laboheme

If you already told him about your concerns, there's not much you can do. Those girls will probably go after any guy that you're dating, and there's no getting rid of them, unfortunately. Has your guy done anything that made you suspicious? How does he react to those girls' advances? For example, did he delete the pictures from his phone? Or does he find it amusing and/or flattering that they like him? If he seems annoyed by their actions, I would just try my best to ignore the other girls...eventually they'll find another guy to fawn over.

This is a great way to start out. You know what they say about forcing yourself to smile while looking in the mirror and then actually feeling happier after a while? Same thing applies here. Also...a really easy trick that helped me enormously. Stand. Up. Straight. Head up, shoulders back...instant mood lift and confidence boost. I do it anytime I'm feeling down or unsure, it makes me feel empowered.

As a side not to what shes2smart said, LC could also be a sort of "responsive contact." Meaning, you make no effort to contact the other person, but when they call you, you don't ignore the call and pick up, making it quick, of course. Or if they say hi to you in the street, you say hi back instead of turning around on your heel and walking away. However, LC does NOT mean hanging out everywhere they might be and setting yourself up for contact. It just means responding to them if they do contact you. But that's just my interpretation.

I'm talking under the assumption that "morals" are an inherently good thing...but yes, I guess using the word "beliefs" isn't exactly right. I see it as...someone whose beliefs are repugnant has no morals. I guess to me the concept of "bad morals" doesn't really exist...it's the absense of morals that makes somebody bad. But maybe it's a matter of semantics here.

Until you get to the verbal charm of Choice #2, that guy definitely gets my ote. To me, the strongest individual is one who sticks to his morals and beliefs...

It may seem like the odds are against you...but what you CAN do is learn from the mistakes of your relatives before you make some of your own. Talk to them, see why their relationships failed...then draw your own conclusions and you just might increase your chances of a happy marriage!

Pacing yourself is key. One drink an hour seems to be the general rule (although I suppose it's okay to have two drinks in one hour and none the next). So 5 drinks should last you through a 5 hour night...

If you want a trim, try an electric trimmer! They are much more effective than scissors, and you don't run the risk of poking yourself with a sharp blade. Plus, they have comb attachments that help you keep the hair all the same length. However, before you start evening it out with a trimmer, it might be a good idea to hack off some of the length with scissors so that it the hair doesn't get tangled up in the trimmer. Here's one that I've seen in drugstores: link removed

I was also going to suggest dinner so that you can get to know each other. Or maybe go out dancing?

It's a well-known fact that I need more friends. In fact, right now there's no one that I can hang out with. My boyfriend broke up with me this summer (as evidenced by my numerous posts here), and I only keep in touch with a few friends online (I can only see them during breaks). This is only my second semester at this school, so I haven't had a chance to meet anyone new. I'm actually living in my hometown, but I went to school in a different state for 1 1/2 years, during which I drifted away from the friends who stayed here, and there's no mutual desire to start hanging out again. The fact that I'm living at home with my parents and only coming to campus for class isn't helping. So...it's incredibly hard to meet people. Especially given that I'm not a party girl. The classroom situation: three classes are large lectures, where everybody is fiercely protective of their personal bubble, and it would be weird to strike up a conversation with somebody who's five seats away. Everybody hates the seminar class, shows up as late as they can and leave as early as they can, and there's not much talking. I've talked to people in the other two classes, but the conversation never progressed past schoolwork, let alone hanging out after class. Clubs: In the one club that I'm in, everybody seems to know each other already and comes to the meetings in groups. And when we have projects, everybody just wants to get them over and done with and go home, not stick around and chat. I would join more clubs, but I can't do that in the middle of the semester, and there aren't many campus organizations that interest me anyway (the ones that do would require me to quit my job because they are so time consuming...and usually limited to majors). Work: I've got 5 coworkers. Two are around 40, two are around 25...and a 19 year old that I don't like (I'm 20). The 25 year olds have suggested going out together, but I can't get into bars with them, and I'm not into the bar scene anyway. Plus, their social circle is just so much older...I like to think I'm mature for my age, but I probably wouldn't fit in. Whenever there's any kind of event on campus that I might be interested in (a field trip, a movie night), I've got work. The events are usually on short notice, so I can't ask for the night off in advance. And since the university is the heart and soul of our town, there aren't many things for young people to do that aren't tied to the campus. So where do I go from here? I love being independent and not having to coordinate my schedule with anyone, but...I have 2.5 more years to go at this school, and I don't particularly want to become a hermit. And yeah, I rely on you guys way too much for advice

