laboheme

A lot of schools offer workshops that help you with test-taking skills. It seems like there is always help available for things like essay tests. Plus, test-taking is a learned skill, not something that necessarily comes naturally, so the more you practice, the better you get. Workshops can provide you with practice situations and give you helpful tips on how to organize your thoughts during a test and what to expect when studying. Also, have you tried to talk to your professors? For the most part, they are glad to help students who enjoy the course but can't show their understanding of materials on tests. While workshops can give you general ideas, your professors might be able to give you specific tips geared towards their tests. (And while I wouldn't always count on this, if you show that you're interested in the material and understand it when you talk about it with them, they might give you a little more credit on your tests because they have a better idea of how you're performing...)

You're definitely doing the right thing...Having a friend keep something for you is always a good idea. Hang in there! *hugs*

*hugs* There's no set time for getting over somebody...Some people snap back in weeks, for some it takes years. Have you gotten rid of everything that reminds you of him? If not, have a cleansing ritual, those can help. When you're tempted to write an email, don't hit the send button, or make a typo in the address, or better yet, write it here first...knowing that somebody can see it gives you some satisfaction, but you won't be hurting yourself further by expecting a response from him. And I know it's hard, but try to keep yourself busy. Getting something done when you're in a rut can give you an incredible sense of accomplishment. Make a daily list of things to do -- some that you have to do (work) and some fun ones. Take pride in checking them off, and treat yourself to something nice...Don't give up...you know what they say about smiling when you're down and actually feeling happier...Do that! Yes, it may take a long time...but you will get better!

If he's dating others, he's not crazy about you...and he's being disrespectful to boot. When you're in love, you only have eyes for that person... If you feel that you don't need a formal closure, go ahead and don't pick up when he calls! As far as you're concerned (and as far as I can read into it!), it's over now. Delete his number, get rid of his things...do whatever you need to do to start moving on and making yourself happy.

Sounhappy - I hear you about the phone thing! It's been so hard not to check if there are any messages...I've been keeping mine as far away from me as possible, in a different room, so that I don't have to constantly look at it. And I set certain times to check my email so that I'm not constantly refreshing the page to see if there's any word from him. 2lil2hurt -- herbal remedies, that's interested. I never tried anything of the kind, but I may look into that. I've been going through bottles and bottles of eucalyptus lotion because the scent relaxes me, haha... Update So...I got to class just before it started to avoid any awkward conversation...our usual seats were taken, I just sat wherever I could...And I admit that I looked around for him (bad me), but couldn't pick him out of the 100 people. I thought that maybe he came in late and I didn't notice, but at the end of class, when the professor was handing back our midterms, nobody responded when his name was called...My first thought is that he didn't show up because seeing each other after our interaction on Tuesday could potentially be very awkward... I get home after my classes, I check my email like usual, and there's a very short one from him. "I have to go get blood work done. Don't think I'm being an ***hole." O~okay??? He knows I'm trying to do NC for the most part and only interact with him in class...and he knows that I would never think of him as an ***hole (in fact, it would be easier if he was one!) Being distant and not showing up in order to anger another person is MY forte, not his, so I wouldn't think he was trying to be mean, I just thought he was trying to minimize contact like planned. And now I'm worried sick about why he has to get blood work done...Is that why he sent it, to make me worry? *tear*

What you could to is tell her openly that you feel like the relationship could benefit from some space. Don't refer to it as a "break" and don't treat it as such. Stay together -- just don't spend as much time together. Meaning, work on yourself and don't see other people -- and expect the same from her. Work on the getting the spark back together, but apart, if that makes any sense...I don't know what your relationship is like right now, but try getting together for a movie just once a week for a couple of hours. Make sure that neither of you smoke during that time, too! If you spend a little (or a lot) more time apart, the times when you are together will be that much more special...I've heard of several cases where the spark comes back after doing that. Or, if the relationship wasn't meant to be, you'll realize that you're okay being away from her for a prolonged period of time -- and then you can go ahead and separate. Of course, my advice may not apply to your situation, and your girlfriend may see even that as a break/breakup. But I really do suggest talking with her about it first and maybe making a mutual agreement to go back to the initial stages of dating rather than a real break. Because yes, to many people a break = breakup.

