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Aurian

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Everything posted by Aurian

  1. Aurian
    I think girls tend to be more uncomfortable with pauses than guys are though? (Correct me if I am wrong) You might feel more uncomfortable than the guy is feeling. Just reach out and hold his hand or something instead
  2. Aurian
    Guess I would try making some hints and then ease into the actual telling. See how she responds to the hints? "Why aren't the girls here as fun as you?" "I'm really having a great time with you." "Have you ever fallen for a friend?" If she responds in a good way, then tell her you'd like to try DATING her long-distance. If she responds in an off-putting way ("oh don't be silly.", "er, thanks", "ew, no!") then that is your answer to keep it as a friendship!
  3. Aurian
    Did you get us to critique your profile? I think a lot of women tend to read them VERY closely, and a few wrong words could scare them off.
  4. Aurian
    Its a bit of a tricky situation... You might want to post or move your post (ask a mod!) into the Long-Distance relationship forum too, since that is what you're contemplating. I think the folks in that forum might be a bit more helpful because they are or have been in long-distance relationships and might help you. It also gets more traffic I know what it is like to fall in love online. Didn't work out, but I remember those feelings and they definitely were love. Going to a California college sounds like a good idea if there are other reasons to go. California and Oregon are not too far apart. Visiting him within a year also would resolve a lot of questions - a big one being - do we have any chemistry offline too? The answer you get can help you decide about the remaining years you guys are apart.
  5. Aurian
    I kinda feel the same as Mitch... Isn't right before the act is finished a bit late to say no? Especially if she was into it before and he didn't attack her or something? She said yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-maybe-maybe no. She may have the right to feel angry at him, but she should also feel angry at herself for not requesting the condom sooner. I guess it also depends on what she does after she said no. If she continued anyway, I feel it would be different than if she stopped, yelled or tried to push him off. Annie - yelling is clear. However, the example given doesn't seem to be yelling.
  6. Aurian
    I love tea too (I can't stand coffee. I love coffee-flavoured ice cream and coffee-flavoured chocolates, but coffee itself? Yuck!). I often have regular ol' pekoe. I also love Safeway's black Chai tea or their Orange Spice Tea (lovely because it has caffiene in it unlike other orange flavoured teas). My current kick is green tea that comes with mint and stevia - it is not as bitter as regular green tea can be - and it has replaced the Pepsi I drink while at the office. I am also losing weight because the tea is better for me than Pepsi! I also have some eggnog flavoured tea. Weird huh? But its kinda tasty!
  7. Aurian
    Okay, I don't watch many talk shows so I am getting out of my league... At any rate talk shows seem to be different from movies and acted TV shows somehow, because talk shows depend on the speaker's personality, not so much on her looks and acting ability. Can you name any big female movie stars who are kinda less than pretty? I can come up with a few male stars in comedies and romantic comedies, but I cannot think of any female ones - even the "funny" leads are very beautiful and slim. Ahh... at any rate, things are "evening" up a bit, much to my disgust. We ARE seeing more and more polished, "perfect", male stars in the media and that's kinda sad. I kinda like a more natural looking guy - some of the stars these days are so primped and polished, they look rather fake and creepy! I absolutely loved the girl in "Ugly Betty." I think she looks a lot nicer than many of the girls on the show because she has her own look, and a big smile! The other girls tend to be a bit cookie-cutter, and Wilhelmina looks a wee bit s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d! I think I read that the girl will be on Cosmo's cover for the February issue, in which case, I say BRAVO! Size 12, shorter, not botoxed and looking the same as 70% of the other cover models? About time!
  8. Aurian
    Why are you in this relationship? Why do you want to be in a relationship where you have to tell yourself that you can protect yourself? You shouldn't have to even think about protecting yourself from your friends much less your S.O. Even if you can protect yourself, what's to stop him from hurling something at your head? You being stronger won't help you there. I was in an abusive relationship. He broke things too, and it was always "my fault" because I made him mad. I learned that I couldn't MAKE him do anything - it was HIS choice to be mad and his choice to destroy lamps, tables, alarm clocks and the artwork I put my heart and soul into. He also thought he was fine the way he was and when I dragged him to counselling, he was resistant there and refused to change. He said I was the problem. My real problem was that I believed him. So your guy doesn't seem to respect you. He destroys the things you love, be it physical (the candle) or inmmaterial (the pleasure of giving him a gift). He doesn't think he has a problem, so he will not change. You CAN fix some problems in a relationship, but things of this magnatude (abusive and destructive) cannot be fixed - ESPECIALLY if he has no interest in doing so! Please consider - he won't change. Why would he? You're shrugging off not one incident but many incidents. Why bother to change? Its obviously "okay" with you - you're still with him. Do you really want to have the scenario fve years down the road a previous poster wrote out?
  9. Aurian
    I was trying to say that she had the choice, and if she was really scared about it, a low self-esteem often leads to these and can be fixed.
  10. Aurian
    have you LOOKED at Oprah lately? She's slim, curvy and very good looking these days. Not at all like the chubby, make-up-less woman we once knew. My mom even said that she is less interested in the show and magazine these days because it seems hypocritical that Oprah talks about accepting yourself yet Oprah herself has been glammed up. I think Barbara Walters has retired. Who's newsworthy these days? Oh yeah, cute bubbly Katie Couric.
  11. Aurian
    Oh gotcha. Sounds like a cool hobby!
