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iceman85

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iceman85 last won the day on July 9 2006

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  1. Well the thing is I am much much better suited to handle this than when I was talking with her before. We had complete no contact which was initated by me since October, save for that time around Thanksgiving she contacted me. Shes not a phone person so this is all via AIM. I dont think she has me by the balls. I do not initiate conversation with her, when she initiates it I will talk to her, mainly about whats going on with her, I really dont mention too much about myself. Actually I usually end the conversation and I think that may have ticked her off last time because I told her I was going to go watch a movie and she gave the response that she used to when she didnt like something "fine, bye". So its not like im hanging on her every word like I was before. I can walk away now, it doesnt get me all emotional like before. However, like I did say, deep down inside I feel for her still, but I am not letting that control my actions. You are all right, I couldnt be friends with her, I dont know if I ever can.
  2. I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I guess it is most appropriate for this question. I cut off contact with my ex back in October, held strong and didnt talk to her until she contacted me in late November, we had a good talk, then a fight a few days later. Again I went NC, she contacted me on Valentines Day and then I believe 2 other times recently. Now its not like we talk about anything involving us. I just found it a bit strange the timing of her contact. I just want to know what I should do from here. I've been doing alot better, but part of me still cares about her and I dont want to fall back into what I was doing when this all first started. My thought so far was to just allow her to contact me if she feels like it. Thanks for all your help once again.
  3. Aero. First off I love your user name, two of the best bands ever. About your breakup. I think that he was really hurt by the breakup. I can tell you that he doesnt forget about you. 3.5 years with someone, you cant just erase that, i feel that you think he can just push you out of his mind. He cant do that. I didnt read all the posts so i'm not sure how old you are. Depending on where you both are in life, he may want to focus on something besides a relationship, he probably is worried about getting hurt again. I am 9 months past my relationship too. I still care about my ex, but she dumped me. I went into NC around October like you. She contacted me about 2 months later and we fought. I thought I would never hear from her again. She contacted me on valentines day. I can tell you that they wont ever forget about you. Its not easy to get over someone. Im not saying you have to do that. I think you should just be happy with everything else you have around you at the moment and see what happens. It may take him awhile to contact you again. He needs to make the first move to talk again to show that hes ready to talk to you. I feel like if you contacted him, it would lead where it did before.
  4. I hear you. I feel like I go through the motions with my classes right now. Its not a good feeling at all because I see it as a waste of time. I want to go to class and be interested and pulled in by things. I am certaintly not right now and I find my attention wavering. It can be frustrating but I just think its a speed bump, hopefully it gets better.
  5. I have the same problem. They think they are too good to do simple house chores because they have never had to do them in the past. Now i'm younger than you. I'm 21. But I just let it all go until they do something about it. At first I would tackle it, but I am not their mom and I am not going to clean their mess. I would suggest just letting it go, hard as that may be for you to let it be messy. Eventually they will have to do something.
  6. Well just when I thought she for sure wasnt going to. She did. About 2 months to the day we last spoke. She contacted me with a useless question about if my sister had gotten into college. I didnt expect it, but deep down I had a feeling she would. I dont get why, I dont think I should try to understand why. Its just funny that I felt like it was going to happen today. It was a tough day for me because I remembered a year ago and how great it was. It was tough and I was pretty upset for a little while, her contacting me took me by surprise though.
  7. I have decided to post a journal like entry today, a day that is really hard for me. Do I still love you? I feel like I do. Then why must life be so hard, why did you have to go? I think you have someone new, do you even remember me? I certaintly do, and when I think of you sometimes still I can feel your touch When I think of you now, I think of you as gone forever But the love we shared will never die I look to the sky, like we used to do And find a star, and believe that is our love still burning bright but in the distance. So today, Valentines Day, when the chocolate you gave me is long ago melted And the flowers I gave you long ago faded And your heart has long since checked out I remember a girl, a boy and a love that seemed unbreakable And I cant wait until those days return again.
  8. Together Months Broke Up: 8 Months Ago Started NC Months after breakup Time after beginning of NC to when she contacted me 1/2 months She contacted me after I went full NC and told her I couldnt deal with us talking and hanging out anymore. Contacted me and we had a good conversation. Next day had a huge blowup fight. Havent talked to her since and thats been almost 2 months now.
  9. Write her a letter expressing everything you have on your mind. Then post it here.
  10. I realized that even though I really miss my ex and I still really care about her. That it wouldnt be right to contact her. While I have improved and learned i'm not where I want to be in the end. I am not totally there yet. I have to continue and not give up. The book "No more mr. Nice guy" really hit home with me. I saw alot of me in that book and I have worked and am working on fixing alot of the issues I have. I also see my ex as having had her own issues. Issues she needs to take care of. It isnt easy for me to do things like set boundaries, stand up for myself, and not be worried about creating conflict. Its also not easy for me to treat myself and not want to help others to look like the good guy. That is just some of what I am working on and I am happy with my progress. I have to continue though. I am only in the beginning and I need to continue. I miss her still and I still care about her, but I have to keep working on me and letting her work on her. Maybe when I am completley satisfied with my progress I can think about contact again.
