itsallgrand

That's beautiful. That's a poem that truly sings in the ears. I hope you recite this one day: This poem needs to be spoken!

Yeah, but the dude was drinking&driving! The whole situation was a bad deal.

There ARE some things that can not be resolved within family. Lunabelle, I echo your fears - that is dangerous thinking. That is how family 'secrets' and unhealthy behavior is allowed to run unchecked. We need the outside to be able to see our own families clearly. I have a few questions. 1) Why are your grands going into your brother's room? I mean - do they have valid reasons to do so? Does he do drugs, harm himself, or have any other serious problems? He deserves his privacy too. I'm not excusing his behavior; but I'm trying to see if it's a pattern in the home or just him. Often one guy ends up being the 'bad guy'. 2)Is he poor? Does he rely on your grands to survive? If so, he probably resents you and your money. He might feel trapped: you can leave, what are his options? It's not normal to live like you are. It's not healthy to wonder if you might wake up one night to your door being knocked down. He obviously has boundary issues and a temper. I hope he gets some help with that. You can be a big help to your brother by enforcing your own boundaries clearly. You do him no favors by continuing to 'put up' with this nonsense. I have one brother. We are close. There is a one year age difference. Back in the day...I was a very angry young lady. I knocked doors down, I had little respect for property. Our house was flooded with people all the time, and I had no privacy to myself. My brother was very strict about his space. He pulled back from me when I violated his space. It gave me pause to think of what I was doing. In heat of action, you aren't thinking of hurting anyone. It's blind emotion. It also has to do with boundaries. I missed having him as my friend, and it gave me more motivation to straighten up my act. I had to prove I was trustworthy. It was a blessing! good luck with everything. Remember: it's not really about 20 bucks, it's about trust. You obviously care for your brother. If you need to move out to stay safe, and to preserve the trust with your bro, I would do so.

I wouldn't. Continue your life as though he is unavailable: because he is. Who knows how things turn out in the end. The thing is, you don't want to waste yourself pining over someone who may never be a go.

It's essential to have hopes and dreams. If you don't, and just give up, you may not be disappointed often, but you won't gain much either.

LOL. No thanks, I've had my share of banana peels! Yeah, being friends with guys for a while is a good idea. Their true colours shine through fast enough.

hehee. Yeah, it takes men a while to catch up with their penis. It's a powerful thing. Other weeds: *If he ignores you after you have said "no" about something *If he speaks badly towards, or about you *If he seems to lose his wallet a whole lot, or shows up to a date expecting you to pay for everything (if you offer to pay, that's different) *If he is addicted to drugs Those are just a few. I'm guessing this topic has been covered to death here, and there's probably some good lists or links around.

Yeah, fer sure ya wanna be safe. That's the number one priority. Sometimes it's hard telling the nice ones from the jerks, and we all make mistakes or get fooled at times. But for next time this might help 'weed' out some losers: *If he tries to drive after he has been drinking *If he pressures you to drink or get you drunk tc

Uhh. You chose to put yourself in that situation. Sorry to say it; but enough of the 'victim' stuff. You're a big girl. Take care of yourself and stay away from these sleazeballs!

Eeks. I hope he didn't drive with you in the car after drinking! On your next date (if you want to go!) with this guy stay sober. Take a solid look at him. I doubt he'll look like much without the booze. tc

You seem like a nice, interesting person. You can say 'hi' no problem, and obviously aren't invisible to people. Are you involved in any sports or activities that are co-ed? I would suggest mixing it up with people your own age as much as possible, in as many settings as you can. Plus, if you are involved in an activity where there are girls, you will have something to talk about past casual chit-chat. You'll have a common interest. That really is the ticket. Find some common ground. If you don't have any: try building some. But there is usually something in common if you look. There are a lot of shy people in the world, and there are others who are in the same situation as you. Not everyone grows up with sibs. You've developed some aspects about yourself that will be appealling to others bc they haven't got it yet: Like you learning to cook! That is really cool.

I've always loved the name Xavier for a baby boy. My mum tells the story of how she had my name all chosen for me before arrived. She had looked at a lot of names and finally found one she liked. Then I was born, she looked at me, and figured that name was all wrong. I just looked like a *****my name.

Your wife might already have an idea of what is going on. Maybe she is merely suspicious. Maybe she is in denial. Or maybe she is so in love with you that she is not thinking clearly. But somewhere in her gut I am betting she has a clue! The reason I say this is twofold 1. You told your wife you would be sharing a company apartment with a female. Any woman in her right mind would be leery of a situation like this. It a set-up for failure. I don't care how much two people love and trust each other: You don't do this! You make other arrangements! #2. She came to visit and you acted weird. She's no dummy. Put 1 + 2 together. You and your wife are in different states: which adds to the tension. Now, I wanna be frank with you. It sounds like you are making excuses not to disengage from this other woman. Your number one excuse is: How you are helping her (oh poor girl is from another country blahblahblah) and how she might lose a job opportunity if you leave. So what?! You are not responsible for that woman. You are responsible for the welfare and happiness of your pregnant wife. And what you are doing is hurting her. You taking away the love, attention, trust, and help that belongs to your wife and giving it to this chickie who is your co-worker BTW. Does sleeping with your co-worker not put your job and hers in jeopardy?! You are self destructing and taking your family with you. You must disengage from this woman NOW. Even if you have to sleep in your car. I'm not joking. I am sorry to hear that she may be pregnant. But, keep in mind, she may be lying. She may be using it to manipulate you. I think this woman is using you. Either that, or she is a seriously screwed up individual. Either way...you need to get away from her. If you do find out she is pregnant; you can deal with that as it comes up. Tell her to go to doctor and prove it to you. Do whatever you have to get away from this woman. And do it now.