  12. Aurian
    Whew! That is a rough set of circumstances to go through. You love the person you have gotten to know but at the same time he can't come to see you for a long time. The hard part is, while things are great online, you can't really say if you'll have chemistry face to face. The whole business with the jail is really scary because you only have his word as to why he was in there. I wouldn't recommend going to see him on your own and five years is a long time to wait. Does your family or friends know about him? One suggestion might be to get a friend or family member to "chaperone" you (aka, make things safer) and either fly out to Oregon for a short vacation or do a road trip. If things don't work out, you and your friend/family can make a vacation out of things (some nice places to visit in that state). Only trouble is, if you two hit it off, it wouldn't be fair to dump your friend. However, I really REALLY REALLY don't recommend seeing him alone, on his turf, when he has been in jail for some unknown crime. My other suggestion is to part ways and perhaps look each other up when the parole is over or when he can visit Chicago. Either part ways or try keep a friendship if possible. Good luck! Long distance love can suck sometimes
  13. Aurian
    Uh... what he said sounds better. Can I change my post?
  14. Aurian
    I'd play it safe and avoid the alchohol. Maybe nurse ONE beer (I assume that's your drink of choice by your name throughout the night if that wouldn't affect you, but stick with non-alchoholic things otherwise. You wouldn't want to leave your job in embarrassment would you?
  15. Aurian
    Well, even not moving the hands isn't really a problem. I know quite a few people who don't bother and they don't look out of place either. Why are you worried about it? I guess you feel a bit awkard in general when talking (judging by your eye contact comment)? I feel a bit shy myself, but I am more obessing about what to say instead of how I look saying it Just do your best to put the worry out of your mind and relax your hands. They may or may not move. If it feels weird, you can fold your hands together or hold something so they are "busy" instead of hanging there. I dunno if drama would help with body language. I can't say I ever learned about moving my hands in my high-school drama classes! If you really want a class though, I would think a toastmasters class or speaking class would be better since they kinda teach you confidence when speaking. (PS - I am the opposite - I look like I am doing sign language when I am talking - my hands are always moving!) Hope this helps!
  16. Aurian
    Hi Jaffa, I hope you are still listening. We do want to help reassure you. This is a great site with lots of caring people. I thought Beec's post was very good. Abuse can affect the self-esteem. Some people react by lashing out at others, wheras others withdraw. You can work to fix this one easily. I was very shy and withdrawn myself in real but I found one-on-one counseling to be so helpful. I do feel a lot better about myself and more confident these days. (I was abused by my husband) Your physical makeup might mean you might be suspectible to drink like your dad, but that is easily solved too - just watch what you drink and do not let yourself drink too much! If genes were everything, you'd have an impulse to eat grubs, swing on trees and club the boss on his head when he's mad at you. You don't do any of those things do you?
  17. Aurian
    Sometimes the abused person has to kinda hit rock bottom before they realize what is going on or admit it to themselves. You can jump up and down and tell him over and over and over and over, but if he's not ready to listen, he will end up stopping his ears or rationalizing. I think that letter sounds good. You express yourself well and express your feelings and perspective on the matter. It does not sound too much like you're trying to force him to see the situation (that never works - that just gets the other person going "la-la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you!" - believe me, I know what goes through the abused' head then!). The letter sounds respectful and supportive, both of him and to yourself as well.
  18. Aurian
    Well, you can try take some healthy snacks instead. Some wrapped up celery sticks, carrots, a few nuts or a yogurt can be stuck into a purse or schoolbag!
  19. Aurian
    Thanks everyone I have an appointment to discuss the issue with the insurance next week. Because it was a rear-ending and I have a witness, I hope it won't be too difficult. Both my doctor and chiropractor can attest that I was virtually recovered from the last one, so these injuries are "new." Yep, got lots of ice packs! The doctor said that other than being careful, I shouldn't restrict my usual activities or exercise since weaker muscles makes things worse. I did go to work, but fortunately they have a really nice couch so I could relax during lunch and coffee with a pile o' icepacks! I also took anti-inflammatories too. My work is really good about giving me time off when needed (I am one of their best employees!), but I don't want to abuse that goodwill. Nevertheless it was feeling kinda lousy so I visited the chiropractor this evening. Wow, that kinda reinforced that my back wasn't doing too well - last visit, I just had a small patch in my mid-back that needed adjustment. This time my neck, much of my middle back and the base of my spine were all sore (YOUCH!) to the touch and out of alignment! I feel a bit better afterwards though - before I felt like I was hit with a baseball bat or something, but now its just a slight ache! (doesn't hurt that the chiropractor is cute and single either
  20. Aurian
    Well, for one thing, even homely men are still in the media, even if there are more and more "hotties" showing up. Often in shows you see good-looking men, average men and ugly men. However, it is rare to see average or ugly women unless they are supposed to be pitied. I disagree that it is harder for a man to look the part. The average model is 5'11" and tends be a size 2. She weighs something like 120 pounds or less. I'm sorry, but nobody has the option of growing a lot of extra inches, or being that slim. I got the height, but for me to be that small, I'd have to starve myself... and then cut my legs off
  21. Aurian
    Well, there are pros to being in the dark too. It lets you focus on your other senses for a change - touch, smell, hearing... Its just a bit sad if you have it in the dark ALL the time because you're scared of your body...
  22. Aurian
    Yeah, hard to go wrong in the early going with those. Get some chocolates and if she doesn't call you back, eat em yourself At any rate, I'd say its too soon to worry. She probably worked later than expected or was too tired to pick up the phone.
  23. Aurian
    if you have a lot of female friends, then they must like you and enjoy your company. Have you tried asking them if THEY have any single friends you might click with? Perhaps getting a blind date (instead of meeting a girl as a friend) would be a good start? At least you share one friend!
  24. Aurian
    I guess seeing someone is even more casual than dating. seeing somone
  25. Aurian
    Unless you're sweeping wineglasses off the table, I wouldn't worry about it. Lots of people move their hands as they talk. Sometimes the hands add to the story, and sometimes they just add emotional emphasis (wow, her hands are moving fast - she really feels strongly about this!).
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