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  1. Should I break up with my girlfriend? Tldr: I found out my girlfriend has been lying to me for over a year and recently came upon a video of her having sex with another man. She doesn't want to break up. Her father is visiting us and I have to make a choice. Background: We moved in together really quick because at the time, I needed to move out of the country for a new job. After the first few months of us living in the new city, she started meeting black men (I am black she is white and we live in a predominantly white country) During the course of a year, we have had fights over this, because these black men she would freely give her number kept growing in her contact list. I estimate about 25 black men were in her contacts, she estimated 15. At the beginning she was telling me that she was meeting this black man named Carl for coffee with his girlfriend (always the 3 of them she said, but I could never confirm the existence of such girlfriend). In order to calm my nerve, she invited him over for lunch. I could tell from the way he was looking at her that he was eye ***ing her. One day at night, we were both looking at her phone for some reason and Carl sends her "I love you". I get mad, she tells me that he said it in a friendly way but agreed with me to stop seeing him. That's just one out of the 25. I kept growing more and more paranoid and suspicious about her. I woke up one morning at 2 am to see that she went to the kitchen to chat with a black man. We had a fight and the conclusion of that fight was that she would not delete her conversations with men. She would receive random messages from a man saying "ok". She would tell me some lie about how men send her random messages with no sense. I knew she was lying and just kept deleting the preceding conversations. We kept fighting for over a year. She should have seen how this was affecting me. I caught her in a conversation with a man that was saved under a female name on her contact list. She deleted the conversation but I took her phone and started recording all the suspicious numbers of men on my phone. She was trying to prevent me from doing this but I use my force to keep her from reaching my phone. She eventually got my phone and locked herself in the bathroom. She deleted the numbers I recorded from my phone and her phone. While I was trying to get into the bathroom I got so mad that I punch the door of the bathroom bloody. I broke the door. She promised me things were going to be different. Fast forward some time, there was a period where we didn't fight over this for two whole months (it was nice). One day I woke up and went to the living room. Saw him talking to another man. She ran to the kitchen and deleted the conversation. I took her phone by force and ran outside the house with a shirt during winter (it was very cold). I saw that the man sent the message "text me when it is safe so I don't get you in trouble". So I texted him that it was safe now. Long story short I managed to get pictures of all the little dates they had together and pictures of then kissing each other on the cheeks (she claims this was innocent) I get mad and then we had another fight. I asked her before confronting her whether there's something I should know about. She said nothing. She said absolutely nothing. When I confronted her, she told me the pictures were innocent and nothing else happened. She blamed everything that happened to her being out of medication. She hit her head when she was little and has mental issues ever since. She stop taking medication around the time we moved in together. I accepted that until the man send her a porno of the two of them having sex. Threatening her that if she doesn't talk to him, he would send this to me. She claimed that it wasn't her. When she saw that wasn't working, she claimed that it was her in body but not in mind. She claims she was raped by this man. I took the matter to police. She claims she was drugged. There are some weird stuff around her explanations. They were both having coffee (in secret, without telling me) and he gave her a pill for headaches which he put inside the drink and she just drank it because I guess that's normal. Then she felt sleepy and instead of going home she decided to sleep it off at a stranger's room because I would ask questions if I saw her sleepy at home (because I guess she couldn't make up something like I am tired, she has been very skilled at lying so far). Then 30 minutes after she passed out came home made lunch, had lunch with me, I was none the wiser, and then she left the house again that day during the afternoon, came back around 18:00 left at 14:00. To do what? Have a walk. She is not employed or studying full time. She only studies English, so that she can join the university when she ready. But then covid happened. She would go out every day, every morning between 09:00 to 11:00. But lately she added also going out between 14:00 and 18:00. I suspect this addition was to accommodate the work schedule of one of the men she meets. Since all of that happened, she has gone on to medication. An antidepressant and taking therapy. She tells me now she doesn't feel the need to go out every day and that with therapy and understanding her mental issues she hopes to never lie to me again. She says I shouldn't break up with her now because now she is getting help with her mental issues that lead her to behave this way and that she will improve. My job is very stressful. I make good money but that's because the work is tough. While she was going out meeting men I was always working. I need time to rest after work but I told I would go with her so that she didn't have to go out alone if she waited for me to finish work. She always refused. The stress of her behaviour has been damaging my health and my throughput at work. I sympathize with her mental issues but I cannot understand why she wouldn't stop seeing the effect her behaviour was having on me. I am breaking apart I fear the rape is just another lie to cover up what she has done. So far she hasn't admitted to willfully cheating on me. The 25 black men were there just to make me jealous she claims because I was too busy with work and rest to give the attention she deserved. Any advice would be great. I need an objective voice because in my state I can't think clearly.
