Alex39

I have severe anxiety. I have OCD. I see a therapist. I can also be a naive person who has been used and stomped on throughout my life, because of my overly sweet upbringing, and now that I'm older and wiser, I try to protect myself and be very logical and stand up for myself and what's right for me. No one ever cared what I wanted or thought, and I always went along with others ignoring my own self and needs. I am trying to not do this anymore. I know me, I know what works for me, and my life. I'm extremely respectful that my friend is a mother with a child. I treat her and her child really well. i travel to see her almost every time. But I don't have a child and I don't need to cater my life around them. My friend that was visiting from out of town doesn't work. So she didn't have a job schedule to stick to. She always wants to hang out during weekdays, not accounting for that people work and she doesn't. My mom friend works at home part-time. She barely works during the week. I work over 50 hours a week. So I have to take care of me and my needs as a busy working woman, living alone, with no one to help cook, clean, do outdoor landscaping maintenance, laundry. I do it all solo. They have help, husband's, and family nearby and they barely work. My out of town friend was even saying she hires a lawn service. I dont have that luxury. I work and have no help. I do as much as I can with what I have. So yes, maybe I expect a little more concessions from them to help me. And I'm sad and hurting. I just want people to care again for me. I've essentially lost all my friends in a matter of a few years. They say we are best friends, but I don't feel or see that anymore.

I'm not asking them to choose husband's or children over me. It's more, when we do hangout, it's not a priority. I do prioritize my friends. I feel like a friend of convenience. They love when I'm there for them, for wedding and showers, but otherwise I'm not cared about. I also feel very out of place. I don't feel like I fit in with my friends and I hate feeling like odd one out. Until I get married and have children I won't fit in with them.

I have two best friends that I've had for over 10 years. We met in college. I'm someone who wants to be comfortable with my friends. I will be extremely loyal to them. And I like to spend time with them. Not constantly, but I feel like, how can you stay friends if you don't see each other and know about each other's lives. My one friend lives about 40 minutes away from me in the same state. She has a home, a husband, and an 18 month old child. When she was having the child, she was all excited and talking to me constantly. And we were close. She was all about me being "Auntie" An Auntie to me, is someone close to the child. Someone who watches the child grow up. Does activities with the child. Is like family. My aunt was super close to me growing up. And I have so many memories with her. I was so excited to be Auntie to my friends child. Ever since she has had the child, I barely see her and I feel really disconnected from the child's life. My friend never invites me over. My friend will invite me to the child's birthday, once a year. I maybe see the child two to three times a year. I don't think the child knows me. I feel like I'm missing her growing up. My friend never asks to make plans with me. I'm always the one asking to make plans with her. And I've gotten so tired of the one-sided asking that I've given up asking. Months back my friend asked me to be her plus one at a wedding. I asked why her husband wasn't going. She said how he had to watch their child. I then offered to watch the child for them, so they could go to the wedding. I'm a very responsible person and great with children. My friend said no, and that her daughter isn't socialized and acts up when she isn't with them. My friend keeps her constantly sheltered at home and many people have been making comments that her child needs to be out around other people more. So I go to the wedding with her, thinking we're going to have an awesome night. And we could connect as friends. I spend hours getting dressed up. We barely stay much after the dinner and my friend insists we go home because hee husband is uncomfortable watching the child and wants her home. I was kind of irritated. I thought the whole reason I attended was so he could watch the child. She's almost 2 years old. So we went home. I put in all this effort for nothing. Now when I suggest us making plans together, she always insists we go to her house or near her house. She promotes that she has to be at home at 11am to put her child down for a nap. So we can't be out at 11am at all. Then she puts her down at 6pm to bed, so if we're out, she races home before 6 to get her to bed. I've never seen anything like this. My mom always took me out and if I slept in the carriage or in the car, it was fine. So now when we do make plans, I'm always traveling the 40 minutes to her home and we can't really go anywhere. I don't feel we have much of a friendship anymore and I don't feel much like an Auntie. Our other friend - we are a trio of women, recently moved 12 hours away by car to another state with her husband. I remember being sad and telling her how we'd barely see her. She promised that if we gave her notice, she'd come up for birthdays and events and she wouldn't miss them. Well that hasn't happened. I told her way ahead of time for my birthday, she didn't come. My friend invited her ahead for the child's birthday, she didn't come. Now her new thing is telling us- hey I'm going to be in town these days if you guys want to see me. This rubs me the wrong way. So essentially, drop everything if you want to see me. And she always comes to town when I'm working during the week. I want to see her and I want to remain close, but I feel like I'm chasing her. Now she's having a baby and I feel a bit insulted. She moves away, we barely see her, she won't comes for any events for us, but is already planning to come up here to have a baby shower and wants all of us to shower her with gifts for it, for her to then travel back home and to not be seen. It's weird. I really want to be close to my friends, but I feel like they don't care. I care about deep friendship and we have such history. I don't know how to repair this void that seems to be there. The out of town friend is coming to town tomorrow. I offered us to do a breakfast, since I work in the afternoon. Of course, we have to go to the mom's house because the child can't be away from home. I said I'll be there at 9, since I can only stay a couple hours and must get to my job. The out of town girl is like "Oh well I can only be there at 11." Thats essentially when I have to leave. I just feel like no one is prioritizing friendship or really seeing each other. It's like they are all out for themselves. I have my job, I can't help that. But I am trying and willing to try to see her. I don't know what to do and if I should even go. I'd be driving 40 minutes there and back to see my friend and her baby, and my out of town friend for maybe a half hour.

