laboheme

I think each relationship is different...some are based almost entirely on intellectual conversation, some are based on gossipy conversations, some are based on sex...I don't think there's a "healthy level." I like what the previous poster said about "comfortable silences." Are you comfortable just cuddling with him without saying a word? Smiling at each other accross the table while eating dinner without having a funny conversation? Or do you feel that because you're not talking a lot, you aren't getting to know him? Or do you want to talk because you think it's something that should be done in a relationship? If your relationship is otherwise good and you do have conversations that allow you to get to know each other -- just not the long type like you'd have with the girls -- I think you're fine. That said, if you're just looking to talk to somebody, why not turn to your other friends? After all, each person in our lives serves a different purpose, and maybe some of your friends serve the conversational purpose better than your boyfriend does. Nothing wrong with that!

I'm a student, and if I could stay a student forever, I would. I love it. I also do some retail work at a non-profit organization, along with research and accounting paperwork. I don't mind that job, but I would like to go beyond that...Ideally I'd be a museum curator or a college professor.

I agree with this...If I'm just looking for good conversation and a fun activity, I've got friends to go to for that. I'm definitely not a fan of casual dating...I just don't see the point if one or both of the parties involved aren't going into it hoping to start a serious relationship. I know some people say that even if there's no chemistry, you can get a new friend...but realistically, I don't think many people decide to become good friends with the person that they just went on a date on but didn't like enough to consider as a potential mate. But then again, I'm not a fan of going on dates with strangers either...I'd rather have it be a classmate or a coworker, or a friend...

First of all, welcome to ENA! So you're saying that you have feelings for each other, but you're not sure whether or not you should try to get her back? Personally, I think that if you realized that you made a mistake in breaking up with her and now regret it, you ought to give things another try. If you don't give it a chance, you might find yourself years down the road wishing that life would bring you back together again. You're absolutely right when you say that you shouldn't let other people interfere and try to impose their definition of a "a young lad having fun" on you. I firmly believe that if you have a healthy, strong relationship, it won't prevent you from going out with friends, traveling, and doing other things that you say you want to do -- all while having that special someone. It just takes some trust, communication, and compromise. Basically, the only thing that a relationship would prevent you from is dating around and messing around with other girls. If that's one of the things that you want to do, then no, you shouldn't try to get back together with her. But it doesn't sound like it...so I think you should go for it. If you really want to, you can still have a fun life while being in a relationship! And keep in mind that if you do try to get back together with her, she may reject you (in which case you'll know where the two of you stand and you'll be free to do the things that you want to do). Or if things work out, it may take a while to regain the love and trust that you once had in your relationship, because both of you will have to learn to put the past behind you and start over with a clean slate. At any rate, I do think that it's worth a shot. Good luck with your decision!

I would give it a little bit of time for now, since you're still "in training." Maybe once the training period is formally over, your manager will ease up a little bit. After all, how will she know that you're fully ready unless she watches you every once in a while? If her behavior continues, however...What has worked for me in the past is just glancing their way on a regular basis to let them know that I'm aware of their presense, and maybe do my work a little more deliberately (like emphasizing my actions)...After a while they seem to realize that they're not wanted.

What are the requirements that you're talking about? For upper-level classes, they'll probably be other courses at the school, or a comparable course at a different school. (For example, you can't take advanced piano performance before you take intermediate piano performance, unless you test out.) For the introductory level classes, oftentimes you only need to have some informal experience under your belt (like showing them a sketchbook of the work that you did at home; you don't necessarily need to have taken a formal art class). The best way to find out is to contact the department and ask them about any specific requirements that you're unclear about.

The thing is, if you don't let her know that you're interested, sure, things may not become awkward, but you also won't get anywhere. This girl may not share the other one's views on dating coworkers; plus, you said that you hardly see each other, so if you were to develop a romance, it wouldn't interfere with your work and probably not be enough to raise the suspicions of the managers (in case there is a policy against coworkers dating). Also, I'm assuming that this is a part-time job that you'll eventually leave (and that she will also eventually leave), so you don't have as many complications as a full-time employee with a stable job would have when looking for a romance with a coworker. So things might be worth it...

