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About Me

  1. Together for 5 years engaged for 1.5 years and no matter what happened good, great or otherwise he never set a date or would let me set a date. We did pre-engagement counseling and 6 weeks of marriage counseling classes through church (required for the pastor to officiate the ceremony) and within last year did 7 months of coupleÂ’s counseling. During this time of intently working toward marriage we worked out a lot of major and minor details to support a healthy marriage, wanting kids, how to raise the kids, religon and church to go to, living arrangement and down to small exercises about who does laundry and who folds etc. Understanding things can be flexible, but the goal was to discover the small things that can cause issues in the first years of marriage and have them worked out. So we also set who'd handle finances and who'd handle house items etc. So we took marriage seriously mostly initiated by him because of him, but in the end I appreciated it and felt it would all help us in our marriage. We worked through some of his hang ups about marriage, but what we could never get past was his ideal that literally every concern he has about possible issues in a marriage be addressed before ever getting married. It was impossible. The couple's counselor a licensed physcologist who had been married for almost 20 years after hearing all ascertained that my fiance blow smalls things up into bigger issues than they are and told my fiance that basically you can't get a 100% guarantee on everything before marriage. There will be things, before and after that may need to be worked through you need make the commitment to marriage that will make the difference. For me the physiologist pointed out that I have a stronger personality than my fiance, I had to adjust my tone and how I speak during issues, mainly loud speaking. He also pointed out to my fiance everyone has different personalities so it's not a reason not to marry unless you determine that it's a dealbreaker. I'd been single for 5 years when I met my fiance and I was pretty open about my personality from the beginning. I knew it was strong, loud and passionate, but I have worked on adjusting and made improvements. I know because others have realized it. So I was not surprised when my fiance let it be known that my personality was not dealbreaker and he understands me. Instead he takes disagreements that we have and blow them up into marriage threatening issues. When he would not propose I told him that he was doing that, after we were engaged and having a professional psychologist witness it when he helped us work through one that happened while we were in counseling I have it confirmed that my fiance makes mountains out of molehills to become barriers to marriage. After 5 years of this I am tired, but felt like we could still move forward get married and have a committed relationship. So after almost 1.5 years and not date I got discouraged and thought that I didn't want to get married and deal with this anymore. We had some very bad life events happen with close family member and some other issue not related to the relationship that put a strain and while we pulled through for the most part and worked together as a couple there was an area where I felt he was there. I expressed that to him and instead of him addressing it he used it as a reason to distance himself to the point of him telling me he was going to call me back one day and never did for 3 weeks. I admit I was dealing with some insecurities with the engagement without a wedding date and also feeling like I had to push so hard for the engagement to happen and now feeling the same way to actually get married. I needed for us to talk every day after work. I made sure, but there would be days he'd not contact me all day including after his work whereas he use to. Out of frustration when he did it that last time I did not call him either. I'd expressed to him how it bothers me especially when I am dealing with us not being married and living together at least I need to for us to be in sync as if we are engaged to be married. So just like there would be an issue with him not coming home one night if married it's an issue if he does not call. I always get something like he was going to and fell asleep or did not feel well or he was going to call but I called first. So this time I was pissed and said since he always say he was going to call I said let's see and once again I was let down, he did not call. 3 weeks passed and while I'd broken up with him in my head, I called him and had the desire to repair. To my shock this man said he was going to call when his family that was visiting him left the NEXT MONTH. He felt that telling me when they asked for me and why I had not come to see them when they arrive he told them I was busy because he wanted to protect our relationship and that was proof that he was going to call. He also claims that while he did not call me had taken some steps toward us getting married two weeks before I called him. The whole situation bothered me because he then tried to make it seem like I'd been the one that had not contacted him for three weeks because I did not want to deal with the issues outside the relationship that was going on during that time. I disputed that and once I presented the detail he admitted he had not called because he was upset about my refusal to help him with looking something up on the internet that he asked me to and he questioned marrying me since I was supposed to be someone he would share his life with. So instead of discussing it with me he once again made it something to question us marrying and at something he admitted was small. At this point we are engaged for 1.5 years and this is seeming like this is why he refuses to set a wedding date. It confirmed that for me when he bought up an items we'd addressed in couple's counseling and was settled and he bought it up as if it was something that was recent issue. I told him nothing changed with how we both addressed it during couple's counseling so I did not know why he was bringing it back up as it was not settled. So he let that go. To shorten this I told him I as always I was willing to discuss the issue we had about what happened right before he stopped calling, but I did not feel it