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equinox

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  • Birthday 11/20/1986

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  1. I hope that this is the correct sub-forum for this. If it's not, please do move it! I've been renting a room in an apartment for the last 18 months. This is a sublet room with no contract, and technically I'm not meant to be there, but these things happen. Given the Corona situation, I came back to my parents before lockdown started (I'm in Ireland) as I don't get along well with my housemate, and I don't find the apartment to be a very relaxing place. Locked up with her constantly would be more stress than I'm capable of dealing with. The problem is one of rent. I'm paying rent for the room back in the apartment, but I cannot go back there due to the lockdown. I have wanted to move out, and I planned to late in the summer so I decided that I may as well do it now. However, the housemate says that she needs two months' notice, and won't accept the start of this notice period until after lockdown end as she cannot look for a replacement until then. At this point, I want to add that I suffer badly from both depression and anxiety. I'm usually okay, but it's situations like these that really set off my problems, and I'm currently feeling very anxious about this. I'm giving my parents money, naturally, but I'm also stuck paying the rent for a room I'm not using. I can afford, yes, but it's wasted money and I feel bad. My dad is getting irritated about this as he doesn't like to see me behave this way, and that's making me feel worse. I don't like to behave this way either.... What I was going to offer to my housemate was to pay one more month of rent and to let her keep the deposit. As I've already paid for this coming month, that is effectively three months that I will pay her for. The one I've paid for, the next month (may) and the month that the deposit covers. I don't know how long the lock down will go on for, so this seems reasonable? My parents say that it's crazy to pay her any more, but I think that given the situation, and given that I have no contract (I could walk out tomorrow), I think that I'm just being very generous. What do you think?
  2. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. What I meant when I said that I would be suitable for a number of the jobs that I have seen is that I meet the requirements listed in the job description in terms of experience and skills. These jobs, however, were not interesting to me as the area of business was not something that would interest me. I knew about the site Monster, but I didn't realise that one could upload a resume there. I think that I'll give it a try. I know that I seem somewhat clueless about this process, and that's because I am. My current job and the one before that were both sought and accepted when I was unemployed, thus I didn't really have much time to think heavily on the pros and cons of either. I guess it's a learning experience haha. Thanks!
  3. Hi everyone, As the title of this posting suggests, I'm considering a change in my career and my sights are set on overseas options. I'm a database developer, and I've spent the last six years working in the health insurance industry in this regard. I'm Irish, so the natural choice for me to move overseas would be the UK, as it's not too far away, the language is the same and there are jobs there in the IT industry. My question is one of approach. I've looked at a number of job sites, and I have found a number of jobs that I would be suitable for, but I have not applied for any of time. My reasoning is that I don't just want to apply for any job; rather, I would like to find a job that would appeal to me. Job search sites don't seem to be very apt for this kind of search. I was thinking of going down the route of a recruitment agency, but I've never used such a service before, and I don't know what to look for. This probably seems very naive to many, but despite my age, I have only held two jobs since leaving college. The first was a bit of a disaster. I took the job as it was the first that came up, but I was ill-suited to the role. This experience has left me wary of changing jobs, hence why I have remained in my current position for so long. I guess I'm just looking for some pointers on how to look for the right job for me, and not just a job that I could do. Thank you :).
  4. We have. In the past, I've mentioned her lack of interest, but she didn't seem to understand what I found the problem to be. Well she has certainly been able to orgasm, and she does say that she enjoys it. I have considered your point too, and I'll likely talk to her more about it when next I see her.