I think people use the terms loosely nowadays. I've heard both of them applied to the beginning stages of the relationship...and to the more committed stages by various paople. To me they are basically synonymous...but then again, I like to assign very precise labels to things, so if the meaning really mattered, I would steer clear of using either one.

*hugs* As far as myspace, you could block his page, there are settings that let you do that. Like Torn&Tattered, I've been there myself and saw him slowly remove traces of our relationship, saw myself moving down his top list...I don't want to see it the day I'm removed from it completely. Right now being friends with him is going to be too hard for you, since you will have romantic goals, and he won't. How long should you wait to contact him? When you're sure that you can hear all the juicy details about any new relationship that he might have and imagine him sharing everything with another girl...and be happy for him. Genuinely happy. When that kind of information is no longer a dagger through your heart, you may be ready to give him a call and hang out. Until then, even if he contacts you, keep it brief...it's all too easy to give in to false hope when you have a longer conversation...

I agree with Juliana, get away as soon as possible! Break all ties! You're in college now and you CAN be independent, although it seems like a tough thing to do. I realize that you're concerned about your education...but keep in mind that there are student loans. Yes, things will be a little hard financially after college when you're trying to pay those off, but for now, if you take advantage of them, you can live in a dorm or a campus apartment, working part-time to cover personal expenses. Heck, transfer to a different school in a different state if you need to! That way you'll be out of your dad's way but still getting an education that will ensure a good future for you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about getting loans... And I'm also concerned about you saying that you share his temper...Once you're safely out of your house, you might want to consider talking about it with somebody...and it might also help you deal with the stress of leaving an abusive parent.

While I may be a hypocrite here, I have to tell you that you're doing NC for the wrong reasons...When you replied to my post, you said that it's important to keep busy and do things that make you happy...So that's what you should do! Don't sit around hoping that he's going to come back...move on for your sake and your sake only. Yes, he apologized and said he didn't mean for things to end up like that. Unfortunately, that's all that means. It's entirely possible that he does feel sorry for what happened and didn't expect it to come to this...but it doesn't change the fact that he's getting to know someone else and claims to not love you anymore. As for him saying that who knows what will happen, don't look at it as anything more than a cliche thing to say to take some responsiblity/guilt off of his shoulders. Don't let it give you false hope! And yes, it's entirely possible to go from one person to another -- people do it all the time! And falling out of love...is usually a gradual process, but it tends to take us by surprise when we're told about it. His feelings probably started fading a while before you broke up for the first time and he spent the next month with you for old times' sake or because he wanted the benefit of having a loving girlfriend...Unfortunately, that's just how it happens sometimes. Hang in there, be strong...follow through with NC and whatever happens will be for the best...

You made the important first step, which is realizing that things will never work. Now, as sounhappy said, cut her out of your life. Start doing your own thing...and when it strikes her fancy to become friendly again, be strong and don't respond. If she calls and wants to meet up, post here and we'll talk you out of it. Yes, it's going to be hard at first (and depending on how deep your feelings are, it may be hard for a long time), but you shouldn't be going back to something that you realize makes you feel unhappy. Down with emotional roller coasters!

