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laboheme

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Everything posted by laboheme

  1. laboheme
    Well, yours truly is an idiot. Last night I happened to be on IM (rare occurrence) and so was the ex (even more rare). Before I could catch myself, I IMed him. D'oh. Partly out of habit...partly because his Thursday email made me worry about his health (he mentioned blood work). He replied and we talked for about 20-30 minutes. I asked him if he was okay, but didn't want to pressure him to explain anything, which he didn't. Most of the time we spent talking about how he needs a new facebook picture -- he asked me for suggestions. And gosh, he was picky, rejecting every idea (either it was already online or he used it previously). I finally suggested using one of my favorite pictures of him. He liked the idea, but couldn't find the picture anywhere (probably because it wasn't digital and I got both hard copies, one from him, one from his mom). So, being the idiot that I am... ...I offered to scan it. He told me that I didn't have to if I was busy. I wasn't busy, so I sent it to him. D'oh, again. After briefly talking about my scanner, he started searching for a picture to use on myspace...and suddenly signed off. No warning, nothing. Gah! So...there went the NC, which was supposed to last until we saw each other in class in Tuesday. I'm feeling lousy because the conversation just cut off for no reason, and he probably thinks I'm a wuss because I broke NC after telling him that NC is what I need in order to get on with my life. Just shoot me now.
  2. laboheme
    We worked together for about seven or eight months before I started noticing him (I had a crush on another coworker first...sure glad I didn't ask him out, he turned out to be a horrible person). Spent the next four months getting to know him, flirting a little...spending extra time at work if he was there. At the end of those four months I asked him to a movie...and then another one two weeks later. A week after that we shared our first kiss...and I left for college the next day. Three months after that it was established that we were dating. So...About a year from when we met to experience a strong attraction, and three months from that to become official.
  3. laboheme
    Can I do this about my ex? The classic video game addiction, oh yes. Interesting feeding habits (read: not a whole lot that he is willing to eat). Easily frustrated. Likes sleeping a little too much. Doesn't care about his grades as much as he ought to. Too selfless (I sometimes felt guilty because he made it all about me, not himself), and never asks for help. But he was still a wonderful caring person that made me feel like a princess. And yes, only fair to list my own flaws. I'm the most impatient person on the planet. I'm terribly elitist. Kind of antisocial. Too much of a perfectionist. Pessimism just oozes from my pores. I can be a little too sarcastic and cynical...And then, of course, there's my anger issue, which usually manifests itself in a passive-aggressive manner.
  4. laboheme
    N, Although everything between us has already been said and done, I still can't let go. Knowing that I had countless chances and that I messed up every single one of them...Knowing that even after the breakup you still cared for me but I pushed you away by dwelling on things...Knowing that I took you for granted...It all hurts so much. And I know it's utterly useless to beg for another chance and swear that I'll change my ways...I can't believe that after two years, you don't have enough love left in your heart to give things one last try. But I have to accept it as the truth. After all, that's what you told me. I can't believe how different things are now. I remember how warm and caring you were, how the most important thing in your life was your family...and me. And now you're so cold and detached...probably couldn't care less if I lived or died. Why is work so important to you now? Did you learn that from me? That place is toxic, you know it is, and the people are poison...It's nothing like it was before...I used to think that I'd always remember it fondly because that's where our romance began, but I hate it now. Maybe I hate it because you love it... Every day I find myself thinking about what you're doing. If you're having trouble sleeping, if you're frustrated with your homework, if you have a new favorite song...And I wish that I could be there to give you a hug and let you sleep on my lap when you're fed up with everything...I wish we could share little moments together like we used to when just being there together was enough to make everything special... I hope you know how lucky I was to have you in my life...and how incredibly hard it's going to be to find somebody who can meet the standards that you set...The next girl you open your heart to will be truly blessed. Still yours, Me.
  5. laboheme
    Believe me, I know, I've been in a long distance relationship myself. I do recall having a conversation though where both of us agreed that sometimes we just said things out habit, not because we really meant them at that particular moment...
  6. laboheme
    I think that maybe if you say something excessively, it loses its meaning...Kind of like the boy who cried wolf...there's no way to tell when you really truly mean that you love him and when you're just saying that out of habit...
