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amanda212

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  1. Lately (past 6 months)or so my mother and I have not been getting along. We for sure have our good days but more often our bad ones. They mostly have to do with the way she talks to people..obviously me in particular...judging people, our mood being bad or good is a reflection of how her day has been. Recently, my dad and her and I had a huge blowout and my dad and I left and stayed at a hotel for a night. That has been the worst it has ever been. Tonight will be out third consecutive week going to couceling together and I really need to tell her something (i'm sure she won't find surprising) and still stay on decent terms. I need to apply for dorm room housing for fall semester by tomorrow, otherwise I will probably miss my chance. (It is first come first serve). This will be the hardest thing to do, especially because I am a very emotional person. I love my mom very much and I want to be able to look forward to my 18 birthday next month, spending it with her and of course my graduation and the events in between. The college I will be dorming at is only 25 minutes away! I still want to come home often and see them alot, I just want to have my own dorm for the sake of my sanity. Somewhere to go when times are rough and I don't have to be surrounded by her anymore. But yet somewhere close enough to not miss family events or anything else. NOT TO MENTION I really want to get the college experience. MANY people have told me they promote dorming and that they encouraged their kids to do so. I just wish I had my moms support on this and and she will never understand. They are apartment style dorm rooms....even though you have you and 3 other girls...their are FOUR bedrooms...a kitchen, two baths, and a living room. Great oppurtuinty to take baby steps into possibly getting my own apartment and to meet new friends! But still keep my jobs and things of that sort! I just don't know what I can tell her to let her know I am not doing this out of spite. It's something I have wanted for a long time and I don't want her to resent me for this. Our relationship used to be amazing and no it's not anymore, but it's not HORRIBLE either. How would you want to be told this? I just want her approval so badly. Thanks so much.
  2. I come from a family where my mom weighed 98 pounds when she got married and a sister who had thyroid cancer and because of the medication it is very difficult for her to stay thin. I have never been heavy. At my peak I was 5'2" and 133 pounds. Today I am 5'3" and 120 pounds. I LOVE to run and it is my favorite passtime. But IO just like many people get so offended when I am called fat. I have never been called fat if it wasn't a joke, however it still bothers me so much. I mean the top thing on my mind until something else comes along and worries me more. I do wish I could be thinner although I am told it would look gross if I were. it is so frusterating to feel this way. I feel like my mind is suffering the thoughts of an "eating disorder." I don't want to feel this way. I can't help but think the people that tell me I am thin and to stop worrying are lying, or just feel that is their duty as a family member, friend, boyfriend, you name it. I hate this.
  3. He does like her and before he heard of any of this a long time ago, he really did truly like her. He still is never rude and is always a wonderful person towards her. About this situation though, he really can't stand her. And hates what it has done to me. He doesn't like seeing me so upset about it.
  4. Over the past few months, stress has really come down on me. I will give you a VERY short summary of it all. My mom and I have pretty much always gotten along in the past at least, and up until last July I have never really been so hurt by her. I have a boyfriend of 2 years. We are amazing together. He brings out the best in me and vice versa. He is so amazing in every little way, and yes we have our arguments just like everyone else, but they are so easy to deal to with. My father and mother have always had there differences. I can remember when I was just 6 years old, things breaking, being thrown, screaming and yelling. Never physically abusive though. They sought counseling and since then have been in it. They have gone through about 3 counselors thus far. I grew up listening to how bad my father was(not as a father but as a husband) I was told everything starting from such a young age. I had the mentality that is was always my dads fault. That was until last August. I have also been in counseling, but for me only about a year and half. This past July however, I decided I wanted to start going with my dad, because he has been such an amazing father to me and my sisters and I was starting to see the grief my mother sometimes put him through and I could relate. I wanted a better relationship with him, bottom line. So we went. 3 times. In those 3 days I finally got out everything to my dad that I had been losing sleep over for a couple months at that time. That was how my mom told me my boyfriend was “controlling.” To most people reading this, you are probably thinking, what’s the big deal? Or well he could be. No, he is not. In fact IF there had to be a “controlling person” in the relationship, I’d have to say it would be me. I am a very independent person and I do not feel the need to be in a relationship. But I am and I love it so very much. The problem is my mom is very stubborn and for some reason I feel such an urge to please her. I do not know why. I feel like I need her approval. I get so sick to my stomach, lose sleep, and bring myself to tears over it so much. My mom always points fingers. Countless times I can remember back to her saying “so and so is so controlling.” One of those people constantly being my dad. I can see where she may think my dad is or can be controlling at times, but she makes such big deals out of petty things. She once told me in the absolute HEAT of an argument between her and my dad that she up marrying my dad and I will up if I marry (my boyfriend). How can a mother tell her daughter that? I have never forgotten those words. It affects me on a daily basis. Sometimes hourly. I hate how she views my father let alone my boyfriend. She makes me so angry and I don’t know what to do about it. She is not the person you can talk to about this, because once again she is very stubborn. If she saw my boyfriend be controlling ONE time she would have her mind set on the fact that he’s “controlling” and NEVER let up. What is comes down to is this. I know in my life, and heart that I love him and he is not controlling. We have an extremely healthy relationship and everyone I know thinks we are just amazing together. (Except her.) So why do/should I let it bother or affect me? Why do I feel this URGE to please her even when I know I am right? How can I move on with my life and just tell myself she is just so distraught over her own marriage she wants the EXACT opposite for mine, even when some things here and there may be the same. ( …meaning yeah I am sure there are moments when he has jokingly or not seemed controlling, as have I…I think everyone has those.) I just need to be okay, and stop worrying. Thank you so much for reading this. Any advice would absolutely amazing and mean the world to me. Thank you.
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