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laboheme

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Everything posted by laboheme

  1. laboheme
    Rose makes a good point about this having nothing to do with you (well, oftentimes breakups don't in general). Look at it this way: because you now know that he's gay, you don't have to deal with what so many of us go through and harbor hopes for reconciliation. And it's a good thing that you don't! I must admit that I wished several times that my ex had dumped me because he realized he was gay...I just feel that would give somebody a good sense of closure. Absolutely try and have fun tonight, get your mind off of things...and keep busy in general!
  2. laboheme
    Jayar, could you maybe send that guy my way? My ex was very keen on getting me girly stuff, which is not at all practical. I would have appreciated a microwave! And yes, I agree with everyone in that it's not terribly romantic, but perfectly reasonable to establish a mutual budget so that one person doesn't feel guilty for underspending and the other one doesn't feel like a fool overspending...Gifts should reflect the level of interest and commitment, and since the levels of interest and commitment should ideally match, the gifts should also match somewhat (within reason, of course.)
  3. laboheme
    Well, it could be that he doesn't want you to move on and start dating other guys because it will make him feel lousy about himself. This could either mean that he's a jerk who wants to find happiness himself before you do, or that he's not entirely over things and doesn't like to think about you with other people. If you start dating one of his friends, it could make things awkward between you, especially if there are residual feelings on either end. Who broke up with whom here? Are you staying in touch because you want to get him back, or are you completely over things and he's the one who needs time to heal?
  4. laboheme
    Could it be that you're jealous of the fact that he's moving on and starting new relationships while you don't have anyone else in your life yet (if that's the case)? So it's not that you love him and don't want anyone else to have him, it's that you don't want him to be happy when you're not?
  5. laboheme
    I'll spare you most of the cliche talk because you seem well aware of what people would normally say in a situation like this... I don't know how legal or illegal it is to get engaged when you're 17 and 15...I know there are age restrictions for marriage that vary by state, but I'm assuming there's nothing wrong with a promise ring though. I would not make it anything expensive though, just something that is meaningful to both of you...and I although your parents may approve of the relationship, I don't think it's even a good idea to tell them it's a promise ring, unless they notice and ask. You say you realize that engagement is a solemn vow to be together forever. Honestly, I think it's in your best interest to not view your post-promise ring relationship as being engaged. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that things are doomed and it's silly to expect you to stay together...But just think, why the rush? If both of you know that you have a special bond and that you ultimately want committment, I think you'll be able to stick things out until the end of high school -- by which point you might have had a few more chances to meet each other and person and fall in love even more. Good luck with whatever you may decide...and I hope more people give you advice that's more helpful than mine.
  6. laboheme
    I agree with shikashika and Juliana about telling her that there's someone else. It will make things easier for both of you. If you just say that you're not in love anymore, she is much more likely to try and change your mind and become a begging, clingy ex. However, if you make it clear that you're interested in somebody else, it will give her a better sense of closure and she might have an easier time accepting that the relationship is over, although it may be a harder blow at first. But, that doesn't mean telling her everything there is to know about this other person (meaning whether or not you cheated on your girlfriend with her). I think it suffices to say that you simply met somebody. If you're absolutely sure that you don't want to continue the relationship, you're doing the right thing by breaking up with her, it's for the best in the long run. You can even tell her that if you like. If you try to stick with things when you no longer like her personality and are no longer in love with her, it just prolongs the torture. Not to mention that it's unfair to both of the girls who are involved.
  7. laboheme
    Well, what do you want to do? It really sounds like she contacted you strictly as a friend, so the question is, are you ready for that? Based on what you said, it doesn't sound like you are, since you're still wondering about how to take things from here. I think you should stick with NC from your side for sure. But how did it make you feel after your talk? Did you feel set back at all? Did you start missing her more and maybe harboring hopes of reconciliation? If you felt anything like that now and she contacts you again, tell her honestly that you're not entirely over her and it's difficult to try to restart a friendship. I think she'll understand...after all, her asking about your love life and you being over her could potentially indicate the fact that she's trying to be sensitive to your situation and not push for friendship too hard when you're not ready for it. Of course, if could also indicate that she's just curious or trying to boost her ego by finding out that you haven't moved on... Hang in there...and only respond if you actually want to talk to her and if you truly, honestly feel like it doesn't set you back at all.
