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  1. Im a 19 year old female, about 135 lbs 5ft 2 inches. I go to the gym 4+ times a week. Im on the elliptical for 40-45 minutes, and I make sure to burn anywhere from 500-600 calories. After that I do about 15-20 minutes of strength training. But my problem is... I eat junk! I will work out hard, then go have a breaded chicken sandwhich afterwards lol. So my question is, with me eating kind of crappy ( I rarely drink pop but I love sugary stuff), and on the opposite end of the spectrum I work out... do they cancel eachother out? Even though I burn a significant amount of calories, I shouldnt gain weight from semi-bad eating habits, but I obviously won't lose any either, right? I just wonder if it's pointless to be exercising at all if Im not willing to have a really strict diet
  2. My ex is living in my head 24/7 and she's in my dreams. I need a break from my brain. Tonight exercise didn't do it. Going out to eat didn't help. Nothing helps. It's only been about a month. List how you successfully distract yourself. Thanks
  3. I'm totally procrastinating while packing up my stuff to move out the apt I share with my ex-boyfriend, but I was curious. Not sure if anyone here has read It's called a break up b/c it's broken by Greg and Amira Behrendt... but I just finished it and found it very helpful. I was totally skeptical at first because the guy was a consultant on Sex and the City (the most unrealistic show ever) and from what I can see on his talk show is a little weird. I haven't done all the activities he suggests, but just his funny tone and the light and interesting format of the book has made getting through my break up more bearable. I plan to read it again and do all of the suggested exercises but I was wondering if others have read other books pertaining to getting over a break up that were helpful. Thanks!
  4. I'm skeptical about so called "studies show/experts say..." but the article in this link has some good food for thought and might serve as a nice pick-me-up for those struggling with being alone or trying to find someone... Here, 10 fascinating benefits to being unmarried: Reason #1: You have a better body We’ve all been there—you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years. link removed
  5. What exactly are those exercises, if they do exist? It is more than just talking to people..I do that constantly at work and still whenever I go out to other social situations I make people feel uncomfortable around me because I'm not a very positive person. I want to create a routine where I'm doing something that will make me feel happier with myself and others. It's important because right now I'm taking a SALSA CLASS. And I have to do something before all of the women in the class will view me as a very serious, humorless guy. I'm not doing well in the salsa class, and I'm taking it hard because our teacher will deduct points for any mistakes made, no matter how small. Originally I want to look good in the class but now it seems that I have to feel good as well. Part of the reason why I'm negative is because I'm shy and also I'm assuming that the women in the class feel uncomfortable around me. I heard of this one technique where a person forced himself to smile more by standing in the mirror for a while with a pencil clamped between his teeth. I tried it but stopped because my open mouth began to drool. It was silly anyways..I need something more substanial and long-lasting..more of a mental aid. Thanks
  6. Are there any logical, acceptable, and healthy reasons to try again with an ex? If so, what are they and how can they be exercised?
  7. A Lonely Valentine Was He Walking along the busy street in the morning light, He sees her from a distance, eyes blue and bright, He wonders today just how far they can see, One lonely Valentine was he. On to the school bus he mournfully strides, Sombrely anticipating another day’s routine exercise, From her shop window she sees the bus go by, Focussed on her own tedious daily grind, she releases a sigh. And slowly another Valentine’s Day rolls on, He ponders what he can do before another one is gone, Perhaps she too is seeking the interest of a similar lonesome heart, Or merely a simple smile from someone who is poles apart? She gestures politely to those who come and go, If only each Valentine rose she sold were a gift from above, The shop is quiet as the end of another working day draws near, Blissfully unaware that her destiny may soon be here. Off the bus he strolls, his youthful nerves abound, Into the shop he strolls, a flower in his hand, A tender smile and heartfelt stare was all that was there, but that was fine, For no longer was this young man a lonely Valentine.