Women need not take porn personally. It is NOT a reflection on you. The very idea is illogical; once you learn what porn and its usage are really about. Getting older helps, I think. And having some experience. Mainly I feel it is about growing as a woman. I think the real problem lays in your own self image and how you define yourself. Porn has this way of triggering off our own insecurities. The women are fantasy creatures, the acts span the entire range of human imagination. Some porn plays to sickness: no two ways about it. None of it says anything about you; except in how you react and relate to it. It is only paper and video in the end. It's about your relationship and communication: in yourself, and in your relationship with a man. It is one thing to dislike porn and have a moral restriction against it. That is your values and preference; and that's fine. The trouble is when you apply these same principles to others and judge them by it. That is a mistake in thinking. I don't mind watching or looking at the occasional porn bits. Some of it is stimulating, non-abusive, and interesting. In the right circumstances: loving, respectful relationship where both have agreed...it can even be a bonding experience and lead to new explorations. Don't allow something silly like porn to ruin a good relationship. Instead, focus on the man. If the man is healthy inside, he will have a healthy relationship to porn. It will be like a 'treat' rather than a crutch to fill other needs in his life. If he's overall normal and fine, then he can have his porn while I indulge in my chocolate.

Exactly. Gee, annie is good! I tried this sort of thing a few times. It's best to go with your gut. Even if things seem perfect, leave fairly early and arrange to meet at another time. Another public space. Give yourself time to get to know the person. Be safe and have fun.

Yeah, I would just ask him if he's really busy lately. Maybe something is going on with him and he's preoccupied or run off his feet.

I like it. Heartfelt, simple and sweet. Right on.

It seems there are a lot more factors at play here. Perhaps the meds are truly affecting her sex drive. It could be other things, tho. I'm concerned about how this is affecting your self-esteem. Did this start after the two of you moved in together? Is this her first time, and yours, in a commited relationship that could lead to marriage and where it is a live-in situation? How are the other aspects of your relationship? Is she open and honest with you, and show you affection...like, going out her way to give YOU massages and do nice things? Are there money problems, work or school problems, or other practical things getting in the way? Does she have friends? wewww a lot to think about ...Certainly hold off proposing until these issues are worked out.

Thank you all for the input! It's something I've always been curious if other people do - never really talked about it before. My list, oddly enough, gets shorter over the years. Yet more precise and the Must-Haves are totally non-negotiable. In the past, I feel I was too picky - and picky about the wrong things. I know I passed by some great men bc of silly notions I had. Which is unfortunate. LOL. That cracked me up! That's really cool...I never thought of that before.

I think that comes down to: some women are teases and merciless flirts! And some men are too. By watching the woman in general in different settings you can get an idea if she is one of these or not. Truly effective flirting, I think, is directed at just one person. I mean: the level of contact and effort will be amped up enough notches that you WILL notice. Some folks seem to enjoy flirting just for the sake of flirting, ego strokes, having lots of guys/girls to choose from or admire them whathaveyou. But with enough observation of how they act around other people, most of the time their true colours shine through. Sometimes flirting hurts...I find. If there's no emotion behind it and it's just a superficial ploy or habit. .....pretty much I'm just rambling on now.....lol. BTW: didn't find you argumentative at all. IF you were directing that post at me even!

I wonder why it confused you? This thread is giving me dirty thoughts and memories. Obviously, I like watching too.

Hi. I'm glad you have an understanding girl. that's great. From your initial post, i get the idea you may be using masturbating as a stress reliever/calming you down. It sounds a bit compulsive - if you don't feel in control of when and where you decide to masturbate, but feel an almost addictive urge that is hard to fight. People use masturbation for all sorts of reasons. I think learning new methods of relaxing yourself would help a lot. happy humping!

Could it be an ingrown hair? Do you shave, wax, or anything else? An ingrown hair can create a lump, redness, soreness and pus.

The way I see it is: He may love her, but it doesn't really matter much. He's obviously screwed up and needs to be left to his own devices. So who gives a dam what he thinks?! Harsh, but really.

Hi. #1. Don't freak out. It could be anything, so try to remain calm. #2. Make an appt. to your doctor right away. Get it checked out. It is always better to be safe than sorry. I have no clue what it is. Did you just notice it today?