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  1. I can elaborate. I rushed making the campaigns. I put a lot of thought and effort into them, but did it in a rushed capacity, because she gives me a checklist every shift. So I can't sit on too much stuff or my list piles up. I think my work was good. I think if I had a bit more flexibility and time, I could think more, brainstorm, identify what she wants more clearly, and produce even better work. I don't really have time to think long. Not saying my work has been bad at all. Marketing takes time. Doing graphic design sometimes could take me a half hour to an hour. She doesn't allot time for this. I'm confused because this owner loved what I did at the previous job. At the interview, she was all over what I could do. She was impressed. She loved that I updated and designed the old woman's entire website. It looks fantastic still from what I did. This new woman loved that I up'd the old businesses sales and wanted me to help her do that. She liked that I did creative marketing and social media for the old business. But she's giving me exact time coordinated instructions on very specific tasks, which doesn't allot for me to update or increase sales how I would do it, and have done it in the past. I follow her every instruction to a T. I don't have an issue with it. I am just afraid she's going to be like- well I hired you because you increased sales at another business and now mine isn't up. She's telling me exactly how to do it. I didn't use any of the methods she's wanting me to employ in the past. I coordinated my own, which were successful. I don't have time to think or brainstorm even how to use her softwares more effectively, because I have a to-do list to get through. This job doesn't allow for any creativity or thought out social media. No time to make plans or design fun promotions. None of it is how I would increase sales. I'm not doing any organic marketing or graphic/web design. I'm not updating her website or using social media as I have, which was successful. I just don't want to let her down. I promised a lot of stuff. Stuff I know I can do. But the actual job doesn't leave time for any of that.
  2. I have plenty here that I think is positive. I think she has an organized business. It's clean, well decorated, and the classes are good.
  3. I don't hate the job, and I am putting my head down and doing every task asked. It's a bit stressful for a part time job when you never see or speak to the owner.
  4. No, that's my issue. I don't have time to re-watch a 30 minute video, get all her daily tasks checked off, and I thought she hired me to do more marketing, as we discussed my skills and such a lot in the interview, and she wants to up her clientele, but there is no time for that in the schedule of things she has provided.
  5. This is spot on. Thank you for understanding my post. It's not that I'm unhappy and I never say and word to her about anything complaining. I'm not trying to change her business. I think for years she has relied on technology instead of actually engaging with her customers. She doesn't want to hear their complaints or their issues. But technology only gets you so far. People are real. Not behind a screen. I like her and when we do get chances to talk she's nice to me. I guess I just thought I'd be seeing and talking to her more myself, training with her, and not working alone. Chatting leaves things little context with interpersonal communication. She can't see my face, my tone of voice, understand my point of view through a chat online. That's just how I feel.
  6. I just wanted to give an update. I don't regret leaving my other job. I'm making more money and I'm doing more work. And the money and a bit more safety and structure is good. I feel physically safe. No messy, unsanitary, or sex offender conditions. This new place is different. I didn't go in guns blazing trying to run the place. I'm trying to follow all of the directives of the owner. But it's a bit overwhelming. This new place lacks a personal touch. She has everything set up with computer systems and automation. There's no room for one minor mistake. Working there, I have about 20 tabs open just with software she uses. And I'm jumping between a million systems. It's almost too much online software to keep up with. I see maybe using one or two, but she uses every thing under the sun. This one is for scheduling, this one is for social media, this one is for payments, this one for emailing, this one for calendars, this one for tasks, this one for marketing and on and on. I've seen better ways and systems to do it all in one and more simply. I am following everything she tells me, but it's very complicated for something that doesn't have to be. And I'm getting training, but it isn't personal or her working with me at all. I barely see the owner at all since day one and when I do, I'm chasing her with questions as she walks away and she brushes me off as she's busy, saying to type questions to her on yet another software program. She only comes in to teach her own classes, not to ever work with me. She literally gave me a front door key on day one saying I can open things up myself. She didn't even know or trust me. I'm working alone constantly. She sends me videos and instructions I have to watch or follow on my own. I work completely on my own. So if I have a question during the process, I have to type it to her and she doesn't get back to me for days. But I'm expected to get so much work done every day, she has me on a tight schedule. So I feel pressure that I can't stop for questions, it takes too long. I can't re-watch a video, it takes too much time that I womt finish my tasks. I am getting instructions. But not much context on what I am doing and what it's for. So often times there is grey area where I am lacking full information. Clients are coming up to me with questions and I can't answer them. I don't know enough. And I've had many clients tell me how the owner doesn't want to hear their feedback and they make a face, like they've had words with her in the past. I say nothing, but sorry to hear that. There are so many rules and policies and structures, but they are all so cold and strict. Humans are humans. People aren't perfect, but their rules don't reflect this. It's perfection or you aren't cut out for it here. I even witnessed one of the teachers- not the owner, talking rudely to children. And have now heard this teacher do this multiple times every week. I was appalled. Everyone just acts like it's normal. I don't say a word. I was verbally and borderline physically abused at a school when I was a child, so I know how to spot this behavior. I don't get the chance to be creative or innovative or build anything on my own in this new role. It's by the book. I was brought in to be a friendly face, a friendly contact, but I feel like a robot. She does marketing and it's so cold and again automated. I like more human oriented marketing with some freedom and organic connection. Her connection is an AI system sending generic messages. I could answer all the messages with a more personal flair. I made a bunch of social media posts for her to look at. It took me some time and effort. She only approved one or two. I felt so defeated. I know my work is good. I don't hate the job. I just know I have more I could offer and do. I don't think I think high enough of myself. My co-workers at my day to day job keep saying- why are you working for these other people, when you definitely could be running your own business? We see you doing that. I don't feel confident doing it myself.
