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Aurian

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Everything posted by Aurian

  1. Aurian
    I just started myself (new year's resolution is to get out there, start dating!). I have been looking at a lot of ads lately, so what turns me off? - Lack of detail and/or bad grammar/spelling. Sorry, if you can't be bothered to fill out your ad properly, I don't get a chance to get interested or get to know you enough to either smile at you or accept one. Also, it kinda implies you don't care too much, and that's not a good way to start! - Negativity. A few profiles went on and on about how online dating sucks. Really makes me want to go out with them... not. Ditto for rants about the site, the ex or simply how life is a b*tch. Next! - Trying too hard to be "attractive." A couple of ads went on and on about money and fast cars. I don't really care that much about money and fast cars, I date a guy for his personality. It also makes me feel like the guy has a very low opinion about girls. - Stand out! I love the humorous ads, because I love a guy who can laugh at himself or an awkward situation. Some guys punched up their ads by having an off-beat intro, humour, a poem, etc. - Have a picture. I'm sorry, but there are so many people on those dating sites and looks are sooo subjective. You can be perfectly good-looking but your looks don't work for my own personal taste. Also, not having a picture is worse than being less-than-attractive because we think you don't care enough, you're not sticking around the site, you're REALLY hideous, or the search program doesn't even bring you up. At any rate, I wouldn't mind some tips myself. I've gotten zero interest on one site, and a few smiles on a second (hoping they'll go somewhere).
  2. Aurian
    Yeah, some people love attention when they're sick and others simply want to be left alone. I'm kinda in the middle of the road - the first day or two, I'm really tired and cranky and I just want to sleep all day and stay in bed. After that, if I am still sick, I am usually feeling a bit better and happy with a bit of company and fussing.
  3. Aurian
    Yeah, I have the same problem. My inner circle is already all married and their friends are married too. Yay me I'm just trying out online dating myself. I am sending out smiles at first because I was also dubious about the costs. I have just signed up for one because of the two sites, I was only getting interest on one. But... you know even if the cost is a bit high, its certainly cheaper than sitting in a bar every day for month sending drinks around
  4. Aurian
    I'll keep that in mind thanks! I'll just stick with these ones for now, and drop them later if I get no interest. I never even heard of okcupid - I don't think it gets advertised up here. link removed - nobody's even smiling. That's a wee bit sad. eHarmony seems a bit more promising since there has been some responses.
  5. Aurian
    Well, I was considering it because I am a bit nutty about dragons, but a "dragon lady" (look it up) isn't a very nice date My current screen names are a bit blah... I wonder if I should go with Dragon Lady and get attention (and risk being a bit scary) if it means an interesting profile? Acually, I was given about a dozen matches on eHarmony, and they're all local (unless they're all fibbing about their cities
  6. Aurian
    Well, I set up a "dating" addy just to be safe. I also registered on eHarmony, since there doesn't seem to be much traffic in my area on link removed. (most of my local matches don't seem to be on the site within weeks) I still don't see any trial offers on either site, so I still want to see if any even get any interest before paying. I seem to have quite a few matches on Eharmony, but how would I know they are interested? (I like that eHarmony allows you to search by "activity" though, so they haven't signed up and forgotten about it!) Does eHarmony have something akin to a wink?
  7. Aurian
    Tough question. I think I am excellent dating material, but having a personality/mental twin wouldn't really work. Isn't part of a relationship enjoying your differences as well as similarities?
  8. Aurian
    That is how I assumed things would work there... they're a little vague about the "free" portion of things and want you to pay right away. If I do get any interest, I'll keep my eyes open for a trial period offer when I go to pay/subscribe. Thanks laboheme! Kinda hard picking out a good name. Certainly don't want to use my online name on a dating site just in case! I know the usual stuff to avoid (don't mention sex just trying to think of something that works and isn't already taken! My current name seems a tad silly to be honest (I refer to being shy), and the nicknames I have are a bit scary (do YOU want to date "The Dragon Lady"? i thought not). Something to think about...
  9. Aurian
    Well, like the thread says. I thought I'd give online dating a shot, and registered on link removed yesterday. I haven't bought a subcription yet as I would like to see if I receive any hits or interest. If there seems to be enough activity in my area, then I'll subcribe and participate as a member. If nobody's even looking at my portrait, then I should probably find a different site! There does not seem to be any trial period offer unfortunately. Does this seem like a good plan or is there something I am missing (ie - only members show up on searches)?
  10. Aurian
    They often seem to charge very high prices and at those prices I have doubts as to whether their client pool is large enough to offer me a good match for a relationship. I would only be interested if they offered a money-back guarantee if they didn't find someone compatible enough for a LTR.
  11. Aurian
    If you make 500 bucks a week, why not get a credit card? I have one, and I hardly ever use it. If I do, I always pay it off every month, so I get no charges. The one I have is through my bank, and I pay no yearly charges either. I don't get any frills and its a low credit limit - $2500, but that is all I need and it comes in handy in a tight spot until my next paycheque.