  7. laboheme
    It's a delicate balance of the two. Sometimes either one can lead you astray. In a breakup situation, your heart can sometimes give you false hope, unfortunately. Not always though...which is why it's really hard to judge.
  8. laboheme
    I skimmed your other threads and generally didn't get a good vibe about the relationship...Are you sure you want more of the same kind of confusion and hurt? I know you've thought about it...Really listen to what your head is telling you. This is the part I don't quite understand: BUT........ Contradiction? How do you know she wants to work things out if she hasn't contacted you?
  9. laboheme
    You should definitely be happy that he actually calls you! And he told you he wants more? I'd say that's a good thing... As for the emails...well, I have yet to meet a guy who's actually good at that form of communication. Have you tried talking over IM? It can be convenient because it's not as distracting as the phone, but more conducive to a conversation than email. I think your reasoning here is good...Not wanting to make him feel like a rebound guy, recognizing that he has a busy life, respecting his family...All good! Have you met this guy in person?
  10. laboheme
    I think it's natural to go nuts when not dumped in person. When they take the time to come out and say everything to your face, we maybe feel like although they don't love us anymore, they at least respect us. When dumped over email or over the phone, they are making it infinitely easier for themselves because they don't have to deal with us breaking down in tears/lashing out at them, which makes them selfish cowards...and also shows that to them, we're not even worth the time it takes to meet up for the final goodbyes...So of course we feel not only heartbroken, but insulted on top of that.
  11. laboheme
    *hugs* Realizing that your past love is truly happy with somebody else is probably the best motivation to let go of any residual hope and move on... Keep on chugging along, and one day whoever happens to look at your picture will realize that you too are truly happy...someday, with somebody else...
  12. laboheme
    Arrrrgh. With the exception of the email, no contact since we talked on Tuesday...I'm kind of used to it by now, not talking for the duration of the whole weekend, not until we have class again. Though in the past there would usually be a phone call or at least a facebook poke...I don't think I'll feel like it's really all over until I make it through next week with only minimal contact in class. My current problem, however...He said that he wasn't interested in anyone, but I know almost all his coworkers and there's this one girl that just bugs me. I'm not gonna pretend that I'm ready to accept his dating new people, but I could NEVER accept a guy like him dating a girl like her. If they start dating later on, I don't know what I'm gonna do. If he wants to date someone, he should go for his brother's friends' sisters...maybe a couple of other coworkers...maybe some girl in his classes...But not this one. Argh. I doubt that anything will happen, after all, one of his good friends is interested in her, he's her supervisor, and when I saw them working the same shift a while ago (pre-NC era), they were definitely having fun (with some other people), but he was acting like he does with his guy friends and like he used to with one of my best friends (also a coworker) with whom nothing romantic could have happened even if Cupid used up his entire arsenal...not flirty. I don't know why I'm letting this bug me so much. He has quite a few female coworkers that he thinks are cool/fun to work with, but none of them bother me as much as this girl!!! And I don't even have any reason to suspect her! I mean, there's this one other girl who has interests very similar to his, or another who is a pathological flirt and has a tendency to go on hugging frenzies, shouldn't I hate them instead? But no, couldn't care less about those two. Why am I letting the thought of this girl get to meeeeeeee??????? And why am I thinking about his potential relationships anyway??? Not like that's helping me get over him...
  13. laboheme
    This guy that you're interested in...are you together? If not, keep reminding yourself that he's not your boyfriend and that you can't expect to contact each other as often as a real couple would. Tell that to yourself over and over... Did this guy specifically tell you that he is looking for space? If not, what's the harm in calling him a little sooner than he'd expect, especially if you have to tell him something? I'm not saying call every day...but it might not freak him out all that much if you call twice a week instead of just once.
  14. laboheme
    Not only is feeling like that okay...it's great!!! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be single for a while, actually enjoying it, and not being interested in others...And look at it this way: when you do find yourself interested in someone, you'll know it's because they're special, not because you're just looking for a cuddle buddy...
  15. laboheme
    Interesting analysis...and I suppose you could also look at it the other way, too...A relationship can become safe and unrisky...and once you lose the safety blanket and have to go back to The World, it hurts... It's probably a combination of both those feelings...
