Buli

Thanks for your input robowarrior. Believe you me I want to meet her in person and get this over and done with. However I'm reluctant to be the one to initiate a possible meeting. I don't want her to have a "position of power" over me. I'm of the thinking that since she's the one who initiated the "break" - then she should be the one to suggest in bold words that we meet. I'm not about to fix what I didn't break. For now her messages are not clear. I would love to be with her but until she initiates that process it will be a question of let's wait and see. What do you think?

I know I have been quite for quiet some time, but would just drop by to read other posts. I need input on my latest "developments". I would like mostly the sistas to share their views with me. I have just sent an sms to my ex (16/08). It goes thus, "I'm listening to "Kenny&Chante's album " and reading their life story. Thanx 4 great memories!!! Just to put things into perspective: I know that she's been trying to contact me but in vain, the reason being my mobile is always off - just they way I prefer it. I've gotten a couple of sms' from her - and I know that she tried calling me cos she told me so. About two months ago one Sunday morning I get an sms from her saying "Wilson is playing Kenny&Chante and it brought memories". (Wislon is one South African DJ). I did not know what to make of the message as I was not sure what memories those are. You see Kenny&Chante came to SA last year and we attended that concert and drove for six hours after that to see my family - to introduce her. She has recently sent another sms asking where I'm hiding and hoping I'm well. I ignored all of these until last weekend. I called her and she sounded pleased to hear from me. It was a brief friendly call. She says she was wondering if she had said or done something for me to keep my distance - (like duh just read through my posts to know where I come from). Sher told me that my phone was always off - that's how I know she tried to contact me. She promised to email me...but hasn't. So on Monday morning I sent her this message: "Here's to a beautiful day ahead of you". I'm not sure if she tried to respond because I since lost my mobile. One of the reasons I sent her today's sms is because somehow I know that I'm ready to meet her, either just for a friendly or anything that goes. However, I must emphasise that I have my feelings in check. What's do you make of this guys?

I absolutely have no intention of "contacting" her until she tells me what is it that she wants from me. However, having been on the road to recovery when someone throws a stone in my direction that is bound to catch my attention. I mean it's only yesterday that I was saying to myself it's not healthy to think about someone who dumped me like a dog for every second of the past four months that we've been separated.

I don't know but somehow her "messages" seem to be coated in sarcasm. I mean things like " I didn't think you would respond" - sound sarcastic.

Ok guys please tell me what to make of this. I don't know why she chose today out of all the days. My ex has sent me an email, thus somehow breaking the NC. For more background on my situation see: Her email was a one worder that confused me. I mean just over the weekend I was working on my feelings and emotions on the whole thing and got to a point where I said to myself I have to slowly but surely put it behind me. Doing some cleaning of my place I came accross a whole lot of things that brought memories of her flooding. Yesterday, I was in her neighbourhood and had to restrain myself from going past her place. I came to a realisation that I have to do things that will make easier on me to forget about her (or at least not punish myself so much). One of the things I learnt from this forum is that sometimes it helps to write a letter to your ex, but not neccessarily to post it to her. I understand that this will help with the healing process. So today, on my lunch break as I took a walk I was thinking of getting down to writing all of the things I would have liked her to know. For some strange reason or another when I came back to the office I did not open my mail - the one thing I do as soon as I settle down. In actual fact I did not check my mail until after two hours. I open it and guess what - there is an email from her. She: Hi Me: (I instinctively answer) Hi She: Oh, hi I didn't think you'd respond. How are you? I was just thinking about you. Me: I'm alright. She: Glad to know, bye now. I must admit she has left me dumbfounded. What does all of this mean?

Guys you'll have to pardon me for revisiting a topic that has definitely been tackled before. My post has been inspired by a programme on one of South Africa's TV shows called "3 Talk with Noeleen". This is in response to what I find to be a "not-so-convincing" argument by the so-called "experts" world over when it comes to marijuana. The said show had 3 "experts" and one ganja user on the panel. The so-called experts' argument did not really hold water - something that seems to be the norm with the so-called scientific research. What I think needs to be tackled in all honesty is "When conducting these researches how far do the "experts" go into establishing that the particpants are strict users of marijuana ON ITS OWN? They believe marijuana is a "soft drug" - a gateway to "other hard drugs". Well, the ganja user on the panel (a Rastafari "priest" I have had the pleasure of interviewing) had this to say about the "gateway nonsense": "I have been smoking for the last 16 years and I'm in no gateway to anything". I have to concur with him, "I have been smoking weed for the last seven years and I'm certain I will never (don't give me that never say never bull) experience with "ANY DRUG". "The fact is I'm * * * * scared of drugs - I have seen too many people's lives being wasted". In all honesty until some "expert" convinces me (not that I do not want to be convinced - I'm keeping an open mind) about the dangers of marijuana ON IT OWN - I'll stay away from something that takes control of my life like drugs - and smoke, cook to eat, boil to drink marijuana well aware of its benefits to me. What's your take?