  8. The first day Resisting was hard, but the temptations soon disappeared, I drowned them in liquid, for the hunger to leave. As the hours went by, exercising, I did, for hours on end, for the fat, the calories to rid. As night soon came, I fell fast asleep, with only one sound, a stomach growling, but a proud mind. The second day Waking in hunger, a monster in my stomach, stepping out of bed, with dizziness surrounding. Arriving downstairs, I peek in the fridge, the food awaits, but I won't let it win. Exercises, I do, repeatively and more, stopping for water, but returning, regardless I'm sore. That evening my mum returns, asks 'Want to come food shopping'? I think about it for long, and decide to come along. Looking and staring, all around me, the temptations of food, I wish they'd leave. Returning home, putting the food away, trying to resist, to bed I astray. Sleeping with the hunger, my heart beating fast, shaking, my hands, the day is over, at last. Day three Awake, I am, stepping out of bed, falling to the floor, the dizziness took over, grabbing to the door, pulling myself up, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself, for the day ahead... Yeah. Just a poem I did. Just to express myself right this moment...
  9. Hello All, I am new here and this is my first post. My sister is getting married in June and a lot of my family has not seen me for 6 years. In that time, I managed to gain 50 pounds and I look totally different than before. I am not happy with my appearance because I don't feel like I look as good as before. I was wondering if you thought that it is possible for me to loose 50 lbs by her wedding? I currently weigh around 220-225. I have already started, since 3 days ago, a diet but I am not sure if I am doing it right. I cut out all soda and only drink water, tea, and coffee. I replaced all my pasta's and breads with whole grain and wheat. So far I have been eating tuna, wheat sandwhiches, tangerines, and plums. I started to exercise again and jogged 10 minutes last night. (that is all I could handle) Am I on the right path? Any suggestions? Thanks
  10. I need help… I went to a local hangout with a friend Saturday and saw a guy I’m quite into, but have been confused by. We've dated a few times and then got really busy. It has always been very casual, but lately, it's non-exitstent allegedly b/c he's "busy" (I know it's an excuse for not wanting to deal with my being needy and whiny as I was over the holidays.) I was terrified to say a word to him or let him know I was even there in fear of a bad reaction from him. And by bad I simply mean I might not have gotten that “it’s great to see you” look. So instead of being myself and having fun and not giving any real attention to him, I practically hid from him. I was terrified he would be upset at my being there. I didn’t know he was there till I got there. We’d never talked about either of us going out that night, let alone the details of it. We aren’t an “item” by any means, but we have had a few dates. I really like him and am not being myself in fear of his reaction. Many times in the past I’ve recognized this in myself and immediately changed my actions. Why should I hide at all just because we happen to be in the same place? Chances are that he would have been cheerful and happy to see me, but I was afraid it might be otherwise. ](*,) I am HUGELY disappointed in myself for acting the way I did. For turning what could have been a fun outing into a difficult time. I don’t know why I allow fear of a man’s reaction stop me from doing whatever I want to. But I always have. I did it with my x-husband and now I’m doing it with a guy I barely know! I need help addressing this part of me and finding a way to accept myself and trust my decisions… I don’t know what to do… HELP! I can NOT keep doing this to myself. It tears me apart! I'm not a insecure person by trait, but the details of the divorce have left me so lost! I don't know how to stop the feelings... Is there an exercise I can do? Something? Bang my head against a wall till I no longer care? I have never worried so much about my own actions before. I don't think he really thinks about it much. it's like I'm trying to be the perfect girl for him, and well, let's face it, she doesn't exist! It's irrational and uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do!
