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laboheme

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Everything posted by laboheme

  1. laboheme
    Your feelings will change with time...And a good indication of whether or not you're ready to have a serious relationship with someone else is when you no longer wonder if you'll take the ex back if she does come back. Starting a relationship knowing that you'll come running if she beckons is unfair both to you and your potential new interest. Keep up what you're doing with NC and try not to think about the new guy...Hoping that things don't work out and she realizes what she missed will make moving on much more difficult.
  2. laboheme
    ^-- I read somewhere that if you have a limited time for your workout, do weights first and then cardio -- for the same reason easyguy mentioned, to warm up so that the cardio workout is effective. My best tip for anyone wanting to stay healthy/get in shape is to drink water like your life depends on it. If you always have a water bottle with you, you'll be less likely to have sugary, calorie-filled drinks...You'll be flushing toxins out of your body...And you'll start eating less, too -- because thirst is often confused for hunger, and, of course, because your stomach will be fuller. It's really a miracle drink and helped me so much when I was trying to get in shape!
  3. laboheme
    Perhaps you're right, it does seem like guys oftentimes will give expensive gifts to the women. I feel like maybe it's because women are more prone to showing their affection with gifts out of the blue, getting random things just because they remind them of the guy, or regularly bringing them fresh-baked cookies, etc. So maybe the guys see the holidays as a way to compensate for all the little things that the girl/did bought over the course of the year by buying her a big honkin' present. That said, however, I don't think that anyone should expect their significant others to spend more money on a gift than he/she does, regardless of gender.
  4. laboheme
    It's good that you're not down in the dumps about your situation...But for your own sanity, I wouldn't get too optimistic as far as getting back together -- after all, she is still with her boyfriend, regardless of how things are going in their relationship. But only time will tell...For now just keep on moving along with a smile on your face and dazzle her with your charm when you hang out over break...
  5. laboheme
    Like everyone said, that's perfectly normal. I absolutely adore my major now, but I only decided on it after my freshman year, and it's completely different from anything that I ever imagined myself doing. However, it's very important to not get caught up in sampling classes from every department imaginable. Even though there are many opportunities to prolong your education and continue exploring different fields after you graduate, you don't want to find yourself in your 7th year of college with not enough credits for any one major. So make sure that you can graduate with some kind major in a reasonable of time -- but remember that your major won't be set in stone. Pay VERY close attention to university requirements as well: many schools have breadth requirements so that you're exposed to a wide variety of subjects. From the very beginning, start fulfilling those -- and sometimes they'll lead you to interesting places that you never thought of going before.
  6. laboheme
    I can't speak for Christians, but I'm an agnostic leaning towards atheism, and I can tell you that not all people like me insult those who actually do believe in a higher power and then expect them to have a humor about it. As long as they're not trying to impose their beliefs onto me, I completely respect their ideas...and I feel like by making a generalization like that you're, in a way, disrespecting those who don't believe... I think one of the main questions here is whether you want somebody who shares your religious beliefs or simply accepts and respects them. Either one is fine, of course, but the former may be a little harder to find than the latter. In addition to being more open-minded, like others have said, what may help is being upfront about things. If you let somebody know very soon that you're looking for somebody who shares your beliefs (I do realize that it's a very important requirement for some people), you'll save yourself the hassle of ending the relationship later...
  7. laboheme
    If it makes you feel any better, I almost ended up pulling an all-nighter last night because I had a 20 page paper due today...I also had all my research done (that's the fun part!), but only 12 pages written before yesterday, and writing just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm also going to be up pretty late tonight because I have another 2000-word paper due tomorrow, which I'm writing in iambic pentameter, but it's half-done already, so things aren't too bad. I'll be keeping you company for a while though! Right now I suggest getting ALL distractions out of the way -- TV, music, turn off your Internet access if you have to. I don't know how you work, but I often find it helpful to write things out by hand first, because then I'm forced to write and I'm not staring at the computer screen, stuck in an endless pattern of writing a sentence and then backspacing it letter by letter... Also, it's incredibly important to set goals for the night, since you have so many things to do. Make sure that you have the paper done by midnight, for example...then give yourself an hour in the morning to revise it. It might also help to switch back and forth between the things that you have to do so that you don't get writer's block working on one thing. GOOD LUCK!!!