  5. Hi everyone, For the last few months, my girlfriend and I have been suffering from some relationship issues even though I do love her. We have few problems in terms of personality or friendship in that we have very similar interests, hobbies and an equally sardonic sense of humour The problems we have been having are pretty much all a matter of sex. Firstly I would like to say that I'm not a man with an overly active sex-drive. I would consider myself pretty average in terms of libido. I like having sex, and I consider it an extremely important part of any good relationship. My girlfriend is not prudish or anything like that, but I have never once felt any passion from her when we have sex. It's not that she simply lays back and lets me do as I wish. She has been open to new things, but suggestions have always come from me, and I've always had a sinking feeling that she simply does such things for my sake. Well, this weekend, we finally had a sit down and a chat. She told me that is an asexual woman. Now I don't know much about being asexual, but she described it to me by telling me that she thinks I'm a very handsome man, but that I, and other handsome men, don't sexually arouse her. She was clear that she does feel an emotional bond with me, and I certainly do with her, but that it's not sexual. She also added that she's never felt a sexual attraction for any man (or woman), and that she likes being with me because she loves me. She described sexual arousal as simply a "chemical matter." By this, she meant that for her, it's no different to feeling thirsty or hungry, and she she attaches no emotional element to it. To me, this actually made a lot of sense. I have seen her enjoy sexual intercourse, but it has always felt somewhat strange, and it never really felt natural. Other women I've been with seemed to have taken more from the experience, and other women were certainly more active in making their desires known and in trying new things. I originally believed that she was simply shy, but we've been together for over three years, and she's always behaved in a similar manner. This leaves me in a pretty nasty situation. Whilst I do love her, and I do appreciate that she tries to make sex an enjoyable experience for me, I honestly get very little from sex with her as I have to know that a woman is enjoying sex in order to take something from it. Now that I know that this is not going to change due to her being asexual, I feel quite bad as I have no desire to ask her to engage in sex simply for my pleasure. With regard to sex, there is an emotional wall between us, and it now seems that there's little that can be done to break it down. Anyway, I'm writing this here to ask for some advice as to what I should do. I think it's pretty clear that we can't really go on in a relationship where sex is not a natural and mutually enjoyable experience, but I feel very conflicted. This is my longest relationship by far, and I've become so attached to this woman Thank you
  6. I'm anything but a gregarious soul and I have been as such since I was a teenager. I get on very well with others and I can form excellent working relationships within which I can have engaging conversations but when it comes to mixing with people for the sake of it, I loose all interest. Today, I'm 25 and I don't have a single close friend. I do actually have a girlfriend yet whilst she is a good person with many interests to share, I just can't seem to connect with her so I daresay the relationship will not last. Many people have told me that it's not healthy to live as I do but I reject that ideal as simple a matter of opinion. Though I'm not happy in life, experience has taught me that having companions, for me at least, does not make the insipid aspects of life any more bearable. When I get home from work, I wish for nothing more than to practice music for a few hours before watching a few documentaries on youtube or doing a little writing. I often wonder why I live like this but I've simply accepted that I have little interest in friendships as they would detract from my real interests in life. After all, is spending a night in a bar really the best use of time? In my view, no. I would someday like to meet a woman of a similar outlook on life but it seems unlikely. I have found that the people that live like I do tend to be male with women being more fond of company which is great if it works for them. Of course, these women may well exist but simple are not accessible due to being of a similar disposition as myself; doesn't life love it's little ironies I've gone on a bit there about myself. OP, from reading your post I have to say that you sound very insecure. With me, I don't mix with others purely out of choice but it seems that you are doing this out of fear of others? If that is the case, you might want to consider seeing a councilor because I know from experience that if you try to sweep something that bothers you under the rug, it will nag at you until it becomes unbearable. You should understand that most people really are quite reasonable and will respond to how they are treated in kind. If you come accross as uncomfortable in their presence, they may well feel the same around you. That could be an issue in life that you don't want to deal with. Either way man, best of luck!
