Aurian

I have trouble too, similar to you, bleeding. I have been bullied and then had an abusive relationship. I think I am a decent person, yet I cannot seem to make or keep friends. I was born with a disability, deafness, and growing up in school was hell. I tried so hard to try make friends, and every one of them either moved away or found "better" friends who were higher up in the social pecking order. Many of the latter turned into bullies too. By the time I reached high school, I had completely given up. Nothing I did to try fit in worked, and it only resulted in more bullying, more betrayals and more pain. So I withdrew and didn't try make friends anymore. These days I am so good at lip-reading that most casual aquantances don't realize I am deaf, and those who know it forget it easily. However, I feel like I am lacking something, some ability to have a social relationship. These days I try so hard to be friendly even though I am very shy and find it hard. I still find it very hard in parties or gatherings because I can only hear/focus on one person at a time and I quickly get lost. I end up either just nodding and understanding and contributing nothing or getting excluded from the groups and looking standoffish. It never seems to be easy for some reason. I only had it easy once when I met my ex. Conversations just flowed and we had a great time. It was so easy and I felt so happy and confident. I ended up marrying him, and then he decided I wasn't good enough for him. He used all the love and trust I had for him to make my life hell with emotional abuse until I finally left. Sometimes I feel like I have been punished for thinking I could finally have a relationship. The few shallow friendships I do make seem to fade so easily. I thought I had some friends but they kinda vanished. I had a small group on a messageboard I thought were friends, but they're starting to razz me more and more often and I am feeling discouraged. What am I doing wrong? I don't think I am being needy or too independent. I am being myself and open and honest. Does that mean I am not a good person to spend time with or something? Or am I just boring?

I also doubt the romantic notion of bumping into the one you love. Sure it may work for some, and kudos! Me? I;ve only been asked out twice in my life, mainly because I am shy, nervous in crowds, and seem to never run into guys my own age who are single. If I want a relationship, I think I need to go outside my usual sphere and find one!

Bald is fine, just don't make a big insecure show of it. That is the big turn-off I think. Donald Trump hair, growing your hair long and doing the comb-over over to the other side... brrrr.

I would find it cute and charming. I know it feels embarrassing (I'm a blusher too), but it makes me feel a bit more relaxed if I see that you are nervous too.

- Find a time where there isn't a lot of drama. Then things might be calmer and go better than if you're screaming stuff at each other. If you scream that you want to break up during a fight, then it seems like a punishment for the fight, and not for the relationship's problems in general. - Do it in person. Doing it by email or on the phone kinda sucks. Unless you have reason to fear violence, then it is courtesy to do it face to face. It might be harder in the short term, but the breakup would go on better terms I think, and you would feel better about yourself than if you just cut and run. - Don't blame or point fingers. Say that you need to end the relationship, that its getting to be too much fighting and conflict and that you think you two are not right for each other. Try do this without blaming and saying that it is her fault. Blaming will only make the other angry, defensive and may turn the encounter ugly. - Decide beforehand how you might handle some things. How would you handle it if she says yes? Or if she wants another chance? If you think beforehand, you might be prepared for tears, begging, relief, etc and not be caught off guard. Is this relationship absolutely over? Or are you willing to try a break or counseling? Decide before things get emotional. - As for after, it is up to you. Most people think that simply cutting off communication is the best way to go because it lets your emotions and heart heal without being dragged about by trying to be friends or encountering her often.

This is rough. My only advice is to try draw a line in the sand and say "I love [my boyfriend] very much, and I do not like to hear you say he is controlling. I don't want to hear you put him down. I am also trying to have a relationship with my dad. I know you two have had your problems, but I do not share those problems. Please respect me and do not put down the people I love." And if she continues, then say "I don't want to spend time with you right now, because you are not respecting my feelings. I do not want to hear bad things about X."

Don't have any advice, but another vote for you not being shallow. The relationship had some intimacy. Most couple relationships have that intimacy or are building towards that. To suddenly cut it off, changes the rules. Now you don't have the physical and emotional intimacy you once shared.

Hey Paine (Love your avatar ), I would reach out one last time before giving, a little card or email to say what's up? I haven't heard from you in a long time... If still no response, then perhaps a final email/call to say "I don't know what is wrong, did I do something to offend you?" If she wants to be friends or is a decent person she should respond to that. If not, then she wasn't really a friend after all...

Really? Even if I am still drinking plenty of water and such? That's a new one to me.

I would imagine a big salad would be more satisfying than a little can of shake....

Is it possible to have lost 5 pounds already? image removed I cut Pepsi from my diet for a week, and then cut bread and carbs for 3 days. For months I have weighed the same. Now all the sudden I am 5 pounds lighter? Both this morning and this evening (checked again just now in case it was some weird fluctuation). Now I live alone, so nobody messed with the scale as some practical joke either. At any rate, I do feel a bit better. I didn't have this energy crash after work today - lately I've been crashing when I get home and fall asleep. I also seem to be less hungry and am satisfied with less food, less often.

Arsenic is "natural" too. So is lead and mercury....

Have you tried discussing this with your doctor? Seems to me that they should be able to find some medication that might help you - if one didn't work, it doesn't follow that all will work the same way. My second suggestion would be counselling, perhaps you can find ways to deal with the growing anxieties and such you are going through. If you can handle them better, they will bother you less and less and you might feel happy and relaxed again. Hang in there and try your best to improve yourself!