*hugs to all you guys* Those of you who're experiencing a similar thing, let's get through it and be happy in the end... Keeing myself distracted is about the only thing I can do...I put away all the pictures, letters and gifts...so that I can toss them when I come accross the box in a few years. There was a really expensive gift that I wanted to return to him, but he wouldn't have any of that, he wants me to wear it...how can I though if it's always going to remind me of him? It's really sad how my parents are not being supportive at all...My mom yelled at me and said that she's embarrassed about having a daughter who's crying over a guy...And my dad said that I'll never meet anybody else if I don't go out to clubs and bars starting right now, and that both me and my ex were seriously messed up because we never had sex...Clearly the home front is no help. The final goodbyes were yesterday, and I'll see him in class tomorrow. I'm terrified, and whatever I do will end up being wrong somehow. Whether I ignore him altogether, whether I say hi briefly, or whether he ends up sitting next to me...nothing will feel right. Exactly how I feel...I'm worried that even if I do NC for an indefinite amount of time and eventually find someone else, if our paths somehow cross again years down the road, I'll drop everything and come running to him with a glimmer of hope, only to get the same response. Hang in there, it's definitely a learning experience for all of us... Gosh, I sure hope not...but maybe it was wrong of me to fall for him this hard when we're still in college...it was ridiculous of me to think that our first love would last as long as I wanted it to... Yes, that definitely is the right thing to do. The only thing to do, in fact. If we let ourselves dwell on our breakups, we'll be miserable for even longer...We should focus on making ourselves happy, since we can't rely on anyone else to do that. But I'm afraid that nothing I do now can change things, the initial breakup was in July and I blew any chances I had since then. Based on the conversation yesterday, he's never going to see me differently...and based on my decision, after our class is over, he may never see me again.

From what I know, your credit is affected when you're carrying a large balance on your card for a while...minimum payments don't really make that amount go down (in fact, often it's not enough to even keep it from going up!!!), so in a way, they do affect your credit score, just not directly. A good plan is to pay double the minimum...and your debt will really begin to decrease. And yes, credit card hopping is generally a bad sign, since you may be applying for other cards just to transfer a balance and delay paying it off. I'm no expert, but I think it's a good idea to have a "main" credit card (try to find one with a low rate and/or good benefits), and have no more than two or three other ones that provide you with specific benefits (a card to your favorite store, not every store at the mall, for example).

Sweetie, if he kicks you out after having sex, he doesn't love you no matter what he says...And the fact that he wants you to get out of his life is also a good indication. Let's hope he's serious about not seeing you again, because you can move on only after he's entirely gone... Did your mom really call him? If so, she must be really concerned about you. Take advantage of that, she might be able to help you cope with some of these things (not to mention keep him away from you in case he decides to come back for more sex). Right now you need all the support you can get from your family and friends in order to climb out of this emotional hole... Good luck and take care...

Your relationship is over -- so why are you worried about what she's thinking of your NC? Do whatever you need to do to get over her...and if she does end up hating you, you successfully managed to get a toxic game-playing person out of your life Hang in there!

Well, right now I feel like you essentially have nothing to lose by going for it. Best case scenario, he's been thinking about you and wants to give things a try. Worst case scenario, he just sees you as a friend, in which case you can start moving on emotionally. If you don't try and find out, you'll be stuck where you are right now for a while and prevent yourself from meeting guys that do want to be with you. The fact that your communication is better now than it was before is a good sign. Try to spend some time with him one-on-one and see how he acts...And don't worry about your weight, it's just a number and doesn't necessarily reflect how you look...and certainly doesn't reflect what kind of person you are! Good luck

I feel like at your age, most girls are just looking for a bit of fun, but gentlemanly traits like yours lends themselves better to serious relationships. Hang on to them, they'll benefit you in the long run...and she'll be one lucky lady! PS. Love the use of "ladyfriends"! Your manners shine through in your language

Yup yup, in complete agreement. Everybody needs a little money cushion in case something goes wrong (which is why you should save a little!), but if you're looking to save money in the long run, the way to do it is to pay off the things in order of decreasing interest. The money you save by paying off your debts as soon as you can is considerably more than the money you'd "earn" by starting your IRA this early... Kudos to you for keeping track of your finances!

Sadly, I have hurt the one person that I loved and now lost... Most of the time I didn't do it intentionally, but sometimes I would catch myself thinking of conversations in my head that I knew would hurt him. I still remember one of them, which ended with me saying "I trusted you, and this is where it got me." He hung up on me right afterwards. And for the record, "where it got me" wasn't anything bad. Aside from that, I often engaged in passive-aggressive behavior, and I know that hurt him as well...Most of the time I didn't do this on purpose either, I just couldn't express negative emotions in a constructive way. I am aware of those things now and even though I know that I might not always be able to control them, I will sure keep them in mind when entering another relationship...