  7. Thanks for such a detailed post, though I didnt' notice it until this afternoon
  8. This isn't a poem, it's fiction. However, I've seen stories in here before and it is my own work inspired by alot of things I have strong feelings on so hopefully it's all cool Anyway, this is the first chapter of a story I'm working on. I'm really happy with the actual plot I've come up with (mostly the product of 5 to 6 years spent with no girlfriend and WAY to much idle imagination). The thing is, I'm at all sure I have the skill to write it. Thus, I'm posting a little segment of it here and, hopefully, I'll get some feed back. It's Fantasy fiction and I'm looking for brutally honest opinions. I can take it ********************************************************* Illis’Iyan, the jewel in the crown of the Empire. Its buildings wrought from the rock of Tirean by ancient elven masons, its streets wide and spacious and its walls high and thick. At its heart stood the mighty Temple of the Founding, with its pristine spire rising up from the city to pierce the sky like some great needle. Beneath this behemoth structure, spread throughout this city, were the enormous buildings and establishments of the Illisian Empire that saw to its governance and continued existence. If a bird flew above this magnificent edifice of man and had the mind to reckon such things, it would see a vast circular span accross the green land of Tirean. All shining white stone, broken in parts only by lush park lands and sliced through the middle by the fast flowing waters of the Eispon River, the life blood of the city. With such a wondrous city to behold, a stranger to these lands could be forgiven for thinking that all that dwell within the alabaster walls of Illis’Iyan had lifestyles that matched their home. This, however, was not the case for poverty existed within the heart of the Empire just as it did throughout its body. Such it is that we begin our tale within the less magnificent parts of Illis,Iyan; the slums. Under the shadow of the northern wall was a part of the city that was very different from the rest. In the place of the wide airy walkways and structures of white stone, carved and shaped by masters, there were only wattle and daub homes set into narrow dark streets. The unfortunate inhabits of this wretched place suffered greatly form it confines. Their lives were short and miserable, filled with long days of toil that served only to allow them to continue existence in such a sorry manner. It would seem likely that no one here could have any tremendous impact on our story but that would be an err of judgment. Within the dark streets of this slum were two small children. They sat in a hollow off the walkway, covered by filthy blankets in a vain effort to keep out the chill. To look at them, a passer by would not think much. They seemed little more than simply another two hungry children that many of the cities more affluent citizens would prefer to pretend did not exist. These children were related, twin siblings not more than four years old, a boy and a girl. Their short life story was a sorrowful one; orphaned at birth, denied a warm home, they were unwanted and survived on the charity of others. What part could two such beings play in the fate of the mighty Illisian Empire? Well we shall see in time. * * * * * * * * * * To the eye of a beholder, these small children shared a very similar outward appearance. Both had midnight black hair, pale skin and sky blue eyes set within deeply dark sockets. The girl had long hair that stretched behind her back; it also fell over her face, hiding it from view. The boy had short hair, his face was un covered yet marked in several spots by dirt and grime. He cradled his sister as she rested her head upon his chest while she slept. Truth be told, these children were not long for this world. How could two small children survive alone in the dark and dangerous streets of a filthy slum? Indeed, they could not. Whatever meagre charity a passer-by might render these sorry creatures merely delayed the inevitable. However fickle the card that the gods of chance had dealt these children, their lot in the world of Alnimus was about to change. Out of the gloom came three black robed figures, walking slowly towards the twins. Their faces were covered by their hoods and in the growing darkness it lent them a sinister air. The small boy saw them approach and looked down at the muddy street in hope that avoiding their gaze would avert any interest they may have had in his sister and himself. However, these black clad figures that approached the twins did not ignore them. Instead they continued their advance until they had halted just besides the crouching children. “Railis?” said the foremost of the newcomers, addressing the boy before him. The child did not answer immediately but he saw that the strangers were not going to leave him be by the unspoken will of his silence. “Y-yes” he answered timidly. The strangers exchanged glances under their hoods. Then the newcomer to the right of the one that had spoken crouched down to near eye level with the boy. “Railis, my boy” the stranger spoke, revealing the child her gender, a woman. “You are a hard child to find and we have been looking for you these past weeks. We went to the orphanage where we understood you and your sister to be but the matron told us you both had run away. Now why would you do that?”