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melrich

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Everything posted by melrich

  1. melrich
    A survey I saw on this topic found more people feared public speaking than death. thereforeeee most people would rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy!!!!
  2. melrich
    You are probably not the best person to be helping her at the moment (I assume she would like the relationship to continue?). If you are really concerned about her, make your concerns known to a close friend of hers you can trust will do something or her parents.
  3. melrich
    1. Resolving conflicts. 2. For us, yes we have gotten better as experience can lead to understanding. I'm not sure it is always the case as in my previous relationship we just fell out of touch with each other after a few years. 3. Of course there is the fact that we love each other. But we also consider ourselves an equal partnership and consider each other in everything we do. 4. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. There are always times in any relationship when things are not going right or don't feel right or one partner is just not happy. Talk about it. Don't let it fester.
  4. melrich
    What's real is what you feel at the time. That does not necessarily mean that you are going to feel that way about him for eternity. 3 months into the relationship and certainly it is still new and exciting. That may or may not fade with time but for now you should really just enjoy the moment and not try and analyse things too much. Unrealistic expectations can be hard to live up to.
  5. melrich
    I agree. It's very difficult to just go from a relationship to friends without some sort of break from each other. I am pretty good friends with 3 exes I had long term relationships with. But in each case we had a year or two after breaking up where we just didn't have anything to do with each other. I think most of the time you need that to successfully make the transition.
  6. melrich
    It's sexual harrasment. No one should ever touch you anywhere unless they are invited to in some way.
  7. melrich
    No I wouldn't respond. As much as I think you know this relationship is over for good, I think you are quite weak when she makes contact or in any way does something that you can interpret as positive. Best thing is to try and put her in the past and close off any opportunity for more hurt for you.
  8. melrich
    It's not a connection to being a little selfish that people are responding to. It's all your posts over 2 and a half years listing all the issues you have with this relationship. You just never seem happy and content.
  9. melrich
    I hate to say it Captain but I thought you were reading way too much into the communications you were having with your ex and I said as much to you at the time. From the outside looking in it was pretty clear to me that this girl did not want you in her life. She just didn't have the guts to be strong about it (Most people don't. They still care deeply for their exes and don't want to hurt them so they think they are doing the right thing by being gentle.) though her behaviour should have given you the answer you were looking for. Always go by a person's behaviour, not what they say. If she is not calling you or trying to see you then that is a far stonger indicator of where she is at than words to the effect that "she wouldn't rule out something in the future". Now I think the path is clear for you. Forget about her, she no longer deserves your focus or thoughts and just concentrate on the nerxty exciting phase of your life.
  10. melrich
    Alcohol reduces inhibitions. You are nopt being yourself when drunk becaues "yourself" is a more reserved shy people. The other thing alcohol does is distort perceptions. All those witty comments you think you are making when you are drunk are really not funny at all. Try being sober and going and hanging out with a group of drunk people for an hour or so. It is puerile.
  11. melrich
    You have obviously tried talking to him about things and are not making any headway. Do you think your husband really knows how big an issue this is for you? Do you think if he read this post he would be surprised? I am not a fan of ultimatums but I do think sometimes they have their place. I think this may be one of those times. You need to get your husband to realise how serious things have become. To do that you probably have to inject some change yourself. If it were me, I'd be sitting down with your husband and telling him that you need your marriage to change or you are going to end it. I'd put a time frame in teh region of 3 months. In doing that I think you need to be very clear with him about what you see the probelms being and what compromises you think need to be made. Schedule a weekly "meeting" to talk about progress. Of course the key thing about issuing an ultimatum like this is that you have to be willing to follow through with it. If you are not then do not go down that track. But from what you post, just nagging him about the way things are is not going to work and my guess is you will only potentially achieve change by slapping him in the face.
  12. melrich
    I wondered what had happened. Good thinking 99.
  13. melrich
    That is certainly something that it is ultimately for you to decide.
  14. melrich
    From what you say here, it is possible that he has just panicked with the reality of becoming a father. Do some reading on the matter. It is not uncommon. Men suddnly start to "feel" their responsibility of being a provider far more intensely. It can lead them to become irrational and fearful of their ability to fulfil the role. If you have the chance to talk with him next time try and make the focus on how he is feeling about having a baby, what emotions he has about it, what fears, what expectations.
