Over the past few months, stress has really come down on me. I will give you a VERY short summary of it all.
My mom and I have pretty much always gotten along in the past at least, and up until last July I have never really been so hurt by her. I have a boyfriend of 2 years. We are amazing together. He brings out the best in me and vice versa. He is so amazing in every little way, and yes we have our arguments just like everyone else, but they are so easy to deal to with.
My father and mother have always had there differences. I can remember when I was just 6 years old, things breaking, being thrown, screaming and yelling. Never physically abusive though. They sought counseling and since then have been in it. They have gone through about 3 counselors thus far. I grew up listening to how bad my father was(not as a father but as a husband) I was told everything starting from such a young age. I had the mentality that is was always my dads fault. That was until last August. I have also been in counseling, but for me only about a year and half. This past July however, I decided I wanted to start going with my dad, because he has been such an amazing father to me and my sisters and I was starting to see the grief my mother sometimes put him through and I could relate. I wanted a better relationship with him, bottom line.
So we went. 3 times. In those 3 days I finally got out everything to my dad that I had been losing sleep over for a couple months at that time. That was how my mom told me my boyfriend was “controlling.” To most people reading this, you are probably thinking, what’s the big deal? Or well he could be. No, he is not. In fact IF there had to be a “controlling person” in the relationship, I’d have to say it would be me. I am a very independent person and I do not feel the need to be in a relationship. But I am and I love it so very much. The problem is my mom is very stubborn and for some reason I feel such an urge to please her. I do not know why. I feel like I need her approval. I get so sick to my stomach, lose sleep, and bring myself to tears over it so much.
My mom always points fingers. Countless times I can remember back to her saying “so and so is so controlling.” One of those people constantly being my dad. I can see where she may think my dad is or can be controlling at times, but she makes such big deals out of petty things. She once told me in the absolute HEAT of an argument between her and my dad that she up marrying my dad and I will up if I marry (my boyfriend).
How can a mother tell her daughter that? I have never forgotten those words. It affects me on a daily basis. Sometimes hourly. I hate how she views my father let alone my boyfriend. She makes me so angry and I don’t know what to do about it. She is not the person you can talk to about this, because once again she is very stubborn. If she saw my boyfriend be controlling ONE time she would have her mind set on the fact that he’s “controlling” and NEVER let up.
What is comes down to is this. I know in my life, and heart that I love him and he is not controlling. We have an extremely healthy relationship and everyone I know thinks we are just amazing together. (Except her.) So why do/should I let it bother or affect me? Why do I feel this URGE to please her even when I know I am right? How can I move on with my life and just tell myself she is just so distraught over her own marriage she wants the EXACT opposite for mine, even when some things here and there may be the same. ( …meaning yeah I am sure there are moments when he has jokingly or not seemed controlling, as have I…I think everyone has those.) I just need to be okay, and stop worrying.
Thank you so much for reading this. Any advice would absolutely amazing and mean the world to me. Thank you.