  11. Hi everyone. I've just come home from my boyfriend's place after storming out after a long argument. My boyfriend of 7 months has HepC, which he contracted when he got a blood transfusion after a childhood accident. I've known about it almost from the beginning and I thought I was okay with it. He seemed concerned about it and considerate of my fears about it. I've done my share of reading on how transmissable HepC is, and from what I've read, it's rarely sexually tranmissable. However, it is advised to avoid sharing razors and toothbrushes. Tonight we ended up sharing a toothbrush I went to use my toothbrush and put it in my mouth and realized it was already wet, so I asked him if he used it and he said yes! He said he was tired and didn't notice. That would be alright if he'd just said, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again", but when he saw that I was concerned, he told me I was overreacting and that there isn't any risk despite what I've read (he's a health professional himself, but heck, I'm a scientific researcher). I felt so angry that he was acting as though it were no big deal and especially when he said I was being a hypochondriac. I feel that because he has HepC, we both need to do whatever we can to minimize the risks of transmitting it, and because he seems to think it won't ever happen, he seems to be acting carelessly about it. I don't know... I just feel upset. Shouldn't he care about my health as well? Now I know the chances of me getting it just from sharing a toothbrush once are slim, but I just feel frustrated that he's not taking his ailment seriously. It's a chronic disease and he doesn't take very good care of himself. When I met him, he was exercising regularly and eating well, but later I found out that he smokes (which is hard for me to deal with as well), and since being together, he's stopped exercising completely and isn't eating healthily at all. Being health conscious and taking care of one's body is really important to me, and because he has Hep C, I feel it's even more important for him to keep himself in the best shape possible. If we were together for the long time, I'd want him to be around and healthy till we were old. I know part of his lack of exercise is due to him having less time because of our relationship... but still... I don't know... I think I'm just conflicted because our values with respect to our health are different. I think it's smart to avoid all the risks if possible, while he's so cavalier about it. I asked if he'd used my toothbrush before, and he said he didn't know but possibly... he said that because he doesn't think I will get HepC that way, he doesn't really notice! Am I over-reacting? I love him and I want to be together, but I need his agreement that we'll do whatever we can to avoid spreading the disease. I don't want to get this disease. I feel like we can't be on the same page until he acknowledges the risks, which he won't right now. Sigh... help.
  12. Would anyone know how I would go about the unfair dismissal thing. I have just been told my contract will not be renewed due to stupid reasons (half of them untrue) I am/was teaching Digital Imaging and the holidays for the students are today. the reasons were that everytime the assistant director walked in the students were on the internet. That is totally untrue because I monitor them a lot and the exercises on the lesson plans are so crap that a child would get them done in 5 mins(i dont do the lesson plans). I have been told that I have been seen on the internet as well. My students were given tasks to do which usually takes up to an hour to do. I get up now and then, walk around the room and check to see if they're okay. Then I sit down and what am I to do then. At the start of the year because the tasks were so short I went online to see if I could find something else for them to do. I ran out of stuff for them to do. The support technicians are lazy and when I ask them to fix a printer or something they act like its a big chore. I have been running right left and centre to grab their attention. I complained about them and it got back to the assistant director so she said that a few people have been having problems with me. The gal who did my lesson plans was getting the lessons from the damn 'help' menu on the Digital software and because I complained about that im out, gone. Im completely now because this was my first real teaching job and I need a good reference. I have worked my off for crappy money and how the hell am i going to get another teaching job if they give me a bad reference where I did nothing to warrant that. Somebody please help!
  13. Hey, Well I just found out my boyfriends favorte body part on a girl is her butt! and mine needs help!!! I'm not gonna see him for a couple months so I wanna get toned up before he comes here! lol. I know everyone says "squats" but how exactly do you do them?? (I've heard so many different ways!) AND is there any OTHER butt work outs that you guys have found helpful??? please share!!!! thanx
  14. ive put on a good amount of weight over this past year in college. i need to get rid of it. ive always been a small girl and i guess in my head i still picture myself as being that small girl. but these past few months i can see a drastic change in my phyical apperence. && its quite bothering me. Im 5'0ft. and weigh 135lbs. before i started school i was between 115-120. i have a small frame. so i really want to get this extra weight off once and for all and maintain it. i go to the gym regularly and ive been going for about 3months now, and nothing has changed. my eating habits are average, i dont consume junk food and sweets. i really dont know what im doing wrong!! any advice on food i can try to help me slim down! or any food i should advoid. i will do anything at this point
  15. Many of us come here trying to get our ex back. In a lot of cases it is just best to find someone else that is closer to your ideal. I know Tony Robbins recommends an exercise where you spend sometime writing down exactly what you are looking for in a mate. Every detail- from appearance to behavior to attitudes and values, as much as you can think of. He says he wrote four pages. This is supposed to help you clairfy what you want and activate your reticular activating system (RAS). The RAS is a part of your brain that allows you to focus. We are constantly bombarded with so much external stimuli that the brain can only handle a very small fraction of (I think it is less than 1%). Without the RAS, the brain would be literally paralyzed with overload. There is so much going on out there, but we only sense a tiny bit of. Ever buy a new car and then suddenly start seeing that car everywhere? This is the RAS in action. So by writing what you want in a mate, you activate the RAS, and you will be much more likely to find what you are looking for.