was something that we could not talk through and don't to feel like our getting married was being held hostage of over these talks. So I wanted to set a wedding date so we'd be talking through this understanding we have a commitment instead of feeling like he was determining if we should get married or not. Well the date we set to go the park to talk about setting the wedding date and plan he decided to tell he don't think we are meant to be together because I had not helped him look up the info on the internet. To give you the contrast that same month it happened we'd had so many things outside the relationship to deal with on both sides, including death of my family member, and I did not have to time to give all my focus to wedding and marriage. At that point I guess he was not use to that being my main focus he asked me do I want to still get married I said yes and he said ok he was thinking October, but never said more details or went on to discuss more specifics. It was consistent with the year before I'd suggested October even sat with him at the wedding venue and he would not pick a date. Eventually the reason he gave was he needed to save up more money. When the money became available he used it for something else. When he told me we were not meant to be together I knew it was because he knew there was no other way to avoid setting a wedding date and he'd come back later to say and do whatever to allow up keep going as engaged without setting a date of actually getting married. This was confirmed by his actions which I won't go into detail, but eventually after talking he once again came to me and said he doesn't want to lose me and wants to get married. By this time I my defenses were up and nothing but a committed date and action from him would bring them down. So I asked him when and was quiet so I told him he was dropping breadcrumbs and that's fine he can drop his breadcrumbs, but they won't do. He left. I sent him several articles about the effects of long engagements when both people don't agree on it also about when engagements happened a wedding date should be set or it can cause resentment. That was almost 3 weeks ago and I have not heard anything from him. I keep going from just letting it go and never speaking to him to formally contacting him to confirm we are done to waiting to see if he comes around which I will pick right back up at setting a wedding date. At this point I don't think I can ever contact him again if he does not reach out because there seems to be nowhere to go, I just will not remain stalled and seeming trying to prove to him we are okay to get married. It seems he will use absolutely anything as a barrier to getting married. It seemed that way about getting engaged, but eventually he proposed, but it just lead to going through the same thing with actually trying to get married. Would it be the same thing if we got married feeling like I have to pull drag and prove everything. Does it even matter now we have not spoken in 3 weeks? Do people actually end an enagagment by never speaking? What do I do? I feel like if I contact him it's just condoning the pattern and it's pointless because even thought he said he still wants to get married instead of setting a date he is okay with not speaking to me in 3 weeks? Was I pushing him into something he did not want to do? Should it be this hard?
  2. So, I’m a 23 year old female. I was proposed to by my 30 year old bf of 3 years a couple of months ago. Prior to this, I was a little a nervous that he might be getting ready to propose. I wasn’t sure if I was ready or if we were really right for one another. He is my first serious bfWhen he asked me I just had this rush of feeling “right.” So, I said yes... I do love him and we have a good time together. We are really different in a lot of ways. If you’re familiar with MBTI an ISFP and he is an ENTJ. We can have a lot of fun together, but many times I come home and just feel worn out by his energy. Really determined and ambitious but can be overbearing and controlling. I notice myself kind of putting off the wedding in my mind. People are constantly asking me about if I’ve set a date, and I avoid the questions. I’m not excited to get married at all. I feel awful when I think I might be wasting his time, what if end up backing out? He is the age when most of his peers are getting married. We live together, and I am supporting him financially while he pursues something entrepreneurial. I just don’t want to look back and think I missed out. I’m worried I’ll resent him for it... I just feel sick to my stomach about all this.
  3. Hi everyone. I want to start by saying I hope everyone is safe and well during the pandemic. About my relationship, I had a tricky breakup last year and I didn't intend to jump into another relationship as quickly as I did, but love happens and everything seems so perfect through those rose-tinted glasses. It's been just under a year since we've been together, our families have met and we come from strict Asian cultural backgrounds (when parents meet it means it's serious and its heading down the path of marriage) I'm so happy with him or I was happy with who he was, but during the pandemic, he's been at home and with his family. His mother is quite religious and I feel he has become religious too, more so than his mum!! He wants to meet less and less now because there will be more "blessings" for when we actually get married next year (having sex or anything before marriage is a sin, bearing in mind! I was a virgin when we met and we had sex and he happened to be my first) The whole religion spiel is not what I signed up for. I find religious people become so hypocritical and it is okay for them to pick and choose what suits their needs whenever they feel like it, and we all must accept it because it's for the sake of religion ? Also he knows about my past, my ex, what happened, the details But when I asked him about his past, he said he's been with "3 or 4 people"... its either 3 or 4, I'm sure one would remember.... I had the mindset that the past is his business and if he didn't want to talk about it then I was okay with it. But I met up with some of my friends, and they told me that even though ignorance is bliss, it can make me naive. And knowing what happened just briefly or why it broke down is important if