t speak to my mother we never ever had a relationship – if she picked up the phone I’d say hi. Financially she cut me off when I was 16 years old which was £20 a month. So it didn’t make a difference So flash forward to when I was 25 I went back to the UK to visit. My mother went off on a rant. How I’m in debt, how I spend loads of money, I’m going out every night not working etc. Which all of it is completely untrue. (you know we have that 1 family member whos really jealous of you and just tells lies – its one of my aunties shes jealous of me shes always been) So I listened to it completely drained. Went to bed and packed my stuff and spent the reminder of my holiday at my friends. When I turned 26 she came out for a holiday. She had also retired. So she must have been alone in my room for the whole day and gone through ALLLL of my belongings. So I came home from work and she said ‘all your perfume bottles are empty’ I said yes I keep them for decoration she said ‘all your clothes are like primark or boohoo’ I said yes I know – she went ‘you only have 1 gucci and 1 LV bag’ – yes I know. She then burst into tears and said I’m so sorry for thinking you were someone else and not believing you. I actually couldn’t believe it LOL she was apologising to me? The next day was my ladies meetup group I run for networking so I took her along to it. Majority of the women are 40+ so my mum fit right in. So all of them were saying just such lovely things about me which kill me each time like ‘ I wish she was my daughter’ ‘Shes so lovely’ Like these women are just so amazing to their children amazing women. To then I hear my mum go ‘Thank you, I’m so proud of (me) I did my best as a single mother’ At that moment I wanted to explode I actually couldn’t believe it she thought I am the way I am because of her? I am so proud of my self because I could of turned out so messed up. No one I know knows anything about my upbringing and they all think I had such a solid foundation because I chose to not let it get to me. Trust me I’m failing at so many aspects of my life because of my inner demons but I hid it really well!! I think my mother in her head is a mother of someone but its just not me. Like I think she sometimes longs for her daughter but even though I’m infront of her she still is longing – if that makes sense. After the holiday I actually spoke to a medium and she said that ‘its ok you will never understand your mother but she will be an amazing grandmother to your children and that’s all that will matter to you’ That gave me so much peace that I didn’t hate her so much. In the meantime she had been telling everyone how she misses me and I don’t call or text her. So I have any and everyone ‘call your mum she misses you’ making me out to be the bad guy. I did go to counselling before hand but that opened a huge can of worms that me just hate everything. At 28 I visited home and stayed my mother was a completely different person she was loving, she cooked for me, she wanted to go shopping with me etc. I couldn’t believe it. I look back and think how stupid I was to trust her. She always used to give me things but never help me. Like when I was 18 I paid for all my driving lessons and she said she’d help me buy my first car. She gave £100 and told me to buy something. Even though shes always had brand new cars out of the garage. I told her what would I do with £100 I don’t have a dad, brother, uncle, grandad or any family or cousins to help me. When my aunty found out who lives abroad she just gave me £1500. But my whole family where like what would she get with £100? And my mum was like she needs to learn and figure it out. Like she loves me to squirm. So 28 I go through all these emotions of like ‘do I forgive her? This is such a nice feeling of having a mother back I can tell her everything, I don’t want to leave her. So she told me quit you job let me give you £300,000 and you do whatever you want. Go travel the world, go start a business. But you don’t need to work because you are completely sorted for life all I've done is for you to be financially free and not go through the struggles I went through. I didn’t accept it I went back home and every week she would tell me to take the money how I deserved it. How I should live my life (confession- I had told her how ty my life was and how depressed I was) 29 comes and all my friends are telling me to take the money and trust my mother. Only 1 told me not too. So I told my mother ‘Ok in January 2019 I will quit my job and I’m going to travel a little and then start a business’ we discussed all the details. 10th January Im in the UK not discussed anything and she turns around to me and says ‘Theres no money I put it all in another property’ I knew it – I just knew it was too good to be true. I hadn’t quit my job. Anyway it was my 30th in feb so I had flown back to arrange it. Now I’m the person who has never ever celebrated their birthday, never celebrated anything – I spoke to someone this week and they said its because you feel like you don’t deserve it. To be honest that is how I constantly feel. So I thought forget it I’m going to throw the best 30th birthday party for myself ever. The whole week she was like ‘I’m not paying for it! Why do you need to celebrate your 30th? Your so stupid! Your not married, don’t have a career what are you celebrating? Its so pointless’ I booked a flight back after a week and came home. I feel so angry at myself I let her get to me. I didn’t celebrate my 30th I didn’t do anything. Everyone was so disappointed in me but I was so heartbroken. I felt like my biggest achievement of turning 30 was my mum other than that I don’t really have anything else. She of course made herself to be the victim and dint say or do anything to me. I am done with her though. So flash forward I’ve quit my job just because I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve got savings and my aunty said she’ll also help me with starting my own business up. But I’ve got to go back to the UK and my grandmother has just had an operation so I have to go home and visit of course. Funny its her birthday Should I celebrate it? Has anyone else got the same relationship with their mum? I’m scared I don’t want this relationship with my daughter or children. I want a happy life with lots of love. What has gotten you through the constant heartbreak and grief? Mostly do you stop crying?