I worked, got paid, and walked out with a huge smile on my face. The job was just too much responsibility, not enough pay. Even my last shift, she was asking me what to do with her business. I was telling a friend of mine after the safety concerns, the inconsistent communication, the disordered procedures, the no payment system or plan, and when I tried to create procedures, all the employees would follow it, except her, the owner, and she'd mess it all up for everyone. I always felt like I was sweeping up after her, and trying to run the business adequately. I was always managing safety- like her leaving draperies and supplies constantly up against the heating system and would get burning hot. Her serving customers open food and drinks that wasn't sanitary or certified by the health department. Her mismanaging money and employees. She was very disorganized and the main cause for all of it was always her. She was too carefree and free flowing. She didn't have a worry that anything bad would happen. And she constantly complained about working too much, and wanting to work less, but she only worked less than 20 hours a week. Before I left, she said how she wants multiple days off in a row every week. That just isn't a dedicated small business owner in my opinion. And her constantly asking me what she should do. That's why I felt like the boss. I was looking for leadership as her employee. Her whole place is about health and wellness. She didn't care about fire safety, serving food that could cause allergic reactions or illness, putting out old dirty supplies, etc. I left with a positive attitude towards her and even gave her a few of my marketing templates. I left professionally. My gut is always right and I feel right leaving this job. I mentioned I was uncomfortable with her leaving me alone very quickly with that new male employee she hired. Well that was my gut- screaming at me. She let me know during my last shift that she fired him. I was shocked. I asked why. She said one of her customers found his name online. Along with his arrest record and mug shot. He was arrested and charged for sexually assaulting a teenage girl a few years ago. He's a sex offender. My gut felt something wasn't right, and it wasn't.

Yes, the business is a hot mess. An update. I made her a personal Facebook, transferred the business to her. Erased myself from her business. Within a day, she's messaging me that Facebook find her account to be suspicious. They've now suspended her Facebook and removed the business page I built from their site. I have no control over this and can't fix it. I think Facebook is still seeing fault after she was hacked last year. I have one more shift working with her, and then I'm out. 3 more hours. I'll do whatever she needs in those three hours, but then I'm not her employee anymore. I was officially offered the other job. I accepted. The owner asked for my information. I gave it. She said she's sending me an official contract, guide book, training manual, and pay roll information within the week. I can't wait to start

I don't have an obsession with food or baking. I enjoy cooking and baking as a hobby. It's not enjoyable when you have to make 50 different things to accommodate everyone's preferences.

I want to clarify. I like my brothers girlfriend, and I don't care at all that she didn't eat my dessert. I was more mad at my mother because every dessert I said I'd like to make, she reminded me the girlfriend can't eat that, your brother can't eat that, we need things we can all have. And she harped on me and called me selfish and cruel for making things his girlfriend couldn't eat. I wracked my brain and spent so much time trying to find things we would all eat. I bought special ingredients and worked hard. And the people I catered to didn't eat the dessert. I don't care that she didn't eat it. I'm not mad at her. I'm not bitter. I'm mad at my mother for insisting I cater to everyone, which was much harder and more expensive to do. I learned my lesson. I'm never doing it again. I'm bringing whatever I want next time. I'm only mad at myself. My gut told me what to do. My mother always makes me question my own self. This has been a pattern for years. I need to trust myself. I do take her opinion seriously and too much to heart. Her voice changes my inner voice.