we are to be getting married... and if I'm asking he should be respectful enough to reutrn the favour and give me something more than "3 or 4". I did ask what happened, he said "it just didn't work out", and he closed up. I dont want to go crazy on him, but I feel like I've had a few built up frustrations brewing. And I don't want to be a doormat, but I can be a complete people pleaser to the point where I won't even realise I'm miserable until its too late. I dont know what to do anymore. Also I'm going into my final year of law and I study abroad on the other side of the planet (6 hour flight), so I'll be away for the next year, up to my head in exams.... to come back to an engagement?.... I'm not sure how I feel about it He really wants a relgiious ceremony/engagement, and if i postpone it he gets really upset about it. I had planned to get a nose job this summer, which got cancelled due to COVID, so it will be happening a month before my graduation and soon after graduation (2-3 weeks) he wants an engagement. I feel like he was super clever in getting families involved so soon. Because it's frowned upon to date and both of our mothers would rather we get engaged/relgious ceremony out of the way and a massive circus wedding later on. I really despise my culture soemtimes, no, most of the time. And I was truly happy with all of it until the religion thing kept cropping up, do I cross my legs and supress my wants and needs for 8 more months? Also I'm flying out to university next week and this was supposed to be our long weekend together He caught a cold (no its not COVID, he got tested lol) because the gyms had opened up and he was going everyday sometimes twice a day I did make my concern clear that.... overdoing the gym you'll wear yourself out and get sick/catch COVID.. but he didn't listen. He did what he wanted to. and now our weekend is cancelled. No... you're right... it's not his fault he's sick or caught a cold, not entirely, but then he said "maybe everything happens for a reason and it's Gods way of keeping us apart" I mean seriously . I was on the brink of letting the cold thing go until he laced it with that ? GUYS WHAT THE FK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I love him, I do, he's sweet and so caring and affectionate, really handsome (which doesn't mean anything really but its a plus because I always settled for nice guys who I was never attracted to, I have a lot of insecurity issues and that would be a whole other post) and we always had fun together but I don't know whats happening anymore Speaking on insecurities.... I never had sex because I was so insecure, but he was the first person I felt so comfortable with and trusted him I broke up with my ex because culture and religion got in the way and made a point not to fall into that trap again, but I really hope I'm wrong But i feel like every guy i get involved with starts of calm, chill, normal, and then wants to marry me and become some religious person and I dont get it I'm defnitely not giving off virgin Mary vibes anymore
  4. Hello everyone, I need some advice. So I have been with my partner for going on 4 years this August. He is a very nice guy who I love. There a just a few issues that I am not happy about. I just turned 27 and he is 28 years old . Both are entrepreneurs ( just explaining this for a little background). He can be a bit selfish in some ways. If we go to get some food and the bill is $20 he asks me to send him $10 which I don’t mind doing however, I used to treat him to dinner all the time just being nice. I stopped doing that because he barely reciprocates. He literally tries to split everything down the middle. I remember going to the laundromat one time and I had 2 dollars in cash and my debit card. My wash was 2.75 he asked me if I had the $2.75, I said I have $2 but I could take money out of the ATM. His wash was $8 and he had a $20 bill on him. Instead of him loaning me a $1 he let me take out $20 from the atm with a $4 transaction fee. When it comes to sex he hasn’t went down on me in almost a year but he always just pulls his pants down and expects oral which I do smh. I told him that he hasn’t gone down on me in almost a year and he said he will start doing it. This was almost two months ago. He said we can hold out until my birthday which was on April 16th, 2020. My birthday comes he gave me a card that he got from the dollar store the day before. Which I was thankful for. Then he said we were going to get lunch and took me to McDonald’s. He then said we were going to eat somewhere for dinner and when we went to the Columbian restaurant the restaurant was out of food. He winded up getting himself something and I didn’t get anything for dinner on my birthday. I asked him could we try to eat at the Columbian place the next day to make it up and he said yes. The days came and went and he has not mentioned treating me to dinner. Remind you it is quarantine time so I get that things are closed. However, him taking the extra effort to see if some other restaurants had food or even cooking me dinner would’ve been so appreciated. I cook everyday and I go down on him whenever he wants. I talked to him about 4 times about why he doesn’t go down on me and he says he will do it next time. He doesn’t aim to please me during sex at all. We never have date nights only if I suggest them. I used to get him gifts throughout the year but I stopped because he was always taking but never randomly did nice things for me. Every time we have alone time he’s always talking about his business 24/7. He never asks how I’m feeling emotionally or if he does he turns the question back around to it being about him. He is funny, smart and attractive. I never have to worry about other women and when I complain about something he does try sometimes. Am I wrong for not feeling satisfied in the relationship? Or even calling off the engagement? Please let me know. Thank you
  5. My ex and i were together for 8yrs. We are in our early 40s. We were also engaged. Our relationship had hit really bad/stressful time. So he broke up w/me about 7months ago,and i moved back home. He now has a new woman,she is now pregnant! Anyway i just discovered via facebook that now they are engaged, and she announced it on my birthday! Did he just seriously propose to my replacement on my birthday? SMH!