  8. laboheme
    Aww, the whole tampon thing reminds me of Miss Congeniality 2...This is a job for a real man! Janet like the ones with the little flowers... I was in 8th grade, and it was my mom's birthday...some birthday gift it was when I came in and asked her for a pad (I was well informed about things...)!!! Nobody made a big deal about it, and that's the way I liked it.
  9. laboheme
    In short, if you're still harboring some hope of reconciliation, no, you're not over her. You seem to be making awfully good progress though! It's hard to say how seeing her might affect you -- maybe it will set you back, maybe it won't. However, better to be prepared and expect it to set you back. If you do run into her (and I'm assuming that it would be a complete and total accident, you wouldn't be actively hanging out somewhere where your chances of seeing her are higher than usual), I wouldn't turn around or walk away or anything...A brief exchange is okay, but make it snappy! Just a quick "Hi, how are you? I'm on my way to ___, gotta run." Don't let the conversation get far enough for her to tell you something that you might not be ready to hear. Other than that, keep up what you're doing...It's all good!
  10. laboheme
    I've been guilty of mumbling like that at times, too. I'm the kind of person who likes to say it and MEAN it...not just as a response to what he said. But if he says it, I had to reply to be polite...Of course, I don't mean to say that I didn't really love him when I mumbled it back...they just weren't the moments when I could look him right in the eye and honestly pour out my heart. Then again, I had those moments when I wanted to say it over and over and over again and it still wouldn't be enough.
  11. laboheme
    1. How long have you been in NC for? It's been 2 weeks of solid NC, and a couple of months of LC. 2. Are you doing it with hopes to get the ex back? (Thruthfullly) Right now I'd say I'm doing it more out of curiosity. Yes, it would be swell if he came back to me, but I'm quite certain that he's moved on and there will be no more romantic relations between us. However, I just want to see when/if he contacts me. Curiosity and stubbornness, that's what it is. 3. When you were on the verge of breaking NC, what strategie/thought process worked on stopping you from doing so? I tried doing NC several times (during that LC period), but when I decided to do it for good, I was thinking about how breaking NC made me feel...and how our conversations would probably turn sour very quickly. So I didn't do it. 4. Do you generally supress your feelings about the break up to those around you? I did for a while, since my friends were not available and I could only talk to my coworkers about it...and at the time everybody at work was having problems. Then there was a period when I vented to everybody that I talked to...and now I'm just tired of talking about it and feel selfish bringing it up. Enough is enough. 5. If you have been to counselling, has it helped? I haven't been to counselling for the breakup...but the breakup made me realize that I need to seek help for my temper issues. No improvement so far though.
  12. laboheme
    1. Hazey_amber hit the nail on the head there. If it's just a matter of personal dislike, as long as a fight doesn't break out everytime the sibling and the significant other are in the same room, I think it's okay. Of course, the person needs to be able to treat both with respect and not abandon one for the sake of the other. 2. To me, that's actually a good thing. I prefer single dates rather than group dates, and when there are different circles of friends, that's much easier to accomplish. Also, the gossip is minimized that way...always a good thing.
  13. laboheme
    Cha-ching! Your criticism of eHarmony is the same as mine...You summed it up so nicely. They say that what, 20% of the people wouldn't benefit from the service...to me, that's a large enough percentage to let those "oddballs" in and let them find each other. I think of it this way -- if I was rejected, it just means that I'm true to myself...and I take pride in that.