  16. I just wanted to say I lost 25 pounds this summer through regular biking and cutting out all non-diet drinks. Now at a healthier 140 lbs (height 5' 5") It can be discouraging to watch other bikers, even joggers pass me by while I struggle to pedal up a small incline (have to get off and push it up any hills). People leaning out their cars and calling me a fag isn't fun either. Nor do I notice any real strength benefits from the exercising. But doing this has made me realize an important lesson: effort is what matters most. Why should I care about other people when I'm putting just as much willpower, maybe more, into what I do? If nothing else this can only make me a stronger person. I think this is an important key to dealing with my m.d.
  17. Having been anorexic at approximately 14-16 years of age, then force-fed/forced to recover by my parents, I was "alright" for awhile (still food/body obsessed, but had no scales in house etc..), but then I started binge eating at least.... 5 times a week? when I was 17. I'm 18.5 now, and until last week it was getting to the point where, as well as too much exercise, I was starting to make myself sick as well. To be clear, my weight has stayed the same at a healthy 140lbs/BMI 21 since I started bingeing...there IS a god, by rights I should be at least 200lbs by now with all the junk I've eaten... A combination of lots of exercise and a decent metabolism has saved me, I guess. Anyway. In despair, I purchased a book about stopping overeating/eating less/overcoming compulsive eating. It is a very sensible book, treating overeating as an addiction. Having been in therapy etc, I no longer believe it is all about emotional problems, and it really is like giving up smoking. For me it is, anyway. The book advocates seeing self esteem as a goal rather than weightloss, trying to eat healthier, seeing yourself as having CHOICES in what/how much you eat, and setting limits on your food as you go, but allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, just..in sane amounts, at sane times. All Well And Good. The problem is that although I have not binged for 7 days now, and I've eaten SLIGHTLY healthier.... But. Now, eating depresses me and I've slipped right back into the kind of thinking that anorexia gave me! Eg...."How long can I go without food?" And cutting my food up small, etc. I added up a typical day this week, I'm not eating enough. Yet...eeating enough now scares me. I wouldn't dream of bingeing any more. It makes me feel ill. I'm in despair. It seems like I either don't binge/eat everything I want in small amounts.....but then, I feel so GOOD the less I eat. I had no idea that under my mad binge eating side, beats very much the heart of an anorexic. It makes me sad that after a total of 4+ years with eating disorders, it all comes back to this. This attempt to help myself has been the best for a long time - I'm eating a steady 1000-2000 cals a day, NO BINGES!, and I dont feel very deprived. But the obsession ravages me, being thin is something I think about so much, it's pathetic. I'll keep on with it, I just wanted to vent.
  18. Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. thereforeeee be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
  19. Hey everyone, Im in my last year of school and my most important exams are coming up, these exams will decide whether I get into university or not. This is my second year doing this year because last year I f**ked up my exams so I repeated. I don’t want it to happen again. I really need advice on how to study and what to do and what not to do. I just feel really lazy, and im very pessimistic about life. Ever since I saw loose change, I got addicted to the internet, sitting on my * * * all the time, I didn’t really care about life anymore because of what I see happening in the world. I think it’s because im not doing much exercising which is making me feel lazy. If Anyone wants to second that, or give me advice or links please do. I appreciate it
  20. Ok, you might think I'm crazy or something... But I just need to know, because even though I'm impatient, if there's the faintest hint of light at the end of the tunnel, I can be pretty tenacious. My question is about body fat percentages... After starting to slow down and perform sloppily at the gym, I started to follow a new exercise routine that's a bit less exhausting (well it does tire me out a bit less than the one I did before, which wasn't working the way I wanted it to... let's not go into details), but more healthy. It's the exercise routine in the body for life website. So, it combines weights 3 times a week alternating with cardio 3 times week. I started doing it the exact same way it is described on the website, and I'm eating pretty healthy already, and I believe I'm consuming enough calories. So I know I'm not being very precise, but given that, how much body fat percentage would the average person lose by strictly following the body for life program (for building muscle and losing fat), in about 3 months? Just curious, I'm not expecting any miracle 20% body fat losses in just 3 months and stuff. But I'd just like to know what to expect, so if by any chance it doesn't work, I'll just change to a new routine that might work better for me. And if it seems to be working, I'll stick to it, and even if it takes an entire year, I'll just stick to it till I reach my goal... The reason I'm asking for numbers, is because until now, progress hasn't been an easy thing for me to monitor. I'd like to think that I'm making some progress, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like it. So, if you could please tell me something realistic... Thank you and best wishes.