I was reading up on the South Beach Diet (good carbs, good fats) and it makes a lot of sense to me. I try to eat healthy, but a lot of what I do eat is carbs (pasta, bread, crackers, rice), so perhaps this is why I can't seem to lose weight. When I try diet, I end up eating more carbs - esp. grainy crackers or pasta to replace more fatty and high-cal things - and end up feeling deprived and frustrated because the scale doesn't move. Day one. I still have a lot of food in the house from a recent food-shopping trip (I buy a week or two worth in one go to minimalize shopping trips and impulse buys), so I decided to go with the Phase 2 things until I've used up my current food. I did throw out my bread, crackers, high-glyclemic (sp?) cheese, and other carbs hanging around. I bought a few things to supplement what I already have in the house - more vegs, celery sticks to snack on, some peanut butter, and low-glyclemic cheeses. I also bought some sparkling flavoured fizzy water to replace my usual Pepsi. I also bought some more plain nuts (from bulk bins). I already occasionally snack on nuts - sometimes I want something small to eat and all I need is 5-6 nuts to satisfy that nibble-attack. I feel a bit weird... first day in a long time without my Pepsi rush but on the other hand, I don't seem to be having my usual nibble-problem (I get hungry often and either graze a lot and feel sick or I feel hungry and irritiable). Hmm... off to a good start then!

Every time he annoys you go *click* Either he gets the idea that he is annoying you and gives up or he behaves a bit better Either that, or get a two-year-old to babble in the phone when he picks up, give the phone to your half-deaf grandmother (WHAT???), or teach the dog to whimper in the phone (*squeak!*).

Could it be the time of the year? I am very sensitive to the lack of light, and I am always crashing badly in the afternoon when it gets dark already. I get up in the dark, go to work and come home in the dark and crash. My body clock is really screwed up! I get this every year and am always better when the light comes back. You could try looking up SAD or Seasonal Affectionate Disorder. They suggest light boxes and I have one, but I don't have time to use it in the mornings when its supposed to do the most good.

There is history between the two of them, and she continously is tempted by this guy. If the history was HISTORY, done and buried, then I would think that exs can be friends, but in this case...? I don't think it works. She is attracted to him still and spending time with him and being evasive is hurting your relationship and your trust in her. If she is really serious about wanting to make your relationship work, I think she should see this guy a lot less, maybe only when you're around as a previous poster suggested. Have you tried talking to her about it? Explaining how you feel about the situation?

Sounds good to me. I would be rather nervous about a guy tracking me down like that, but if you're not going to meet her any other way, then give it a try! You miss 100% of the shots you do not take...

Sounds like you two need a good long talk. Its hard to give advice without details, but I assume she had an affair and you caught her? I guess the best course of action is to do marriage counselling and see if: 1) You both want to continue the marriage 2) The problems that caused her to stray can be fixed 3) The trust her staying broke can be fixed Sometimes it really helps to have a good counselor to help get the lines of communication open. I think it is best to try communicate a bit about this before deciding if you want to save the marriage or end it.

Have you tried changing your profile first? Have you tried approching some girls instead? Seems to me that women get a lot more emails then men, so they don't look as much - they're too busy reading the emails.

He may have just been having a bad day that day.

I left an abusive relationship. He put these demands on me and made me feel bad that I wasn't good enough, just like yours is doing about your weight. Thing is, its always SOMETHING that isn't good enough. That is how they excuse their behaviour (I am improving her) and also make themselves feel good (she isn't good enough, isn't she lucky to be with me?), and perhaps something to do with their insecurity (She's too good for me... I better make sure she is too insecure to leave!). Mine first demanded that I be more independent from my family Did that. Then demanded that I be more open with my feelings. Did that. Then demanded that I shut up about my feelings. Did that. Then said my self-esteem was shoddy and demanded that I improve it. Did that. Then said I was overly emotional and demanded that I fix it. Did that. Then said I was just insane and needed counselling. Did that. I thought he just wanted to improve me, so despite how bad his browbeating made me feel, I swallowed the hurt and pain, listened to him, trusted him and worked HARD at making myself better. Then started in on my weight. And about my choice of hobbies. And about seeing my parents period. And about my work. And about my "dedication" to him. *snap* Nothing I did was ever good enough. There would always be SOMETHING he can rip into me for, because we are all human and we all have our weak points. Honey, it never stops. You can run yourself ragged, but nothing will ever please him. It is HIM that has to change, and abusers virtually never change. I was so scared to be alone too, but I am so much happier and secure in myself since I divorced my abuser. link removed This is a great site if you're wondering about whether he is abusive. However, we can all tell you that he is not treating you well at all and he IS abusive. Don't marry him, it will be a mistake. Listen to your brain (the heart gets clingy with all these emotions). Would you recommend that a friend stay in this situation? Do you think it is okay for him to treat you like this? (Or if you're feeling low about yourself... is it okay for YOU to treat someone else like this?).

Even if the relationship was very bad, I could have done some things differently. I could have drawn up better boundaries. Respected myself more. Kicked his butt to the curb sooner. I guess My Big Lesson Learned was... respect thyself first!

Sounds like some counselling might be in order, for the both of you. For you, you're feeling really unappreciated. I imagine she is feeling the same after being alone with the baby all day, so she gets a bit b-word when she sees you with some free time. She probably thinks work is "easier" because at least you're dealing with adults! Nevertheless, both of you are unhappy and you said it yourself - you don't get much chance to talk. Also... any way to get some baby sitting and connect with some dates or some quiet time TOGETHER? Leave the child with a trusted friend or family member?

Some of us type too much and get fast at it