  14. laboheme
    My ex and I are in the same class, and finals are in a little over a week. What do I do if he asks me if I want to trade notes with him to help us study? He brought up the idea before, but we haven't talked in 2 weeks now, so I don't know if he still wants to or not...and obviously I'm not about to contact him. But what if he does? This is a hypothetical situation that hasn't happened yet, but very well might in the next week, and I'd like to be prepared with an answer in case he approaches me in person rather than over email... These are my options if he suggests trading notes: - Ignore it all (if it's an online message...I obviously can't do that in person). - "Sure, good idea. We should get together to study, too!" (I would LOVE to spend time with him like that, but I realize that it's probably not going to happen.) - "Yeah, I'll send mine over email. Good luck studying." - "No, thanks, I don't think that's necessary. We'll both do fine on our own." - "You do realize that your notes are worthless compared to mine, right? In fact, I'm pretty sure that you didn't even show up to some lectures. I wouldn't get anything out of this, and I'm not going to give you my notes for your benefit. Bye." (Yes, that's mean, but true. I don't need his notes to study, I'll do well on the final regardless.) So what approach should I take? Cold, enthusiatic and eager-to-please, or mean? (Keeping in mind that I'm quite sure that he's completely over me, as much as I want him to give me another chance.) Thanks in advance...
  15. laboheme
    That kind of situation is not worth it -- simply put, it's abusive and you deserve better. This behavior should not be tolerated at any age, and when you're 17, you have so many opportunities out there that I don't see any good reason to try and work things out. I realize that you have feelings for this guy, but I highly doubt that it's going to get better. It would be one thing if he yelled at you once and then came back and really made an effort to change, but that's not the case. I suggest that the next time he breaks up with you, you don't take him back. He doesn't deserve another chance.
  16. laboheme
    I agree with hazey_amber about expecting him to chase after you. Just look around this forum -- when people get dumped, they are usually advised against begging and pleading because theoretically it doesn't bring back their ex. Instead, they're supposed to treat the breakup as final and to start moving on. Maybe your ex was given the same advice and decided to start his healing process with No Contact, even though he desperately wanted to beg and plead for you to stay. However, it could also be true that he wasn't feeling the relationship the same way anymore, and it wasn't a big blow to him when you left. But we can't know for sure... If you feel that you want to try and give him another chance, the only way to go about doing that is to tell him so and see if he feels the same way. If that's the case, make sure that you work on the problems that you were having within the relationship, otherwise history is bound to repeat itself...and from what I hear, it hurts more the second time around...
  17. laboheme
    If you want to get into an angry "screw you" mood, "Death on Two Legs" by Queen does the trick. Sure, it wasn't written as a love song, but I find it easy to apply to that context. You suck my blood like a leech You break the law and you preach Screw my brain till it hurts You’ve taken all my money And you want more Misguided old mule with your pig headed rules With your narrow minded cronies Who are fools of the first division... Death on two legs You’re tearing me apart Death on two legs You’ve never had a heart of your own Kill joy, bad guy, big talking, small fry You’re just an old barrow boy Have you found a new toy to replace me? Can you face me? But now you can kiss my *** goodbye! Feel good are you satisfied? Do you feel like suicide? (I think you should) Is your conscience all right Does it plague you at night? Do you feel good...feel good? You talk like a big business tycoon You’re just a hot air balloon So no one gives you a da*n You’re just an overgrown schoolboy Let me tan your hide A dog with disease You’re the king of the ’sleaze’ Put your money where your mouth is Mister know-all Was the fin on your back Part of the deal? (shark) Death on two legs You’re tearing me apart Death on two legs You’ve never had a heart (you never did) of your own (right from the start) Insane you should be put inside You’re a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride Should be made unemployed Then make yourself null and void Make me feel good...I feel good
  18. laboheme
    No experience in that respect yet, but I think that if you take enough time for yourself to heal after the breakup and stand on your own two feet for a while (ie be okay with single life), the next relationship won't be a rebound and won't be destined to fail. In fact, it should have a better chance of succeeding because you will have "found yourself" again. Also, the date of the breakup doesn't always correlate with when the feelings ended. Somebody can fall out of love but still be with his or her partner (out of habit, I suppose, or out of pity) while already moving on emotionally. So by the time the actual breakup happens, the dumpee is devastated (if they were clueless) but the dumper is fully ready to date again.
