Dorsay

Guitarman, I know how you feel. I also asked my ex to be sensitive and not to contact me. It's been almost 3 weeks since he called. This is what I asked for but it's tough. Sunshine, may be we should look at the pain that we're going through as part of the healing. We'll get better. Take care.

I have been feeling very alone for the last couple of days. It seems like there's a void somewhere. I do believe that we can start it all over again if we want to. I think most of us are preprogrammed to seek happiness.

Selfi, I am glad that you're doing well. Just a thought-am I really missing my ex or am I missing having a relationship? Am I really sad over someone who mistreated me or am I actually sad over losing a relationship? Anyway, the pain has subsided quite a bit over the past 3 months but the sadness is still there. I hope very soon I'll be happy and free like you too.

The first time that I contacted him after we broke up was to put things to rest. I am glad that I did it. Good luck with your meeting and hope it will either bring you peace or bring you guys together.

It didn't work well with me. I was doing relatively well before I called my ex. The only good thing that came out from the call is that I probably lifted his spirits before the holiday. Why do you want to see your ex? Can you handle just to be friends?

How are you? I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago. I didn’t return his phone calls and emails for a while. Right before Thanksgiving, he wrote me a very sweet and sincere email, almost like the one that your ex sent you. He wanted to see me and said he wanted to be friends. I broke my silence; I spoke with him and finally got my closure (as I didn’t say much during our break up.) I felt a huge load off my chest and I felt great afterwards. As I thought I would never hear from him again, I received a present from him. It’s a sentimental gift. I was overwhelmed and didn’t send a thank you email to him for several days. The holidays were tough for me especially I thought he could be hurting. I called him before the New Year. I am sure that I lifted his spirits but I felt and still feel rotten. I helped him heal but totally reopened up my wounds. Now I’m convinced that I am in no position to help him. I’m not ready to be his friend. I won’t be contacting him for awhile and I am not going to analyze what he said and wrote anymore. I guess we have to take care of ourselves and try not to look back.

Just like you, I think I'm feeling relatively at peace right now. After talking to him, I don't feel hurt anymore. Although, there's an overwhelming sadness these days because the relationship really ended. If I'm egotistical, I should be glad because I was walking away from him again, but being egotistical or getting even wasn't what I wanted. Now I'm mourning for the loss of a relationship and a friend. I don't think I'll pursue a friendship with him for at least another year if not longer. X'mas will be tough but I have a whole 2007 to work with. My runs are getting better than ever. My 10ks during the holidays are faster than his previous 10k time. Silly things like these please me. I hope you will have fun during the holidays. I'm sure you'll have no problems with your school applicattion. You'll have so much fun going back to school, not to mention dating possibilities. It's always fun meeting new people in a new city or country. You'll have an awesome year. I bet you anything that next year around this time, you'll be asking yourself why you're losing sleep to this guy. Take care.

Hi Bambina, How are you doing? I don't think there's anything wrong for you being honest or let your hurt show. Afterall, you're who you are. The whole no contact thing isn't a game or a power play for you. You didn't contact him for 2 months because you wanted to move on without him. It's just natural for you to show some emotions when you had contacts with him. Now you know that he belongs to your past, and you're closer to finding the right person. Enjoy your independence and have a great holiday!

Hi Bambina, How are you? How did the call go? You're a strong woman, so I'm sure you'll be fine. I hope it was the call that you hoped for. My friend sent me a very sweet email before thanksgiving and wanted to see me. I knew I had to put a stop to the drama, so I broke the silence and called him. I'm glad that I did because I let him know that we were not getting back together and basically asked him not to pursue me anymore. It's very sad but it really allows me to move on. Take care and stay strong.

Bambina, that wasn't the call that you want from him. I agree it was a very gutless and even selfish move if his. You've been doing great without any contacts for 5 weeks, so don't accept for anything less now. I know he misses you, but it isn't enough to win your love again. Take care.

I hope you’ll continue to hang out with friends and make new ones. It’s nice to have some attentions. I think you should just go out have fun and don’t worry too much if you’re ready to date or not. You go scream as loud as you can and I’ll run till my legs can’t take it anymore. How about that? Are you applying for the MFA? If so, in what area? What are you going to include in your portfolio? I don’t’ know why I’m totally assuming you’re in art major. The schedule of the drawing studio that I thought I would go doesn’t work out. I have to find another place. I did a couple of nice drawings last night. I always have problems with that particular model, but somehow I got through last night. As for my emotions, I’ve calmed down a bit. It was wk 5 yesterday, but I wasn’t consciously thinking of it. After 5 weeks, I’ve sorted out my feelings quite a bit. I am not so much hurt by him not loving me anymore, I think it is because that is the part that me an my friend had talked quite a bit before we broke up. However, I am hurt and sometimes obsessed by his dishonesty, because that piece of information was new to me and I didn’t have the chance to respond to him. I am not looking forward to speaking with him but I think I have to. I am very obsessive, I don’t want my memory of him haunt me forever. Is there any REI in your neighborhood? They have a ski sales coming up, or check their on line store. I like REI, I’m going to get a Marin Lucas Valley bike from them soon. Take care.

