Ham

I keep breaking NC too. I managed a couple of weeks, then broke it, a couple more weeks, then broke it again in a big way last weekend. I'm starting again though... I think the only thing you can do is try your hardest and don't beat yourself up too much if you do come unstuck. Just try again. In the weeks where I have managed to maintain it though, when I've really wanted to break it I just remember what I've read on here. As much as you want to reach out to them, you have to remember that whatever the reasons are they, at the moment at least, want nothing to do with us. That is why they broke up with us, and I really don't want to come accross as an annoyance and send her even further away (despite the fact I keep texting her every couple of weeks and am probably doing just that!). Try breathing, and thinking about whether it is really worth your energy to try and communicate with someone who doesn't feel you are worthy of their time. As I'm writing this, I feel really hypocritical. It's so much easier said than done. And I'm not going to tell you to forget about them, or that you're a fool if you break NC. I too know it's for the best but for some reason I can not help myself. I know how you feel, lots of people on here do, and we're all in the same boat. It's hard, I can't stop thinking about her myself, and I'm sure you feel the same. But take it one day at a time, and as I said, try again if you fail. Myself, I'm determined to keep it up this time. Fingers crossed... Good luck. Take care of yourself.

So ladies, do you automatically think all bald men are ugly? Or can some be, y'know, quite attractive? Does it even matter to you at all?

I broke NC this weekend and I feel really crap about it. It's for you. It's not to get them back. They might miss you they might not. But nothing you can say will change their mind. I was doing really well, then for some reason on Sunday I sent her a few texts just saying I miss her, how I want to be friends with her next year but don't know if its possible, that if she ever realised she wanted me back all she ahd to do was call, loads of crap. She replied just saying she'd like to be friends but knows its not possible now etc. She was polite, and sweet about it. But it was the wrong thing to do. Now she knows I'm still basically just a wreck without her, the ball is firmly back in her court, and I feel rubbish again. In reply to your other part of your message, we split up before, I got her back then I blew it again. So who knows. (God I actually hate feeling like this. I just want her back. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I guess you never know what you've got til it's gone.)

No. She gave them to you. They are yours. If you don't want them put them in the bin. I put all stuff like that in a box and hid it away downstairs out of sight. you may want them again one day.

bitbit, what changes has your boyfriend made if I may ask? I've been following your posts and you seem very clued up on things. Thanks.

How did he treat you badly? After all this time, you still miss him and you're obviously not getting what you want from your current situation. Are they problems you could both overcome together after your time apart? It may be worth calling him, I don't know, but he may be thinking the same thing as you and most things can be sorted out with time and trust.

