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AwdreeHpburn

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Everything posted by AwdreeHpburn

  1. AwdreeHpburn
    Using "I" statements is a must. Its very unfortunate that we spend so little time with our parents, in the grand scheme of things I mean. I'm almost 34, I moved out when I was 17. I've lived away from my mother just as long as I lived with her yet I've spent the last 17 years undoing every thing she did. We can't pick who are biological family is but its a good job we don't have to be their friends, isn't it? If sending that letter will bring you therapy, then gofer it. Otherwise use the writing of the letter as the therapy, spare yourself the continued lack of understanding on your mum's part.
  2. AwdreeHpburn
    My suggestion, try this, "Dad this is [enter name here], BF this is my dad." You're 21 years old. Do you live at home?
  3. AwdreeHpburn
    Good luck. These are always such gambles. Be prepared for the worst and happy with mediocrity. My husband's mother put a son up for adoption 3 years before my husband was born. The son put up tried to contact her through her brother and sister in law and she wanted nothing to do with it. SHE couldn't handle it. The boy was under 18 and she asked her sister in law to "tell him to contact me when he's 18. He may just think he wants to find me, but he's not an adult yet." Without judging her decision.... ...she didn't want to be contacted and, as far as we know, never has been. Just sayin' be prepared.
  4. AwdreeHpburn
    Well, straight away - get over yourself. Second... well, I just got the feeling from reading that, that you are walking around like the head rooster guy looking out over the hens saying, "this one's not good enough" "that one's not good enough" yuck. why not try getting to know a few women on a personal level. If you're after casual sex but are going to be so picky about it, go some where you can pay for it and hire exactly what you want.
  5. AwdreeHpburn
    yeh dude, Ben's right. Make sure you don't treat her any differently. There is nothing at all wrong with telling her you are there for her whenever she needs to talk. But unlike Ben, I think you should be open and honest with her about how you feel. Its not your issue so don't make the abuse about you, but she is someone you care about so naturally, you have feelings about it. If she's been to therapy she's probably dealing with it on some level but those kinds of things creep up time and again so some days will better than others for her. If she needs to talk to you about it, listen and be there for her. Maybe the next time you're having a heart to heart you could confess that you think about what she told you and because you care about her so much you hurt for her. I don't think you should leave it an un-said thing. It could end up being one of those issues that if not talked about ends up getting bigger and bigger. Its all out of love and concern. I can't imagine the fact that you think about her pain and hurt for her will make her run screaming for the hills. Just don't judge her. Talk about how YOU feel about. Not how you think she should. Just go on with the relationship as always. Honeslty and openly. Good luck dude, really.
  6. AwdreeHpburn
    NikE - If you are aware you have issues and suicidal tendencies, you should seek help. Maybe you already have - I too, like you said, am too lazy to look up your history - if you are not currently seeing a therapist, you need to do that. Its doesn't sound silly, or immature at all that you feel the way you do. Part of that I think is your age. Teenagers are passionate, idealist people. And we need you to be. But if you are feeling bad, sad or suicidal, you need to get some help. It will make your relationship with your gf a lot better.
  7. AwdreeHpburn
    She probably just wants to be friends with you again so she can use you some more??? Come on...I personally like to see the good in people. I agree that you should not break NC and I like Dako's comparison to picking at scabs. Yeh - bad - don't do it. Maybe she wants to apologize or just see how you're doing cuz she knows what she did was crappy. But like someone else already said, if what ever she wants to say to you is that important to her, she'll contact you.
  8. AwdreeHpburn
    In my opinion children already grow up in such a variety of situations. I don't think same sex parents has anything to do with anything. It won't make the child gay. Oh....wait tho - it may teach the child tolerance and expose them to diversity so I don't know.... Yes. I think they should, unless the couple is abusive. Then no, they shouldn't.
  9. AwdreeHpburn
    Canonman, It does seem kind of different in our society that the man was granted custody. I don't think you are alone in feeling the way you do. My sister lost the custody battle for her son as well and I had a girlfriend who lost custody of her daughter too. Both of these women sort of, put it out of their minds and barely talked about it. Both have also gone on to have and raise other children in their current marriages. Anyway, one of my other siblings loves to go on and on about how our sister should fight more, shouldn't have given up so easily etc. In my opinion, that is a sexist viewpoint. When my brother did the same thing, it was expected.He's the man, of course he won't get custody and of course he won't even make a fuss about it once out of the court room. (I got a messed up family-really) Anyway, my point is, my nephew really is better off where he is with his father. My sister sees her son all the time and they have a great relationship. It just worked out this way. Do you have any male friends in the same or similar predicaments?
  10. AwdreeHpburn
    Cranston, I'm sorry things went that way. Good for you for going to her and talking about it. I agree with RayKay. If she's that unwilling to ever talk about it again your chances of getting her in counseling sound slim. While I hate to recommend divorce to any one, maybe your original idea of bringing up the topic of divorce as a wake-up call IS in order. Please keep us posted. I feel for your situation immensely.
