TrynToGetBy

Cyp - I know you're hurting right now and I know that it feels like it will never end but everything is going to be ok. You have everything you need to deal with this inside you. Here are some threads that really helped me when I was feeling like you're feeling now... I hope they help.

Hey Cyp - I read your post and wanted to reply because 3 months ago I was feeling exactly how you're feeling now. You replied to my post so I assume you know my situation. People would tell me, "you won't feel like this forever" or "things will get better" but I didn't believe them. I thought how could things get better, I just lost the love of my life the woman I was going to marry, but I was wrong. The truth is everyday you do feel a little better. I want to tell you something else... you don't need her. Let me say that again because it's so true YOU DON'T NEED HER. You have everything you need to deal with this situation and grad school inside of you. It might be a long road but you need to start down it, and when you come out the other end you'll be a stronger person than you ever thought possible. It won't always be easy, you'll have good days and bad, but the farther away from this you get the more good days you'll have. My advice on what you should do now is have a very honest conversation with her where you tell her everything you need to say tell her how you feel and what you want. If she can't give you what you want you need to remove yourself from the situation. I'd suggest at least a month of NC to let you both heal. After that I still wouldn't contact her, but if she contacts you and you feel strong enough and rational enought to deal with it you can respond, but for now tell her how you feel and walk away. Cyp - This is going to be hard to hear, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not going to get you anywhere and I'm sure this isn't the man you want to be. You, and you alone are in controll of your life. You need to follow your bliss. If grad school isn't for you, then maybe you should reconsider that decision, or maybe you just feel that way because you're so down on yourself at the moment. Don't make any rash decisions right now. Try to do things that make you happy. Focus on you! Right now all you should be worried about is yourself. I'm going to leave to with a quote by Viktor Frankl a holocaust survivor who wrote an incredibly inspirational book called MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING. "... Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Thanks for all the great support and advice. I've thought about this A LOT over the last few days, and have gone back and forth on how I should proceed. I think the best thing i can do for now is NOTHING. I'm going to keep moving on with my life, keep working on my personal development, and accept Sunday for what it was. So for now I'll do nothing and wait to see what happens. I'll move ahead with my life and if she wants to reconcile the ball is in her court and she can make a clear effort in that direction. Wish me luck and I'll keep you all posted if there are any more developments.

Hey Nappy - Thanks for the replies, although I gotta be honest the first one threw me for a minute. To answer your question about her and the other guy, the honest answer is I don't know. She didn't bring him up at all yesterday, and neither did I. If I was guessing though I would assume she is, because I think she would have mentioned it if they broke up. I don't really no anything about their relationship in terms of how serious it is, as I said I havent' really spoken to her in the past 3 months.

Hmm... This has really thrown me for a loop. We had such a good time yesterday, and although I couldn't go back, if there were an opportunity to start something new with her I'd like to try. What do you think I should do? I was thinking of just accepting it for what it was, a lovely sunday with the ex, putting it behind me and waiting to see what she does next. All advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cyprian - Stay strong buddy, I know how it feels in the beginning but this to shall pass.

I haven't posted lately, mostly because there's been nothing to report, but I have some new news so I wanted to come back and give everyone and update on my situation. The ex broke up with me 3 months ago. I think its fair to say I was fairly devistated at first, but the last 3 months have been truly amazing. I've maintained NC on my end, and only repsonded selectively when the ex has tried to contact me (which hasn't been that often). I've been working on myself and trying hard to focus my energies on things that make me happy and I've made amazing progress. I can truly say that going through this experience has made me a much stronger person. I still have bad days where I really miss the ex, but those days are now the exception not the rule. Also I've been out on a few dates, nothing serious, but its been nice to meet new people, and get back out there. So that's what I've been doing, here's the new news. Last Tuesday the ex calls me with the pre-text that she's calling because there's some mail of mine at her apartment. I thank her for letting me know and tell her she can throw it away and I'll make sure to change the address on that bill. We start talking and end up talking for about half and hour. She mentions possibly getting together and that she's free Sunday, and I feel strong enough to see her so I tell her I'll call her Sunday. It was a nice conversation, but I really didn't think to much about it. So yesterday morning, I'm sitting around the house having my morning coffee and watching Meet the Press, when my cell phone rings at 9am. It's the ex seeing if I still wanted to get together. I say yes and she asks me if I want to get breakfast. So the long and short of it is we go to breakfast and have an amazing time. We laugh, we flirt a little, tell stories, and talk just like the old days. We don't talk about the break-up at all, she doesn't mention her new guy once, and we have a grand old time. We end up hanging out from 9am until 2:30pm when I tell her I have some errands to run (which I did). Before she left I gave her a book that I'd recently read that I think she'll like and tell her to call me when she's finished reading it to tell me what she thinks. I say good bye and tell her it was nice to see her and go about my day trying not to think too much about it. Then last night at around 8pm she calls me to tell me how great a time she had. We talk for abut 20 minutes and she mentions how I always can make her laugh and she tells me that she's going to start reading that book tonight and she'll call me when she's finished. I'm not going to call or pursue her. I don't want to send myself on a wild goose chase. I had a great time with her yesterday and realize today that I might not be as over her as I had thought. Seeing her I realize I still do have a lot of love for her. I'd love some insight into what all this might mean on her end. Also any advice on how I should proceed would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know what I should I do. I love my ex. I want to send her a birthday card, and I want to see her around xmas, but more than anything I'd like to get back together. The thing is I don't know if either of the first 2 things I want help me with the third. I gave her the opening to contact me, maybe I should just wait to see what she does. I don't know, can someone please give me some clearer advice here.