  9. Hi, Sorry if this turns out to be a long post. So.. I'm 25 years old and thanks to the lousy economy, I'm still living with my family. Which for me would be my grandma and my aunt instead of my parents. Don't ask. Anyways, my grandmother is a sweet lady but she's also incredibly controlling and prone to bad mood swings. For an example, last summer I was working my butt off to find employment and ended up getting offered a lousy job "working in sales" AKA standing on the side walk in front of supermarkets trying to sell cellphones and other products. I considered taking it...until my grandmother found out, half lectured and half yelled at me for an hour for considering that job, and told me I wasn't allowed to use her car to go to work if I took that job. So my aunt keeps trying to step in to help me out and she's being relatively polite about it. Basically just saying "Mom...back off a bit.". BUT that leads to my aunt and my grandma bichering when I'm not home and I end up hearing two different stories about who said what. My AUNT'S side usually sounds something like this: Grandma confronted her about her butting into everything and she simply said that she's trying to keep the peace. Didn't mention any conversations my aunt and I had about her or anything. My GRANDMA'S side usually sounds like this: "Well, I confronted your aunt about her butting into everything and she said you always complain about me to her and I don't understand why you can't come to me about anything and YOUR AUNT IS MEAN TO ME WHEN YOUR NOT AROUND." My main issue: Should I tell my aunt about what my grandma is accusing her of and ask her why she's saying I complain about grandma behind her back? (I have to admit, I do, but I'm just venting. And half the time I blame her behavior on her pain pills or something.) I think if I do confront my aunt but my grandma ends up being right about her, that's just going to cause more trouble. My other issue: This is the third time this has happened in the past few years. You know, my aunt tried to help me out and depending on who you believe, either purposefully made things worse or simply had everything she said blown out of proportion. Which brings up the other issue.... Who the heck should I believe here?!?!?! My grandma is known to blow things way out of proportion (especially if it's something she doesn't want to hear) BUT my aunt has also been known to have a mood swing, say something, and then deny it later on. Help!
  10. I am in the dating but non-exclusive stage with a man who is losing his grandma, and is all torn up about it. We usually talk a few times every day, but yesterday he did it call until 9pm to say hi/goodnight and I felt something was wrong. This morning he called to tell me that maybe it’s because he’s processing some intense raw emotion right now, but he felt weird that I didn’t contact him all day yesterday. That his grandma is on her way out and he was at the hospital for 14 hours yesterday and he’s absolutely distraught. He said he knows we are in the weird grey area, and he doesn’t own and can’t expect the world of me. He said maybe he’s just feeling really emotional right now. He said he can’t hang out tonight or for the next few nights because she’s definitely going to go any day now, and then there’s the wake and funeral. I told him I was so sorry to hear what he was going through, and I’d be a complete mess if it was me. I told him I didn’t call because we are in a weird dating place and I wanted to respect his space and not overstep his boundaries. I told him I wanted to be there for him however he needed me to be. Then I asked him what he needed. He said he’d like for me to check in with him if I wanted to. I said I would. Then he got off the phone with me cause he said he was really upset and didn’t want to talk to anybody. How do I support him at this moment?
