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About Me

  1. My partner (we are a lesbian couple) is 5'7" and 170lbs, used to be an athletic US Marine. She is very self-conscious about her weight gain the past couple years. I tell her I do not care what the scale says, and I am being genuine. I love her just the way she is and just want her to be happy. She frequently talks about wanting to go on a diet and exercise plan, but implies in order for her to go through with it, I have to do it with her. Issue is, I am 5'3" and 108 lbs and don't have much weight to lose. My metabolism is just higher than hers. I have no issue picking up my exercise game because I have been meaning to do that for awhile anyway, but I feel like it is a little unfair to feel pressured into going on a diet with her that I don't necessarily need/might not be good for an already borderline underweight person. But I also want to be as supportive as possible. What should I do? Am I being selfish?
  2. I’m not exactly sure if this is the best place to ask for advice, but It’s one of the only places I know so I’ll just go for it. So to start off, I’m an 18 YO guy and I just started going to the gym about a month ago. At the moment, I’m pretty skinny and still figuring out the gym. While I was doing an exercise, a man who appeared to be about 40ish cane up to me and asked if he could show me a better one. I said of course and he even showed me a few more. He mentioned he could lift more back when he was serving in the army, with my dad being a vet, I decided to ask him a few more questions and he said that he is now working for the FBI. so he seems like a pretty trustworthy cool guy. After he finishes showing me some new workouts, he asked what I was doing at the gym the next day. I told him I planned on doing legs and he said he had some good leg exercises that we should go together. I figured why not so he asked for my number so he could tell me when he was heading out and I thought nothing of it. So today we went, had a very good leg workout and kind of planned a workout for tomorrow. At this point I kinda wanted to back out as he does a more vigorous style of workout than I like so I was already trying to get out of working out with him. Later on though, he texted me “my legs are jello. Gonna go lay out at my friends pool. Wanna come tan.” Should I be alarmed that a middle aged man is asking me to come tan at his friends pool when I met him yesterday? Or am I overthinking it. Do I block the number and leave the gym(I only have 2 weeks before I leave for school) or do I try to go at a different time to dodge him? Any advice is welcome thanks
  3. Hey everyone! I know there is no perfect way to lose weight...and what I have done is just started eating better. I have not counted calories or fat grams...and I WILL NOT lower good carbs (IE whole grain bread). Pretty much my take is, getting lots of fiber and I have completely eliminated fast food and junk. I have been staying away from foods that are processed as well. So far, I have lost 40 pounds. With my body type...I have gone down 4 dress sizes. What I want to do now is start exercising more. I have tried going to the gym...and it is really out of the way for me, and I find it really boring. So after doing some checking around I have found an indoor pool that would be pretty easy to access...and since I picked up another job while in school, the price shouldn't be a problem. I think I can squeeze in 2-3 times a week...for about an hour and a half to two and a half hours at a time. Obviously any exercise is better than none...but will that be enough to lose more weight? I chose swimming because I greatly enjoy it, I find it soothing and relaxing....and find it far more enjoyable than the gym. It is easier on my joints (I have tendonitus in my wrists and elbows), and I get a cardio workout while toning. So...any info anyone? Thanks for your help!
  4. How do you trim some unwanted fat off your buttocks/ does anybody know of any good stretches or exercises to get rid of it? any siggestions would be great.
  5. I have a job which is full of stress, and have been struggling with the torrible pain in my back -for 3 months now- which hurts whenever I sit. The problem is this does not stop, I have gone to a series of doctors, all of which said a different thing, some said do not do any sports and some gave me some small exercise. So I began to do exercises, but whenever I get down, the terrible pain begins, than I began to get more depressed, and then comes the vicious circle!! I have realized that my mental situation affects my body immediately but I don't know how to get out of this circle? Any advice on how to reduce stress? or how to cure this pain is welcome, and let me add that I am not that kind of a person who enjoys going to a club, a sports activity or stg. like that, in other words I really don't know very well to make myself feel relaxed..I only like to have a walk on my own, but I am not sure whether it is good for my back? or makes it worse? Please help, I am starting to think that I am like those old old people who alwys speak of their pain!!
