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About Eddward

  • Birthday 10/29/1988

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  1. I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing any without realizing it. Years of homeschooling left me not really knowing rules about things like that, and I can't help but wonder if it's part of the reason I don't get along with girls.
  2. I would get nervous and freaked out, and sneak away as quietly as possible. But that's just me.
  3. Yeah, if a girl goes for the Charizard line, you KNOW you've got a keeper. Here's another one for networking/computer security people. "Hey there, do you need a penetration test?"
  4. I've never had the chance to use it, but I've always wanted to try: "Hey baby, I have a level 100 Charizard."
  5. Personally, I like girl's hair down better.
  6. Right, so if a girl finds out I like her and she doesn't like me, won't that make things REALLY weird? Data storage is really cheap these days. The government (or whoever) wouldn't save EVERYTHING, they've leave out things like video, probably sound, and most images. It takes up a lot of storage space and is harder to analyze with computers. Storing the text isn't out of reach though. Yes, it would take a lot of people to analyze. That's why they're being lazy and using computers, and they're NOT getting it right. That's one of the things I'm most worried about. For the all the advances in horsepower, computers are still pretty stupid when it comes to reading English. It's generating ungodly amounts of false positives, and letting real bad guys get away. You could have the men in black come after you for something you didn't do, just because the computer told them to. Now, the odds are strongly in your favor of getting let off the hook if it's a false positive. But what if you just get unlucky? Or what if, when investigating the lead, they find something else they don't like? That's why it's better to have as little identity as you can. That one I'll remain paranoid on, because there's really no downside. I am definitely mistrusting and overanalytical. That's partly because people keep pulling stupid things on me. I can't figure out who to trust. There's one person who in the 10 years I've known him has never screwed me, but all the other ones I've gotten wrong. So how can you tell? The thing is that I specifically told them I didn't want a stripper, and they tried to do it anyway. But I'll try to give an alternative in the future.
  7. Guy number 2 said he was doing it for my own good. But I don't see how it would help anything, and either way I told him not to say anything. So was it really okay for him to do it anyway? I know that the only time I found out that a girl liked me, it just made me really uncomfortable being around her, and not in a good way. I figured girls would have the same thing if they found out I liked them. Do girls react differently than guys? I maybe could pass it off as a rumour in a worst case scenario, I'll keep that option on the table.
  8. My worst case scenario from the government is that they have a comprehensive profile of my life based on the things I post on the internet. Because that's just creepy, and it really is none of their business in this case. My worst case scenario from other people is that what I tell them can be used against me. And it's happened a couple times. Using the birthday example again, here's one that happened not too long again. The guys at work are the closest thing I have to a group of friends that I hang out with, even though they're all a lot older than me. They're friends with my dad too. My dad likes to let people know my birthday is coming up, even though I tell him not to, and in this case I actually had a good reason. They had commented before that they were going to take me to a strip club for my 18th birthday. But I didn't really want to go to a strip club. I told them not to do anything, and they said they wouldn't. And they didn't. Then about a week after my birthday I found out from my dad that they had tried to hire a stripper and bring her to work. My dad stopped them, but stuff like that is why I don't want people to know my birthday. I'm really worried I'll be dragged off to a bar on my 21st. But the paranoia not a result of that event. Even before that I hated people knowing my birthday, because I thought something like that would happen. I guess I could be OCD, I hadn't really about it. What are the symptoms? I've never had any actual trauma, although it seems like any time I tell someone something I want to keep private, it comes back to bite me. For example, the girl I like. It's not something I talk about much, just because I'm not comfortable with it. But twice, with two different friends and two different girls, I've told them who I like and they went and said something. The first time, my friend just flat out said it in casual conversation, like it wasn't even a big deal. I managed to lie my way out of that one, since he's been known to tell stories. The second time, he told me he was going to say something, I begged him not to, and he did it anyway. I didn't see the girl that often anyway, so I just started avoiding her. And I think it's about to happen again, with yet another friend and another girl. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now, but I thought maybe he could help me, since he knows her better than I do. I started asking about her, and he figured out why I was asking, and he laughed at me for being so secretive about it. After I talked to him about it a little, I thought I had him taking it seriously, but then when I asked something about her again he laughed again. I don't know if he's going to say something to her or not, but I don't think I could get out of this one. That was probably way more information than you wanted, but typing it made me think. Part of it is fear of being judged, and the other part is fear of information being used against me. I feel like no one would ask questions about me unless they had an ulterior motive. I've had medication before. Not for this, but for ADHD when I was younger. I'd rather not go there again. I'd have more faith in people, but they aren't helping their own case.
  9. I used to be okay with the fact that I'm completely paranoid. For example, my account here. I sign up under a different name on every message board I use, with a receive-only throw away e-mail address. I also use a proxy program called Tor that changes my IP regularly. Why? Because the government might be watching. I'm completely aware of how stupid that sounds, but they probably are. It's so very easy for them to mass intercept traffic on the internet and shove it into a database somewhere "just in case" it might be needed for something. I'll probably keep being paranoid when it comes to the internet, since it's not hurting anyone. But in other areas, my paranoia is backfiring on me. I think I'm driving people away because I hate telling people anything about me. Even simple things, like when my birthday is. I make it a point not to tell anyone, even if they ask. I lied about it when I signed up for this account by a couple of months. I don't even know why. I just feel like it's nobody's business. Like anything anyone wants to know about me, and every conversation anyone tries to have with me has an ulterior motive. Even if I'm right, and they really are out to get me, it's no way to live. The worst part is, I think that I'm right, and other people just aren't cynical enough to see it. But I've got to do something about it. It's starting to get out of hand, to the point that I think I lost a potential friend over it.