  12. Aurian
    The best way to talk? Find a time that isn't too stressful (such as not right after he rebuffs you Maybe after dinner or on the weekend when neither are tired and exhausted or emotional. A way to start might be (always remember not to blame because then the other people will get defensive and stop listening): "hey (you), I really need to talk about something. You don't seem to be into sex anymore, and I am really worried. I feel unwanted and insecure, and I feel like there is a problem in our relationship. I want to talk about it so we can fix it together. Can you tell me why we haven't been having sex anymore?"
  13. Aurian
    Maybe just try pulling back yourself? Maybe the fact you're working so hard is making him feel like its okay to sit back and not do anything? He's getting all this attention for free! Second suggestion is to try sit him down and clearly tell him that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. Tell him that you're unhappy that the sex is gone and that you two need to work together to fix it. Don't blame him or point fingers. There could be many reasons why he's lost interest - stress at work, a medical problem, or just not feeling into it. If he still blows you off, and refuses to talk, then it seems like he is not willing to work on the problem. In which case, I would suggest a separation period. He may decide to work on it after all, or he may not. If he does not, then he isn't really into the relationship for whatever reason.
  14. Aurian
    Ignore him. He's getting off on the attention, even if its negative. Don't contact him anymore, even if its to tell him off. He isn't nice, that was just a front. If he does stalk you or continue to harass you, save/write down the incidents and talk to the police. Sometimes only the threat of outside action scares off people like him.
  15. Aurian
    There are some innocent reasons why his could have been active; some sites store old messages and pictures on the account and he could have been looking over your "history" together or something like that. Perhaps he has some friends on the site too. However, it does seem a bit weird as well, so give him the benefit of the doubt but ask him about it. I like xmrth's suggestion. Be non-threatening but do make it clear that you are confused by his actions.
  16. Aurian
    Try making the dinner all things you can feed each other with your fingers (chicken strips, a variety of hor d'uerve type things, sliced veggies and dip, etc). You can make the dessert the same and have whipped cream on the side. That can get naughty Flowers are great - especially if you know what her favs are (or her fav colour at least). It would mean more if you remembered she loves daisys or something like that. Fireplace would be nice. You can pick up a faux sheepskin rug at IKEA for pretty cheap
  17. Aurian
    Dunno if it works for others, but when I cut down on the sugar and carbs in my diet, I felt the urge to binge and purge less. I am also trying to recover from bulimia myself (I thought I had it licked, then my ex kept calling me fat, a pig and then would get mad at me if I DIDN"T eat, so... kinda got into a bad habit again). I started a new diet 3 weeks ago, and the weird thing is, with less carbs and sugar, it seems to trigger my purge impulse much much less.
  18. Aurian
    Sometimes they think they deserve it. Sometimes they have been conditioned to think that they are bad in some way and anyone they get close to may treat them the same once they "get to know the real me." Then, it feels safer to stick with the abuse you know than the potential abuse you might not know about. An abused person also feels a lot of guilt. She probably feels like she is abandoning the relationship and didn't try hard enough. That coupled with being blamed (and believing it) for problems convinces them that they are at fault and they need to set things right. Finally, they want to believe it, because it can be a shock to face that you are a good person and you didn't deserve this treatment, and you put up with it for nothing.
  19. Aurian
    How to bring it up? Maybe start a topic in regards to a celebrity acting out (Michael Richards aka Cosmo Kramer) in anger and move towards incidents of anger in your lives? Sometimes it helps to start general to break the ice, you know?
  20. Aurian
    He did say he wanted an engagement ring so that is on his mind, hey? The promise ring sounds lovely. definitely sounds like he put some thought into it! I also think its a wonderful gesture to say that he feels committed and in love with you. As for receiving more... well, I agree with Annie!
  21. Aurian
    I just edited this a bit... I'd definitely get rid of the all-caps unless you want to be SCREAMING at her for much of the email. It sounds like you are hoping for reconciliation sometime in the future or at least keep the door open so I would make the email less emotional. Drop some of the dramatic bits too... I would also remove anything too inflammatory. For example, don't tell her how you could have hurt her worse! This is how I would word it:
  22. Aurian
    Ouch, sorry to hear that!
  23. Aurian
    Are the online sites mentioned also big in Canada too? I will be trying some out in the new year, but I'd hate to pay only to find that its mostly US people or something...
  24. Aurian
    I second that her family doesn't approve somehow. Otherwise, she could have snuck away for a bit and talked with you on Christmas, no? Seems a bit off that she didn't spend any time with you despite the plans. Sounds like a talk is in order...
  25. Aurian
    I can understand that its a bit scary to see T get angry like that and hit a fence, especially with your past history. However, he was angry for a good reason and instead of taking it out on anyone, he released it in a good way - he didn't hurt anyone and he didn't damage any property! I think many people are capable of doing something like that but would never think of hurting a person. It might be good to talk to T about it though, just to reassure yourself. He might have also noticed you acting a bit different so talking to him may help him realize that you are a bit scared by dramatic examples of anger. I think talking about it might be good for YOU more though. Don't accuse him of anything though. Say something along the lines of "I saw you punching the fence and seeing you angry frightened me. I know you had a good reason to be angry, but it reminded me of J. Can we talk about it a bit? It would really help reassure me."
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