  15. melrich
    Oh wow, it seems like he has had a bit of a brain fart. It is possible that the reality of becoming a father has just overwhelmed him (a common occurrence) but it is also possible that what he is telling you is the cold hard truth. Whatever he needs to understand that simply walking away from you and the child is not the act of a man. If he is certain that the relationship is over he should be made equally certain of his obligations and responsibilities. Perhaps it is time to stop talking to him about the relationship for a while and focus instead on talking about your baby and it's future and his role and responsibilities in that. If he comes to realise that the end of the relationship does not equal the end of his responsibilities he may see some sense in re- engaging in discussions about your relationship.
  16. melrich
    IQ has litle or nothing to do with your personality. There are extroverts and introverts with high IQ. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is more determinate of personality. I do think that the two most commonly confused character traits are shyness and arrogance. In my experience, many people are called arrogant when in reality they should be recognised as shy. The "unapproachable" front is just a defence they have built to disguise their shyness.
  17. melrich
    What she's probably saying to you or trying to say to you, is that she doesn't feel the issues you guys had have been addressed and from what you have posted I think that's probably right. It's hard to let go completely after a long relationship. Couples often hang on to each other for support in the months post the break up. But if you are making no advancement in addressing what issues you had then it is likely you will eventually drift apart.
  18. melrich
    No they can't.
  19. melrich
    What trauma did you suffer?
  20. melrich
    I was going to say similar because I have just been through a very similar conflict and we have kids so we have to compromise. In your case, I'd just accept it as a family day and remove that cause of stress from your relationship. Most people if they have a choice want to spend Xmas with their family.
  21. melrich
    You should speak to an attorney. You need advice on what to expect in your local jurisdiction. I can not emphasis this enough DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT LAY PEOPLE TELL YOU OR ADVISE YOU IN TERMS OF WHAT TO EXPECT OUT OF THE SETTLEMENT. Each situation is different and you will hear many horror stories. Forget them and engage an attorney (if you can get a recommendation from a friend or acquaintance all the better) immediately. Having one on board from the onset will be a big advantage to you down the track. Work out upfront the tasks that you can do yourself and those that you need youtr attorney to do. They usually charge by the hour so be careful how wide a brief you give them.
  22. melrich
    I am sure you have read a lot of advice about telling the children and that it resonates with a few key points, 1. If possible, both of you should tell them together. 2. Tell them the truth without the detail. 3. Make sure you emphasise that the seperation is nothing to do with them. 4. make sure you both reinforce how much you love them. 5. never display any animosity to each other in front of them. 6. Never speak badly of the other parent to them. It will be very hard for them no matter how you put it but these are some of the ways (amongst others) that you can soften the blow.
  23. melrich
    It is important to mixup your strokes. It is also best not to get into the habit of simply "lapping" up and down the pool. Whilst that will keep you fit it will take a long time to tone your body. Go for a program that includes lots of sprints. My program is roughly this, Day 1 - 1000 metres free, 200 breast, 200 back, 100 fly. Day 2 - Free sprints, 100 under 60secs (2 minute break) 200 under 160 secs, (2 minute break) 300 under 280 secs (2 minute break) 400 under 400 secs (3-4 min break) then maybe 3 or 4 sets of 100 under 70 secs (all freestyle) and warm down with breast stroke. (you will of course have your own times but teh idea is that you increase lap times roghly in increments of 5 seconds for each set.) Day 3 - Nothing Day 4 - 4000 metres free and negatively splitting. This is a lot but I need one distance swim a week as I do a lot of ocean swims. Your distance will be whatever you can do but negatively splitting is important. It basicall means you do the last 2000 faster than the first. I usually aim at losing around 1-2 seconds a lap. Day 5 - Nothing Day 6 - More sprints. Similar to Day 2 or a mix of strokes. The important thing with sprints is to get your heart rate right up so wahtever pace you can do to achieve that. Day 7 - I do pretty relaxed sets of 4 strokes. That is a pretty long routine but it can be shortened obviously. The important thing I find is to 1. Mix strokes 2. Do sprints, it improves your efficiency and burns energy fast 3. Time yourself. It helps you keep track of how hard you are working and keep you motivated to perform. 4. Enter a competition. It is much easier to train if you are training for something. PS - I don't do warm ups, never have. I have heard some say they are important and others say they make no difference. I do do cool downs but that is more just to cool off in the pool.
  24. melrich
    In my experience this is reasonably common. This may be a generalisation but it is usually more difficuklt for a woman to achieve an orgasm and sometimes they know immediately they won't. My partner will often just tell me that but she still enjoys having sex despite knowing beforehand on that occasions she won't have an orgasm.
  25. melrich
    I was afraid this would happen. I have warned you you completely misread and over read your meeting the other day and now you are placing expectations on her. Mate she has you at friendship, you have her at potentially reconciling. You are not on the same page. You need to go NC again. Start all over.
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