I have just read through this thread. Jupiter, I honestly believe you should not contact your ex. I feel I have made a huge mistake in contacting my ex since we split up. We broke up on the 22nd September. After I picked up my stuff a couple of days later, I sent her a text along the lines of 'i hope you find what you want, I'll respect your decision and give you space, if you ever want to talk about us you know where to find me blah blah'. She text me back, simply "Thank you James, that really does mean a lot to me". But, this I managed for 2 days. 2 DAYS! What an idiot. Then I was texting her constantly, long texts. 'I'm so sorry things went wrong, I'm sorry for this, sorry for that, we can be so good together...'. It made no difference. I'm sure it made any lingering feelings she may have had for me dissipate. Whether they'll come back again, who knows. But I know that nothing I say will make a difference. I need to let her miss me, and us, and I sure wasn't letting her do either of those things by not respecting her space and constantly reminding her that yes, there were things in our relationship which were wrong. I think the turning point for me though is a weekand a half ago. I got absolutely off my face, chucked out of a bar, then I called her at 2am and left a stupid message on her voicemail. I don't remember doing it, but I did. As I woke to a text saying "my god you're a loser". Now I know you're not going to do that, but I deeply regret going back on my word from the start. What would I rather the last text I got from her was? It's obvious. I did speak to her that day, in the morning. I know I shouldn't have but I was curious as to what I'd done. I really was so drunk I lost a few hours. I won't be doing that again. And anyway, the basic outcome of that conversation was that she would still like to be friends "one day" but that right now thats not possible, and right now she does not see any chance of us being together again, but that she doesn't really think of me as a loser. I guess she was just angry at being woken up at 2am by some nasty drunk message. I would be. I sent her yet another text, later that day, apologising for the night before and that now I really would leave her to it. And I have now. It's only been a week and a half granted, but I feel a lot better already. Not contacting her has got rid of any hopes that I was harbouring. I acted like an idiot for weeks, and I'm sure as hell that that wasn't very attractive to her. I wish I had of left it as when we first split up, I feel that she must have lost a lot of respect for me. Maybe she'll get it back now I'm giving her a chance to miss me, maybe not. But I regret every text, and especially my stupidity of that night. Bottom line is nothing we can say or do will magically make them miss us and want us back, the only way that will happen is if they miss you on their own terms. I lost sight of the fact that I'm sure, despite everything, she's not going to forget me no matter what, we shared a lot in our time together. MAybe one day she will wake up and think maybe things could work out, but I'm not focussing on that. I'm focussing on me. I really feel that in not contacting her anymore, is the only way she will respect me, think of me as another person, the person she loved, not just a snivelling ex-boyfriend and maybe, just maybe, miss me. If not, there's more to life than just one girl. It took me a while to see that, but it is true. Keep strong. Let her come to you.

Hi everyone. I'm new here, have been reading for the last few days and it has helped. It's good to know there's other people out there in the same boat as myself. I was feeling alone, like a failure. So, I don't know if I'm after advice or what, but I just want to share what happened with me and my now ex. We first got together in August 1999. She was 16 and I was 17. We were together until January 2003. Then she broke it off with me. I was a complete mess. I lost 3 stone in as many months, and messed up my second year of uni almost totally because of it. We had always had quite a volitile relationship, we used to argue about stupid things sometimes, at times things could get pretty heated. But we were always best friends, and we always loved each other so much. It was obvious. Then after 9 months, In October 2003, we got back together. I was so unbelievably happy. I couldn't believe it. She said she had never stopped loving me, and I'd certainly not stopped loving her. However, I can't help thinking I was given a second chance and yet I learned nothing from my past mistakes. We split up again 5 weeks ago today, and it is killing me. I wanted to be with her forever, but sometimes I was so horrible to her. She used to irritate me, sure. And I know I used to annoy her. But deep down I know we loved each other so much. About 4/5 months ago, we were out and she admitted she had been thinking of breaking things off with me as things were sometimes pretty strained but that "the thought of not seeing me and being with me scared her half to death", things like that. I can't believe I didn't take that as a final wake up call to start acting better towards her. Not argue, not call each other names. But I think I was taking everything for granted. I thought that because she loved me we'd just last, as for the majority of time things were really good. We had a great summer, back in June we went to York for the weekend. In September we went to Spain for 2 weeks, and I thought we had a really good time. We did have a really good time. But less than two weeks after we got back, she finally came out and said she didn't know if this was what she wanted. She feels that 10 years down the line we would probably be married and miserable and she said she wasn't prepared to take that risk. I hate myself for not treating her as well as I should have done. She is wonderful, absolutely gorgeous and she was my best friend. I on the othr hand am not really a catch. I don't think I'll ever find anyone, yet alone have what we had again. She is the kind of girl who people drop at her feet. I'm sure she probably already has someone else, but I don't want to know. When we broke up, I asked if she was sure this was what she wanted. She said no, not 100%. But she needs to know for sure, needed time. She said she still loved me, and probably always will but that's probably not enough. But I think that's not the case anymore. I think she's well and truly over us, and it hurts like hell. But what hurts the most is that I was given a second chance at it and I blew it. I feel so stupid. I miss her so much. I feel weak, nothing interests me. I've been going out, and have had some good nights, but nothing compares to the times we used to go out and I just don't know what to do. I hate myself for the way I treated her. Sorry that was so long.