Well there's small and there's big. I may not know the right measurements but I know BIG can only be found in Africa. Care to visit to witness for yourself big in the real meaning of the word B.I.G?

I'm inclined to think that emotional attachment may be about caring about another. It is thinking about them once in a while reminiscing about what you you used to have. It is accepting that they may be out of your life and let them be. You may not neccessarily wanna fight to be with them but just wish them well. TRUE LOVE on the other hand is simple - loving another without conditions, what you get and the likes. I think it stays with you forever. It is something that does not change nor end because it is REAL. As to whether it is something that is achievable is for questioning!!!

My goodness darkness, I'm 28 and you've brought tears to my eyes. Your words hit right there....

Thanx all for your input. I'm certain that I want to be with her. However there would have to be certain things that we would have to deal with before I could say I'm OK with everythging. I wudn't want to be friends with someone who treats me like my ex did during the "break". So there's only one way I see it - the only time I'll talk to her is if she owns up to what she did. I would want to sit down and talk to her. I would want to ask her what did I do to her to treat me the way she did. It was as if she despised me and could not stand me. She lied to me. She betrayed me. She HURT ME!!! SuzyO says: "I would reply. As a female, I can tell you many females like to "stay friends" it could be that she wants to make sure you are okay, and that she still does care. Or it could mean she wants you back. You wont know unless you phone her. Let us know how it goes". Well, so what this could mean is that she's just checking on me to see if I'm a mess or what. I'm not so sure about the part where she may be trying to make sure that I'm OK and that she still cares. When she broke up with me she said and I quote "I don't care how you take it, but I want a break from everything. I don't care what everybody else says but I want do things my way. I'm at a stage in my life where I wanna do things my way. If you are not happy with that you'll see what you do. I don't care how you take it". Brando, I think you are right. I'm not ready to contact her. I need to heal so that I don't loose it when it comes to dealing with it. DaMadHatter says: "Who knows why she called u, women are odd like that especially since she's the one that walked out. She probably wants to alleviate her guilt, have u as a stand in friend or backup, who knows and really who cares. Point is she walked out on you to be with her new boyfriend. She made her choice, no going back on it now. So now make YOUR choice and move on without her. Don't give her the satisfaction of having hurt you and still having u around as a "friend" for her convenience". I'm not sure what to think about her sudden "interest" in me. One thing I'm certain about is that I'm NOT gonna be anyone's doormat not matter how much in love I am with them.

Thanx once again NJROn. I think u r spot on. It's just that I don't wanna b on any emotional rollercoast...but nontheless with advice from you big brother I know I'll just b fine. I'm wondering what other peeps think?

To be quite honest there's nothing I wud want more than anyhthing than to get back with her. However I'm not sure I wanna do it now. But what if she thinks I don't want anything to do with her?

My ex has left a voice mail on my mobile saying she was just calling to see how I'm doing? What does all of this mean? Shud I b excited about a possible getting back together or what? For background check this link:

Thanks. I also seem to have resigned myself to it ever happening again. However, I still find myself having a very fond remembrance of her. Sometimes I somehow want to be angry at her but can't seem to know how to. It is then that I know that I still love and wish her well, but I just wish I could move on. Believe you me I do try but find it difficult and find myself crying. The breakup has made me question: Who am I? Well let's know go there. But, look I've just been outside to smoke a blunt. This guy who washes cars at my workplace was playing some nice tunes. Babyface - Reason for breathing. That got me to acknowledge that I still love my ex even though I know she is with someone else. I just have some questions that need answers. I acknowledge that I may never find out. Thanks NJRon. I think you may have helped me find a way to deal with all of this. You say you "can recognise that love yet not act on it". As I write this I've got headphones with Usher playing Burn. Wel,l guys thanks, this forum is indeed helpful. It has become a refuge of some sort for me.

The thing with this "relationship" is that for the last three months there hasn't been a day when I don't think about her: how much I still love her, miss her etc etc etc. If it happens that she is somehow reconsidering the relationship I would have to get to the bottom of it all. I mean what broke my heart the most is the way she handled the "dumping" (lol). It seemed liked she despised me and couldn't stand me. I know I still love her but am not gonna be disrespected.