  11. So here's the situation. I have some cousins who are in some trouble. I won't get into too much detail because it involves some private stuff. But long story short, my cousins (second cousins; ages 14, 13, 9, and 8) are in a really bad household. Their parents (my first cousins) are always in between jobs, spend all their money on things they don't need, and have no money to put food on the table or keep up with their rent. They're even letting their two oldest children use marijuana. The kids also struggle with school and the eldest two have thought of running away. They are well aware their parents have problems and know they won't fix anything. I'm extremely close with the four kids and I don't want them to go down the same path their parents have. I've been told by other family members that I should report this and have the kids taken away from the horrible household. But I'm conflicted if I should or not. Do I report it and have them sent to their grandma or risk the chance of things only getting worse for them? Their grandma is a pretty toxic person. She's very strict, narcissistic, and manipulative. But it would take care of their school, hunger, and drug problems.. I would take them in myself but I'm only 21 and can't afford it. :( What should I do?
  12. If you've seen my last and only post you know I've been dealing with toxic parents for all my life; I am in my late twenties. A little while ago my grandma, who I've lived with since 2015, just let me know after months of my searching for a job that I have an interview tomorrow. Obviously, I'm going to take the opportunity but I can't help but feel like this is going to be used for even more ridicule (ie making me the butt of EVERY joke every time we meet up) Am I being paranoid
  13. Hi, to fill you in, my ex and I were together for 3 years and for the most part we had a very good relationship. I'm 32 and she's 22, we always supported each other through hard times, had great times/dates, went on holidays together and had been talking about moving in together to be closer, she lives an hour drive away. Leading up to the break up, I noticed a change in her, we had argued a few times but always made up. Her grandfather passed away in Feb and it really hit her hard as she lived with grandparents growing up. A few months later her grandmother got ill but is still around and she is the primary carer, even though her mother (alcoholic) and uncle (waste of space) are still around. She had been talking a lot about a new friend that worked with her at a bar, he is the DJ. They seemed to be getting too close for my liking but I only confronted her about it one time and others I didn't appear jealous or insecure. We had a holiday in September to Barcelona which she didn't come to because her grandmother was ill but she never told me she wasn't coming, just pushed me away every time I tried to offer support. I went alone. She broke up with me by text on the third day of the holiday after a little argument. We continued talking every day as if nothing had happened for a week then I cut off contact. A week later she popped up again and we talked but nothing was resolved so I left it. Happened again a few days later and she wanted to see me when she came to pick up her things. I agreed but she still hasn't come. We spoke every day until 7 days ago. Before that I told her on the phone how I felt and that I still loved her. She was still talking about this DJ a fair bit, how she drives him home when he's drunk and he put her on his car insurance. She never said she loved me back or missed me, only what was going on in her life, issues and things, but she never said no to a second chance either. She messaged me some more in the few days after the phone call, some quite rude, some bringing up good memories. I sent a message initiating no contact after she asked to loan her some money. Did I blow it by going NC? It's been 7 days now and i'm going out of my mind.
  14. I have been with my gorgeous boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We have lived together for three. I cook, i clean, i do all the washing. We both work full time. He finishes earlier in the day. He has his hobby, and i like that he still enjoys it and i go watch him every week.. one thing that's really frustrating me is he loves socializing so much so that we don't do much outside of the house together just us two. We do go out to Dinner and the movies a fair bit but i would like to do other things too. I'm adventurous and he isn't. And when i say he likes to socialize im always invited; he doesn't do much without me but sometimes i just don't want to socialize and he always does. I don't mind him going, its perfectly normal for him to have his time and me to have mine. I figure maybe i am the problem and instead of waiting on him hand and foot i should maybe start doing things for myself and being a little selfish and that way he won't take me for granted as much. Am i being too harsh? Part of me thinks maybe i am, but the other part says he needs to stop treating me like his grandmother. He has been very spoilt all of his life. I love spoiling him but need to draw the line. His grandmother gives him money. One birthday she gave him $500. She does anything he wants. She cooks for him and he doesn't lift a finger when shes in the kitchen doing dishes..shes 93. She apparently does that so she can play the victim to her daughter(his mum) and guilt her into doing what she wants. I bought him something he really wanted for his birthday..$700 worth and he askes me what else he is getting from me. I absolutely love him with all my heart but i feel he needs to learn he is 28 years old and i'm not grandma. Am i being unreasonable?