. To Railis’s ear, the woman sounded kind and gentle but the boy had learnt not to trust words so easily. How unfortunate it was that a child of his young age had seen so early in life that even the warmest of words can come from the coldest of hearts. “We had to leave” he answered the woman, “they were hurting my sister”. He nodded in the direction of his still sleeping sibling. The woman drew back her hood. She looked to be perhaps in her late thirties yet her hair was still a rich auburn and her face showed few signs of aging. In fact, the only thing about her that would give her age away was the look of great wisdom, the type earned over years, behind her hazel eyes. “They hurt your sister?” she asked inquisitively, reaching to brush the girls hair from her face. Her brother moved her back slightly and gave the woman a dark look. “Please, be at peace. I do not wish to hurt her” the woman reassured the child, seeing the expression on his face. The boy still however did not relax his tense posture. “Her name is Arifen, is that right?” asked the woman warmly Railis nodded and then after a moment he resumed a more at ease position. The woman smiled at him, “she is lucky to have a brother that cares so much for her”. Brushing back the tangled raven hair from the child’s face, the woman was saw that the girls pretty young features were marred with several bruises. She immediately looked back at her companions who in turn exchanged looks. Before she could render any sentence on the subject, the young girl suddenly awoke and saw the three black clad adults staring at her. Giving a brief yelp of fear, the newly awoken child buried her head into her brothers chest who gripped her tightly in response. “What do you want from us?” the boy demanded, suddenly frowning at the three strangers. “Please, do not be afraid” the woman said, trying to calm the children. “Perhaps it is time to introduce ourselves. My name is Vasca Shial” she said. Then the two standing behind her drew back their hoods revealing that they were two men of what appeared to be close in age to the woman that called herself Vasca. “And these are my companions, Mathyus Deail and Asiaer Rosca” she said introducing the two men who nodded in greeting to the children. Railis regarded each of the three adults in turn and was just about to speak when he noticed the pommel of a sword at the belt of the woman in front of him. “You’re soldiers?” he asked. The woman named Vasca shook her head. “No my young friend, we are warriors, knights of the Order of the Founding. Perhaps you have heard of us” she said, knowing well that the child would have heard stories of her Orders deeds which were legendary throughout the Empire. “Yes I’ve heard of you but why do you care about us?” can the boys reply. He continued to stare at them while still cradling his sister‘s quivering form, impressing the knights with his clear and unhidden desire to protect her despite him being just a child. Vasca took a breath and considered the child’s question before answering. “It is a complicated subject to explain to you Railis. I can see you have wisdom beyond the mind of a child yet this is not the place to discuss the matter” she said. She then held her hand to the boy, “perhaps you would like to come with us and then we can tell you what you want to know”. Railis looked at the knight’s proffered hand but did not move. “We can offer you a hot meal and a warm bed” Vasca said, hoping to temp the children into accepting her offer. Again the boy did not take her hand but instead voiced a question. “Where do you want to take us?” he asked. Vasca smiled at him. “A fair question my child” she said, “We wish to take you to our home, the Temple of the Founding”. The mention of the intended destination of the knights sparked an interest in Railis, for he had heard many stories of the mighty fortress of The Empire’s finest warriors and he had wished greatly to see the building one day. With a nod, he finally took the woman’s hand and stood up. His younger sister, however was not so quick to rise. Staying seated on the ground she held tightly to her brother’s hand. “Railis!!…” she whimpered through gathering tears, caused by an unvoiced fear of the knights. Railis knelt down to help her to her feet. He then whispered something into her ear that the knights could not hear but which seemed to have a calming effect upon the girl. She wiped her eyes in the sleeves of her dress and gripped her brother’s arm tightly while keeping her eyes on the ground in front of her. Then, together with the three knights, they set off down the street to whatever fate it may lend them. Thus is was that two beings from the lowest level of life began a journey that would one day re-shape their world in ways neither of their young minds could fathom.
  9. Well if you honestly don't need the money then I think that what you are doing is a very nobel thing. Like the others are saying, it is possible that you won't get your money back but you know your friend best so you know if she can be trusted to re-pay you.
  10. Yea I hear you there. The thing is, she lives close to me and as we are in the same course we travel the same way to college almost every day so it's very difficult for me to avoid her.