As far as losing weight (or losing inches, I should say, because "weight" is a slippery term when it comes to these things), nothing beats simply walking/running. If you're stuck inside and don't want to invest into an expensive treadmill or elliptical machine, just do jumping jacks for a prolonged period of time (they can really get your heart pumping), or get a jumprope and go crazy with that (a lot of athletes use jumping ropes for training). Both of those things you can do inside in a relatively small space. As far as targeting your belly, I personally don't think that machines are more effective than simple crunches/sit ups. Just make sure that you mix those up -- mix regular ones with oblique crunches and leg raises, etc. You could also get an exercise ball and do crunches on that. It will give you good workout because you'll have to use your whole body to keep your balance while doing your crunches. And unlike the equipment that's geared towards abwork, you can use an exercise ball for many different purposes.

*hugs* While people don't necessarily need to know the particulars of their significant others' past, some things are important to know -- especially ones that are related to any potential STDs. (And I don't know what his thought process was...being a virgin in terms of intercourse does not mean that he was not exposed to STDs in other ways!) You're absolutey doing the right thing by getting tested. I personally think that if they do find something (I sure hope they don't though!), perhaps you ought to contact him -- maybe he'll be civilized enough to inform his next partners of any conditions that he might have. Even then, think about if that's what you want to do (although it would be the civil thing to do, I understand how being civil is probably the furthest thing from your mind). Other than that though, resist all temptation to let him know that you know. What you're doing as far as writing letters but not sending them is good...It's always good to let your feelings out.

One could write a book on how to do those things...heck, people HAVE written books about that. Why don't you try an online search? Search for terms like "female masturbation" (because you'd be doing a lot of the things that women would be doing to themselves) -- some very helpful websites pop up (I'm not posting the links because some do include illustrations and I'm not 100% sure of the forum policy on this). Read through some of the basics, they should give you some ideas.

How often do you guys talk outside of work? If it's only every once in a while, I think that 2 days is a relatively short time and you shouldn't expect a call right away. Give it a little more time -- at least wait until the next time that you would normally talk (for example, at work). If he doesn't mention hanging out again, take the initiative to work the topic into the conversation (or wait until you see him online again, because it sounds like you might be more comfortable when it's not in person). Good luck!

Of course there are people like that! Just like there are people who don't smoke regular cigarettes at all...If you look hard enough, you'll find them. However, I'm assuming that you don't intend to break up with your girlfriend to look for those people...So for now, I think the only thing you can do is believe her when she says she doesn't want to try smoking pot again, unless she does something to betray your trust. It's entirely possible that she's telling the truth. Just think of all those people who had wild college years and now barely drink and don't touch drugs at all (heck, some of our parents were like that!). Even your own example...you had to try it in order to make your decision about it. Sometimes you just have to experience something in order to never do it again.

I definitely think you should go for it! You won't know what her reaction will be to your idea until you actually ask. Besides, she did mention that he was single, right? Maybe she did that on purpose And if she isn't too fond of the idea, maybe she'll give you solid reasons for why you shouldn't date him (above and beyond her disapproving of the age gap), and then you won't be stuck pining for this guy.

I'm not a very trusting person, so I'd say myself, first and foremost. A while ago I would have said my boyfriend...but he betrayed my trust by breaking up with me. Go figure. Nowadays it's probably my manager at work (she's an incredible woman), and an old friend from high school -- he's always been really supportive of me.

I definitely can't take a compliment. I usually don't say anything at all and make the sort of face that someone would make if they were blushing (only because I'm not a blusher). My manager loves to put me into awkward situations like that by complimenting everything that I do (and okay, my work does deserve to be complimented!) and watching me clam up. Most of my friends have learned to say just the opposite and scold me jokingly as a way of complimenting me, because I take that better than I do a straightforward compliment. From what I hear though, we're all just supposed to smile and say "Thanks!"

1. Now that I'm single...I'm wondering, is it worth it to try to find other people to have a relationship with? I have 2.5 years remaining at this school, and once I graduate, there's no way I'm staying in this town, so unless we attend graduate school in the same area, we'll have to have an LTR for a long time until we start looking for jobs (and grad school can take a loooong time!). Basically, any relationship that I may start in the next 2.5 years will have to end. So I plow ahead and hope that the guy is in the same grade as me so that we can head off to grad school together (which is stupid, because it's so limiting)? Or do I give up on dating until I get to grad school? And just to combine two topics into one thread... 2. What are the proper "standards" when looking for a significant other? I'm talking about the non-negotiables...My ex was absolutely wonderful as far as the romantic aspects of the relationship, so should I expect the same/more from any potential mate and not settle for anything less? Also, I've been catching myself setting my ideal standards too high and then realizing that my ex didn't meet many of them, yet I still fell in love with him (for example: education...he didn't exactly go to a good college his freshman year). But a future boyfriend should be an improvement from an ex, right? So should I be setting my standards higher? Yet I know very well that if I set them too high, I'll end up alone. I guess my question for the second part of the post is...Where do you draw the line between being open-minded (and not ruling out some potentially great people) and lowering one's standards too much (and letting in people that you'll later regret having let in and kick yourself for not having high enough standards)?