  6. hey all, i posted about 3 months ago about my lack of sex life and my partners extremely low sex drive. nothing has been "resolved" and i have spoken to him a few times about it. i'm at my wits end! he still won't do oral on me or allow me to do oral on him. he won't even allow me to touch his penis at all!!!!! he only fingers me but doesn't take "that is hurting me" as a clue that he is being too rough with my genitials. he is still only doing forplay for 5 minutes tops! And he wonders why i'm now so turned off even wanting to have a sexual relationship with him now as he hurts me every time as he won't bother with more forplay. i guess it doesn't help that he is a very big boy (17 cm's length, 12 cm's around approx.) it's still only once a month he decides to want to have sex! and every time, it's missionary position and NOTHING ELSE! help! i don't want to break up with him as i love him and i'm engaged to him but i want to be able to "put a rocket up his butt to do something about his sexual issues". any suggestions? i'm absolutely desparate!
  7. I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now, and things are starting to get serious. My boyfriend has mentioned marriage here and there, and his family has asked when we're getting married. I care about him very much and would like to marry him, except I can't get over the fact that he was engaged about 4 years ago, and broke it off because he really didn't want to marry her (he was pressured by her). They kept in contact after the relationship ended until he and I met. He no longer answered her phone calls or her postings on his personal website, and when I posted a message, she went off at me, throwing personal insults at my credibility. She finally stopped calling after I personally told her to stop contacting him. He used to bring her up in conversation about a year ago, and it didn't bother me so much. When I think back now, I get really angry and start entering self- hatred mode. I hate him for thinking about her, talking about her, I even hate him for being stupid enough to almost marry her. I care for him very much but I can't bring myself to think about marriage. I can't forgive or forget. I've tried to at least forgive him, but it's nearly impossible. The more serious the relationship gets, the more I hate myself for not leaving a year ago. I just don't feel special, I feel like "sloppy seconds." Why would a guy become engaged to a girl he doesn't want to marry? Do you think I should let it go?
  8. Last week I broke up our engagement but we continued to live together. I told him since he didn't talk about marriage plans and didn't want to marry me, there was no point in being engaged. He let it happen without a doubt. THis weekend he used my sadness over my first daughter moving away 6 hours to College as an excuse to jump out. Also he is buying a new business which he can make some good money in the near future and I am sure he doesn't want to get married so I will have rights to it. He gave me cheap excuses like I don't pick up his clothes for him (he throws everything on the floor). He brought up things from the past, some unfounded and unfair. He just wants out. I called him 6 times after I saw the letter to talk and he wasn't picking up his cell phone. He wants to sell our joint house and is demanding that I move out. I have a dauhhter who is just starting HIgh School in 5 days; I can't just move out right now, and I have the right to stay in the house until it is sold! I decided, based on reading these posts at Ealone, not to pursue him anymore, just let him go. He knows how I feel. I will not call him again. And if he calls me to talk "business" aka how to split our house and everything inside it, I will tell him I want NC and he has to deal with my brother from now on. I simply refuse to talk to him or be nice and cooperative on the phone. He will discuss everyting with my brother ANyone who's been through a break up recently...how long does the pain last? Do we really get over it? I need help and friends right now, but I don't want to bother my friends (they will not believe me since we had many fights in the past). I know I suffer initially but I after a while I am fine. Last year I left him for good and after a few days I was fine, actually looking forward to life without him and with finding someone more stable and dedicated to me.
  9. I'd like to hear some thoughts on this idea. How long is too long to wait for a real commitment in a relationship? Yesterday I had to say one of the most painful goodbyes to my long-distance boyfriend... I may not see him until September and seeing him off was absolutely horrible. We've been together for two and a half years, which have been mostly long distance. Until last August we were only 3 hours apart, now we are a 13-hour plane ride apart. Anyway, I digress. This painful goodbye got me thinking... how long is too long to wait for engagement or marriage? Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about breaking up with him or pushing the marriage issue. We're both still young and he's still in college so it's not an issue yet. But his sister just got married a few months ago. I've heard of couples being together for 10 years with no engagement plans or anything. I've also heard of people being engaged for 8 years... That's fine if that's what the couple wants, but it's not what I want, and I suspect that many others feel the same way. I'm not looking for answers to my situation here, I'd just like to hear your thoughts on this subject. So what do you think? How long would you wait for a long-term commitment such as engagement or marriage? Thanks for your thoughts!
