methodman

I agree, I don't think this is the right approach either. It's that kind of thinking that got me into trouble today.

You're right Scout! I guess I'm taking it from the way she looked when I first met her. Being at the weight she was comfortable and happy with. And yes, I did think she looked great. She was by no means the weight of my friends, but in my eyes she was way better!! It still does not mean that right now I'm less attracted to her! Like I said, no matter how she looks, that does not bother me...I still think she is sexy, whether skinny or not!

I'm not upset that she eats the cake, I get upset that she gets upset and then eats the cake. I understand it's hard to stop what you like. I try to encourage her not to eat unhealthy, but then she will and then complains the next day that she's overweight....well, then don't eat the cake if it makes you feel like this!!! Yes, yes, i know, it's hard...i know I had a helluva time trying to quit smoking even with all the encouragment!!! I know I can't get upset about it. I can just be a support for her...she needs to make her own decisions, I mean, she is a big girl!!! LOL (No pun intended)

And by the way, "skinny" girls, like my friends, are not that attractive to me!!! I like a woman with a bit of "woman" to her!!!

Ok, so please explain to me what you meant. Are you saying that I just want my girlfriend to be skinny like the other girls?

When I said girlfriends being skinny, I didn't mean girlfriends in the intimate sense of the word. Our mutual friends, being girls, most of them are skinny. For example, we met up with them for Halloween, they were all wearing these skimpy outfits, where it took my GF an hour to get ready so as she could feel comfortable. It's not like I pay attention to those girls! I just know my GF feels uncomfortable in situations like that and make her feel down that she cannot dress like that. Yet when she said she felt like that, there was I, telling her she was the most beautiful girl in the room. I think you're misunderstanding me. The best she can look is the best she can look for herself!!! Whether it's skinny or obese!!! I just want her to be happy, which in turn will make me happy! If she wants to look like Keira Knightley, Jessica Simpson or Rosie O'Donnell, that's entirely up to her...as long as it puts a smile on her dial!!!

CB, I don't see any problem with wanting my girlfriend to look the best that she can. The best she knows she can. It's not like I'm on her case about it everyday...today was the first time I actually said something. If I was, that would be a serious problem. I don't flat out say to her, "You need to look like all those other girls out there or else!!!"...because I don't believe that. What I do believe is that I love her just the way she is, but if she did lose the weight, it would be a win/win situation. She would not have to feel uncomfortable with herself and I would be with a girl with more self-confidence which I find very attractive!

Thanks Caro, That is sound advice!!!

Scout, I love her regardless and even being at the weight she is now I am still extremely attracted to her. But her being upset about it also makes me upset because I don't like to see her going through this. Sure, it would be great if she lost the weight that she wanted! So she can feel sexy and in turn I think I will be even more attracted to her. At the same time, i work out often and I have good physique so it's important to me for her to be just as conscious about her appearance and be comfortable with herself. I'm a guy, ofcourse I would love her to be skinny and sexy. But that's not the be all and end all of my relationship. I just want her to be happy!!

I agree CB, but she is the one that needs to be comfortable in her own skin and obviously she isn't. To me she looks great and I love her curves, but if she herself does not feel sexy, then she suffers and intimately, I suffer. I want her to be at the weight that she wants to be and I will do my best to encourage that. It also does not help that alot of my other girl friends are very skinny and have no problem keeping off weight.

She considers her proper weight to be 125/130. So right now she is pushing 145. She is really beautiful and when I met her, that was her weight : 125. As for her moaning about it everyday, well, that's who she is, I can't tell her to shut up about it, because it's something that seriously bothers her. I think you're right though. If she needs to find bigger clothes as to make her feel comfortable, then I think that's what she must do while she is trying to lose weight. At the end of the day, I can't fault her for trying. She is getting up early consistently and hitting the treadmill, and is trying her best to eat healthy. I think that I just hit that point today of enough is enough, but at the same time, she is doing what she needs to do to lose it. I guess it's easy for me to say. I have a fast metabolism so I don't gain weight easily. I know it's different for woman. I will apologize to her and just keep being the supportive boyfriend I have been!

She is probably 10 to 15 pounds overweight!! I think she looks great and really sexy, but I know she is very uncomfortable with how she looks! It's naot that she eats terribly, it's just that she'll eat great all day and then like end the day off with a piece of chocolate cake and then I think to myself, what's the point, by doing that, you just undid your whole day of eating healthy! I never say that though, because I just want her to be happy. There are times when I put my foot down and say no to her. I just wish that she could remember how she feels when getting dressed in the morning just before she orders that dessert!

I know that I am doing my best to encourage her. We do make meals together and I'm the one that helps her with her workouts in the morning. I think what got me upset this morning is that she said she wanted to go shopping for clothes that will now fit her as that would make her feel more comfortable. In some way, I feel like that is a cop out! It just makes it easier for her not to lose the weight and I think it's crazy to go spend money on clothed for that reason. But then again, I'm looking it form my perspective and maybe she just needs that to feel comfortable for now while she is trying to lose the weight. Anyway, this morning ended pretty badly and we didn't leave eachother on the best of terms. I hate it when that happens!

You're right and I guess I knew that...that's why i have'nt ever said that to her. I guess I kinda just snapped today. I haven't spoken to her since the incident. What do you think I should say to her when I speak to her? Should I just tell her I'm sorry and that I still think she's beautiful or should I just keep my mouth shut?

So I've been with my GF for two and a half years. I love her very much and have always been a great support for her. Over the time that I have met her, she has slowly gained weith, but not to a point where she looks terribly overweight, but I know that she would look great if she lost a few pounds. The thing is, she knows this to and would love to lose the weight. She is trying, I have to give her that. She wakes up early most days to exercise and eats better than she has...she just has major trouble saying no to sweet things. I am pretty health, have a good physique and work out regularly. I also eat pretty well. The problem I'm having is when she gets up to get dressed in the mornings, she always complains about how nothing fits her and she needs to lose weight and she's too fat. I always listen to her and tell her how I think she looks great and she just needs to keep doing what she's doing. I know she can do better though. I am always supportive of her and never tell her what she must do. However, this morning, one thing led to another and I said to her that she need to be more strict on herself and say no to all the junk food. She got very upset with me and started screaming at me telling me that I don't understand, which I agree with, because I'm not in her shoes. She kept saying that it's too hard and it's tough. I told her that she needs to change her mindset and her attitude and stop telling herself that it's so hard. I don't like to preach to her, but I hear this every morning from her. I don't know what to do to help her and be supportive and not sound like I'm bossing her around. I love her and I think she is absolutely beautiful, I really, really do , no matter how she looks. But I also want her to take care of herself and not be so hard on herself also. Any advice?