  6. hey, anybody know any good lower ab exercises? i have the four pack, the the two bottom ones do show, but just aren't as defined as the top four (they don't stick out nearly as much).
  7. I have NEVER cared about my appearance. I mean, I would wear makeup on occasion and all that. But I have always dressed the way that I want to, exercised if I felt like it, and ate what I wanted when I wanted. I'm not saying that I fat or ugly, but lately I've been so unhappy in my own skin. I KNOW that if I can keep up a proper diet and exercise regimen, I'll start feeling a lot better... But I CAN'T DO IT! I just can't seem to stay motivated. I mean, I REALLY HATE the way that I look right now, and I want to change it so badly, but I can't seem to get there! I feel like it's just one more failure to add to my list. I don't know what I need. Tips? Encouragement? I dunno. Maybe I just need to vent.
  8. My circumstances are not important, you do not need to find similarities in my story to feel relevance in these words. You are reading this for the reasons we all read this site. Why? Because you don't know what the hell just hit you.. and you're trying to make sense of it all. The love of your life, the man/woman of your dreams just collapsed your world. You are consumed with a yearning for them, for how it was, tortured by thoughts of how they could do this to you, unable to accept that the person you shared all those intimacies with is suddenly the coldest stranger on earth.. this is bad enough, but you can't eat, can't sleep, can't smile. it doesn't get any more *Censored* than this. a few words to the wise: 1. know this, if nothing else.. All things must pass. no matter how bad you feel, no matter how convinced you are that the way you feel now is set in stone. you are wrong. all things must pass. how you feel now is not how you are destined to feel for the rest of your days. imagine your love like nuclear material. right now it's burning intensely – crushing you. but it has a shelf-life, soon it will be less intense, soon after a little less. after a while, you'll be able to cope, horrible realisations (that you're no longer with them, that you miss them, that life now sucks without them) will still hit you, but everything will be less intense. your current life without them will gradually take over, placing new memories in the way of your old ones.. 2. exercise. believe me, I am no fan of exercise. but it will help you no end. it will relax you, take the tension out of your stomach, give you an appetite, release endorphins. everything you need. yes, you're tired, yes you can't sleep, exercise is not appealing, but you must. it will help 3. keep your head straight. don't get drunk, don't smoke weed, don't take anything else – all these will make things ten times worse. to fight this grief, you need to be strong. get smashed/off your face or whatever and the crushing thoughts will take on horrifying proportions in your brain, magnifying your loss. 4. no contact. (this also means not replying to contact, or replying in a way that suggests you don't want any further contact) this is often referred to, rarely followed strictly. I don't want to get into any discussion on whether or not this can bring someone back. If it does, good luck to you. for me, I know that's not the case – no contact is self preservation. I do not want to hear the voice of someone I felt so strongly about talking to me like I'm someone who just called to sell them insurance. they won't call you by the name they used to when they loved you, you may hear no love in their voice, no warmth – this is crushing. don't put yourself through it. if they made a mistake, if they can't live without you, they'll let you know. the alternative is that they feel for you, but don't want to change their mind – this will also screw you. you'll seize on it, want to believe there's a chance. you will beg. don't deceive yourself into thinking that if they could only hear you cry, hear how upset you are, they would come back. wrong. they underwent a mental process to get to the point of ending it with you, often that is quite a step to take, they have now ended it and are in a completely different mental place to you – this contrast will often lead to a disastrous conversation that will set you back. press on. the less you expect contact, emails, texts.. the quicker you can move out of the grief you're in. 5. be cruel to be kind. I removed all numbers from cellphones, email addresses, deleted all old emails, got rid of photos, anything that could remind me. you don't need to see his/her name when you scroll through your numbers, don't need to see those emails or pics from a time when you were so happy together. it is too much of a contrast with what you're going through now. often you don't want to remove traces of them because this is tantamount to admitting its over. the problem is, it is over – look after number one. less reminders equals better mental state. be disciplined. 6. try and spend time with old friends, family, people who care, doing things that are easy going – movies, a quiet drink etc. give yourself time. you will still be gripped by the horror of it every 5 minutes and when you get back to your empty home!! no one said it was easy. but again, remember point 1 – all things must pass. press on. 7. expect this to be (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR). this is no party. when you wake up from a fitful 3 hours sleep with what feels like a blender in your stomach.. try and smile in the face of it. you are living life. life is glorious, but also more crushing than can be put into words. congratulate yourself for being out there in the thick of it. you are doing what you were meant to do in life – experiencing the pain that often comes with the pleasure. be brave. 8. all things must pass. one day, you won't remember exactly how you felt right now. the worst thing is, other bad stuff may well have happened by then. but guess what? you'll deal with that too..