You're absolutely right: he was able to leave you. He lied and he screwed up in other ways. He doesn't know where his life is going. It sounds like you have a good idea of what's going on here. It doesn't matter if he wanted to reconcile with you that one time, or if your friends truly believe that he's a good person who cares...The two of you were not able to have a healthy functioning relationship, and now you say that you have moved on. So does it really matter what your friends say then? If they want you to give him another chance, stand your ground and say that he wasn't right for you...because it sounds like he wasn't. Stay strong!

How is your communication in general? Do you email each other or talk on the phone on a regualr basis? You may want to invest in webcams -- they can bring you one step closer to physical contact. When my ex and I were in a long-distance relationship, we would set up our webcams and just go about doing our schoolwork, glancing up occasionally to look at the other person on the computer screen. It really helped things. Also, maybe give him something that he can have with him at all times as a little reminder of your love? Maybe a keychain that says "I miss you" or something along those lines?

I've never purposely tried to get rid of a tan (I have a hard enough time getting one in the first place!), but I hear that if you exfoliate on a regular basis, it will help the tan fade faster. Don't overdo it, of course, you don't want to irritate your skin...but maybe try using a mild scrub or a loofah/bath brush instead of a sponge/washcloth.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the shoulders too much. You probably won't be baring your shoulders too much at school -- not until the spring, at any rate...and if you keep on using a tanning bed to get color, people will likely realize that your tan face is not the result of spending Christmas at the beach. If you really are concerned (if the difference in shade is huge), you can ask the people at the salon where you tan. They might be able to give you tips as far as positions. And yes, as the previous poster said, you can try lotions...Personally I would recommend moisturizers that are spiked with self-tanner rather than just a tanning solution, because then you'll build up your tan in a more subtle way.

I was always like that to a certain extent. My parents raised me to be very independent, so ever since I can remember, I've been worrying about "serious" issues, been wary of people in general, and been thinking about the future an awful lot. My ex-boyfriend showed me that it's okay to have fun and be goofy...but now that the relationship is over, I'm back to my serious ways. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can depend on one's upbringing?

I was uneasy about using tampons at first, especially since when I started using them, I was not at all familiar with my anatomy down there. It really really helped that the tampon had a rounded applicator tip -- it just slid right in there! Even the smallest sizes (which you should start out with) can feel a little tight at first...and just a warning, make sure that you use a pad when using a tampon for the first time, since you don't know how absorbent it will be and how long it will keep you safe!

If she meant anything sigificant by that message, she'll eventually realize that she's not being clear enough and will find a way to get the idea accross in a more direct manner. The way things are right now, though, she could simply mean friendship, as you yourself said. Remember, missing somebody and wanting to spend time with him/her does not necessarily mean that there is hope for reconciliation. So unless she makes herself more clear, I would ignore the messages.

If I remember my first days at link removed correctly, you'll be able to wink at people and receive their winks (and you'll know who the wink is from). However, you'll see that you're receiving email messages, but you won't be able to read them or see who they are from. You'll only be able to start communicating with members once you are a subscriber (at least that's how I remember it). But even if you're not a subscriber, you'll be able to gauge the level of interest based on the number of winks and emails and see if it's worth signing up. I know that once I saw that I had a few emails, I really wanted to find out who they were from and what they said, and was intrigued enough to subscribe. Also, when I signed up and entered in my payment information, I was told that there is a three day trial period...if I ended up not liking what the site had to offer, I could contact them by the end of the third day and get my money back.

It seems that you're not in love with him, but with the idea of him. It's hard to let go of those fantasies of the ideal relationships, of the "could-be's" and the "what if's," and start trying to imagine a new life with someone else (especially if there is nobody else yet). Do you really think it has to do with how busy he is with work? If so, do you really want to be constantly hoping for the day when he doesn't have to work as much? Life is likely to get busier rather than simpler later on -- so if you can't handle the amount of work now, it's only going to get worse later on. If you can't resolve the issue right now (possibly with couples counseling, as the above poster has said), you might have to call things off. After all, if the relationship isn't making you happy, what's the point?