  7. A lot of people call me sweet out in the world and have made comments about how sweet I am. I have manners. I have class. The way I speak and hold myself is that. I am not raunchy- at least not in public. I was raised to be proper. To give to others. To do things the right way. To be perfect. I'm not perfect, but I try hard to be.
  8. It's not that they've distanced from me because of me. I genuinely chalk it up to they got married, were more focused on dating engagements, weddings, new husband's, pregnancy. And I didn't have that going for me. We used to gush in a group chat about dating and plans. Well, now they are both married and settled and I'm the only one in the group chat who is still gushing about a date or online dating. Because that's where I am in my life. And they barely react or say a word, because they don't care. They got their guy, they aren't out dating. My one friend said to me one time- I'm so happy I met my husband and don't have to date anymore, it seems awful. I was like wow, thanks. As for my relationship with my friend and her child. I do treat them well. I work a second job where I am around a lot of children and am well liked. It's not so much I judge my mom friend. But she preaches all this Auntie stuff to me, I get all happy and excited. Then I barely see her child and she won't even let me babysit. I tell her how I love to be involved in her life, but I'm far from it. I've been the one trying. After a while when you are pulling another person up a hill with you, you get tired and let the rope go. How many times am I supposed to give, to travel, to put myself out and get nothing in return? But the attitude that I am Auntie and involved is there, but the action is not. Why sell me a false bill of goods? There is an episode of Sex and the City. Carrie and her friends go to a friend's party. Her friend has children and has settled down, completely different than Carrie. Carrie is asked to take her shoes off at the door. So she does. Well someone steals her $400 shoes. Her friend apologizes and laughs it off. But to Carrie it wasn't funny or an oops. Days later Carrie calls her friend, and nicely insinuates that she replace her shoes that were stolen at her house. Her friend then shames her for foolishly purchasing expensive shoes and essentially living this frivolous single life and she must understand that those with kids and a family can't replace $400 shoes, because they have a family. Carrie then sits back and looks at all she has given to her friend. An expensive wedding gift, a bachelorette trip, a bridal shower gift, a housewarming gift, a baby shower gift, kids birthday gifts. And Carrie realizes that her friend hasn't had to dish out much to her at all, but continues to expect to be catered to by Carrie. And she sees inequity in the relationship. Carrie then says how if she never gets married or has kids, then her friends got off easy with her. And their friendship isn't equal. I really resonated with this episode because that's how I feel exactly. I've been giving for years, and I give because it's the right thing, but when is it my turn? And now that I'm knee deep in giving, will I get the same back? If I knew I wasn't going to get the same back then I'd be more cautious and stop giving a bit now. I've given so much, that yes, I expect occasionally to have my friend and her baby come to me and come around my work schedule. I don't think that's a lot to ask in the scheme of the money, time, and effort I've put out for them. Friendship is a give and take. That's just how I feel. In the end, Carrie calls her friend and says she's getting married and puts the shoes on her registry. But she wasn't getting married at all. Her friend begrudgingly goes and replaces her shoes.
