AwdreeHpburn

Sounds saucy, I know but believe me, it is anything but. I am soooo bored with my life right now. And its not because I am not busy. I have three kids, we run a business from our home, my husband works full time outside of the home, I freelance write part time...we're always busy. But sometimes, I find myself thinking about ex-boyfriends from highschool, ok one in particular...or imagine I will run off to Europe to start a new life serving coffee to people I can't speak to. I love my husband and children. I just think I'm bored and a bit depressed. I have a feeling things will get easier as the kids get older and more independent but I don't want to be one of those happiness chasers. Things will get better when... I'm sure I'll be happy when... Anyone else out there ever been through this? Any advice?

You are in a very difficult predicament. We see it in the movies all the time and tend to romanticize the situation. Your gut tells you to tell her and kiss her and she will melt into your arms and you'll be fulfilled. Maybe. I see it going a few possible ways. Tell her how you feel and she'll freak because she thought you were just friends and now she'll feel uncomfotable around you because she'll feel like your thinking about that. She won't want to talk about guys in front of you anymore cuz she won't want YOU to feel uncomfortable so a different friend will become that ear...it will destroy what friendship you did have. OR Tell her and she'll be surprised because she felt that way about you a long time ago but when nothing happened, she thought you just liked HER as a friend so she resolved herself to that. Now, she realizes what a good friend you are and doesn't want that to be ruined by a relationship. OR You don't tell her because you don't want all the chaos telling would cause. But then she'll never know how her talking about or being with other guys bothers you. Then you won't want to be around her as often. Or she'll start dating someone and won't be around you as much because her new boyfriend won't like that she's really good friends with a guy. My point is, telling her or not telling her is going to have similar disasterous results. So you may as well tell her. If you don't tell her, you don't give her the opportunity to make a decision. You may never know how she feels about you or a romantic relationship with you until you go for it. I just think that either way you should be prepared for a serious shift in the way things currently are. Whether you tell her or not. You won't be able to keep it to yourself and have things stay the way they are. It doesn't work that way. Your feelings have crossed and there's no going back. Tell her how you feel and deal with the results. But don't kiss her. Tell her how you feel and maybe she'll kiss you, like in the movies.

I can certainly appreciate that you have a different view or opinion about casual sex than your current partner but acknowledge it for what it is. A difference. If you can't be with her because you don't share the same view, than cut it off. Having similar opinions on certain things can be very important in a relationship. I couldn't be with someone who is racist. I just disagree with that too strongly. Maybe she is having the same struggle knowing she is with someone who is a bit judgemental or prudish or whatever the opposite is... Maybe for you, the fact that someone has had casual sex is a deal breaker. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe its just that important to you. You can only decide that for yourself. There's no right or wrong reason, its just how you feel. Don't try to justify it or be ok with it if you're not. But I do think it worth it for you to know that it may hurt her feelings to think that you are feeling superior or that she is immoral when its simply a difference of opinion. I personally agree with danny's girl that you should not punish her for decisions she made pre-you. I happen to have had promiscuous 20's. I disagree that it was damaging. I am happily married, my husband knows I had sex before him, its a complete non-issue. Maybe he's comfortable enough with himself and just likes me because I'm a nice person. Regardless of sex. Having had sex before I was married or just because I wanted to does not make me immoral, untrustworthy or less of anything. I'm a professional person raising a family in a middle class suburb. What does having sex or waiting or sexual preference have to do with anything? And on a personal note, I am a firm believer in the difference between sex and love. Yes the two go well together, like broccoli and cheese. Together very good and contain things that are good for you. But both have good things separately too. And sometimes, even with my husband, I just wanna forget about the vegetable and go straight for the cheese. Sex is part of our nature. We're sexual creatures. You can moralize it all you want....stifle it, call it wrong, put limits and laws on it, forbid it, ridicule those who have it, but you'll never get rid of it. None of us ('cept maybe the clones) would be here without it. Just try to be ok with the fact that there are different people in the world. If you can't, than find someone who has views closer to your own. Or clone yourself....