  11. I realized that even though I really miss my ex and I still really care about her. That it wouldnt be right to contact her. While I have improved and learned i'm not where I want to be in the end. I am not totally there yet. I have to continue and not give up. The book "No more mr. Nice guy" really hit home with me. I saw alot of me in that book and I have worked and am working on fixing alot of the issues I have. I also see my ex as having had her own issues. Issues she needs to take care of. It isnt easy for me to do things like set boundaries, stand up for myself, and not be worried about creating conflict. Its also not easy for me to treat myself and not want to help others to look like the good guy. That is just some of what I am working on and I am happy with my progress. I have to continue though. I am only in the beginning and I need to continue. I miss her still and I still care about her, but I have to keep working on me and letting her work on her. Maybe when I am completley satisfied with my progress I can think about contact again.
  12. Best advice i can give you is dont do anything. This girl hasnt expressed any interest romantically in you that I can see. I think she sees you as that classic "nice guy" who is a wonderful guy to be around but she does not want to be in a relationship with you at the moment. She does care about you. The magnitude to which we dont know. Just be yourself. No gifts, no poems, no songs, no flowers. Just be who you are and dont try to win her heart. If its meant to be, just being who you are will win her more than any gift you can give her.
  13. Thank you terk. It does give me some perspective on everything. I met my ex on total chance. I hadnt seen some of my friends since I graduated high school. I happened to hang out with them this one night. She was there and thats how we met. I really havent hung out with them since. Maybe a few times here and there, I just think about how fateful the whole thing was. I dont know about her, I see ourselves on two different paths. I am at a competitive college, looking for a good career while she sits at home after leaving school, not knowing anything. I think that strained us to some degree. I was on one path and she really didnt know her path and still doesnt. We talked about our philosophies and we both wavered back and forth about if she could be a stay at home mom or work. My opinions went back and forth. She expressed many times that she didnt want to grow old and never experience anything. I understood her fear, we all feel that. I think she had an urge inside of her that she needed to live the typical late teens early 20's life. Truthfully I guess 8 months after a breakup isnt alot, especially in a intense relationship. I did meet another girl right after our breakup, problem is she was 4 years younger than me, and at the age i'm at. 21. That creates alot of problems. I do believe I was supposed to meet her for some reason. I dont know what that reason was. We were together for awhile, we still talk, we've been through alot. Its hard because we cant be together. Its also hard because I dont know if we were able to I would feel like I did about my ex. I dont know if me and my ex will ever cross paths again. Like I said id welcome it because I still care for her alot. Thats probably why I get this urge to contact her. How did you get back into contact with yours?
  14. I can see you really care for her. I question her intentions still. I think there may be some emotional issues she has. I wonder why she goes for such older men? Do you know anything about her family situation? It seems to me like she is seeking different things out of the different men. I think if you want to play your cards right here you need to i guess give this a shot, but dont invest too much energy or time to it. Dont hang out with her whenever she asks. Dont call her all the time. Let calls go unanswered. Take back that life of your own. When she sees this I almost bet she will get upset that she isnt the center of your world anymore and get mad at you. Your first go around with her, she was at an age where people are very immature. I'm guessing she still was and I hope she has overcome that at the moment. This is your choice, not hers. After what she put you through, she should be going to the end of the earth to get you back if she loves you. Don't let her do the same thing she did before. I would see where it goes, but also keep my eyes open on other fronts. Still be your own man, your not in a relationship with her. Do what you want to do.
  15. You ask how you can get over the lingering feeling about her affair partner. As hard as this is the solution here is you have to forgive her, totally. I know how intensly hard that is. But if you dont do that you always will have lingering feelings about this. You dont have to forget about what happened and shouldnt. But do your best not to hold this against her, dont let it influence your behavior, and get in the middle of trying to fix everything. Politley ask your wife to not talk about this other man. Explain to her how much it hurts, and that you want to move past this. If you can forgive her, it will open up a new level of love. Total forgiveness here will show her that you really love her, hopefully she can then reciprocate to you. Think of it as letting the present be the present, and the past being the past. And not allowing them to cross paths. The present is you are with your wife who you love and you are working on making your relationship better. Dont let that past interfere, it already did once, dont let it continue to. I dont know if any of us have the strength needed to totally forgive someone after such an event. I hope it all works out. Continue to go to these sessions and just let everything out.
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