Nobody can say for sure what her relationship with the other guy is like...but you definitely shouldn't think anything of the message. Maybe she thinks that after a month of NC, you're over the romantic attachment and are ready to just be friends, so she's just checking in. Or maybe she wants to see that you're still unhappy without her and get that ego boost for herself. At any rate, it's highly unlikely that she actually wants to give things another try, so like Layword said, ignore it. Unless, of course, you have moved on and want to be friends...but judging by your post, I don't think you are.

If you don't want to stay in touch with him, you personally don't have to. Your friends did ask if you're okay with things, so I'm assuming that if he does stay in contact with them, they won't be talking about him with you because they're aware of the situation. Was yours ex on good terms with your friends? If he was, I don't think it's fair to claim them for your own...after all, they're not abandoning you for him or taking his side...just telling him that they can hang out if the situation is appropriate. If I were moving, I'd want to stay in touch with as many people around me as I could, so I don't think he's necessarily taking advantage of your friends specifically. Now, if he called your friends just to spite you...that's a different story. But as things are, I think you should ask your friends to keep your relationship out of the equation entirely (as in, not talk about you with him and not talk about him with you) and do what they think is appropriate. If they're indeed good friends, things will work out for the best. If they're not and they ditch your for him...well, you don't want friends like that anyway.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that things went well! Hope your dinner on Wednesday is just as great!

If you do ask him if he meant it, you risk making things awkward. If he did mean it, he could feel offended that you didn't take his statement seriously. If it was just the drinks, he could feel pressured, like you said. I think the best thing to do would be to wait until the two of you get together again. If he really did want to say it then, he will say it again...or if by that time you're dying of curiosity, you can tell him how you feel and see if he responds with those words that you want to hear...

I absolutely understand what you mean. College is made out to be this hyped up thing that gives you an education, invaluable experience, and friendships that last a lifetime. To that I say...something that would be censored on this forum. Major kudos to you for taking your virginity seriously and not going out there and having sex just because eveybody is doing it. That takes guts, and you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to resist peer pressure. Wanting to be alone isn't necessarily bad, that's why there are introverts and extroverts. But since you get lonely when you're alone, the problem must be the people that you're socializing with. Believe me, I've been there. When I first started college, I was eager to make new friends and, like you, was let down because they turned out to be quite loathsome. Maybe you're trying too hard to have fun -- that often ends up backfiring. Instead of hanging out with your friends (with whom you don't seem to have a very good relationship), why not try striking up a conversation with somebody who looks nice in class? Sure, you're not going to go to a party with that person the same night, but having a nice conversation can take care of your "socialization quota" for the day and alleviate some of the loneliness that you're feeling. Do you have a good relationship with your coworkers? Mine were/are a blessing, since at work we avoided that horrible drama that characterizes the social life in college. We had our own drama, of course, but it worked for us. To this day, I feel like I have more fun at work than I do when I'm out and about with people. The best advice I can give you though is to try and enjoy independent life as much as you can. Look at the positive side of being able to plan out your day without the interference of others, to take as much or as little time as you need when you go shopping, all those things. If you're happy with yourself the way you are, one day somebody will undoubtedly be attracted to that and you'll find a good friendship. That sounds a lot like finding a significant other...but in my opinion, finding friends is a very similar process.

With all due respect, I don't think you should "just jump in with both feet." Even though you've been together 2.5 years, you can't assume that this is a continuation of the old relationship and that you can pick up where you left off. If you try to do that, you run the risk of not resolving those problems that you have acknowledged. Plus, if you suggest spending more time together right away, it might scare him off. I think lunch is a good start, it will give you a chance to intrigue each other enough to meet for dinner next time, and go from there. Take things slow...in fact, I wouldn't recommend having a heated discussion about the relationship right away, unless he brings something up. Think of it as a sort of a first date, and behave accordingly. Good luck!