  8. laboheme
    I'd say that TOO much is when you don't know what to do with yourself when he's not around (aside from everyday obligations such as work), when you know for sure that you'll see him later and that makes things less exciting for you...When you spend too much time together, you can start taking each other for granted, and it will all go downhill from there... Good to know that you successfully bounced back from that other guy who was going to move out to Cali!
  9. laboheme
    It's good to hear that you're actually thinking about finding other people now instead of focusing on getting her back. And congrats on getting in shape, that's always a plus I know the feeling of wondering if you'll ever find anyone again. Everybody says that yes, life does go on and yes, you do find other people, so we just have to believe in that for now, until it actually happens. I don't know how ready you are to start dating others quite yet (1 month NC after a 4 year relationship is not all that long), but when you do feel that you're ready, why not start at the gym where you work out? Some people have luck with online dating...Or volunteer somewhere, that's always a good way to meet people. Cliche, yes, but it does seem to work...
  10. laboheme
    Maybe he's bringing it up so much because he wants to reassure you that he does want to get engaged...but just can't do it right now because of his financial situation? As in, he wants you to know he's serious about the relationship and wants you to be patient and stick around until he can scrape up the money for the ring?
  11. laboheme
    Everyone is right, this kind of problem can land you in a very bad financial situation (in fact, it has already with rent). I suggest having another conversation with him where you lay it all out on the line -- "it all" being the fact that your relationship is really draining your finances and you're not sure if you can continue things at this rate. Next step is to cut down on the dates and activities that you do together. If he's just in it for a free ride, this is when his true intentions will come out (i.e. he'll lose interest). But it could also make him realize that he needs to pull his own financial weight in the relationship... If that fails to clarify things between you, have another conversation with him...one where you say farewell. Yes, love is more important the money, but there are boundaries, and you have to think about what would happen with you in the future if this guy leaves...
  12. laboheme
    I agree with Scout here. If you're really interested, you should call when it feels right. I personally don't believe in games when it comes to dating and relationships...If she likes you, she'll appreciate your honesty in making the phone call sooner rather than later...and unless you grab on to her leg, write odes to her, and insist on talking on the phone every night, I don't think showing interest always translates to acting needy.
  13. laboheme
    No, no! Don't mistreat your girl, or anyone else for that matter...Not being a doormat just means holding your own against her demands. You have to know that it's okay to say no sometimes. For example, if you have plans with friends, don't cancel them because your girl feels like hanging out. A doormat would drop everything and run to be with the girl...And a jerk would cancel plans with the girl to hang out with his friends (although that does not automatically make someone a jerk!) Just make sure to maintain your own identity in order to not be a doormat...and it's okay to want to do some things for yourself, not always for her, her, her.
  14. laboheme
    1.When you treat a woman well, she doesnt appreciate that and ends up leaving you for the jerk! Some women enjoy the chase, and when you treat her too well, she doesn't get that excitement, so she leaves. But a lot of women DO appreciate being treated well. 2.Is it that women love suffering at the hands of these jerks? No. Maybe those with masochistic tendencies...But I think a lot of women want to think that they can change the jerks and make them into good guys, so they stick around... 3.Is it true a woman cannot fall in love genuinly with a good guy? SO FALSE. 4. What do women mean when they say they need a man who treats them well? yet woe onto the man who does that because he will be left with a broken heart and ego. There's a difference between treating someone well and being a doormat. In order to have a healthy and lasting relationship, the good guy needs to keep any doormat tendencies in check... 5. Is it true good men finish last? A good guy can definitely get a wonderful girl. Unfortunately, it seems like some guys are just too good and settle for women who don't deserve them...out of compassion, I guess? 6. Do i have to be a jerk for a woman to fall in love with me? NO NO NO!!! The world needs more nice guys!
  15. laboheme
    I'm very loyal -- but only to a very select few people who deserve my loyalty (I may be a little too picky there...) I'm book smart and love learning...languages especially I have some drawing talent...pretty good at realistic drawings, even got some awards I'm persistent and ambitious I'm independent (which gets me in trouble sometimes...)
  16. laboheme
    It's always hard to make generalizations, but I can definitey see how the girl may think that you're only interested in sex...Or maybe sex was her main goal and since the second time didn't go as well as the first, she's losing interest? Like others have said, make sure she knows that you're still interested, and interested in more than sex...and go from there
  17. laboheme
    If something was bothering me, I would always talk to my ex about it. He was really good at calming me down and reassuring me that everything would be okay in the end...I must say that it upset me that he wasn't as open about his problems as I was, because I really would have liked to help him with anything and everything. Don't know how things will pan out in future relationships though. Why do you ask though? Are you wondering if it's okay to talk to your significant other about a problem that you're having? Or are you wondering if he's keeping his problems from you?