  2. Hi So ya, to start with my mom found out that that my dad has an affair with another woman and they always meet. Almost every day actually. To be honest I am torn with respect toward my father and hatred. Now my father wanted to take that woman as a second wife ( my country allows polygamous relationship ). Of course, I hate that woman and to make it worst, she went to my house and bang on the door this morning because my mom won't let my dad take his phone or take a step outside without her this last few days. I mean how shameless can she be. My maternal grandma said that mom should go back to her house if dad decided to take that woman. Jokes on you, I hate that woman so much. You see my father was one of the biggest shareholder in a company and that mean he has this tons of authorities in this company. My mom found out that my dad is trying to take that woman as one of the staff there. So my mom went to see the company CEO and well at that time she could not control her anger. You know what my dad did? She scold my mom. That woman also blame my mother's friend for telling her about their affair. I mean she goes around with my dad calling her honey and stuff. They even met each respective family to get blessings and she goes around telling everyone my dad is her boyfriend and they are waiting for my mother approval. Are my mom a jokes to you? It broke my heart to see my dad acting like nothing ever happen and mom keep on crying. You see my mom is a housewife. She said that she become a housewife when my dad coaxed her to take care of the children. If not for dad, she will have a brighter life. After she married my dad she got an offer in one of the biggest company in my country, but she turned it down because she said that she does not want a long distance relationship, later she fell into depression then she got better, then she got a job somewhere closer and later she quit to become a housewife. I am the eldest out of 5 siblings and I am a first year in college with full parents support. So I could not do anything except for the mental support to mum. I am still living with her. Mom said that she is trying to hold herself and ask me to study and get good job, so she can be at ease. My mom is well she is crying almost every day and she only slept for a few hours last night. I am thinking of getting a job, but I know mom and dad will object. I just cant focus and my younger siblings does not know anything. It pain me seeing them and mom. Well I am venting here since I'll stay anonymous here. My mom only told me, her parents and some of the close friends. I will take any advice on what can I do now. Thank you.,
  3. First of all i think I'll have to give a warning because this might be a heavy subject for someone. Hello everyone! Me and my bf are dating for one year (long distance) , everything was fine until yesterday. He came to my hometown to see me and everytime we see each other we have sexual intercourse. Yesterday I wasn't really feeling it, he gave me the signal that he wants to do something and I said "I'm not im the mood today" he said "okay" and after 5-10 minutes he started touching me even when i clearly stated that i didn't want to do anything sexual with him. He was grabbing me inappropriately and I just froze and didn't say anything at that very moment (that was my fault). He didn't go any further than that but it still felt wrong. After he went back home he started texting me and "joking" about how I didn't give him what he wanted, even if it really was a joke I was offended (he's that kind of guy that almost jokes about everything) I confronted him about it and told him that what he did was wrong. He told me that he didn't know that I felt that way and said that he was very sorry that he hurt me in that way, and that he'll never do that ever again. One part of me wants to forgive him because I still love him but the other part is still confused about the situation that happened. I really don't know how to feel right now, if anyone has advice i would be very happy to hear about it.