  10. Okay I'm just gonna kind of ramble here, so I apologize if this turns into something really long! Over the holidays I got engaged. Some of you know my situation: Long distance relationship and all that. It's been really amazing and we are EXTREMELY excited! But I don't know... for some reason in my mind I thought that this was going to be easy. There's so much! I've been engaged for two weeks, and already we've started planning, even though the wedding isn't for... what? 18 and a half months? We already have so much done! It's crazy! I'm not stressed about the wedding, really. I think my stress lies in the fact that I'm using it as an escape. Focusing on the planning is what is keeping my mind busy. It's keeping me from thinking about the fact that, once again, we're separated by thousands of miles. I haven't dealt with it like I should. He cried twice the day he left! And he isn't an overly emotional guy! I haven't cried at all. While I'm not STRESSED about the actual planning, there's also a lot to be done, and so much of it has to get put on the back burner until I get a new job so I have money! We have a lot of details nailed down, but there's a lot of work still to be done. Which is fine because we have so much time, I know. I guess I'm kind of freaked out that, even though we have 18 months, we have so much to do that we need to start doing things NOW. That, in itself, is overwhelming. The good thing is that we went in a totally different direction with the ceremony than I thought we would. All my life I've envisioned the classic wedding: big hall, huge dress, and everyone in the world that we know attending. And of course it would cost an arm and a leg. That would have taken a lot of planning and there would have been a ton of tiny details to figure out. But now we're going with a very small ceremony- a themed wedding, actually. And the venue is sort of all-inclusive, in a way. And while I know that should take a load off as far as details go, in a way it makes it more difficult. I've spent my whole life deciding how I would handle those little details, and now they aren't there. Having that "unknown" adds stress more than it relieves it. I won't have the familiar around. The wedding is in his city, 2,800 miles from where I live. It's at an annual Renaissance Festival that he has attended many times but I have never been to. We are making the outfits for almost the entire wedding party, including my fiance and his three attendants, all of whom live there in Pittsburgh, making it hard to get a proper fit for their clothes..... I love this idea for our wedding, don't get me wrong! It's very unique and it will be incredibly memorable. I just have no clue how to handle a wedding! LOL! I truly believe that all of this just comes with the territory of being a bride-to-be. I just have no idea how to handle it all in stride. I guess I just need encouragement... Advice... ANYTHING anyone can offer to help me survive! ..... okay... I'm done venting now.
  11. Hi all! I had a relationship with my former girlfrienf for about 2 years. Things seemed to go so well between us that -5 months after out first meeting- we got engaged and talked about moving together. We lived in different UE countries and couldn't move right away. There were pratical stuff (like finding a job) to be taken care of beforehand. I matured the thought of moving to her. When I was close to do it, she invited me to her country and ventilated that she loved me, but was not in love with me anymore and dumped me. When I heard that, I just took my things and walked away. There were no fights, no harsh words. Only tears and a broken heart. A few weeks after I came home, she told we were over and she had a new girlfriend. This happened 3 years ago. The other day, she sent me an email saying she would like to be, somehow, part of my life. I have been dwelling on ambivalent feelings and I don't know what to do. I still love her, but I lost the trust I had. She keeps saying that there was no on line up when she broke up with me. Should I believe that? Is it common for a lover to dump another lover and get engaged with someone else shortly after the dumping scene without having already someone else to go for? Thank you in advance for reading this and for the eventual replying
  12. I am engaged to a fantastic woman. We are getting married in May. We very much get together and love each other. There is one thing that is bothering me though and I am going to bring it up to her, but wanted some opinions first. Before we lived together and got engaged, we had a discussion about a number of things. One of them was her debt. She has run up a fair amount of debt over the last 5-10 years. She makes about 30k each year before tax and I make about 70k or more. I have a fairly inexpensive mortgage, but I have about 10k of debt I am trying to pay off. She has a horse that she boards that costs a lot of money each month and is a major reason for her being in debt. Now, we sort of agreed that I would take care of most things except for perhaps food and stuff like that. Well, I don't know what her debt is, but her monthly payments are in the arena of $400-$450. For the time we have lived together, she never seems to have money left over at the end of the month, even though she has no expenses now like rent or anything like that. I get nervous that she is still blowing her paycheck. I have a stock purchase program at my company that allows me to put in a certain amount of money each paycheck in order to purchase stock in one year at a 15% discount. It is a good forced savings plan that I convinced her to help contribute to and put towards paying off her debt. I have tried finding other things like that to help her control her debt. Anyways, what bothers me is stuff like today. She calls me up and says she has to come up with $98 to pay for her horse's vaccines on Wednesday. She doesn't have it and asked if I could lend her this. Well, I have lent her money on a number of occasions ($50 here, $100 there, etc.) and I never get paid back. I have written a budget for myself and what I can and can't afford. I can't really afford for her to ask for cash like that when I can't budget for it. Now, after we get married, we will want children (we have discussed this). If we are married and she is going to want to stay at home with kids, there is no way we will be able to make it by with only my paycheck and her spending habits. How should I bring this up to her? How should I let her know my concerns? I am trying to find a way of bringing this up without me totally sounding like a cheap money pinching jerk, but that I have concerns. I know I shouldn't have issues with just bringing it up, but its hard at some level to not be able to provide for what my "family" will want, even though I make a good salaray. Any input is greatly apprecitated. Thanks
  13. I'm 15 years old and my boyfriend is 17. I've never ever thought that I could love someone so much in my life until I met him, and he feels the same way. If you were to ask me if I believed in soulmates I'd tell you I have found mine. Now, down to my question, is there a legal age to get engaged? My parents love him like a son already, and he and I have talked about marriage numerous times. We both know that if we were to get married it'd be after we got out of college, but is there a law that says that we can't be engaged from now? A girl at school told me that and it sounded weird to me, so I decided to ask you guys. thanks for your help!
