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itsallgrand

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itsallgrand last won the day on October 30 2020

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About itsallgrand

  • Birthday 05/23/1979

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  1. Just give her a shipping quote on sending her stuff. That's what she asked for and I wouldn't put myself at the mercy of her schedule for showing up to pick up her things. Consider the small furniture the exchange for your time packing it up - you could sell it or whatever you want. Don't beat yourself up. This was shady from the beginning, she comes off as a bit of an opportunist.
  2. Yes!! I was just thinking that about those who show up for you in those times who you never expected. And that too, it stays with you. I'll never forget those who did that. I had a friend who I hadn't seen in close to ten years show up. I didn't expect her to, considering we weren't really part of each other's lives for so long. But it meant a lot to see her! Same with an aunt on my father's side, who I barely see due to distance. She showed up when I was mourning and took over my kitchen with cooking healthy meals for my freezer. It was a comfort and meant so much.
  3. Ohh your poor husband! It's so good he had you there to help him work through those feelings. ❤️
  4. I really had this driven home when my mom was ill and after her death. There were people I considered friends, and family who I thought were part of my support group, who were just brutal in their indifference. I never expect people to drop their lives for me, but I didn't expect some of the coldness I saw in some people either. There were a few family members who threw a fit over my moms funeral date for God's sake, because it came too close to a baby shower. Yeah, that's not what I consider my family these days. It was then that I really decided to be more careful in who I give my time, energy, resources. I just don't want to waste precious finite energies on those who do not really care, when I could be giving it to someone who does and will appreciate it.
  5. I honestly think it was an unreasonable expectation on your part that he be the one always spending the money, travelling to you, and that he would move to you. Makes more sense to find someone local who is in the same stage of life as you, and to have a more balanced relationship.
  6. Good luck with the conversation(s). I'm glad you are going to talk to her and try to hear out her point of view. It's so important to have all the information before jumping to any conclusions here. You mentioned she has been a bit wishy washy as far as clarifying her exact needs and wants regarding marriage or no, so maybe even she is not 100% sure yet about it, and is exploring different ideas and seeing how you'll respond. If you can give her space to articulate exactly what it is she needs, there is that chance that maybe you can meet them without a traditional marriage. For example, if it's standing up before family and friends and making vows, that is doable without "the piece of paper" if you are open to that? It may not shake out that way, but I wouldn't give up just yet. First you need to know, clearly, what her true wishes and needs are. I'm rooting for you. I hope you'll come back and share what she says.
  7. I think you should ask her why it is meaningful to her and just listen. Don't clap back with arguments about it, just listen and take some time to really process where she is coming from. You don't have to agree to understand. You want to get to the root of what about a marriage is important to her. Sometimes a solution is found there, by finding out you do share the same values... Or not. This happened with my partner and myself. Neither one of us approached a relationship with marriage in mind as something we needed. But of course we did discuss what we both wanted our partnership to be about and that included deciding about marriage as our relationship progressed. We chose a common law marriage, and we had a very small commitment ceremony. It felt, and feels, very authentic to us and what we both value. Marriage means different things to different people. It's her you need to understand on this.... I'd really suggest lots and lots of listening before rushing to any conclusions.
  8. 2 major issues: 1) She's unsure about the relationship. 2) She has poor communication skills at a ground level. Even if #1 were to change, #2 would take years of serious devoted work in her end to change. If she even wants to change it or if she even sees it as a problem. Both are very good reasons to not proceed with a move in, marriage, or kids. So you are looking at building from scratch with someone who isn't even sure and who lacks the skills to navigate with a partner. At 1.5 years, trust and compatibility is either building to a strong foundation or it starts falling apart. You are lacking the foundation here, sadly.
  9. I've never heard of injecting, that's pretty cool, hopefully it works! That's great that you are trying some new varieties too, that Tatume squash looks interesting! I planted some striped Algonquin beans I received from a grain and bean farmer. First time seeing them, even though they are indigenous to the area. They are blooming a beautiful violet colour, so pretty. It's part of my 3 sisters plot experiment. I love that with gardening it's constantly new things to learn and try. Yours sounds amazing.
  10. Woohoo. Maybe by tomorrow it will be closer to normal. We finally got some rain. I was so happy lol.
  11. That sounds beautiful. How are your veggies and such growing? Are you in the Southern U. S.? We have had an unusually hot and dry summer so far.. I'm amazed (and happy) most of my garden is still alive! Corn is stunted, and my cukes for some reason. But peppers and pumpkins are going nuts. 😊
  12. Oh wow. Your new home?! I lived near tornado zone growing up.. It's weird, you get used to it. Like anything else I guess. The tsunami warnings and earthquakes on the west coast freaked me out, but the locals were chill because they knew what to do! I guess familiarity takes some of the edge off. Just knowing the risks, what to do, all that. And yes, I'm ok too. Just a weird time to live in. You know.. I'm proud of you and myself. Knowing our backgrounds, everything we've gone through. We've got this far and are still standing through intense crazy times..we are survivors, my friend.
  13. I know!! It's a rough one in so many ways. I hope you're doing ok.
  14. Thanks! Staying inside today. Grateful I even have that luxury! I just delayed deliveries for later in the week.
  15. Here too. On a scale of 1-10, we are at 10 today. Extreme warning.
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