  4. I've been depressed for years and then this year I met a uni classmate on Zoom who made me feel good for the first time in awhile. I haven't had friends in a long time ever since my depression hit. We became friends and I developed feelings for her after some months. She felt the same. However, we're no longer in the same class in the new semester and I can feel her pulling away. I don't know if it's paranoia or just gut instinct but I also feel like she's falling for someone else in her new classes (recently came to know this person exists through an extra curricular group we happened to all be in), which hurts, even if I don't have concrete proof of it. I feel myself sinking back into that depressive state and it's affecting my coursework. Couldn't even bring myself to attend classes this morning. What do I do?
  5. first of all thank you for your time and, my english may not be that good but im gonna try my best im a 15 year old girl and i have a 4 years older sister (19) who literally starts punching me on the face and pulling my hair whenever i ask her to, for example; move away when im sweeping the floor or when i ask her to clean the mess she made with food on MY bed... like im not even asking her to do me a favor she just refuses to act like a decent human being, she takes "dont tell me what to do" to a whoooooole new level.. she gets so easily offended by literally nothing and thats her biggest insecurity i once called her a snowflake and she almost broke my nose lmao i regret nothing. and because of what. because she pushed me away when i was sitting next to her holding the laptop, reading the news about the BTS meal, and i asked her to search for the price and she got offended thats why i called her a snowflake and she was TRIGGERED 🙂 when it comes to decent respect to family members or people in general, shes a complete a*hole. shes not participating in the chores (i always have to do her part of the chores) plus she always act like we owe her something; using my things without permission and throwing it on the floor when i want it back... and much more. our little sister is 12 and she never interacts with her cuz she knows how of a psychopath she is, and our older sister sometimes try to pick on her as usual but i often stand up for her because im the one who knows her weaknesses and i just cant let her win. this s**t didnt happen overnight, she used to abuse me physically and emotionally when we were kids and i learned how to use it all against her, shes just projecting her insecurities on others and i make sure shes always reminded of how weak she is to act like that.. sounds manipulative i know, shes one of the mostly people on earth that i have 0 empathy left for her, i would say that is my coping mechanism, i always win at argument, so her only comeback is the hitting and thats the only thing she wins at, but that doesnt affect me as much as it affects her, i dont really feel anything when she hits me it just gets old.. no f*cks left to give thats it, and i know how much words trigger her so i would never keep my mouth shut bcz i can 🙂 neither of us is mentally stable at this point, but i try as much as i can not to let people go through what ive gone through, something she does the complete opposite of, and i love making the people of her kind have a taste of their own medicine the most important part, are my parents paying attention to this? yes and no. i feel like theyre doubting themselves for her being like this, because... no need to sugar-coat this, child abuse is so normalized in our culture and my older sister was so mentally affected by which made her ego so fragile... are they doing anything to help? hear me out, when my sister and i get into a fight im "the only one who they can communicate with, safely" and i just need to ignore her because "im more mature"... like she always throws a tantrum like a f*cking 2 year old, crying and screaming whenever they try to discipline her saying that "they are the reason why she is like this" no b*tch stfu youre just a snowflake and you trying to make us feel bad while youre the one who always starts it off and tries to get away with it like a weak ass bi*ch like how can any parents expect and consider the victim who is also the youngest, to be more mature? how does that make you feel about yourself as a f*cking 19 year old? it bother me most when i see them not incharge of all of this, it makes me think: "when is she going to cmmit dead and leave us all in peace?" i even get death threats from her and i get bruises on my body and my scalp is hurting af its literally a miracle that she didnt break any bone in my body yet and MY PARENTS ARE NOT HELPING I SWEAR SOMEDAY IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE
  6. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up three months ago after five and the half years of relationship. We are both in our forties. She said she doesn't love me anymore and that she doesn’t have any feelings for me for a longer period of time. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but there were a lot of beautiful moments as well. We share a lot of happy and nice memories. She had a lot of issues and I was always there for her to help her and support her, and moreover to love her in that moments. At the end of the relationship, I had issues and instead of getting the same support from her, she found another guy and dumped me. She forced me to move out from our mutual apartment. During this last three months, those beautiful moments we had were all over my mind, more or less every day, and I feel regret that she has left me. But I managed to move on and worked a lot to improve myself and I made a progress. But at the same time I kept calling her to come and visit me in my new apartment. And then, last Friday she came to my apartment, we had a good time and we had sex. She stayed overnight. Yesterday she came again and we had a really good and passionate sex. But all the time she was telling me that she is satisfied with the new guy and that she is going to stay in the new relationship. When I asked her for the reason, she said that he treats her good, he is funny and that she is in a way taking advantage of him (something like he is paying for all the food). When I told her that I’m seeing someone else too, she started to cry and she said that she likes me the way I am now and that she feels regret I was not like that before when we were together. I told her that she can leave him and that we can try something again, but she categorically refused that. She said that she wants to be with him and maybe one day in the future, who knows, we are going to be together again, but not now. I'm also sure that she came to me and cheated on him, because she doesn't care about him at all. But she said that is not the truth and that she fell in love with him. I was quite fine, but now I feel distressed almost like three months ago. So this just brought me harm. So why did she come to be with me? Does she really know what she wants? Who does she love?
