rockon83

I left two messages between the 1st and 2nd dates... Since the 2nd date (19th) I left only one message (22nd)... She called tonight (27th), I was on the subway, and got her VM. I didn't get a chance to call back yet, and as your second paragraph says, maybe it's better that she got my VM instead of me answering... So letting her chase means what? Now I should start waiting a week before calling her back? ... At this stage in the game I don't feel she's worth the hassle of playing head games with....

nah, on the 2nd date she paid for the cab to the restaurant and offered to pay for dinner and the cab back, but i of course refused her and paid... it's just a bit frustrating trying to figure out her thought process... i'm thinking if i should ask her bout it next time we speak, but am unsure if it's a good idea, or how to even approach it, as we're simply just starting to date...

I've known this girl for a few months, and liked her off the bat, but was going out with someone at the time. That ended, I saw this girl again at a party on a Sat nite (jan 27), and asked her out. She said yes. I called her tuesday (30th) to make plans, and we went out to shoot pool on sunday (feb 4). I called her tuesday (6th) to say hey, see if she wants to go out again. I didn't hear back from her for a week, and was surprised, since I considered us friends from before, and figured she'd at least call back. Some mutual friends of ours talked me into calling her once more. I called and left another message on monday (12th). Not sure why, but whatever... I figured it was over. She called back friday (16th) and apologized that she was so busy she would have only had time to call for 2 minutes and would've felt bad. I wasn't sure how much sense that made, but ok. Truth is she is in dental and school and is very busy, and had 3 tests during that week. She said she wanted to go out again. We went out monday (19th) to dinner. When I dropped her off, I started to say, if you want to go out again, let me know, but she was already saying yes.. I called her thursday (22nd) and left a message. She did fly to seattle for the weekend for a wedding she is part of, so I know she is busy... Maybe it's just me not being as busy as her, and thinking about it too much. But at the same time, I have a hard time reading her when we're out, if she likes me, and you would think if she was into someone she would at least make time to call them for a few minutes at least every other day... I want to take things slowly, but I'm trying to figure out if there is anything here... The other thing I dont know about, is when or how to ask her to be my girlfriend... Every other relationship I've had it just kind of happened... This time I feel like I'm going to have to ask her... Any feedback is appreciated

Well it's been 40 days....I'm thinking of purposely running into her tonight... keeping the conversation light, nothing bout us whatsoever, just to see how she feels... so she remembers i'm here, and can see how i can be when i'm not being all into her...that i'm doing great without her... bad idea, right? well, in my head it makes sense for some reason, and i think i'm going to do it shortly... what do you think?

Wow, lots of quick responses, thanks. I had the feeling I wasn't over her enough yet if I still thought about getting back together at all... For the last month, I was sure we'd get back together, thinking every time the phone rang it would be her, etc... Now I am 99.9% sure it's never going to happen. I realize NC has helped until now, and should only continue to help, while talking to her - you never know, and thereforeeee it's better to stick to NC. laboheme - "It's hard to say how seeing her might affect you": Truth is, I did run into her 1-1/2 weeks ago. It was dark out, I didn't notice her till we were just about walking by each other. I was walking with a friend. Just smiled and said hey, and kept going. It didn't feel weird at all. Of course I couldn't stop thinking about her for the next week, but that was already ongoing from before running into her.

It's been 32 days of NC, and it took until around 4-5 days ago for me to stop hurting. I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a month, I've been able to focus on my studies really well after not being able to at ALL for a long time, I've not been thinking too much about her, I've switched from listening to Abba (reminding me of taking her to Mamma Mia) back to Tool and other heavy music, etc. I'm wondering if I bump into her now that I seem to be doing better, if I should continue NC, or talk to her for a few minutes, just to catch up and see how she is... I'm wondering if... there's any harm to me in doing that, if it could cause me to become depressed again... Also, even though I'm over her, I realize she's an amazing person, and would get back together with her if she wanted... So I'm wondering if doing so would affect the chances of her wanting to get back with me at all... Then again, I'm wondering, even though I can tell I'm SO much better, if I'm even thinking about her possibly wanting to get back together - am I really over her?

"But how do you walk up to that ledge and just . . . leap?" It takes time. Time of NC. You slowly (very slowly) but surely think about her less and less, care about her less and less, and find yourself returning to your old self. But it requires strict NC. I found myself starting to care less after a few weeks, until she made contact. Then I was a wreck for a couple of weeks again, and only in the last couple of days am I having thoughts other than about her, and feeling strong. It's hard while you're doing it, hell, it makes no sense. I thought I was doing it to get her back... Now I feel like I'm slowly getting myself back, and don't care much about her. She knows how great she had it with me, and if she loved me, she'd come crawling back... Obviously it's not meant to be.

When she said we were just friends, she said she knows some guys like to do NC, but she'd rather remain friends... I agreed. After a week I realized I had to go NC. I ignored her text one day. The next day I ignored her call, but then called her back just to say I couldn't remain in touch. I just felt it was polite, instead of just ignoring her. was i wrong?

Hey man, for me it was last monday on day 18 of NC... I woke up at 9:30 and picked up my phone just as she texted me, that she "didn't want to bother me" but hoped i had an enjoyable thanksgiving.... Hold strong. Don't reply. I actually ended up bumping into her last friday, day 22, walking by on the street while with a friend. Smiled, said hey, and kept on going... Be strong.

so when she contacts me, such as this past week when she texted to say she hoped i had a good thanksgiving, i should have used that opportunity to break NC, and become friends?

so you're saying i should drop NC, and become friends, as she wanted?

Well if I do run into her this weekend, how's this: If and when you're ready for an exclusive relationship, let me know, I'd love to give us another try... Otherwise, as much as I'd like to, I can't remain in contact with you, as I still need to get over my feelings for you.

I had been thinking to purposely run into her...at first, so she would see me, and maybe remember things... I wouldn't say anything more than hi.... more recently, I've been thinking to run into her simply to see her, and see if I have any feelings left for her... So after 2-1/2 weeks of strict NC, this morning she texted me. "i don't want to bother you, just hoping you had a good time in cleveland and that everything is ok with your mom." as i went to see fam in cleveland for thanksgiving, and my mom had surgery... both of these things which she had known about before the NC period... I didn't reply... but it just makes me wonder.. I mean, I'm glad I'm on her mind I guess. She's been on mine nonstop... Is this any sort of a good sign at all? I'm thinking I may end up runnning into her this weekend, as I'll be staying with a good friend of mine who lives near her. If I do, and she tries talking to me, I guess I just be polite and say I'm in a rush?

Wow, it's almost as if i wrote this myself about my situation. At the beginning of the relationship she said she was worried about messing it up. I gave her as much space as possible, was as great to her as anyone could ever be. In the end she tells me "I deserve someone who can give back all that I give", and that even though she's still physically attracted, thinks I'm amazing, and it would hurt her to see me with another women, she doesn't have any feelings right now, and can't be more than friends. I agreed, but after a week told her NC... It's been 11 days... It's been hard. I think about her A LOT. She is so amazing. All I can say is that NC seems to be the right thing, as she has to miss you and decide she wants to be with you. Being friends or available for her, gives her the attention she wants and lets her get away with being friends while you're going nuts trying to figure out where you stand - if there's a relationship. Sometimes I think about going to some of the places I know she may be, just so that she sees me and thereforeeee ends up thinking about me...maybe causing her to remember how things were. I'm sure we'll run into each other sooner or later, but with the amount I think about her, she should definitely still be thinking about us if she's interested at all....