  14. I was with someone for 4 years. About a year ago, she wanted to get engaged so I bought a ring a little after that, and we were engaged by March of this year. She wanted to move in together, so we went out and bought a place together over the summer. But about a month after we bought the place, she started having a lot of doubts about us. She had said that she hasn't been happy in the relationship and that she wanted to figure a few things out. Basically it was a "time-out" for the relationship. I gave her a little space, but everytime we talk, she seem to bring up the fact that we're no longer right for one another (her sentiments, not mine). I begged her to try to at least make it work, but she said that her heart wasn't into it. She said she would think it over. Last night she came over, we talked and she decided it was time to end the relationship for good. It was very hard for me to take and for her to tell me. However, the most difficult part was that she was wearing the engagement ring, and I had to watch her take it off her finger and place it in front of me. It felt like slow motion and that is the scene that I keep replaying in my head. In the end, I gave her everything she wanted and she said we weren't compatible. I feel betrayed and hurt, the two things she had said repeatedly over the course of our relationship that she wouldn't do. I know it's dangerous but a part of me hopes that one day she'll walk in and say she made a big mistake and want to work things out. I have no idea how I am able to be at work today. I've been in a funk ever since she wanted her own time and don't know how to snap out of it.
  15. I can't believe this happened to me! I met a girl a few weeks ago, just a casual encounter but things seem to have gone into overdrive. We had an instant 'connection' and after joking that I would like to see have standing naked in my bathroom cleaning her teeth, it seemed that 'fish was hooked' - now just to land it. However, a blow came in the fact that she told me she was engaged. My heart plummeted through the floor! Anyway, things ended soon after that evening, but after having already swapping email addresses, I couldn't get her out of my mind and sent her an email. Two days later she answered, let's say in 'our' manner of conversation by saying 'target locked'. Since then we had swapped multiple emails, phone calls and even met twice where the 'connection' seemed to grow out of control. I told her that this was not normal in a relationship that she should be open to this 'affair' with me and she agreed on this point. She did go into little details, mainly that she jumped from her last relationship into this one with her husband to be. I suggested that she talk our situation over with someone when we last spoke and she has since dropped me a quick email to say that she has done this and is trying to put everything into context. I'm not the type of guy who gets involved in these types of situations but sometimes as they say, love is blind. The only thing I can say in my defence of this point is that I told her I would not sleep with another man's girlfriend. Your comments will be appreciated !
  16. Ok..well...my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. Recently he has been talking a lot about getting engaged and married. He had a 'plan' about us moving in together and then getting engaged about 6 months after (although we wouldnt be moving in together until the spring of 2005) but we got talking and decided to scrap the plan because both of us want to speed things up and dont want to wait that long to make things official (HE was the one that said we should 'step up the plan'). Then he told me recently that he has a plan to ask me to marry him really soon and less then the number of months I could count on one hand. Anyway, then the other night I mentioned that I would rather be engaged to someone BEFORE I live with them...I want that commitment. I wouldnt want to move in and then have him not bothering to ask because we're already living together like a married couple. I was also raised to think that way as well. I was always told not to live with someone until the commitment is there. He said that he thought that was a weird idea and that he just thought we would live together before we got engaged. What confused me is that one minute he is saying lets 'step up the plan'...as in not waiting until we live together and so on and then the next minute he is saying that he finds the idea of us being engaged before living together to be odd. So what does he want? Why would he start talking about making these commitments (keep in mind that HE initiated these conversations) and get me all emotionally invested in all this stuff...just to seem as if he really didnt mean it about moving at a faster pace. How am I supposed to be anything but confused? Basically, I'm just starting to withdraw from the whole situation. I dont want to believe something is going to happen if it isnt at all. So now when he talks about stuff like that...I dont feel as enthusiatic or really believe he is 100% genuine. I've said time and time again that there is NO pressure and that he doesnt have to talk about all this stuff if he isnt ready. I would never want to force him to do something and I have never given him ultimatums like 'if you dont ask me to marry you in 2 months its over...'. I feel as if I have been nothing but supportive but inside I feel horrible...I dont know if I should trust his word on this particular topic. I love him and want to marry him but I just wonder if that is honestly going to happen or what. Advice PLEASE!! **Also, just as a side note...He is 28 and I'm 22. He is established in a career and I'll be graduating college in May of 2005...so we aren't 'kids'.