  7. Hi to everyone reading this post! I really need some advice with this. I have been friends with this guy for over 8 years now since we were in highschool and we all were 14. We know his girlfriend quite well and she became a part of our group since he has been with her for over 4 years now and she has been really opening up to us for over a year because she was shy before. I became good friends with her since her and me have alot in common. It began like small fights they had in our discord voice chat. Little arguments about stupid stuff one person said and the other person took it the wrong way. He would stay mad for a bit but not long and the rest of our friend group and me wouldn't say much about it. But then the arguments started to be like fights. He got really passive agressive with her while she would not be doing anything wrong. For example: they would be playing a game and she would laugh about him dying or something and he would get mad and start degrading her. That's when she started sending me DMs. I got alot of DMs of her asking for help because he was getting mad again. 2 months ago she send me a message to ask if I could come into the voice chat because he was so mad and was screaming at her, so I did and when I came in the call the just instantly shut up and left the call. I got so many DMs after that with her showing their text messages, it felt so wrong that she was showing me all these private messages and I of course just wanted to help her but I felt like I wasn't supposed to read those. She said she needed someone to talk to and vent because she had nobody else and I know how that feels so I did not want to abandon her just like that, she had become a very good friend of me. One day their fight went so far that I just stepped in, I know not the smartest thing. She was crying and telling me she was scared and I got so mad at him for doing that to her that I confronted him. My boyfriend (20M) was with me, he is a part of our friend group too so he knows, but let me tell you, my boyfriend is straight up with people and just tells his honest feeling and thoughts to them, and when he doesn't like something he will just say it. Back to the confrontation, we told him that we as his friends just wanted to confront him in a normal way and if he and his girlfriend were fighting they should take it elsewhere or he should just go calm down if he was gonna get mad anyway and not ruin the vibes we have in our voice chat. But our friend did not take it well. He went to his girlfriend and started blaming her for everything we tried to reason with him again but it ended with them breaking up and him stepping out of our friendgroup. Then he started to say he was going to kill himself because nobody loved him. So all of us started sending him messages to tell him we care about him and we just want him to get some help with himself, we didn't do it out of hate but just to make him realise something. He told us he was gonna try his best. 3 days went by and then he send my boyfriend a message that he finally knew what was wrong and he said his behaviour was like that because my boyfriend and him did not have a good friendship anymore. So he just said him and my boyfriend should talk it out. This was really weird, my boyfriend did get kinda mad at him when we were doing the confrontation but he apologized after that. Also he was back together with his girlfriend and she was denying that she ever asked for help and was saying that she wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore. And the worst was she wasn't allowed to send me Dms anymore. I understood why, my friend was obviously hurt that she send their private messages but no contact? really? But we were so tired of all the fighting so we stupidly forgave him and he came back to our group. Now he had told us he was going to get better and went to therapy. But then he came into a depression. He was talking with us about it every day and he said he just felt really depressed and he didn't know why. We talked with him about it and just tried to support him best we could and he kept going to therapy. He seemed better after some days but he was at it again with his girlfriend. It wasn't as bad as before and she started to message me their Dms again because she has nobody else but him, she asked for help again twice. I thought it wasn't gonna get worse but I was wrong. Some days ago it got worse, so my friend is in another group with friends of him he has known for over a year. It's a group were they make fun of older people or they laugh at how they struggle to post on Facebook, the old people making posts about how they are fans of singers or actors,etc.. and mind you those older people are disabled most of the time, some of them have severe autism which is not really a laughing matter. They see laughing with those old people as wholesome fun but it's mostly cringe and a waste of time. Today our