I won't and don't want to get back to him. I don't care if he declares his undying love for me or promises me anything, by the way, he won't. I will mourn and be sad, but one thing for sure, I will never turn back. I am a very proud and stubborn person, he violated my trust and took advantage of my kindness, so there's absolutely no return. He actually knows how stubborn I am, so if he's still pursuing me, it has to be subsconsciously only. My last meeting with him was very brief. As a matter of fact, I didn't know I would break up with him that night. As soon as I found out about his dating, I left. If I talk to him again, it will be to finish my conversation with him from that evening. I want my therapist to help me sort out my feelings, not tell me what to do. No, my therapist didn't give up. Most likely I'll call him in stead of seeing him. When I'm ready to talk, I'll make sure there won't be any unfinished business. If he doens't agree his behavior was selfish and insensitive, that's fine too. He's entitled to his opinions, and I just need to voice mine. No doubt I will be very upset afterwards, so I need to prepare myself. I can't believe it's been 5 weeks since we broke up and without contacts. I don't know when I'll call but for sure not this week because I'm running a 10k with my nephew this weekend. I can't ruin my nephew and auntie day. I jokingly told my therapist that I'll do it on Thanksgiving, he laughed and said, "how appropriate." It's very apparent that he doesn't like my friend, it actually made me sad. What's wrong with me?

Guess what, My friend called yesterday before I went to see the therapist. I actually didn’t recognize the phone number for awhile. When I realized that it was him calling, I had a split second to decide if I should pick it up. Of course, I was being irrational. I did but immediately regretted it. I told him I was in a meeting and he said “call me if you want to.” This is exactly what he said in his previous message. I told my therapist about my setback and my dreams. He said telling my friend what’s been bothering me wouldn’t serve any purpose other than letting it off my chest. He said he worried about me if there’re any contacts because I will reopen my wounds. I agreed with him that I invested more emotions into the relationship than he did although he was the one who pursued the relationship all along. I was totally in shock when the therapist said that my friend is still pursuing me. He said he wouldn’t call me otherwise, and he called not to say hi or catch up, but at least subconsciously he wanted me to go back. He said men are egotistical. Is it really true? How could he think that I would go back to him after he broke my heart? The therapist said that obviously the relationship didn’t end. It ends when I find myself planning ahead instead of staying in a loop, going through the ups and downs. Since I am still anticipating contacting him, being disturbed by thinking of him, I am still in this relationship emotionally, and so does he. At first, the therapist was hoping that I wouldn’t contact him, but towards the end of the session, he thought I might need to talk to him one more time to finish what I didn’t get to tell him and let him and myself know that it is really over. This is the hardest thing to do-walking away from him again. So when I have that conversation, there won’t be any unfinished business, we’ll be all done, and then I have to go through the heartbreak again. Bambina, Moonbeam, I really don’t want to go through the whole process again.

I was writing to him everyday for the first 2 weeks (never send out.) I can't read them right now because they will sure make me cry. However I remember I went through a range of emotions throughout the 2 weeks. From telling him and asking him things that I didn't get to do during our last mtg, missing him and hoping that we'll be friends, wishing him well, disappointing with him, to getting upset with him. Do they go through the same stuff like we do? I somehow doubt it. I really think that my friend is trying to forget about me by working and dating extremely hard. I could be a distant memory to him now, meanwhile I'm still in pain. I've been very unfair to myself. I really brought pain to myself. You are right, I will talk to my therapist today about my email and will edit/reedit. I will try not to send it on impulse. Moonbeam, thank you for your support. It's really a comforting thought to know that I can have someone to talk to.

Hi, I'm glad that you're online. I haven't made up my mind. This morning, I was so sure that I would send him an email, but now, I'm not so sure. I wrote a very short email. It was short and direct. I can think of a couple of his possible replies: 1.No reply-Very likely scenario. The suspense for the first couple of days will kill me, but then eventually I will accept that he’s a coward. 2.“I have no regrets for having a relationship with you, sorry that you do.”-This will piss me off, but well it also shows that he is totally incapable to handle any emotions. I’m glad that that I’m out. 3.“I am sorry.”-That will be tough to handle. That’s it, I’m sorry?? 4. “I didn’t know what I did would hurt you. I am sorry.”-I can take a sincere apology like this. I will be very sad, may be because it really brings the end of the relationship. It seems like I really prefer him to be heartless, so that I have reasons to get angry. Regardless, since I began writing the email, my emotions have been brought backward. I even imagine that the phone will ring. I know that it is a dangerous thing to do. So, is getting it off my chest really worth bringing back my emotions to the good old days? I even miss the time that we're together. I haven't had this feeling for a couple of weeks!!! I have been doing relatively well until now. I'm really glad that you're doing well. I really don't know why I suddently took dive. I'm glad that you're going to do cross-country skiing. Have you tried craigslist for used equipment? Or, ebay? I just got rid of some stuff from the garage, so now I have room for a bike.