  15. Hi everyone, I have sort of a sensitive topic and would like your insight regarding it. My Aunt passed away 2 and a half weeks ago after having brain cancer for almost two years. My uncle has been up and down since, but has been staying at my parents house since she has died (the past two and a half weeks). I live at home with my parents, and usually it is just my dad and I at the house because my mom works out of town. The uncle is my Mom's brother. My grandma (Dad's mom) stayed at my house for two weeks during this time, and made meals for the family while cleaning up because my dad and I work all day so usually we aren't the type to sit down and make a meal for ourselves during the week. During this time, my uncle had just came and went from the house as he pleased, often saying he would show up for dinner and wouldn't end up showing up, or often be 2 hours late for the dinner itself. Every night he would come home though and sleep at our house. During this time, he has also stayed at my house with his dog. When he is home, his dog gets free range of the house while the family cat (who is still a kitten) is locked up in a room and cannot go outside of it because his dog will chase her (and she is afraid of it). My grandma recently left to go back home on Sunday and my uncle was supposed to go home but he told my dad he can't. Naturally, my dad told my uncle that he could stay as long as he wanted in our house. And of course, I want him to feel comfortable going home when the time is right. But now that my grandma is gone, my dad and I do not make regular meals throughout the week, and most of the time we just pull something out of the freezer and I'm concerned that he will expect more. I'm concerned that he is expecting us to be around the house too, and we aren't usually that often. I stay at my boyfriend's house probably 2-3 times a week, and my dad is out of town at a conference this week. I guess what I am asking here is a couple things. First, what do you do for someone that is suffering but you don't have enough time in your day to adequately be there for them, aside from the time you aren't working or doing your daily commitments? I obviously don't want my uncle to leave the house and want to be there to support him, but I feel like I don't have the adequate amount of time to help him through his grief. Is counselling a potential possibility for him? I don't know if I should look up clubs in the community for him? Grief counselling? Secondly, how do you set some boundaries with someone living at your house, but not be rude to them especially during such a difficult time? I really care about my uncle, but the times where my grandma, or dad (on weekends when he has time) have prepared dinner, he has told us he would be there and not shown up and it has caused my dad to get irritated. I will try to calm him down but sometimes this irritation is taken out on me. As well, the cat has tearing up the room that she has been in, and will constantly meow at the door and wants to roam the house, but his dog is the one with free range of the house so she cannot go outside the room (she is also an indoor cat, and does not go outside). This is all so difficult If my uncles house wasn't so far away, I would go there with him and sleep in the spare bedroom and try to help him through that hurdle but unfortunately it is over an hour away and I cannot be that far away from my full-time job. I really really want to help him, but I'm not sure how. Does anyone has any advice for me?
  16. Since I've broken up with my boyfriend I've been doing a lot of self reflection and a lot of planning for my future. I almost have my credit card paid off (it will be paid entirely at the beginning of February) I owe almost $7,000 on my car. (it's only worth about $5,000!!) I currently live with my grandma and uncle, and pay my uncle $140 a month plus running errands for my grandma and taking her places (she doesn't drive). I have a good job and make decent pay for only being 20 and not having gone to college. Now I can't stand living with my grandma and living out of one room - i used to have an apartment i lived in with my ex, and I loved having my own place. So starting in February I can either start saving around $500-$600 a month or putting it towards the principle on my car - or both. I just don't know what to do, save up or pay down debt? i'm trying right now to have my auto loan company lower my interest rate because my credit score has gone way up and when i filled out a refinance form they offered me a lower rate, but then i found out i can't refinance through them if i already have a loan through them. Any advice??