I can't speak from experience, of course (I wish!), but it seems like a lot of couples try to get two birds with one stone and combine two major milestones in life -- graduation and marriage. I've heard a lot of engagement stories and I've honestly lost track of the number of times the phrase "Our lives are about to change forever" has come up as the guy's way of popping the question by alluding to graduation. Which is what leads me to think that when they know their life is about to change anyway, they want to milk that change for all it's worth and REALLY make it stand out. Just a theory though.

Wow, still crying my eyes out and it's so embarrassing...It's like reliving the initial breakup all over again. Yes, I've read many other posts...I know it's normal to feel like I'll never find a guy as good as him (or better, like he himself said), even though someday I'll probably be happy with a loving husband...And I don't even have a comforting shoulder to cry on, he was the only one to whom I could show my weak side...So I'm left here, ranting on this board... Yes, he's forgiven...He didn't do anything wrong, he just fell out of love with me and told me like it is. I was the idiot who hoped for the last three months that his feelings would change. I was the idiot who wasted all the chances he gave me towards the end of the relationship, never realizing what I was doing wrong until it was too late (he told me today that he was going to break up with me on several occasions, but always gave me another chance, although I didn't know it). Yes, I'm blaming myself...but everything was largely my fault. True, he should have told me right away when my behavior problems started -- and that's what I told him today, so that he knows in his future relationships to discuss those things with his girlfriends. He didn't tell me because he never liked to criticize me... I'm really sad that he doesn't have any happy memories of us left...And I really should stop wondering if he'll ever think of me again, if I left a lasting enough impression on him as his first love. This sounds so selfish, but if I'm stuck with memories of us for the rest of my life, I don't want him to forget either...But he was so stoic the whole time, it was painful to see...You're about to break all contact with the girl you loved for almost two years, and there's no emotion on your part? That just hurts... I asked him if after a few months of NC (LC due to class) he'd be willing to get together just to chat and catch up. He said that it would probably be "a few more than a few months, you won't be ready any earlier than that." On one hand, it's nice to know that he cares about me moving on and mending my shattered heart, but it's so painful to know that he doesn't Care Enough. He told me plainly that he doesn't want me to be hurt...but that there are no other feelings, that I ought not to think about second chances, and that I should do what I need to do to stop loving him, even if that entails constructing a highly negative and despicable image of him. That should be enough, right? A clear cut answer, just like the one I've been trying to get out of him for a long time. After three months of hurt, I should be well on my way to forgetting him...but I just can't. He's absolutely right in that a few months won't be enough for me to move on. Even now I can't stop reading into things...like the fact that he skipped class in order to talk with me for two hours (entirely his idea, I would never expect him to skip for my sake), that he didn't try to make a quick exit, that he still wants to go to three games with me IF I feel comfortable doing it...But I know that he's just trying to be nice and that I shouldn't make any more of it than what it actually is. Somebody stop me from doing this...Why can't I just take his words at face value???????? He's gone, out of my life forever...Outside of class, we'll have no interaction, and after this semester is over, I'll probably never see his smiling eyes again...Why can't I accept that??? Thank goodness that I can rant on this board...thanks, guys.

Yes, wait. Some couples view having a kid as a way of cementing the relationship to ensure that it lasts. Bad reason, and it rarely brings the desired result (and I don't mean to imply that that's your girlfriend's reason at all). If your 5 year relationship is strong, you'll still be together in a few years when both of you are in a more secure position in life to raise a child. If anything, I feel that having a kid now will cause more problems, since a child will bring a lot more stress into your lives and might ultimately drive you apart.

That's wondeful! Now you'll know so much better what you're getting into! I hope that your first meeting in person goes well and that it's not much longer before he moves to be with you!

Thank you, gentlement...I do appreciate that he was honest and supportive of my decision to do NC. Yes, this may be my Independence Day, but unfortunately, it's not an insensitive jerk that I'm getting rid of...it's a wonderful guy that I'm losing forever...

I don't know about Canada, but it seems that almost every university here in the US has an LGBT organization. If that's something that interests you, you'll not only be helping other people, but also meeting others in your situation, either through their social functions or just everyday interaction. You may also be able to find a city-wide LGBT program as well...