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  • Birthday 02/12/1982

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  1. I think everyone goes through the post-relationship dreams. Partially because of how much their on your mind when your awake, your subconsious must become saturated with that person??? Either way, a year later I still have them occasionally. Although instead of feeling frustrated after waking up, I feel slightly puzzled. I feel this way more because I wonder why I am having them, rather than the fact that it was about her. In the end, they will fade as the feelings of desperation do. Only expect occasionally the ghost will re-appear and have something to say.
  2. Exactly my point... click of the button. Is it in our nature to let curiosity take command regardless of its outcome???
  3. I can definitely relate to you on this. In the worst of things I found myself leaving my msn on in hopes that she would come online. I would delete her and block her constantly, but then change my mind moments later. I personally felt I couldn't do a direct attack towards her by doing so... eventually I changed my email to avoid her, but inevitably that didn't work so much in the long run. AND, after that you look at what they write their names as and see if its directed towards you...lol, oy that was always upsetting.
  4. Definitely a good spread of opinions on this question. Keep up the good work everyone, I am enjoying the census thus far regarding my post. As an added point, I am not implying that the internet doesn't have upsides. ENA is a prime example of a positive outcome, meaning people who originally wouldn't have been there for you, are. But for the most part, as I read through everyone's posts, certain sites do cause major problems depending on how a person reacts to new information that the site provides. In the short term, it can cause alot of heartache because you may not be prepared for this information, whereas, in the long term, after the initial shock, sites like these may be helpful. I still believe though, that sites (ie msypace, facebook etc. etc.) do help prolong the feeling of being connected to someone who moves on. Not matter how much you can distance yourself in real life, seeing them on msn or seeing a comment they made on someones wall can still cause the mind to work it imagination.
  5. Unfortunately thats tough. But the best course would be to, if you have to speak with her, is to keep everything short and light.
  6. Awkward or not, actually communication in person is much better than emails. Its a more grown-up approach to confront the issues face to face than through email. Although I do concede that here is an advantage to speaking that way because your able to say everything you need to say without pause, I also believe that in person your able to better access the situation. If you have no idea whats going on with her right now in terms of her boyfriend, then you make be walking into additional knowledge you may not want to know ie. they may have gotten back together. Decide for yourself if you want to try and get her back. If you do, then the best course of acton is to try and go for coffee to discuss the situation. If she rejects that idea, than you would be better to prepare yourself to move on. For one thing, you deserve someone who would want to be with you and have dealt with their past demon. And the secondly, if it is right than the ex shouldn't have been an issue in the first place.
  7. Additionally a good point. With the ever-growing ability to meet more people outside of our usual range... is this causing an influx of people abandoning the hard times for greener pastures?
  8. Exactly my point. Passive interaction. Allowing you to feel connected to someone your no longer attached to... Does it allow for quicker healing or does it prolong the healing process?
  9. The track records for letters working out in a positive way are pretty slim in breakups. For the most part they are passive and have a degree of separation. Also, I have watched/done this myself... Sending a letter in the hopes of a reaction. Unfortunately life isn't like the movies, and don't end off well with glamorious attempts of affection. If you really need to share your feelings with her, set up a date if possible to sit down and talk rationally with one another. Its the best way to see her body chemistry and her reactions. If you have the strength for it, then this is my advice. Otherwise, write what you need to write, print it out and put it in a safe spot. But don't send it.
  10. Out of curiosity, I would like to know peoples opinion on how the internet can affect you during a breakup. After going through a breakup myself, and watching others go through theres, I found myself pondering how much all the garbage on the internet can either make breakups easier or harder. Based fully on assumption, prior to the internet the only contact that could happen with an ex was either: Random, In person, phone call, or information through friends. But now there is acess to myspace, facebook, msn, txt msging... etc etc. All these additional tools allow for contact that would've never been originally available or allow you to attempt contact by 2 degrees of separation. I found it much easier to make bad decision through these conduits and most of all, it adds an additional need for stricter guidelines to yourself. This is because now your battling with the possibility of learning information about them while not actually in contact with them. So, I pose the question: Is it easier to move on when information about someone is now so readily available in the world of cyberspace?
  11. I will have to agree with Melrich. Unfortunately as amicably a relationship can end, one person still ends up being the dumped individual. Regardless whether it was you or she who did it, she is taking the stance of the victim if she has decided to let you know about all your faults. In the end its not fair to you and it will most likely cause you to plunge into a deeper depression caused by the harassment, than if you were to force yourself into NC. I would do it for now, and then test the waters some time down the line. If the test gives you a more civilized reply, then you can choose what you want to do. Good Luck.
  12. I was once so frightened of change. I remember In highschool being so afraid of graduating because all it would bring was change. I hadn't made any decisions on the next step of my life and in many ways I didn't want to. I didn't know where my life was going to go and I was happy where I was... ...many years later I look back and smile at that notion. I smile because it seems so funny how I could've been so scared of that, especially since my life has only been change for the past year. Its almost been a year. I can definitely say a year ago I didn't know what was happening to my life, to myself, and what I was doing to people who were important to me. I look back at that time recognizing it was difficult for everyone. Me. My family. My friends. And of course my ex. I spent a great deal of time questioning every aspect of my life: who I was, what I was doing, what my job meant to me, and what my life meant to me. I looked in a mirror and looked at a reflection of a person I had grown to not recognize and very much dislike. But over time things began to become clearer... With each struggly I would force myself to look at it squarely and understand why I feel that way... Eventually the trap door of emotion began to close and I once again began to feel whole... And now... I now know with certainty who I am, where my life is headed, and what I want to make of it... ...I just wanted to say how much I have appreciated everyone who has taken the time out of their lives to help me along the way. Whose pushed aside their own feelings to support me when I needed it. I don't know how I could've gotten through the past year without it. I am happy I found this website and the people who occupy it. Thank You. For all of you being you. Chris
  13. Unfortunately, from what you wrote, he's just tugging the line. Insuring that he can be "single" and do whatever he wants, and when he's full and ready will come back. Its not entirely fair to you. If I could provide you with any sure advice it would be this: Do whats right for you. Move forward with your life and find someone who will want to be, and remain, with you. Its just not worth wasting your time waiting for someone who will use you as a backup. And, by ripping the safety net he has created away from him, he'll have to make a real decision as to what he wants...Just realize he already not chosen you.
  14. Sometimes our exes do things that contradict the reasons for the breakup. And other times they just want justification for what transpired. Whether it be guilt, satisfaction, or spite, they do things that in the end only disrupt our lives. In the end we can only focus on ourselves and fight the good fight to make ourselves better. I found the anger was the only thing, for a time, that saved me from falling too far. The anger gave me the strength to realize I am better than this and that I do matter. There are some days I feel sorry for myself and reflect. But most days now I am genuinely happy. You just keep moving forward, and as much at one time I didn't believe it, the pain subsides...the emptiness is replaced...Just give it time, and eventually when your ready someone will ignite the fire once again.
  15. Agreed. I am sure he remembered your birthday, so don't think he didn't. But something like this that was once so innocent, now comes with certain baggage since your broken up. Its most likely better he didn't call, or maybe it would've been better he did. If he did call you'd wonder what his reasoning was that he did. But because he didnt, now you wonder if he ever cared...Its really a double edged sword...
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