group and me were laughing about that group he is in and laughing about how cringe it is that they laugh with people. He was laughing with us. We have laughed about this group before so this was not something new. But when he left the call *** went down. He send a message to his girlfriend extremely mad that she was laughing with us and that he was dissapointed in all of us. Then he proceeded to get jealous that his girlfriend laughed with a joke MY boyfriend made. And then he blamed my boyfriend for making everyone laugh about his weird group. He was saying my boyfriend was laughing at his other friends and trying to shame them for their looks, which didn't happen, he only made a joke about someones name. So then he just told his girlfriend he wants to choke my boyfriend because he was so mad and that the people in that other group have done more for him than we ever did in 8 years. When I saw that I was hurt. I know that it's not true. We have been there for him since he was 14. So I couldn't believe he would ever say something like that. Not even that he was saying psycho stuff about my boyfriend and getting jealous for no reason. I felt very uncomfortable by that. He send my boyfriend a message about how dissapointed he is in him and that he should never laugh with his friendgroup. Meanwhile he does the same thing but with older people? His girlfriend was crying again and went to bed because she didn't know what to do anymore all she said was that she is sick of it. Now what he did next is, he told those people he knows from that group everything that happened but twisted the story to make him look better and my boyfriend like a total lunatic. He even slandered his girlfriend to them and send her the messages those people were saying about us and her. His girlfriend told me everything of course but she was having an extreme panick attack that night and did not sleep. Now he is trying to bad talk about all of us but especially about my boyfriend. What do we do? How do we proceed futher? How can I help my friend (his girlfriend) the best in this situation? I want to get her out of this relationship and I want to tell my friend he went too far but I dont know how to do this.
  8. Background: my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, since our freshman year of college. It's been pretty serious, his family is like mine at this point, and I've made compromises to my future plans for our relationship. This is fine. Just noting that we're serious. A little over a month ago, I got an IUD inserted, after discussing this BC method with him. We've been talking birth control for probably a year by this point. Why not? Insurance covers it, and we'll stay baby-free! We talked about my gyno appointments and the side effects of the IUD. I'm currently feeling great with it! I have a little bit of daily spotting, but hardly any cramps and no heavy bleeding at all. However. My boyfriend refuses to even think of me in a sexual way. He's disgusted? Turned off? By my very light spotting that takes up less than a pantyliner a day. It’s essentially just tinted discharge at this point. Not even red, it’s mostly brown. I'm building up lots of resentment for this issue, and it has me crying myself to sleep nightly. I can’t stand to look at him right now. Though, it could possibly be easier for me to cry now bc hormones + antidepressants. But my feelings still stand. Obviously, I wouldn't cheat or leave him over it. But he refuses to even consider it. For me. What am I supposed to do? I've compromised on my future plans for him. I consider him in everything I do. I got the BC for us. I'm good at caving on lots of things (I know, this is an issue I talk about in therapy. I'm too soft/empathetic. People pleaser to the extreme end). I know this may sound trivial or childish. I don't know why a lack of sex bothers me so much but it does. My sex drive has always been higher than his, but I also view sex as a small emotional component. Plus it feels good. It's even better after a bad day. I know he's horny, because he asks me almost daily if we're "good to smash" that night. I've been good! For weeks on weeks! I'm literally going crazy and it is so upsetting for me. What kind of compromise can be made on this? I sit and suffer, while he goes about uncaring? Or he gets trapped into something he finds totally disgusting? How is it fair to either of us? Is he just really immature? I am red hot angry, and have been for days. Masturbation only gets you so far. I love my partner, I want my partner. We used to do it at least twice a week. He still wants me to stay over at his place lots of nights, but just to sleep. No sex. This could last for the next 3-6 months. I can't do it. IUD periods are irregular after that, too. It'll forever be a concern. All advice welcome. Thank you. TL;DR ranting about my frustration because my boyfriend won't have sex with me due to breakthrough bleeding.
