JaneShin

No I'm not gonna suggest things to him, I think everyone made that clear and I agree. It was just at first I thought to suggest, but now the only thing I think I should do is maybe talk to him regarding his mental health and let him know I'm there, not to fix or suggest therapist or anyhting. To be honest with you, now I'm realizing if I return back in time, I would've made a different decision regarding dating him. At the same time, I don't think it's right to step away from this relationship right now when he's rock bottom. I will hang there a bit just for his mental health sake and just because he's a human who deserves love, regardless whether he's my romantic partner or no. Belive me, I know everything is self-inflicted, the thing is how to move forward from here on. I think he knows that too and telling him that will serve no good. I know it's gonna be hard on me, but I am taking everyone feedback in and I won't be trying to fix him. I will just be there for him.

Yes I agree it was his choice to get out and be homeless. I don't think he is blaming his parents, I think he left his mom because of her disrespect. I agree with everything you said. I clearly trusted the process and what he was doing, and always believed in him, but obviously he is struggling a lot and that's the problem now. Regardless, his mental health needs to be taken care of as this is obviously what's affecting him.

Regarding my family, they know I'm dating him and he is older but don't know about the financial and suicidal situation or he lived in a car.

Yes, I live in the US. We are kinda from the same background. He is Asian and I am middle eastern, so we share a lot of culture (he was born here in the US though and I am immigrant when I was a teenager). I'm not blaming his parents at all, if anything I've encouraged him to rebuild relationship with his mom as I respect her a lot - she literally took them from poverty to being wealthy, she is a very smart woman and I look up to her. I've hinted to him in the past he should try to forgive her as regardless, she paid for his degree even though he told me she has neglected him growing up. From what I know about what happened with his mom (what he told me) he used to have punching bags and gloves for boxing. She took a scissor and ripped them apart and threw most of them (such as gloves and other small items and punching bags she could carry) so they are not heavy equipment, but rather items he used to use to train his clients with. I agree with you regarding the dream job, as we have bills to pay. But of course I'm hoping he realizes this that's why I asked maybe mentionig pharmacy to him would help. But at the same time I shouldn't be telling someone what to do, and I'm realizing that now I cant just fix someone. but I agree with what everyone said here, it's a mental health problem and his attitude toward life has become negative.

I know and I agree with you. I just don't know how to value myself and if I did I don't think this would've happened

I get what you are saying but at the same time I would rather to have a partner who trust me and confide in me than struggle in silence and potentially harming themselves then finidng out when it's too late. But yes he is stubborn when it comes to getting help. in the past he himself admitted he doesn't like to ask help or seek for it.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Quite frankly sometimes I wonder too if I haven't matured yet. I tell myself that if I love a person, I should love them as they are. Because who can guarantee a man that is financially stable will be stable forever? so when I fell in love with him I fell in love with his mindset and his outlook about life, and how he have all these dreams he's gonna achieve. But sometimes there are thoughts in the back of my head whether I'm making the right decision - like what you exactly said. But then catch myself and tell myself what am I thinking? I kinda feel like I'm betraying him by having these thoughts if you know what I mean. So this is a dilemma I need to admit and need to be honest with myself about. Because the situation you described is something I wonder if I will ever be in. Not because he is not a good person. Every time I imagine my life without him it brings me to tear, but if I decide to end things because it's better for both of us it will definitely be after he recovers a bit, as I can't bring myself to just leave after he dropped a bomb on me. After all, I still love him and hope for things to work out, even if it's just a wishful thought.

You are right I've been thinking more about how he is gonna perceive my words and me in general, and I am now realizing this is selfish from my part. I've actually expressed that to him in the past how I sometimes fear sayign something and how he is going to perceive me and he said exactly what you said, that what he is going to think of me is outside of my control. But regardless, at times like these I shoudn't even be thinking like this thank you

My apology I misunderstood, was kind of feeling overwhelmed. I did take the role of his mother (or at least think I am) and I need to reflect on that. This whole forum and replies has been a big reality check for me.

I take accountability that I chose this, when we dated I didn’t know he lived in his car as he got in apartment with a roommate right after so that wasn’t an issue. Of course a lot of qualities attracted me to him so what’s happening right now wasn’t a big issue, even though he didn’t have much to begin with. And no not because I’m living at home. My first bf had his own place and everything but he wasn’t a good person. And as I mentioned, I’m financially independent and can live on my own but choose to stay with my parents because I get along with them and they’re happy Im with them instead of throwing money on rent (if anything they encouraged me to buy a house and rent it to build wealth which I did). If not for a job or school, I don’t see a reaosn to move out unless Im getting married which is pretty normal in my culture. I just loved him as a person.

You really are strong and inspiring. I'm definitely a people-pleaser (bf said that too and he encouraged me to improve) so you are right I watch my words very carefully be as nice as I can so i dont offend the other person, even when i'm offering no actual help. I will keep everything you said in mind and will keep you posted. I appreciate it.

Thanks for you reply. He is definitely not a man child like some said, as I've been with him and see his actions, and one of the reasons I love him is he is manly and always wants to provide and protect and I respect him a lot. He is very prideful though. I won't reach out to his mom because i know how rocky his relationship with her is, even though she's trying to rebuild it.

I'm sorry I know I keep going back and forth on this, but I'm not sure how to approach it now. Some people are saying to not force him while others saying he needs serious help. There are just a mix of answers at this point. What's your advice on how to open up a conversation with him?

I understand where you are coming from but also please understand he has never relied on me for support or ever asked me anything. The only time he did was to drive him to work because of parking. I unfortunately had to grow up and get a stable job because of my situation (going to grad school in two months) so I'm probably where most 30 year olds are at in life. I'm not trying to justify for him, but blaming him is the least thing I want to do as it's not gonna get us anywhere. I bought his groceries and offer help because I couldn't watch him there suffer. I understnad now maybe I coddled him too much but I want you to understnad where I'm coming from.

I did tell him that yesterday after not knowing how to respond. I said "is there anything I can help with?" and didn't talk much as I know he wanted to vent. His response was basically this "can you work 12 hour shifts from evening to morning in the food truck alone and have to carry 80 lbs? I need to do men *** and figure it out this is real problem" I didn't say anything and then he said how he wants to be alone and "if there was an isolated tree somewhere in the neighborhood he would hang himself" and how he is just gonna keep driving to work at 4am until a car hits him and he dies, I didn't say anything so we left it there and we parted way. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to best approach this from now on. As the others suggested I shouldn't try to fix him or coddle him. But I want him to know I'm here for him as a partner and that he needs to consider getting serious help soon as this is not good for either of us.