  17. I know that my posts don’t usually garner very many replies. I acknowledge that my tribulations, obviously, are completely insignificant to the myriad of confused, scared, and life-threatening crises plaguing the other poor souls that are taking sanctuary in this estimable website. The way I see it, this site is a small little beacon of warmth and love that is valiantly receiving those in need… those who discover themselves drifting hopelessly off course of the central path of life and into the blizzard of gloom. Yet, with all said, I find myself in a grave thirst for help. Again, please, for my conscious’ sake, alleviate those who are in the calamitous zones of their abyss… the people whose very life hangs in the balance. The very last thing I desire doing is confiscating the much needed attentiveness from the individual seriously contemplating suicide. My trouble is dwarfed by that emergency. Although I whole-heartedly mean every word I just typed, I’ve lost course of the key topic of this particular post; I have two plights that need addressing. First and foremost… my grandma is, as I type, lying on her deathbed in the ER. She is, and always will be the grandma closest to my heart. Earlier today, while my mom and I were at school, her teaching, and I learning, it happened. Minni, being the literature fanatic that she is, had been getting a book from her upstairs library, and was in the motion of walking back down the stairs when she tripped. It must not have been a steep fall – there aren’t very many steps composing her stairs – but it makes no difference. The fact of the matter is that, once she fell, she fractured her left hip. Thank God, my grandpa heard the collapse, and called 911. Shortly thereafter, she was hauled into an ambulance and rushed to the emergency room. Grandpa called his daughter to alert her of the catastrophe. My mom, of course, rushed out of her class and into mine to notify me of the heart-wrenching news. She pulled me out, held my hands within her own trembling grasp, and looked me square in the eyes. The look on her face, that stare of pure terror and angst, instantaneously chilled me to the bone. Within the very first word she spoke, I felt as though she might be telling me that a nuke was to be deployed above our very heads. “Momma…Minni… fell down the stairs.” I swear to God, I will never forget those six dreadful words until the day I die. She informed me that she was leaving to go to the hospital… but she instructed me to go back into class. Now that I think about it, I suppose she didn’t want me to have to experience my grandma’s death because she saw the little boy in me. She saw the same little boy who used to go over to Minni’s house, that enthralling place that always invoked an aromatic, tender experience, to play board games such as Candyland and Monopoly and to hear stories of her enchanting and fascinating past about growing up in New England. My Mommy saw that little boy, and she couldn’t show him his beloved Minni failing in the fight for life. And, so, I returned back to class, attempting to keep my cool. Astonishingly, I did great. That, of course, was until my French class with Terra. Terra was acting like a complete … she’s been acting like one ever since Monday. That, I can tell you, is very unlike her. Since Monday, I have sensed a massive and unstable tension between us. Before I go into what exactly happened, let me explain how I work when under immense anxiety. Both my atavistic mind and my emotional mind gang up and hijack my logical mind, usually resulting in moments I later often wish never happened. Back to French… and the impending explosion. Terra told me to “MOVE!” in the foulest tone I’ve ever heard. I was trying to keep my cool, I really was… and I did, for a few more minutes. Again, a little back story. About two weeks ago, Dalton, a guy in the same group as Terra and I, jokingly called me a “***” during lunch. I paused, looked at him, and calmly asked him “What did you call me?”. I had taken it literally and, again, had lost it. He repeated the name, and I threw my book into his face and walked off to the lunch detention room. Obviously, I was upset, and the lunch detention teacher could tell it. I told her all about it after she asked, and to my astonishment, she brought Dalton, Terra, and the rest of the gang in to “talk about it”. I, of course, didn’t plan this. Luckily, we resolved things. Back to French again… and the still approaching outburst. After we sat down, Terra glanced over to me and asked, “So, Geoff… are we going to have to have another talk?” For the rest of the day, Terra and I didn’t utter a single word to eachother. I was, and still am, dealing with the sickening realization that my beloved Minni is going to die. And, in addition, I threw my friendship with Terra away in a muddle of angst and anger. I’m sorry for the way I put it, but the underlying message I wanted to give her was the same. I wanted to know what her problem is, and I wanted her to respect my feelings. The problem is, I’m afraid I burned the bridge between the two of us. Yet, I need her support, encouragement, company, and companionship now more than ever at school. Now that my grandma is dying, I need a friend to lean on at school. How can I possibly convey to Terra that I’m sorry for the words, but not for the message? How can I ask her for both forgiveness and support? Or did I finally completely incinerate the link between Terra and I?