  21. just been reading a self help book and trying to sort my life out. the booked makes you write down and answer big questions etc... anyway there i am trying to determin my issues and goals by writting them out in an old note pad i have,,, i got quite alot down and it sort of cleared my head and made me really depressed.... here comes the kick in the b*lls! i was just closing the book and pad as i had had enough of this brain aching and heart stabbing exercise -----------then i saw it---- on the back of my sodin pad.... the ex wrote "she loves me" (her name and my name of course) in massive font accross the A4 size pad with stars and kisses gallor! she must have done this about two yrs ago now cos that was the last time i used it when i was at uni (she left me end of november and were together for 2 1/2yrs!) i dont know if its b/c i read it at a really emotionally vulnerable time or what but its killing me right now it caught me on my knees with my pants down... god i miss her .....I MISS HER... i do anything .ANYTHING! ANYTHING why did i have to find that ... what the hell is this ... is it fate .. all part of the big plan because im trying to kick my self into gear but everytime i do something smacks me down again.... please i want to get through this please let me sort my life out PLEASE i just needed to get it of my chest..
  22. I have been wondering if it is possible that someone is too much like you then is that a good thing or a bad thing? I met a nice girl, so far been on 5 dates in 2.5 weeks that I’ve known her. The funny thing her personality is EXACLY the same as me in every single respect. We are both ENTP (search Myer Briggs on the internet). both adventurers(engram), We both see the world in the same way, both are optimistic extraverts, both see spirituality in the same light, both like to independently investigate truth instead of taking it as face value, both courteous & polite, both generous, both are like cats when it comes to affection (purr, scratch me under the chin), both like a lot of exercise and healthy food, both have nearly identical childhood experiences, both have been in similar style of social groups, both love traveling and seeing the world, both value equality of men and woman etc , both have similar parents, her brother is just like my sister, she has the same occupation as my mother, both are entrepreneurs, both like strategy games (her favorite is chess, I think that’ll change once I teach her Go), both are creative inventors, both like dancing and skiing. The list goes on and on. Actually I can’t think of a single thing that is different about us (besides what’s between the legs). I’ve heard that it’s sometimes good to have some differences from your partner, and if you are exactly the same then people can get bored of each other etc. apparently it is good to have someone slightly different that will complement your characteristics. Has anyone ever had problems because their partner was too similar? i don't know how we handle disagreements as it's too early in the relationship and we haven't had a single topic that we've differed on, i guess how people can cope with inevitable differences and fights really effects the long term perspective of a relationship. Is there such thing as being too similar? Or is this a match made in heaven? While cuddling last night she said that she sees me as a mirror of her own soul and can grow from reflecting off me. That sounds very deep to me. She’s already made several similar comments in only the last 2.5 weeks that I’ve known her. I guess this is around the stage then people express all their emotions and where people make decisions if dating will turn into BF/GF etc. I have to admit I feel more comfortable around her than anyone I’ve ever been with. But I also know this is just the honeymoon stage of a relationship, so who knows what happens down the track. I just like making some predictions, if there is anything I need to keep my eyes open for to steer things in the right direction. I know this is just the honeymoon stage of a relationship, in the end a relationships success largely depends on people’s communications and how they deal with conflicts. As it’s only the honeymoon stage and we are so similar we haven’t had any conflicts yet, so I’ve got nothing to judge our conflict resolving capability until something comes up. What is everyone else’s experiences? Has anyone ever had problems because their partner was too similar? Or is this just a match made in heaven? Well, I guess I’ll go with the flow and keep seeing her as long as we enjoy it.