  19. laboheme
    I think that's the best way to think about things. Yes, it's a nice thought that seeing you brought some feelings back and that he got jealous...However, it could easily be that he's mad about you going out and having fun with other guys, because he expects you to be a little teary-eyed mess holed up in your room, missing his royal highness. And definitely don't worry about things being your fault! It's not like you planned to go to that particular bar to get that kind of outcome. He was the one unable to control his temper and walk away gracefully, so getting kicked out from the bar was his fault.
  20. laboheme
    What are your post-breakup feelings? You say it hurts to see him, but do you feel yourself turning into a teary-eyed mess around him because you miss him so much and want him back? If you do, then taking the trip may not be a good idea -- unless in the next month and a half you really think that you'll be okay spending time with him. You also say that you think he's not quite over you yet and you broke up to see if the grass is greener? Not to be an unreasonable optimist here, but an experience like going to Japan together may help reconnect the two of you. Don't count on it though. Also, if you go, how much time will you absolutely HAVE to spend with your ex if you don't want to? Yes, there's the flight...there's the room that you'll probably be sharing...But realistically, if the place you're going is a hotspot for tourists, you may be able to meet other people on the slopes to spend time with (or if you know Japanese, you'll be able to meet people anywhere!), and the same goes for him, so you might not even have to see him during the day! At night you can do some exploring on your own, as can he. You're not obliged to always go to the same restaurants and see the same sights together. However, I'm thinking as a person who likes to be independent and do things on her own -- I don't know if you're the same way and willing to just go and find something to do by yourself. But if you are, I don't think you should forfeit the trip. Plus, you still have some time before the trip to see what your feelings are and what your interactions are with the ex...
  21. laboheme
    Assuming that both of them had amazing personalities, treated me like a princess, and it all boiled down to their looks and ability in bed...I'd go for the better looking one. I have a low libido and sex just isn't that important to me, so we wouldn't be doing it much anyway. As long as he could cuddle, of course. That's a must.
  22. laboheme
    I think mentioning high school is the way to go, since it will give you common ground to start a conversation. And I wouldn't even worry about browsing in the store when you know you're not going to buy anything...all you have to say is that you saw her outside (which you did, right?), recognized her, started feeling a little nostalgic about high school, and decided to chat with an old classmate. That's natural enough, I think.
  23. laboheme
    lol...that's what I don't want to be telling my kids when we're having that sex talk later on in life. "Condoms just aren't that reliable...you're living proof!"
  24. laboheme
    I'm 20, and also a virgin...But it has more to do with my tendency to think too much than it does with any kind of religious belief. I would never go on the Pill (the idea of pumping hormones into my body every day does not sit well with me), and I don't have much trust in condoms (although yes, I know the statistics), so I'm constantly aware of the risk that's involved. I'm not planning to wait until marriage (unless my partner is, of course), but instead I'm waiting until I'm at a place in life where I'd be able to handle a "surprise." If I had had sex with my ex and gotten pregnant, our lives would be ruined, because both of us are in college...and I wouldn't get an abortion because I wouldn't want to damage my chances of having kids later on in life. I'd much rather wait until I am able to get a good job at least, so that if a "surprise" does occur, I can handle it. Of course, there's also the issue of it being "special." Now that I'm no longer together with my ex, I'm very glad that we didn't have sex, because then he'd have another special experience attached to his memory, and that's the last thing I need right now! I think being the first kiss, first love, and first long-term relationship is plenty. I'm certain that some previous posters will agree with this, but I want there to be a part of me that only one person knows -- and it's much easier to "save" my virginity than it is to carefully guard stories of my childhood or avoid sharing my dreams for the future until I know that he's the only person who'll know them. Just my two cents though.
  25. laboheme
    I think that if you insist on hanging out with your friends on your own and having her spend some time with hers, she might make you out to be selfish and critical...Instead, I would focus on the fact that you're always bickering nowadays. Point that out to her and say that you think it's the result of spending too much time together. I think that's your best bet, to prove that spending a little more time apart would actually improve the relationship. Make sure she knows that you want the best for both of you and that you're trying to avoid a breakup rather than trying to instigate one.
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