  9. I am 5'3" and weigh in at a whopping 240 pounds. I have spent most of my life being overweight. I know I eat too much of the wrong things but overall I don't eat a lot of anything. I have had jobs that required a lot of physical exertion but I have never lost more than 30 pounds. All of which comes right back eventually. Anyway, I've recently decided to try to lose at least the weight I gained after losing my last job. Hopefully more but I'm not going to set my goals too high. Just aiming to get back into the shape I was in before my accident. I am wondering if anyone knows any good exercises to get rid of a floppy belly that isn't hard on the back/neck. That's going to be my main focus point for now. I don't have access to a gym, nor do I have any equipment at home. I did start walking a mile a day every day about a week ago. I am doing good with keeping that up and am working up to more. And once I get used to walking I will take it to the next level, jogging.
  10. I've just joined a Gym, but I'm a little too embarrassed to get a personal trainer, so I was wondering if someone could help me out…. I don't have any problem areas, but I would like to get my whole body toned, and a flat stomach. I'd like to loose about 8 pounds, and was wondering what exercises and machines people would recommend that tone more than one area at a time. Any suggestions would help so much!!! Thanks a lot!
  11. I work all day and have school all night. I've been having a hard time finding time to exercise. Along with that I find myself eating really bad food, mainly fast food. I'm sick of it!! Does anyone have any suggestions for exercise and nutrition that a busy boy can use? Websites? Books? Personal remedies? I'd appreciate any suggestions. I usually go for a walk at night when I get home and I do have a weight bench with a few dumb bells. The only problem is I'm usually exhausted from my day to start a workout. But I'm very willing to hack it out for an hour, I just don't know what to do and what days to do it and what to eat to keep toned up. I really need to start eating right first. I need to go to the grocery store and buy food instead of eating nasty fast food. But, being a bachelor I'm at a loss for what to get that's easy to make and healthy. PLEASE HELP! I would also like to hear any suggestions that might help me tone up a bit. I have a good build but I need to tighten up. Hopefully there are a few of you out there that can help me? I'm sick of eating fast food and would really like to start a work out program (without having to go to a gym, no time) Please Help!! All suggestions and ideas welcome!
  12. I'm trying to get in shape for the summer (I'm not overweight, I'm pretty thin) so I want to try exercises that'll keep my weight up but give me some muscles. My buttocks area could use some work, but I'm not sure what kind of exercises are best. Also, I'd like to work out my tummy, and right now I'm starting 30 sit-ups a day, do you think it'll make a difference or do I need to do more?
  13. I recently started working out last week to gain definition, not mass. I was just wondering what are some exercises for the upper and lower back muscles. I work out with free weights, that would include and bar and weights.
  14. Hi all! So I finally joined the gym and didn't really know where to start out. So the guy you runs the place put me on a light workout plan to begin with. I forgot most of the names of the exercises right now, but there are 8 of them. Leg Press- 20reps of 80lbs Crunches- 20 benchpress- 15reps 60lbs There are 5 other exercizes too but I forget there names. Anyway they involve barbells and some other things. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is, well it's too easy! WHY WOULD HE WANT ME TO START OFF SO SLOW!? I heard that to get big, you gotta lift big!? Why would he start me on such a light workout plan? I reckon I could leg press 120lbs. I've never done any gym work before but I want to get BIG! What should I do, stick with this easy plan or what? Thanks guys
  15. i've become totally obsessed with what my ex is doing. i recently found out that my he is dating some new girl now (who has a boyfriend, but says she wants to breakup with him). i've heard that all he wants to do is have sex with her. i feel so hurt. i'm not ready for this. but i know it's not really up to me. i want to go out all of the time just to maybe run into them and see what she looks like. i seriously think i'm going crazy. i've been doing all of the normal post-breakup things, like exercising, reading, spending time with family/friends, but i'm not satisified. i want these thoughts out of my head. i want to be happy, but this seems to be taking control over my life.