  18. laboheme
    The first thing to do is to make a schedule for yourself. 21 pages by Monday is a lot...Break it up into more manageable bits. Starting tonight, I would recommend writing 4 pages a day. I don't know about you, but I work best when I'm switching it up instead of working on the same paper...But you know what works best for you. If you write 4 pages a day, you'll be right about done on saturday. That will give you all of Sunday to look over the papers and revise them. Don't worry about studying for the exam for now and focus on the papers. Just make sure to stick to the schedule!!! Also, try to remove as many distractions as you can. A computer is kind of required to write papers, but try turning off your Internet connection so that you're not tempted to go online. Try going to the library for a change of scenery (it usually works for me when my thoughts go stale after sitting in my room for hours). Make sure to take regular breaks...write a page, get up and stretch for a few minutes...then back to the grindstone. After another page, another break... Good luck!
  19. laboheme
    After those four dates, are you guys keeping in touch online or over the phone? Maybe over the next couple of weeks before you leave for the holidays, try to establish a connection like that. It doesn't have to be every day, of course, but just a couple of contacts in-between dates...Then by the time the holiday vacation rolls around, it could be okay to call each other just to chat for a while until you can see each other again. If you don't get to that point by the time you leave town but still feel like the relationship has a chance, definitely send her a message to wish her a merry Christmas...she'll appreciate it! (Or maybe she'll even do it first!)
  20. laboheme
    Oh, I know that feeling all too well...Realizing that it's not going to work out but desperately clinging to the memories...Been there, done that. Strangely enough, my ex and I were also long distance for quite a while, and when we finally transferred to the same college, he broke up with me. Weird... All I can say is that it takes time. It's been 4 months for me, too, and I feel like I'm slowly moving on and finally realizing that if I'm ever to be happy again, I have to get over him. It's very hard, I'll be the first person to admit that it's terribly hard. However, she made it clear that there's absolutely no hope, and you now owe it to yourself to find the strength to be happy one day. Let it all out now, cry as much as you need to, vent on this board...try to trudge through your everyday life the best you can. If you feel like trying to get out and having fun, great! One day you'll realize that wait, you're actually okay on your own...The next day you might have a relapse again. I know I've had a few of those...But it does get better with time. Believe me, I used to think exactly what you're thinking right now, that I never want to get over him, that I always want to have that special feeling when I think about him. I definitely do miss him quite often still, but right now getting him back is no longer a concern...and I'm getting more and more concerned that there aren't enough worthy guys for me to crush on, haha. You'll get there one day, and in the meantime we're all here for you! *hugs*
  21. laboheme
    Hehe, thanks, gfein. I figure I shouldn't count on cats...I'm more of a dog person anyway. The presentation went okay, the professor made a lot of general comments to the class but seemed pleased overall. We'll see where that gets me.
  22. laboheme
    Really? I find just the opposite. My male friends are a lot more willing to talk about serious topics (politics, religion, etc.), and with my female friends the most serious topic is relationship drama... And I guess oftentimes guys are more straightforward, whereas girls tend to be more subtle and use way too many words to something that could be said in just a few (I know I'm guilty of being verbose like that).
  23. laboheme
    Maybe start out by being friends with her first? I agree that physical attraction needs to exist to some degree in order to have a romantic relationship, but there's no such "requirement" for friendship, right? If you spend enough time getting to know her as a friend, maybe you'll fall for her hard enough to forget about her looks/start to find her attractive...or else you'll realize that she's not the amazing person that you think she is. Best case scenario, you'll get to the point where you'll be dying to kiss her...and if not, maybe you'll just get a really good friend out of the whole thing.
  24. laboheme
    Well, if you have female friends, there's bound to be some drama, because oftentimes people will assume that there's something going on between you, even if there's absolutely nothing. Also, females can be generally more melodramatic than males (which is why I prefer to hang out with my guy friends...unless I'm shopping, of course). They might also expect a certain degree of protection from you. It's not all negative, though...Having female friends will help you better understand women in general and might make you more understanding when it comes to relationships. They can give you invaluable advice for when you're looking to have something more than just a friendship with some other girl...
  25. laboheme
    I prefer a short trim for myself (those battery-operated bikini-trimmers are great!), and shaved only the areas that may be visible when I'm wearing a bikini. I prefer a mostly natural look for guys, maybe with just a tad of trimming so things don't get too out of control.
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