  11. AwdreeHpburn
    Buli - looking at all the rest of your posts and this one, what it means to me is that she is having a hard time too but doesn't have nearly the support to maintain NC that you do. You need to have a chat to her about leaving you alone. Tell her that her constant messages are confusing you and making it very difficult for you to move on. Which is what she wants, yeh?
  12. AwdreeHpburn
    cool avatar by the way...
  13. AwdreeHpburn
    danylion - being accused of something you're not doing or haven't done has got to be the worst!! There's not a whole lot you can do because like avman said, most people who do that will deny it as you have. I think like ALSuperstar said, you should invite them over to play with the cat and thank them for their concern. Let them know you're glad you can go to them if you ever did have any issues. And then let the passage of time take care of the rest. -Just my opinion-
  14. AwdreeHpburn
    I suggest you either clue him in or move on. Try to find other people to hang out with. Spend you're time doing other things. Also, a good thing to keep in mind is that you are not of legal age. He could get in trouble and you don't want that. Right?
  15. AwdreeHpburn
    yep - not to repeat whatever one else is saying but I just want it noted that I agree. But wanna say first, good for you for being willing to take a look at yourself and make some positive changes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being monotone. That said, improv classes are great for this type of thing. And, as someone already said, practice, practice, practice.....
  16. AwdreeHpburn
    st0ked, its really hard to say. I am a flirtatious person as well. I agree with all of the replies, you should just ask her out. I agree with the casual thing. Ask her to do something with you outside of work with you and see how she reacts to that. If you do get her out, see how things go.
  17. AwdreeHpburn
    Don't mean to be rude, but I think you are pulling one over on us and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe you just like to get a rise out of people, but you said that your dad and brothers don't mind it if and when you walk around nude. And you really see nothing wrong with that? Do you see why others might? Either there are some very serious sexual issues going on in your family, or yu are an incurable attention seeker - either here or from your family.
  18. AwdreeHpburn
    Hey Aprilflower - Welcome. I hope you get something out of posting here. My short answer to the topic header - Does a second chance ever happen? - Of course. Does it work out? - 40% of the time. (and 47% of all statistics are made up on the spot so take it with a grain of salt) Chances are only worth it if taken or given. If he's not willing to give you the second chance, kind of hard for you to take it. Don't pester him. Don't be THAT chic. Ya know, the stalker one who won't leave. If you are friends right now, great. But if you're just being friends with the hope of more, I say move on. If you need to hear him say it (again) pin him down (verbally). Ask him, once and for all - Can we get back together. If he says NO - well, then there's your answer. Don't analyze what he means by NO, just accept it as the opposite of yes, give him a break and move on. If he's only saying no because he likes your asking and you stop, he'll make it clear he wants you to keep asking but baby steps. Ask him YES or NO and then accept his answer! Maybe means not right now, take it as a string you along answer and move on.
  19. AwdreeHpburn
    Did I miss something? What DID he say? And what was the body language? Was he having sex with you while saying he didn't want to be with you? There are some obvious ones. But I may need a bit more info. I LOVE this topic bcuz I'm a HUGE advocate for visual listening....together with auditory listening of course...sometimes.
  20. AwdreeHpburn
    What would stop you from going to the next step K?? Is she too young? Is she gay? Are you? Does she not like you? Is she married? Are you? When she says she missed you, did she mean just as a friend? Are you afraid of it going badly? Destroying your friendship? Failure? Success? Commitment? Happiness? Sex? Sounds like she's interested and so are you. What's the hold up? You're asking for a reason. You asking for advice, or permission? Either way, a resounding GO FOR IT!
  21. AwdreeHpburn
    I really think it bothers her because there is a part of her that really doesn't want you to move on. She may be VERY happy or not happy at all. I don't think her current relationship is necessarily a factor. She can use what ever words she wants and you can choose to believe which ever of those words you want. But if you're going by what words she uses, than go by the words. If you're not, then don't. But she DID say it would bother her. Those were her words. So what does that mean? It means it would bother her. Why? She said she doesn't know why - the words say she doesn't know. So how are we supposed to? Well, I think because we're paying attention to more than the words. I think she can say whatever she wants, but part of her, despite what she said, doesn't want you to move on. And for her own selfish reasons. I hope I don't sound to harsh, but it seems pretty clear. She doesn't want you to move on. Why else would she not want it in her face?
  22. AwdreeHpburn
    yeh dude, that aint right. That's not cool. Sounds to me like what kellbell said in number 4. She's good knowing you're still not in a relationship cuz that could mean you're still pining for her and she likes that. Yuck. Not cool. You're not over analyzing it but you should let her know that saying that isn't fair to you. man people are selfish!
  23. AwdreeHpburn
    really, I think sprem dies after not too long anyway but if you are on the pill, no need to rush for a towel or or clean up right away. Just enjoy the afterward snuggles.
  24. AwdreeHpburn
    Wow Poco. Wow. Great advice and I think I am going to print a few copies of that off and leave them in various places around the house so my husband can read it. BUT -as you said, and I strongly agree, this is something that takes work from both sides.
  25. AwdreeHpburn
    I know what you mean and I totally agree. And I sometimes hate the lack of emotion or tone behind the written word vs the spoken one. Its too confusing sometimes.
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