  16. Hey everyone, Not sure if this is an exercise in futility, but I just wanted to comment that as a recent returnee after around a year, I have noticed a significant uptick in what appears to be biased and unwarranted attacks in some of the replies here, including from some longer serving members. This is across several threads as well directed at a variety of OPs and members. I just want to express my disappointment, as when I first discovered this forum I got a lot of positive and constructive feedback, which I really feel helped me. However, I am now reluctant to continue posting or replying as I feel I may open myself to being the recipient of someone else issues (when i definitely have enough of my own to deal with). As I said, this may be futile, but I just wanted to note this in the hope that all contributors will try to remain civil, and try to approach others with both empathy and objectivity (while of course lending the benefit of experience). Much love, T
  17. Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a transition stage in my life at the mo and to cut a long story short I've moved in with my mum for a few months while I get money together for a house deposit and find a decent place. We have always had a strained relationship but it has gotten better in recent years. When I was growing up she was very critical of me and made daily comments about how I looked, especially my weight. I have carried a bit extra for most if my life except for a couple of stages where I lost an extreme amount of weight in extreme ways. I have recently put some weight back on and now fall into the 'overweight category which has made me feel quite bad about myself but she is treating me as if I'm morbidly obese and is making me feel so disgusted with myself and ashamed of what I see when I look in the mirror. I feel myself losing confidence, which I worked so hard to build, and slipping back into old habits like buying diet pills, skipping meals, obsessing over exercise and taking heavy detox drinks etc. I feel so terrible about myself I genuinely feel like a teenager again. Every day these past few weeks she has made negative, nasty digs about how I've "let myself go" and "need to get back on track". I know it sounds silly but I just feel so low right now and every comment from her eats away at my self-esteem a little more. I know parents should challenge you to be your best self but she ignores everything except my appearance and I only ever hear negative words come from her mouth. This can't be right??
  18. So this is embarrassing my iron infusions did take. I misunderstood her when she said levels were still high she was referring to other labs. I saw her this past Monday. I actually gained 3 liters of iron in my blood I had been missing. She’s rechecking the iron to make sure it sticks six months from now. I still feel sick and my joints and fatigue is still really bad! I see primary and endocrinologist and getting a referral too rheumatologist! The hematologist was thinking bone marrow biopsy if my iron depletes in six months. But luckily I don’t have to deal with that right now. I’m trying to walk on the treadmill with my achy joints at a slow pace. Will exercise help? I had my thyroid and parathyroid ruled out. I wish I had an answer to why I’ve gradually been feeling crummy for a year! Well at least my iron is okay. Sorry about that I was confused myself. Lisa
  19. I just wanna talk about this because it's horrible. I took some antibiotics had a pretty bad reaction to. I thought my ex gave me an STD because even though we were broken up we were still having sex but he said he only received a blow job. But I looked up only and I thought I had herpes(even though I had no bumps and I went on a health forum and they told me it could be it). So anxiety was through the roof and it made me have a really bad flare it a really bad one (I have lupus). For the last year all of my test have come back normal. So then why does my vagina burn almost every day? Why does it randomly start to hurt? Why can't I sit? Why does it hurt more when I sit in a car? In the end they slapped me with the label Vulvodynia and Dysuria. Why because they don't know what's going on I feel like the doctors don't even believe me anymore because my vagina not inflamed or there are no lesions one of the doctors that I went to told me to do KEGAL EXERCISES. Really Kegal exercises is going to cure my burning vagina?! I don't even know when I have a yeast infection anymore because it feels like I have one all the time So apparently the antibiotics I took injured some of my nerve endings( the lupus flare up didn't help either) because I was on them for too long. This never makes me want to take antibiotics again. I have always had depression and this just isn't helping it. I just sleep for more than 15 hr a day because I don't want to have to wake up and deal with it. I feel like the more medication I take it gets worse. It like my vagina is so sensitive that even my pee makes it hurt or just sweat or just water or just anything you know the white stuff that comes out.