  11. I have but one female friend but I fear that she may not be my friend for much longer. It's a slightly long story but I'll try to keep it concise and to the point. I met her when I started university and we seems to get on very well. She had a boyfriend at the time but I didn't really care until she told me that they were through so I tried to cheer her up, allthough she didn't seem too bothered. She told me that on a monday, we finished college for christmas the thursday after that and to be nice I decided to drive her there (we live fairly close to each other and we're on the same course). When driving home I asked her if she wanted to come back to my house for some tea and she said yes. Now my parents were away so we were on our own, we watched a movie later and she was sitting almost on-top of me. I'm not used to being with women but I didn't mind her until the movie was over. So we ended up making out and I wasn't too happy that I did as I really didn't want her in that way. Anyway, I didn't ask her out or anything but I drove her home then I drove myself home and went to sleep. The next day we were back in college I felt a bit weird around her but it wasn't so bad. We were talking fine and I was thinking about asking her out. However, she tells me the next day that she had spent the whole night with her "ex" at a movie and a gig. I was taken back by this as she had told me, a meer six days earlier, that they were through. It turned out that they were only fighting and not really broken up at all. In other words, she cheated on her boyfriend with me. I was and still am annoyed by this as I would never kiss another guys girl on pourpose but she had told me they were finished. This is where things started to get nasty. I took her up on the fact that I was annoyed that she never told me the thruth but she tried to tell me that she loved him and that she was confused but she never once asked me how I felt. This put a dent in my respect for me but I just shook my head and told her it was her choice. I felt both annoyed as I had helped a girl cheat on her bf, I'm normally a very honest guy, and I also felt a bit un-wanted but Im used to the latter. That was the end of that really. From that point on, I've treated her cooly. I definitly don't trust her but I still try to help her with her studies and I have driven her to college to be nice to her. I'm not a social guy and one day, after I had driven her to class, we were talking and she called me a "loner". I was hurt by this but I let is go. She also passes comments on how I love games, calling me "sad" and "weird". I never took her up on this and I have not yet. On tuesday, I drove out to college but I took a different route that I normally take and I didn't pick her up. Her bus didn't come and she gave out hell to me when she found out I had driven. I told her that I wasn't her personal driver and it wasn't my fault that the bus didn't come so she went off in a huff. Afterwards I felt bad as it was a bitter cold morning and she had been out in the cold so I called her to appologise and I gave her a lift the next day. I know this was a bit spinless but I also know that I really don't want to fight with her as I'm worried that she could spread roumors about me to her girlfriends in college and that is something I want to avoid. This morning, I met her to get the bus with her. She wasn't very talkitive as she usually is but we were exchanging a few words. Just as a joke I said something about her being behind in maths in a silly way but she took offence even though she has pass many, many more comments to me in "good humour". A bit later, we were sitting waiting for lectures to start and I was writing some music down but I had to draw my own staves. I said "god dam it, why does the shop here not sell manuscript paper!" and she turned to me and said "god!, I'm gonna sit somewhere else, you're pissin' me off". At that point, I just turned to her and said "listen, I'm getting sick of your attitude towards me, I go out of my way to help you and you treat me like an expectation". She then got annoyed and started listing all my personality flaws. Apparenty, I'm "arrogant, unfriendly, rude....", I don't believe I am any of these and certainly not to her. We went on a bit but she left after the lecture and I haven't talked to her since. That's it so, I know it's a long post but really I don't know how to handle this. Am I being mean to her, I don't see how, or is it time I found a new friend?? Thank you.
  12. Well I haven't been called pretty for many years but I was mistaken for a girl until I was about 6 lol.
  13. I wouldn't give any skank money so have sex with me, that's like paying to get an STD.
  14. I'm not a guitarist, I'm an electric bassist and you're not that bad at guitar. Your problem might simply be your approach to pratice. When you pratice it's vital that you don't mess around playing lines that you know over and over again. Try new and increasingly difficult work. Theory is a must for music, perhaps you allready know theory but if not then I promise you that if you learn theory you'll do much better. Oh, that is a big one but pot most certainly will not make you better at guitar at all.
  15. Yes I agree. I think that females are geneticly programmed to think about releationships while males are genetically programmed to think about the world around them more. I am 20 and allthough I have done very well in terms of mental developement I am almost clueless as to releationships and women. Really, I'm terrible lol. It's strange, I can read through a computer programe and make sense of it but I wouldn't know what to do with a girl on a date.
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