I think that a lot of people your age might not be thinking about young love...I know that when I was starting high school, all the girls would be attracted to the "cool" guys, not the "nice" guys. And at this age, alcohol and drugs make guys "cool," as sad as that is, which is why you might be seen as second best. I wish I could tell you that you'll find young love very soon, but obviously I can't make that kind of promise. However, I do encourage you to hang on to your values and morals -- they will come in handy one day, when the drinking and drug thing gets old. Remember, girls may want to have fun right now, but they ultimately want to settle down with somebody who genuinely believes in love.

How about tickets to a hot sports event, if he likes sports?

I'm sorry, hon, but if he's mean and is trying to get rid of you, there's not much you can do but take care of yourself and yourself only, and move on. I understand that you love him and want to be with him, but you've fallen victim to unconditional love...even though you realize what he's doing is wrong, you can't let go of your feelings. There's no indication that he's regretting his actions and wants to come back to you...and even if he did, you'd need to think twice before taking him back. Depression is a normal feeling after a breakup, most people experience it to some degree. Make it your mission to take care of yourself and do something that you enjoy: go hiking, shopping, volunteer somewhere, anything that sounds appealing to you. Spend a lot of time with your friends -- and remember, the ones who are truly your friends will be sensitive to your situation, so don't waste your time on those who will purposely link you to your ex. One last thing: although you may be tempted to get revenge when you're really hurt and do things like report his actions to his supervisors, things like that will backfire. You already know that when you do something like that, you feel worse rather than better...and it might give him a reason to get revenge on you in an even worse way. So do be careful...When you feel like doing something like that again, write it out first in all the gory details. You can even do it here if you like. Writing it out will help you think over the situation and by the time you're done, you might not be tempted to act so rashly.

*hugs* It's such a relief to know that you're doing better and can now enjoy life with the two men you love most!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Well, I decided to keep it. I don't want to risk not being able to take it later on...I don't quite know how I'm going to manage, but I'll figure something out, I've got time...maybe something brilliant will come to me as I'm reading something obscure...

You truly are lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend -- and I give major kudos to his mother, too! It's inspiring to hear that people do have caring romantic relationships without sex, since it does seem like a lot of people nowadays subscribe to the "no sex, no love" theory. I hope that one day this problem will be resolved, and when you are finally be able to become one with your love, it will be the most special thing in the world!

*hug* I'm sorry that this had to happen...Religious differences are one of those things that can prevent two people from staying together that are otherwise compatible...It's a challenge to compromise on core religious values if two people choose to spend their lives together -- and after 3 years, he must have been thinking that. How would you raise your children? Which holidays would you celebrate? Which services would you attend? Even though your family is open minded, would you be able to set your religion aside for this guy? Those questions are hard to answer... The fact that he's willing to go to counselling with you is a good sign -- perhaps both of you will get a clearer picture of the role that religion plays in your lives and whether or not it's something you could compromise on in the future. However, he said that you're at an age where you need to start seeing other people? How old are you, if I may ask? If both of you are young, he may be unsure about things in general and just using religious differences as an excuse...and I'm afraid that if he doesn't know if he wants to be with you, there's nothing you can say to persuade him. I hope that the appointment on Tuesday clears things up for you...keep us updated, and hang in there!

While sometimes a traumatic emotional experience like this may lead to certain mental problems, I would not say that she's unstable. Breaking up is a rollercoaster ride, and experiencing mixed feelings like this is natural. Like you said, it was thoughtful and honest of her to say that she doesn't want to lead you on. And to answer your other question, I think that you should stay away for now, especially since you agreed that you should not see each other for a while. Good luck!

Instead of cake, why don't you go with flowers or something else that's neutral? While I agree that one piece of cake won't really matter as far as calories, it would amount to you encouraging her to rely on junk food for comfort...and she may actually see it as you making fun of her!