  9. I have severe anxiety. I have OCD. I see a therapist. I can also be a naive person who has been used and stomped on throughout my life, because of my overly sweet upbringing, and now that I'm older and wiser, I try to protect myself and be very logical and stand up for myself and what's right for me. No one ever cared what I wanted or thought, and I always went along with others ignoring my own self and needs. I am trying to not do this anymore. I know me, I know what works for me, and my life. I'm extremely respectful that my friend is a mother with a child. I treat her and her child really well. i travel to see her almost every time. But I don't have a child and I don't need to cater my life around them. My friend that was visiting from out of town doesn't work. So she didn't have a job schedule to stick to. She always wants to hang out during weekdays, not accounting for that people work and she doesn't. My mom friend works at home part-time. She barely works during the week. I work over 50 hours a week. So I have to take care of me and my needs as a busy working woman, living alone, with no one to help cook, clean, do outdoor landscaping maintenance, laundry. I do it all solo. They have help, husband's, and family nearby and they barely work. My out of town friend was even saying she hires a lawn service. I dont have that luxury. I work and have no help. I do as much as I can with what I have. So yes, maybe I expect a little more concessions from them to help me. And I'm sad and hurting. I just want people to care again for me. I've essentially lost all my friends in a matter of a few years. They say we are best friends, but I don't feel or see that anymore.
  10. I'm not asking them to choose husband's or children over me. It's more, when we do hangout, it's not a priority. I do prioritize my friends. I feel like a friend of convenience. They love when I'm there for them, for wedding and showers, but otherwise I'm not cared about. I also feel very out of place. I don't feel like I fit in with my friends and I hate feeling like odd one out. Until I get married and have children I won't fit in with them.
  11. I have two best friends that I've had for over 10 years. We met in college. I'm someone who wants to be comfortable with my friends. I will be extremely loyal to them. And I like to spend time with them. Not constantly, but I feel like, how can you stay friends if you don't see each other and know about each other's lives. My one friend lives about 40 minutes away from me in the same state. She has a home, a husband, and an 18 month old child. When she was having the child, she was all excited and talking to me constantly. And we were close. She was all about me being "Auntie" An Auntie to me, is someone close to the child. Someone who watches the child grow up. Does activities with the child. Is like family. My aunt was super close to me growing up. And I have so many memories with her. I was so excited to be Auntie to my friends child. Ever since she has had the child, I barely see her and I feel really disconnected from the child's life. My friend never invites me over. My friend will invite me to the child's birthday, once a year. I maybe see the child two to three times a year. I don't think the child knows me. I feel like I'm missing her growing up. My friend never asks to make plans with me. I'm always the one asking to make plans with her. And I've gotten so tired of the one-sided asking that I've given up asking. Months back my friend asked me to be her plus one at a wedding. I asked why her husband wasn't going. She said how he had to watch their child. I then offered to watch the child for them, so they could go to the wedding. I'm a very responsible person and great with children. My friend said no, and that her daughter isn't socialized and acts up when she isn't with them. My friend keeps her constantly sheltered at home and many people have been making comments that her child needs to be out around other people more. So I go to the wedding with her, thinking we're going to have an awesome night. And we could connect as friends. I spend hours getting dressed up. We barely stay much after the dinner and my friend insists we go home because hee husband is uncomfortable watching the child and wants her home. I was kind of irritated. I thought the whole reason I attended was so he could watch the child. She's almost 2 years old. So we went home. I put in all this effort for nothing. Now when I suggest us making plans together, she always insists we go to her house or near her house. She promotes that she has to be at home at 11am to put her child down for a nap. So we can't be out at 11am at all. Then she puts her down at 6pm to bed, so if we're out, she races home before 6 to get her to bed. I've never seen anything like this. My mom always took me out and if I slept in the carriage or in the car, it was fine. So now when we do make plans, I'm always traveling the 40 minutes to her home and we can't really go anywhere. I don't feel we have much of a friendship anymore and I don't feel much like an Auntie. Our other friend - we are a trio of women, recently moved 12 hours away by car to another state with her husband. I remember being sad and telling her how we'd barely see her. She promised that if we gave her notice, she'd come up for birthdays and events and she wouldn't miss them. Well that hasn't happened. I told her way ahead of time for my birthday, she didn't come. My friend invited her ahead for the child's birthday, she didn't come. Now her new thing is telling us- hey I'm going to be in town these days if you guys want to see me. This rubs me the wrong way. So essentially, drop everything if you want to see me. And she always comes to town when I'm working during the week. I want to see her and I want to remain close, but I feel like I'm chasing her. Now she's having a baby and I feel a bit insulted. She moves away, we barely see her, she won't comes for any events for us, but is already planning to come up here to have a baby shower and wants all of us to shower her with gifts for it, for her to then travel back home and to not be seen. It's weird. I really want to be close to my friends, but I feel like they don't care. I care about deep friendship and we have such history. I don't know how to repair this void that seems to be there. The out of town friend is coming to town tomorrow. I offered us to do a breakfast, since I work in the afternoon. Of course, we have to go to the mom's house because the child can't be away from home. I said I'll be there at 9, since I can only stay a couple hours and must get to my job. The out of town girl is like "Oh well I can only be there at 11." Thats essentially when I have to leave. I just feel like no one is prioritizing friendship or really seeing each other. It's like they are all out for themselves. I have my job, I can't help that. But I am trying and willing to try to see her. I don't know what to do and if I should even go. I'd be driving 40 minutes there and back to see my friend and her baby, and my out of town friend for maybe a half hour.