  23. I exercised today!!! I'm so happy about that. The extra weight I'm carrying puts me in pain. I look forward to getting rid of it now. I'm still sad however, and it's hard to let go. It's hard to let go of the eating. For some reason I'm afraid to let go. What do I think will happen? I feel I need a place where I can be safe. A place where I can cry and not be bothered. Only then will I feel comfortable losing weight.....only when I feel safe. At home, with my parents, I have no peace, I have no true alone time.......and without peace I'll never heal. Safety is a really big thing with me these days. I can only take one thing at a time. Losing weight comes with it's own set of issues...people complimenting you, men staring and getting too close, in order to confront those fears I need some sense of security. I'll do it for me. I'll work things out I know I well. I'll keep exercising though, because that is helping the depression. Whew! As soon as I get my new job I'll move out. I have the credit to do so. I'll pay off my credit now, which will be fairly easy because I'm living with my parents. Don't you just wish someone would hand you a job sometimes? It would be so nice. I think I'll be able to mentally handle a second job, as long as I exercise. The thing I miss most about school is the schedule. There are breaks inbetween classes. Anywho...... So many things, I should take my time to work through them but sometimes I become so impatient. But I'm so much more patient now than I was after I was raped. It took a lot of work, tears, and pain before I learned how to be patient with myself....that was so hard. I'm watching T.V. and there is a woman on who is 900lbs. It just makes me want to cry. I mean, how much pain do you have to be in to do that to yourself? How much? And then you get in a place where you can't change, or it's hard to do so. I just feel so sorry for her. Nobody wants to be like that. To not be able to walk........that's heart-breaking. What is it about eating? Do you think there is more pressure on people when they stop eating? When I wasn't eating (so long ago), my parents were extremely strict because they believed I was becoming anorexic (which was true). But when I over-eat, they don't really say much. Do you think society is that way also??? Anywho. Weight it the last thing I have to worry about. It's everything else. Oh well, step by step. Thanks for listening, Grace
  24. I took off work today!!! I'm so proud of myself. I was really, really depressed and I needed the rest. And I went swimming!!!! I'm so proud of myself! I woke up late. There were quite a few people in the pool area. I said to myself, okay I'm fat, this is embarrasing, but who cares; and I did it!!! It felt soooooooooooooo great!!!! Exercise really does help with depression. I feel much better than I did before. More optimistic about my future. I'll make myself go swimming everyday. Okay, now there is something I'm not proud of. I'm thinking of giving my kitten away. I'm tired of cleaning feces off of the floor everyday. She's always under me and I'm constantly tripping over her, and if I fall I always get hurt because I'm trying not to hurt her. She's always in crawling under me. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. Here she comes right now. I know she'll walk on my computer as always. I used to love cats, espicially kittens. They always put a smile on my face, but I don't feel that way right now. My boyfriend's cat is adorable!!!! I love him so much!!! And then there's the cat hair. It never bothered me before. But now.....I'm so tired of the cat hair. It's not that bad with my kitten, but with my boyfriend's cat it is. Maybe I should take my medicine again. I really want to give my cat away, cat's are suppose to be easy to train. I think I might feel guilty about giving her away after I recover from this mood I'm in. I so angry because I really feel like going back to my school triggered this relapse. I just want to lay in bed all day and cry. I didn't want to get here again. I feel like I sound so stupid when I'm talking. Like, things aren't flowing, like I can't say things correctly anymore. I don't want to go on medicine again. You can't drink on anti-depressants, there are side-effects, it's just too much. But my brain, it's not cooperating again. It's like it's moving really slow and it's not putting things together. And I feel like crying because I'm so aware of this. I'm tired, but I can't rest. I don't want medicine again. It makes my mind work better, but it supresses my emotions and feelings. I don't feel human anymore. And the people around me don't like the way I am on medicine. I exercised today and my body feeling much better. Are there any natural herbs or supplements I can take to help with the depression and CPTSD???
  25. I'm just sick of not liking myself. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. I exercise 4 times a week to improve my body and while it's gotten better, I still can't stand how I look. My face has been breaking out in acne lately, which isn't helping me at all. I just wish I could fix these parts of myself, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, it'll never change. My boyfriend always tells me how beautiful I am, and while I believe that he means it, I just can't see what he sees. I'm just really sick of it.
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