  16. laboheme
    Every situation is different...I'm just speaking from experience: after the breakup, my ex also brought up some points that made me wonder if I could get him back if I tried to fix them. No such luck. I'm not going to tell you to send them or not send them...I'm just giving you a fair warning about what you may feel after doing it...And choose your words wisely when writing the card, should you decide to do so...If this is your attempt to show her that you know where you went wrong, make sure she gets that idea very clearly. Good luck with whichever choice you make...
  17. laboheme
    I think she did the right thing by cancelling their prom date...but I just don't understand why she can't do that with Homecoming. Honestly, I think it's okay to miss one school dance...How long ago did you guys get back together? And how long ago did they make plans to go together? Did you tell her that you're uncomfortable with her going with this guy?
  18. laboheme
    PS. If you're having trouble getting over him (I know what it's like to still be interested in someone despite not wanting to!), come back and reread your post and the responses...
  19. laboheme
    How much does she need you though? The only way you should sacrifice your own happiness is if she is a mess with nobody else to lean on, if she really truly needs your help. Basically, if she's in the kind of situation where anybody who has a heart would want to help, and it would be a cruel thing not to do so (I remember a thread on here about somebody's ex having a terminal illness and wanting to see them...it's that kind of thing I'm talking about. Extreme situations). But if she just needs you as a friend to hang out with every once in a while, it's not worth it. If she can't make you happy, why should you throw away your chances of being happy alone/with someone else by trying to make her happy?
  20. laboheme
    If your motivation for sending the card is to get closure, make your point very clear in the card! Make it sound like a farewell, not a plea for one more chance. I'm not even sure about the flowers and doing it all on Sweetest Day...it might look fishy. And I generally think it's a bad idea to break NC like that...because even if you think you'll expect nothing, even if you swear to yourself that you're closing the door...it's not that easy to let go of hope. Don't be surprised if it destroys any personal progress you've made since the breakup...
  21. laboheme
    This isn't even a matter of him being racist or not...While it may be true that he was just going with the flow, do you want a guy who plays along like that? If he acts nice when you're alone but like a jerk when he's with his friends...that makes him a jerk. Yes, you can try talking to him...but be prepared for him not taking your words seriously, or pretending to agree for now and then doing it again. If you want to get over him, remember this episode...remember it well...and every time you think of him, think of how insensitive he was and how he ignored your feelings.
  22. laboheme
    Right now the best thing you can do is...nothing. She told you how she feels, she told you she wants space. If you really do love her, that's what you should give her. Space. In the meantime, try to mend your broken heart a little and get on with your life the best you can...It's not going to be easy, but it's the only rational thing to do. Flowers and a card...that's cute, but only if it's done for your girlfriend...and she is now your ex. While she may appreciate them for a moment, it will send her the signal that you are not listening to what she said and are not willing to respect her wishes about space. Any contact to try and "work things out" will most likely fall on deaf ears, unfortunately. If you reach out to her, you'll be expecting a response, which you may not get. Or else be prepared to hear the same thing about her feelings. As far as texting versus calling, she may be having a hard time, too...But her tears shouldn't give you hope. From what I've heard, calling things off isn't always easy and triggers a lot of emotions...and crying may be out of compassion for you, or because she's feeling guilty... Hang in there...
  23. laboheme
    It's not just like starting over...it IS starting over. It's a new relationship, but it's tricky because while you need to get to know each other all over again, you also need to address old issues...My own opinions are mixed on this, and more experienced people might give you better advice, but... I think you should only bring up your feelings if he does it first, or if you are 100% positive that you can talk about it calmly and rationally. If you break down in tears while talking about the past, it's not going to look terribly attractive and might push him away. I would personally use the first few conversations/meetings to reconnect with each other and see if there's a possibility for a new relationship. Once you feel that you really are "back together," then you can talk about the actual relationship. After all, new couples usually only start talking about the relationship once they've established that they are official. But in a situation like yours, the timing is tricky...Bring it up too soon and it might backfire, but wait too long and the same problems will emerge... Good luck figuring it all out!
  24. laboheme
    Oh so true...And the sad thing is, we all thing that our relationship is different and unique and those things that we are supposed to learn don't apply to us...And then we realize that they're true, but by then it's too late...
  25. laboheme
    Congratulations!!!!!!!!! Do you offer your private pilot services to college students like me?
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