  18. Recently, three days ago, I found out that my uncle had acted on suicide. Right now I am so confused, hurt, angry, disappointed, and lossed all at once. The only thoughts in my mind is the action that he commited over and over again, like its haunting me with torment that will never end, of how he used his rifle to the head. I am so angry at him for giving up, but at the same time wished I could have done something. I realize I can not take blame, and it is only how I feel for the moment. The fact of how he commited the act is what is making me so emotional. I mostly feel sorry for my father, his brother was the only family left that he had and since my Uncle had no children. Me and my brother are the only ones to carry down the line of the family name. It was just a month ago I remember him with us for Thanksgiving break, showing no signs of depressions then, only now by me reading information on suidice that they were there. So much has happened to my family in the past 5 years with my sister that almost died and in critical condition. Miraculously she survived Then my grandmother had a stroke and grandfather passed away. I just needed to express my feelings because I am having a hard time dealing with this. I understand that people who commit suicide feel like they can not go on any longer, and I'm not here to say they are wrong because it's not a choice at the moment.. but they the effect of the family and friends it has on the suicidal person, is the part that seems left out.
  19. My grandma keeps saying i've put on more and more weight. Last time i checked i'd lost some but i guess i've put it all back on. She keeps saying it over and over again. Telling mum i should cut down on my intake. She said that i shouldn't eat anything else cuz i'd had enough today and that really i'd eaten to much. I feel so horrible right now. But whats worse is that if i suggest a diet she says no i'm obsessing with my weight to much. Its like she wants me to stay like this so she can continually pick on me. I feel so huge right now and i was wondering if theres a way to lose weight quickly. So that i can feel good about me and not have my nan on my case.
  20. my girl and i had plans to spend three days together this week, tuesday - thursday. she and her 2 little girls (4 and 6) were going to stay with me for the beginning of xmas break. i was really looking forward to this, as was she. we raved and raved about the opportunity to hang out when we finally had the free time to do so. i even cleared my schedule of work and play to make this happen. note that we have been dating for almost 9 months. however, this morning my girl said she thought this would be inappropriate because of her girls and she was not going to spend the night as planned but we would spend time together as planned. initially i was stunned b/c we were just talking about our plans the night before. i found it hard to believe that in just a few hours should totally would recant on things. i couldnt understnad why she would talk about this for weeks and cancel at the last minute... then tonight she said she was not going to be available at all on wednesday b/c she had plans and would be busy all day. i was stunned at her last minute reversal again and pressed for more info. she told me she was taking her girls to see their grandma and she would be unavailable the entire day. again, i was in disbelief b/c we had already made plans and i was so looking forward to this time together. i tried talking to her about this but she was more interested in the miss america paegant and the fact her cell phone was not charging properly. she tried saying i have to spend all of my time with her and she cannot give that to me. i explained to her that there is a difference between spending every waking minute with someone and then cancelling plans that have been set in stone for weeks at the last minute. i thought this was extremely insensitive and am at a loss for words. i dont know if i am being dramatic or not but this was a huge punch in the gut and has even made me re-think spending xmas with her. i am that distraught. what is your take? she does not have much free time. she works full time, goes to college, raises 2 little girls and of course there is me. i am totally selfless in this relationship, however, as i explained to her i just wish she would have given me a little more heads-up. she said this was the last time before the holidays that she could take her girls to see their grandma. again, i dont have an issue with that but the last minute changes after weeks of planning just kills me especially after i cleared my schedule.