  10. To be honest, I'm into big breasts. HUGE by most standards. But if I liked a girl, a small chest wouldn't be a deal breaker.
  11. It doesn't work all the time. One of my friends saw me talk with the girl I like quite a bit. After a while I told him I liked her, and he seemed really surprised. It may be that he wasn't paying attention/doesn't pick up on that sort of thing, it definitely helped that I go out of my way to not give off those signals. In any case, it's not always obvious.
  12. I'm not in college yet, so I'm not sure where I could find someone like that. I'll still keep the therapy option on the table, but again, only as a last resort. As for alcohol/energy pills, I don't really drink, but I'll consider the energy pills. I'll see if I can find anything about that book. I'm not any more sensitive than the next guy, I guess. But yeah, trying to figure out why is exactly what I'm after. I've found some people I'm totally comfortable around too. Just that they're all male. It's true that I just won't like everybody, but it shouldn't be this extreme, and it shouldn't be this focused toward women. I'm not sure where you're going with the sexual abuse thing. If you're asking whether I was, no, I've never been abused. My parents have a good relationship. While they did have some hard times, they got through it, and that was close to 10 years ago. My dad wants me to associate more with women, but he's never pushed me. He tells me he was a pimp at my age, which is one reason I didn't really want to talk to him about this, because I figured he wouldn't understand. His attitude toward women now is about what you would expect from a middle aged married man. A lot of guys are nervous around girls at this age when it comes to dating, sure, but not this extreme. And definitely not around 10 year olds and women old enough to be their mom. Lack of experience I'm sure is part of it, but it can't just be that. This is way too broad, and even men that lack experience with women can talk to them in a "not looking for a date" way. Even though I know it's true, when I'm faced with actually talking to a girl, I start hallucinating that a repeal of the Venom Sack Act of 1948 was snuck in on the back of a port security bill. I'm only half joking here. I did talk to my dad about this, finally. One of the first things he asked is if I needed to see a shrink. Did not see that one coming. We weren't able to finish the whole conversation, since we got interrupted. So far what he's told me hasn't helped, but at least he wants to help. Hopefully this one will lead to some progress.
  13. You may be on to something. It would explain being scared of them without knowing why, and it would also explain why I'm no longer comfortable around girls that I used to be okay with. I may have an assumption stuck somewhere that if I'm scared of girls there's obviously a reason for it, even if I don't know or remember why, which sounds exactly like how I think. Okay, so let's say I do all this and make friends with a girl. How do I stop myself from going back to the assumption that she's scary? Can you give me a basic idea of what a therapist would do? And specifically, would they just give me pills? If that's all they'd do then I don't want to waste the money. Not that I know anything about the subject, but Real Social Dynamics seems to be the only one of those sites with any sense. It's still mostly about dating though. I'm not anywhere near ready for that, I just want to be able to hold a conversation with a girl, even one I'm not interested in, without going into panic mode. One miracle at a time. That's not really an option, since I can't drive.
  14. I've been trying to do that. There's one girl I've been tutoring (not by my choice), and I've tried talking to her the same way I talk to the rest of my friends, but I don't think it's working. I'm not great at reading people, but she seems annoyed by me. Anytime I try to help her she either tells me she doesn't want to do it or can do it on her own. On the other hand, I get along pretty well with the male student I'm tutoring. I'd be more inclined to believe this if it was just girls I'm attracted to. But I'm even talking about the old grandma-type lady that I live next door to. It's a little better if they're older or an authority figure, but the wanting to get away from them is still there. I'll consider it, but only as a very last resort. I don't think my parents would respond very well to me asking to get therapy for fear of girls. Finding the source is exactly why I made this topic. I thought maybe a third party could give me some insight as to why. I have been forced into situations with girls a couple times, like eating lunch with that one girl for a month, but it didn't really help. There's another thing I didn't think to add when I made this topic that might be useful. There is a girl I was very briefly comfortable with as friend for last year, before school ended. But after seeing her again this year I'm scared of her again. I'm not sure what's changed.
  15. Fear is the only word for what girls do to me. If one makes eye contact with me, I look at something else. If I'm with my friends and one of their female friends starts talking to them, I get as quiet as possible in hopes they won't notice me. If they start talking to me, my only goal is to get them to go away. This isn't just girls I'm attracted to, or even just girls my own age, it's all girls. I always had problems with female teachers in school. And personal relationships aside, it's starting to seriously impede my job when I have to deal with female customers. I'm slightly anti-social around guys also, but it gets better once I've been around them for a while. With girls, it doesn't improve. There was a period I sat with a girl at lunch for a month or so, and I was uncomfortable the whole time. Eventually I just started avoiding her because I knew it wasn't getting any better. But I don't know why. I don't know what I'm afraid of, if anything. People always ask me what the worst that could happen is, and I don't even know the answer. If this was just social relationships, I wouldn't care as much, but I'm worried I won't be able to function well in the world because I can't talk to women.
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