  17. Not sure where to pose this question, so I will try here. My girlfriend and myself have been looking at engagement rings. After looking around for a while, I think I know exactly what she will like. Now, the place I am getting it from has a woman owner who is good friends with her boss. I have been in to have a ring made and made the purchase. THe last time I was in her office, her boss gave me this funny grin and acts like she knows something I don't. So, there is almost a loss of the surprise because of that and me taking her out to look at rings (it is an important thing and she had a lot of opinions on what kind of ring she likes so I had to take her out for that part). Now, I am trying to come up with something very romantic to pop the question to her. Something so that, even though she knows it is coming soon (because I am pretty sure her boss is going to blow a gasket if she doesn't say something), she will still have a moment she will remember forever as very romantic. I have a few ideas, but I am curious if anyone has any very romantic ways to propose. Thanks
  18. Hi everyone My boyfriend (25 yrs old) and I (24 yrs old) have been together for almost a year, and he asked me to move in with him a couple of months ago. We are madly in love with eachother and enjoy almost every moment together... but I told him that I don't believe in sharing a place before marriage. He respects my wishes and has done nothing to try to change my mind, but he's been talking about the kind of house he dreams of us living in, asked me what kind of dog we should get, etc ever since that conversation. I get the feeling that he intends to marry me based on these clues and because he said he can't wait to share everything with me, but I need him to clearly state that he wants to marry me, and give me some sort of time frame. I'm going to graduate college this December, and he'll be getting his doctorate four months after that, so I need some sense of permanence in the relationship to justify not moving out of state or pursuing a steady career until he graduates (so that we can make decisions together.) I know that it would be best for me to just ask him what he wants and be specific, but that's so hard to do and I don't know how to approach him. I wish I could just tell him that I want to marry him once we both graduate, and that I don't care about a fancy engagement ring (that he can't afford right now) so he shouldn't worry about waiting and saving up for one...but I don't want to pressure him or be unromantic. What should I do?
  19. I guess this goes here... I hope. I wanted to ask, in general, I'm not at all familiar with the whole process of engagement but I was wondering if typically the female half of the relationship helps in choosing the style of the engagement ring? I mean, of course it's HIS proposal and a total surprise for the girl, but certain things are important, right? I mean she has to wear it every day for the rest of her life... I ask because I'm particularly active and it's CRUCIAL that a ring be very flat in design without a lot of "picky" bits and not very raised. It's also pretty important that it be platinum and not any kind of gold as I get reactions to gold. So since this ring would ideally be worn and shown off every day for the rest of my life, how do I politely include myself in choosing the ring, is that taboo? Or even how do I politely but firmly explain those criteria before he proposes, without sounding like a weirdo? Thanks in advance!
  20. My boyfriend of a year has recently given me a gorgeous ring. I guess what I'm asking is, what finger and on what hand would I put the ring? We're not married nor engaged. I just worry I'll put it on the wrong finger and give him the wrong impression or something.
  21. Ok, here's the argument. I am talking with a girl who had expressed interest in me, which is not something that happens regularly. However, whereas I have been in only one 2 month relationship (3 years ago) in my whole life, she's been with at least four guys and engaged to two. I told her that I am looking for a girl who is just as new to the relationship experience and not carrying a lot of baggage, so I feel like I'm on the same page with someone. She gets kind of angry, and says that I can't be choosey about those sort of things and I gotta let love happen, that I can't see that she loves me, yadda yadda... I'm not picky, I just can't stand when I'm first meeting girls, and the first time we hang out or go anywhere, I can't go five minutes without some mention of something she did with an ex, or what the relationship was like (this girl in particular is ten times as worse, she's been engaged and all), etc. I'm a rookie, I don't want someone teaching me what's going on, I want to learn with someone. Lastly, she gives me one retort that I couldn't really argue against. She said "at your age, you have a better chance of winning the lottery, than meeting a normal person who hasn't been in a serious relationship" (I'm 22). Can I want someone new, or should I learn to settle? Thoughts?