  21. I was making small talk with a customer at work today, and she told me that my ex-boyfriend's grandmother died a week ago. I checked the obituaries later, and it was indeed true. Now, we've been broken up since the end of July, and haven't had any contact for the last few weeks. I know it's an incredibly hard time for his family, especially since his other grandmother died at the beginning of the year. I'm thinking of sending the whole family a sympathy card...Should I? Should I just address it to his mom (it was her mother who died) or to the whole family? Also, by the time the mail goes out, it will have been 9 days since her death...is that too late to send a sympathy card? And would it be odd to send one, because I didn't send them a holiday card? Or should I just send him a quick email saying that I'm sorry to find out about her death and leave it at that? Or do I just ignore it altogether?
  22. My girlfriend recently lost her grandfather and I was there for her that day and she seemed a lot better we even went out the next day and I thought everything was okay so two later I went to my friends and she said I was the * * * *test boyfriend for leaving her to go to my friends and I should of been there for her and first I did when I woke up was went to my friend. She ignored me for 3 days then finally started talking to me again but later that night she said its not the same anymore and she really doesnt have any feeling. I am really upset cause I think she doesnt want to be anymore and we have been together for 1 year. She wouldnt talk to me after I said I was going to my friends and I begged for her to talk to me and never went to my friend but she still holds it agaisnt me and says I cant change something that already happen. She realizes I pick my friends over her and I tried to explain to her How could I even be there when she wouldnt talk to me and hangs up on me. She is so certain that things are more important than her and I care more about myself but I love her more than anything and I even wished that night that I could take all her pain. I would never choose anything for her but she thinks I wasnt there for her when I wanted to be she just wouldnt talk to me. Now this relationship is coming to an end and I cant even tell her I wanted to be there for her but she wouldnt talk to me. I dont know what to do convince her I care about her more than anything. She seems so hard headed that I didnt care but I did...
  23. my boyfriends grandmother raised him and his brothers, and i have respected and admired her for that. But she has done nothing but talk trash about me since i started dating him, she won't let him make his own desisions about anything. He is almost 20 years old. he just proposed to me on christmas and she does nothing but tell everyone that it was my idea and she told him that after we're married im gona make him quit school. she is telling everyone that i control his every move. on new years eve i was over there and she told me that he is always sick and has to see a doctor all the time which is a complete lie, and she said that we can't afford to live on our own and we make plenty of money. the worst part is HE WON"T STAND UP TO HER! he is making payments on a new car that she won't even let him have in his name. i have tried and tried to get her to like me. what should i do.. i love him so much
  24. I have been going mad with everything going on. My husband and I took our honeymoon last week and unfortunately the place we picked turned into a disaster although we argued a little we ended up deciding that we won't be going back there again as neither of us liked it. My brother was insainly drunk tonight at the moment I live with my grandparents, husband and brother because We are sorting out visa papers and hopefully going to university. My husband is also awefully homesick just like I was in the USA. My new job is increadably stressful although I'm managing I find it boring and there is nothing I can do because I need to hold a job down to a) be able to feed us because my husband is not aloud to work until we have enough for a solicitor to get him a work visa (pluss the flight tickets and fileing of the paper fees). I have all this to sort out ontop of taking care of my younger brother, my grandfather when my nan isn't arround ontop of what was ment to be afull time christmas job. I'm finding it a little difficult to cope. This is so much responsability for me and I have never had so much pressure from anything in my life. I used to take care of my grandfather anyway but my great grandfather has been in hospital and my nan has been away from home a lot and she has a bad foot and has been in hospital. I just feel like everything is trying to push down at me ontop of pressures about xmas shopping and not having the money to do it. I just don't know what to do right now and I'm beside myself. My brother falling down behind the fridge was all my fault because I didn't realize that he was drunk and I asked him to come see if the pancakes I made for hiim were alright. Anyone got any advice? Thanks, ~S.
  25. Going to my girlfriend's grandmother's house for dinner. Should I just show up, or should I bring her grandmother a little something? Our relationship is very serious, and we are about to move in together. I want to make a good first impression on her grandmother. Thanks
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