  20. I’m starting my third week of no carbs and no sugar. I’ve been exercising 4 times a week and stayed active every day. The only carbs I eat are from vegetables. I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t lost any weight. I need to lose 10-15 pounds and I’ve seen no change even though I’ve drastically changed my diet and workout routine. Any advice?
  21. I just got ghosted from a 9-month relationship with a woman I deeply loved...it has been hard on me. I went to a therapist and was diagnosed as codependant - which I agree with. One of the exercises the therapist had me perform was to create a list of what I didn't like about the girl, and another list of why it was good to be rid of her - I was shocked about how bad she really was for me! Alchoholic, addicted to weed, her kids didnt like me, etc. So I now know she was the wrong person for me and brought nothing but drama, negativity, and pain into my life. But she keeps popping into my head, and I get a little endorphin rush when it happens. I then start to think immediately of how to contact her - but can't. It's irrational, obsessive, and anguishing. I am now alone and can not stop the thoughts from popping in - and I dream about her too which makes it worse! Can anyone give me some techniques to help this cycle to stop?
  22. I had an uncomfortable experience at a recent medical visit and Im not sure if it was appropriate or if Im being to sensitive about it. I am a 60 year old active male who stays in good shape who likes to exercise walk (cannot run anymore) bike and swim often. I went to a new dermatologist for a complete check up and have a mole on shoulder examined. I had not been seen for skin exam in over 8 years so i was due. my former dermatologist was a male but he left to go to a practice in another state. the new doctor is a woman in her early 60s who I thought would be good since we were close in age and she's been in her field a long time. She was professional but not very friendly and had little bedside manner (all business approach I guess). When she gave me the body scan and viewed my lower half she saw that I remove most (not all) of my hair there and asked me if there is an issue or reason that I keep myself this way. I was shocked felt totally awkward and uncomfortable. I told her I am active I swim often and feel better with that area as it is. She was blunt and simply said she doesn't recommend that I shave that area anymore because it could cause other hygiene issues. I said ok because I was to embarrassed to say anything else. Ive never heard this before and don't want to ask anyone in person because of the personal and embarrassing nature of it. but more so was she appropriate to ask me such a thing was it within her professional examination or was it an opinion she didn't have to tell me because it made me feel ridiculous. I want to change doctors but is it me over thinking it and being sensitive or was she inappropriate? Any input or advice is appreciate!
  23. Not necessarily looking for "advice" as much as ideas. I've read a good number of books since all this started with me and they all pretty much say the same thing: 1) no contact 2) get rid of reminders 3) stay busy 4) pray/meditate 5) exercise 6) get a makeover 7) find a new hobby 8) don't fight your emotions but don't stay stuck in them either 9) vent when you need to Is anyone doing anything other than these that they would like to share? Did it work for you? Are there things you wish you'd done that you think might've worked? Just interested in other ideas. Trying to keep my mind occupied!
  24. I have a question about my exercise schedule. I usually do cardio every day, followed by weights which I do monday, wednesday and friday upper body, and tuesday and thursday lower body. The thing is that I dunno if this is the most effective way to gain muscle and lower body fat. Is it better this way, or is it better to do cardio and weights on separate days (that is monday wednesday and friday I'd do cardio, and then tuesdays and thursdays I'd do weights)? Which is more effective and produces better and/or faster results as well as better long term effects?
  25. Feel free to post advice for others to read in regards to exercising, working out, and getting/staying fit. Here is a tip from me- When you are doing cardiovascular activity (running, fast walking, stationary bike, bike, etc), your body is primarily depleating calories for the first 20 mintues or so. After that, it starts to burn fat, too. So if you are trying to burn fat and are not noticing any results in the short-term when you are doing cardio, perhaps you are not doing it for long enough (and are perhaps not working yourself hard enough, too). 35-45 minutes straight of cardio is a fair amount. If you do that regularly, in addition to the benefit of not being malnourished, you will notice changes in how you feel and how you look.
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