I didn't get the opportunity to talk to her today. We had clients in the entire time, then she took off to the bank and I didn't see her. During my shift today, I pretty much erased myself from her website, transferred all social media to her, and set myself up to dissappear. I then wrote her a very professional formal resignation email and sent it to her. Letting her know next week will be my last shift with her, and I have to move on to other things beyond that. I have not heard from her at all. I'm assuming she's freaking out. That's her personality. I assume I'll be getting a call tomorrow.

She paid me for every hour I have worked. But I always had to ask to be paid and she would clam up and get really awkward like she didn't want to pay you. It became uncomfortable. She always did pay me. Last week I had to ask three times to be paid. That did rub me the wrong way.

I want to clarify. We did not guilt trip her. We didn't expect her to eat it right after her meal. She and my brother took the dessert home. I asked my brother days later about the dessert and if she liked it because we made it to fit her dietary requirements. My brother told me how he liked it and said how she never ate it. I don't care that she didn't eat it. I'm just not catering to her anymore. My mother pushed and pushed that we make her comfortable. And she didn't even eat it.

I really hope this new one will be better. I work well with structure and expectations and this new one already has a system of hiring , payment, training, and regular meetings. I think it will be good.

I never signed anything. No contract, no tax forms, nothing. I showed up and starting working and hoped she paid me.

I have an update. I want to clarify, I do not want to be the boss. I did not walk in wanting to be the CEO. I went into the business. I received no training. There are no standards. There are no procedures in place. She was telling my references that in the future, she wants to hire me full time. I think that's a complete lie. There was barely a decent chair for my to sit in. I tried to put procedures in place. I tried cleaning up her desk- which is drawers and drawers of junk and crap. She would continue doing the opposite. I tried managing her employees, because I was hired as a manager. But I never was able. One girl she hired recently quit after one week. She said she couldn't deal with the owners poor communication. I had to essentially make stuff up as I went along. I received no direction. This owner was always questioning herself and decisions she was making. She would tell me one thing one week, then completely do a 180 the next. She'd have me send stuff out one day to clients, then regret it the next day. She is still constantly asking me what she should do. So I felt a bit like I was running this business. But then sometimes she wouldn't be happy, even if the business was booming. I made her thousands more and she would complain. But then give me no structure or clear definitive on what she wanted. There is no order, no planning, no organization. I tried to implement some stuff in that department, but it didn't work. I was trying to make it a business, but it's this woman's playground. I did just get an offer for a new job. More hours, more money. I accepted. The owner of this new business, has an organized, structured, thriving business. She already has me starting a training program, with regular check ins. She is getting me on the payroll and says I will be paid automatically, regularly. The only thing now, I have to leave the old job. I don't know how to tell her I'm leaving and is a week enough notice?

So my mom and I compromised. I realized I was being too rigid and difficult. I decided to make all desserts that we could all eat, including his girlfriend. I was bring too harsh. I think my mom realized that it was hard to cater every dish to everyone, so we did our best to make things for everyone. In the end, I think my mom saw some truth to what I was saying originally. I slaved away buying expensive special ingredients so that my brothers girlfriend could eat all the desserts. The desserts I had to make were way more time consuming and difficult. His girlfriend didn't even eat them the day of. My mom let her know that we specifically made them so she could have them. She didn't eat them. I turned to my mom and was like- next time I'm making whatever the heck I want, whether she can eat them or not. My mom actually agreed and was a bit taken back why she didn't eat them. And my mom made sure that the dishes for the meal were things she could eat too. I don't think this girl cared at all. I tried to tell my mom this prior, but she didn't listen. I noticed my mom was kind of over it and realizing that catering to her wasn't the exact way to go.

I see what you all are saying. I do think I should be kinder. I am taking this hard. I think my struggle is that I work so immensely hard for my mothers approval and attention and to see this girl come in and just get it without doing anything confuses and upsets me. To see us get treated the same confuses me. I really don't think she cares about my mother all that much or what my mother does for her. She's nice but indifferent. She's in it for my brother only. I like the GF. I get along with her. Sometimes, I think she likes me more than my mom, because I'm younger and connects with her more. We aren't enemies. I don't hate her or anything. I think because I find my mother's love conditional. It hurts me to see the GF get it for free. I only get it when I act in a way that my mother deems right.