  22. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years. We are both in college and we will graduate in 2 years. We both have decided that we would wait to get engaged until after we graduate. We both want our relationship to go further however, we both know that engagment is not the best step right now. However, by the time we do we would have been going out for 5 years. That seems like a long time. Its not like we have been on and off. We have been solely committed to each other for that past 3 and a half years. What should we do. Should we do what we truly want or wait....
  23. Ok, this is a confusing situation. I have been best friends with a guy for nearly 6 years now. We have been very close, we use to stay over night with each other and just hang out. I would share my guy probs with him and his girl probs with me. Our mutual friends always thought we had a secret relationship and always thought we should get together. And I actually had a pretty good crush on him for the last 3 years of our friendship.. but I wouldn't ever try to push for more than friends b/c I am very shy about doing that. (although, I am pretty definite he knew) So, anyhow, about 2 years ago, I moved 2 hours away from him. I met a guy up where I live and after only 6 months of being together, he proposed. And I accepted, he is a really great guy. But my feelings for my best friend never went away. Anyhow, I would go back home probably once a month and I would see my best friend. once I was engaged and went home, I saw my best friend with a bunch of my other friends. He asked to talk to me alone, and we went outside on this beautiful boat while the sun was setting and he told me about the feelings he had for me and he said he had to tell me now before I was married. He said he wanted to be with me and the 2 hrs distance didnt mean anything. I was pretty much in shock, b/c I think i have been secretly in love with him for several years now. But I did love my fiance as well, he is a really great guy. but beinghonest with myself, I knew I was missing that "tingly" feeling for my fiance. Which is scary. Well, anyhow.. i tried to forget about my pal telling me this and tried to go on with my fiance, b/c after all it was too late, right? So, then I tried to stay just friends.. but I still saw him about once a month. And I made the biggest mistake of my life once, I cheated on my fiance with my best friend. And I don't regret being affectionate with my best pal.. but I regret the timing and that I would do that to my fiance. I told my fiance right away, and he actually forgave me and offered to stay together. I still didn't feel right about it and we eventually called off the wedding and then a few months later called our entire relationship off. It was probably a 8 month long process since the timing of our engagement and our breaking up. And there is nothing wrong with my ex fiance at all, he is a great guy and I am scared I will someday regret this. But that isn't my prob. My prob now is that my pal is moving farther away now, and we will soon be 6 hours apart. And I am scared to get in a serious relationship right now anyhow after this hectic year. We have dated some here and there since then, and we always get along great, but it wasn't what he made it out to be. Plus he isn't exactly consumed with the idea of starting a relationship between us. he still says that he considers me as a possible wife in the future. He says I have everything he wants in a wife, but there is one thing missing that he cant place. he continuously says we will just see what time tells us.. and that if we are meant to be.. we will be. So, i am kinda upset about this all. i mean i called off my wedding with a good guy and everything for my pal. and now he is just so laid back and whatever about it. like, well if we are meant to be, we will be. and he is talking a couple of years down the road. so my question is, do I do my best to forget about my best friend and I ever getting together?? do i waste anymore time on this whole "possibility"? what should I do? try or not try? forget about him or try to work things out?? any advice would be great!! thanks!
  24. I'm not going to go into details about what's happened. Suffice to say she left me after 5 years, four of which we've been engaged, (no marriage because of money, not lack of commitment). Knowing I would see her when I get home from work was the only thing that kept me going. I lived and breathed by her. And up to a little while ago, I would bet my sould that this was mutual. Now I'm screwed. I hurt really bad, and I'm riding the bigest head f*#% of a rollercoaster. I want her back, but she may already be involved with another guy, (which by the way, the thought of made me sick to my stomach for a few hours tonight). I love her and charish her more than anything that has ever, will ever, and won't ever exist. How do I overcome this grip? I can't keep living like this, I know, but I can't stop... my God... I feel like an empty shell. I come home from work half expecting to see her there in our bedroom... (mine now that she moved out two days ago). Any suggestions on how to get a grip on myself and my emotions? Any and all suggestions welcome...
  25. There's a girl in my english & biology classes. She just recently changed schools. She doesn't have many friends, and is very quiet. I know she liked a guy in my class (even though she has a boyfriend) a while ago and asked him out, but he was engaged, and he rejected her even thought he said out loud many times to me, her and most other people that he thought she was hot. I know that there is one guy that often talks to her in biology because she sits alla alone, but she doesn't really like him from wat i've seen. I've never spoken to her, although she asked the engaged guy about me (just general stuff, like what country i'm from). I know she has a boyfriend, but i don't think she likes him much anymore cos she asked the engaged guy out after knowing him for 3 days. I'd really like your opinion on: 1. wether i should try to ask her out, 2. How i would go about starting up a conversation, what to say and so on
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