  12. I worked, got paid, and walked out with a huge smile on my face. The job was just too much responsibility, not enough pay. Even my last shift, she was asking me what to do with her business. I was telling a friend of mine after the safety concerns, the inconsistent communication, the disordered procedures, the no payment system or plan, and when I tried to create procedures, all the employees would follow it, except her, the owner, and she'd mess it all up for everyone. I always felt like I was sweeping up after her, and trying to run the business adequately. I was always managing safety- like her leaving draperies and supplies constantly up against the heating system and would get burning hot. Her serving customers open food and drinks that wasn't sanitary or certified by the health department. Her mismanaging money and employees. She was very disorganized and the main cause for all of it was always her. She was too carefree and free flowing. She didn't have a worry that anything bad would happen. And she constantly complained about working too much, and wanting to work less, but she only worked less than 20 hours a week. Before I left, she said how she wants multiple days off in a row every week. That just isn't a dedicated small business owner in my opinion. And her constantly asking me what she should do. That's why I felt like the boss. I was looking for leadership as her employee. Her whole place is about health and wellness. She didn't care about fire safety, serving food that could cause allergic reactions or illness, putting out old dirty supplies, etc. I left with a positive attitude towards her and even gave her a few of my marketing templates. I left professionally. My gut is always right and I feel right leaving this job. I mentioned I was uncomfortable with her leaving me alone very quickly with that new male employee she hired. Well that was my gut- screaming at me. She let me know during my last shift that she fired him. I was shocked. I asked why. She said one of her customers found his name online. Along with his arrest record and mug shot. He was arrested and charged for sexually assaulting a teenage girl a few years ago. He's a sex offender. My gut felt something wasn't right, and it wasn't.
  13. Yes, the business is a hot mess. An update. I made her a personal Facebook, transferred the business to her. Erased myself from her business. Within a day, she's messaging me that Facebook find her account to be suspicious. They've now suspended her Facebook and removed the business page I built from their site. I have no control over this and can't fix it. I think Facebook is still seeing fault after she was hacked last year. I have one more shift working with her, and then I'm out. 3 more hours. I'll do whatever she needs in those three hours, but then I'm not her employee anymore. I was officially offered the other job. I accepted. The owner asked for my information. I gave it. She said she's sending me an official contract, guide book, training manual, and pay roll information within the week. I can't wait to start
  14. I don't have an obsession with food or baking. I enjoy cooking and baking as a hobby. It's not enjoyable when you have to make 50 different things to accommodate everyone's preferences.
  15. I want to clarify. I like my brothers girlfriend, and I don't care at all that she didn't eat my dessert. I was more mad at my mother because every dessert I said I'd like to make, she reminded me the girlfriend can't eat that, your brother can't eat that, we need things we can all have. And she harped on me and called me selfish and cruel for making things his girlfriend couldn't eat. I wracked my brain and spent so much time trying to find things we would all eat. I bought special ingredients and worked hard. And the people I catered to didn't eat the dessert. I don't care that she didn't eat it. I'm not mad at her. I'm not bitter. I'm mad at my mother for insisting I cater to everyone, which was much harder and more expensive to do. I learned my lesson. I'm never doing it again. I'm bringing whatever I want next time. I'm only mad at myself. My gut told me what to do. My mother always makes me question my own self. This has been a pattern for years. I need to trust myself. I do take her opinion seriously and too much to heart. Her voice changes my inner voice.
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