  9. So i have this almost 7 years relationship, on and of. I can definetly say he was in love with me since the first time he saw me. He spend almost 2 years chasing me, but at that time i wanted nothing to do with him, maybe because he was always so present i did not acknowledge him. Finally when i was 15 i decided to give him a chance and we became boyfriend/girlfriend. He was always so sweet and attentive and i was rather cold so broke up with him because i wasnt really in love and it was summer i went away, school year started again and when i saw him moving on i decided to chase him and we started dating again for 3 1/2 yrs. I moved away for college and he stayed, gossip started crossing my way he was cheating on me, i came back for him ( dont know if he knows thats the reason why i returned) but we started fighting a lot because of the gossio and also i knew something was off so we broke up. Then he started going through the stage boys go through kissing every girl they find attractive and being literraly a ***boy i was so devasted and wanted him back so badly i always stayed in touch and saw him almost everyother week, he went to my house and we spend the night as if we still were together. That went on for like a yr until i decided i had enough and met another guy which i dated for like 8 months, around the time i was starting to date the guy he obviously came back in an obsesive way that he wanted to be with me so badly. He kept pushing for like 4 months into my new relationship, after that he didnt bother no more and i went on for like 4 months without hearing about him. Then pandemic arrived and the new guy and me broke up, and my old boyfriend called me exacly the same day me and the other guy broke up just to see how i was doing,that was when i told him and of course he kept in touch. By that time i was heartbroken by the other guy and didnt want nothing to do with my old boyfriend, but he was still there for me even though i was ***y and undermining him. On december he was pushy again saying to me to let him go if i didnt want anything but since i the new boyfriend never cameback and i had no one i wanted to keep seeing him “till i find someone new”, for the past 3 months i treated him like he was uninmportant and i was the bigger better one. talked to him when i wanted, saw him when i wanting and always fighting with, because i could. Almost a month ago he decided to end things for good, told me he was tired of me mistreating him and that he didnt deserve it which is true, told me to never talk nor call again to give him space. I realized how wrong i was for treating him that way and apologized and told him i was ready to be with him and change my attitude but he wasnt interested anymore. 2 weeks ago i learned he has a new gf. she is 25 and he is 23, i know thats nothing but anyhow, she is wise must treat him so diffrent as i did, becuase i always loved when he chased me. talked to him after hearing about the new girl, he must have meet her when i was “trying to fix things with him” and treated himm with such emotinoal abuse, and i asked him if he was happy and he answerd he is peaceful now, told him how hurt and sorry i am but if he is happy then i will try to be happy for him too. Now i am so heartbroken because i let my soulmate go, i know we are young still i am 21, but we have known each other since we were kids, he is my bestfriend. And because of me having this fantasy about older men because my last guy was 27, i had this conception of him as if he was a kid, but he actually has been the most attentive and loving guy to me. I know i cant do anything right now, but i know he thinks so poorly of me as if i am the worst thing that has happened to him. But i am not that way and i just want to show him how much i can love him, been thinking constantly of all the things i want to say to him everthing i see he would have like i always think how he would have reacted and i just want another chance to be better with him so badly.
  10. I am a bisexual girl who has a boyfriend of 3 months now. I also have a female best friend who, it turns out, I've developed feelings for. I don't know what to do because I love them both ever so dearly but don't want to ruin anything or make things complicated. They both mean so much to me that it'll hurt me if I loose them. I can't talk to my family because my family don't like my best friend so their opinions are one sided. And I can't tell my friends because... I have trust issues with people. Me and my boyfriend are long distance and my and my best friend go to the same school but she is a senior, and graduating this year while I am a junior. If you didn't catch on but we all are in high school. My boyfriend is 4 days older than me. Can someone please give me advise? Please?
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