I hadn't posted in a week because I hadn't had anything new to add to my story. I've been working on myself and trying to move on with my life, while still hoping that maybe we get another chance in the future. Yesterday was 2 full weeks of NC and before that I'd only heard from her twice in the month before. So what happens... I RUN INTO HER AT THE GYM! I was certainly taken off guard, and I wish it hadn't happened because I'd been doing really well and not thinking that much about her, but ultimately for what it was I don't think it was that bad. We talked for like 5 minutes, it was slightly awkward but mostly it was just light and polite. It was really nice to see her although I feel like it may have set me back a little because all last night and today she's really been on my mind. Next sunday is her Bday and I was thinking about just sending her a Happy Birthday card or text message something that doesn't require a response. Also we're both going to be home around xmas and she mentioned how bored she was going to be since it'll just be her and her parents. I told her if she wanted to grab a drink while we were home to give me a call. I was the one to end our chat and told her I should get back to my work out. What should I do about all this, should I send her a birthday note? Should I try to see her over xmas or wait to see if she contacts me. Any thoughts, as you might be able to tell this has spun me out a little bit.

Congrats Erik! I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Just keep taking it one day at a time.

I wanted to give an update for all those in the early stages of NC. Yesterday was the hardest day I've had since the first week of the break-up. I woke up very depressed and couldn't stop thinking about the ex all day. I was obsessed with thoughts about her and her new guy. Thoughts about this Christmas and years past. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to see her, I wanted to hold her in my arms, BUT I stayed strong and maintained NC. I told myself to just get through today, because most likely you'll wake up tomorrow feeling better, and guess what I was right. I feel much better today, I feel stronger, and I'm so glad I didn't contact the ex yesterday. The people here are right... when you feel like you can't do it, or you feel like you're going to break down, just hold on one more day and more than likely you'll wake up feeling better than you did the night before. I love my ex with all my heart and I hope we get another chance, but each day I get farther from the breakup I realize that even if we don't get another chance I AM GOING TO FINE. She is not the only woman who I can love and she is not the end all be all to me.

I woke up today a little down in the dumps after dreaming about the ex last night. I hate Sunday nights, by far the worst time of the week. Anyway today is 1 week complete NC. We broke up about 6 weeks ago and had been in very limited contact for the first 5 weeks. I was feeling so good last week, but I guess we all have bad days, anway just wanted to share that today's off to a rough start.

I'm in the exact same situation. My ex's Bday is a week before Xmas. I've been totally NC for 1 week and in very limited contact for the last 5 weeks. I want to send her a text on her Bday and a small gift for xmas. She took me to lunch for my Bday which was a week ago. Any thoughts?

When I said, "I think we both still need some time..." I was being honest. I know she still needs time because she hasn't told me anything differently, and I need time to heal so that if we do have another chance in the future it's a fresh start and i'm not still a mess from the breakup. I don't really have any other fears about NC (aside from the one I shared above) because I feel like it's already helped me heal a lot. When I think back to how I felt right after the break up in late October, I'm amazed by how much better I feel already. It's still a work in progress and I still miss the ex a lot, but already I feel like I've healed quite a bit. We haven't had complete NC, but it's been very limited (mostly initiated by her), and I have no plans to contact her going forward. In other news, on the moving on front, I do have a date tonight. I don't know if I'm completely ready, but I'm excited about it.

Blender - Thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into your post. I've read it probably 4 or 5 times since you posted it yesterday to let it all sink in. I understand what you're saying and it all makes sense. The thing holding me back is the fear that if I go completely NC she's just going to forget about us which terrifies me because we have so much history and I really want this to work out. I don't just love the idea of her, losing her has made me realize how much I truly love her. One question I had about your advice is you said to tell her I need NC. When I saw the ex on Sunday i left it with her that I wouldn't contact her, and she knew where to find me if she needed me. I told her I thought we still needed some time away from each other, but didn't completely close the door like you suggested. Do you think I should contact her to tell her about NC, or just tell her that if she contacts me? I feel good and strong about not contacting her, its the not responding to her contact attempts that seems so much harder.